These Secrets Are Killing Me

As I walked into the school's building I could already hear their sneers, and laughs. I ignored them the best I could and walked into the office, and sat down on one of the chairs as I waited for Mrs. Westley to get off the phone. After an other five minutes of waiting she finally got of the phone and put on her fake smile as she greeted me.

"Why is that you Jesse?" She asked, getting up from the chair. She walked over to me and pulled me into a hug.

"Yes it's me Mrs. Westley. I need my class permission slip."

"Oh that's already been sent out Jesse. You can head up onto class sweetheart." She said. I sighed and opened the office door and left the office. I left the only place in school I ever felt safe. The only only place were no one could hurt me. I walked into the main area where all the students were. I walked past them and acted like I didn't hear a word any of them had said. I ran up the stairs and begged my tears to stay inside.

"Be a big girl Jesse you can do it!" I told myself. As I was putting my binder away my locker, I heard them gossiping about me. I tried not to listen but I couldn't help it.

"I heard that her parents caught Shawn and her having sex." Amber said.

"Well I've heard that she tried to commit suicide because Shawn dumped her sorry ass. But I mean come on she had to see that one coming right? She had to know that he was cheating on her the whole time. If not that's what you call stupid." Chelsae said. I wiped my tears away and slammed my locker shut. I held my binder and books close to my chest and walked fast.

My head was down as if I were ashamed to hold it high. I stared at my feet as I walked, not daring to look up and meet the stares that ruined my life. That drove me to the edge. I could feel the tears brimming my eyes, threatening to fall again. I brought one hand up to my eye and wiped away the tear. As I looked up to see if I reached the right room I caught the attention of the one person I didn't want to. There in my way stood Shawn.

"Jesse! What are you doing back here?"

"I kinda go to school here remember. Have you not heard the rumors about us?" I told him. Trying to shove past him, and get to my class room.

"I've heard the rumors but we have to learn to forget what we hear. God Jesse lighten up their just kids." He said, pinning me against the lockers. The tardy bell rang and the remaining kids ran to their classes. I tried to get away from Shawn but it seemed to impossible.

"Shawn move." I said.

"No. Not till I get what I've wanted." He said, his hand caressing my cheek. I could feel the bile rise in my throat.

"You aren't getting shit. Now move!"

"No! Come on what happened to the old Jesse?" He asked. His hand somehow found it's way under my shirt.

"Goddammit Shawn back the fuck off!" What the hell happened to the old Shawn? He was never like this. What was he trying to prove anyways. I finally got the strength to push him off me, I watched as he stumbled backwards. He was drunk!

"You fucking asshole! Your drunk! You promised you stopped, I can't believe this!"

"What does it matter to you? Your so fucking in love Justin! Open your eyes and see that I'm the one for you! Not some douche you met in rehab!"

"No Shawn you had your chance and you blew it-"

"Like you blew Justin?" He yelled, cutting me off.

"Oh real mature Shawn! No you blew your chance with me when you fucked Amber! Don't you remember shit from that night! God your just like my Mother. Your nothing but a fucking a whore!" I yelled.

"Speaking of tell your Mom I said thanks for that one night about oh I don't know about a year ago. While your Dad was away I took care of her, she was crying for something other than your Dad to come back home." I stood there and almost lost my dinner from the night before. That couldn't have been him! We had just gotten together. I dropped my books and binder and ran down the stairs. I ran out the front doors and past the parking lot.

I ran past the school's building, past the football field. I ran till I couldn't run anymore.

===*===

"Oh fuck! Lyn!" I heard the minute I walked into my house. My breathing was more like panting. Oh God ew! I screamed and ran up the stairs my hands over my ears in hopes to block out my Dad's moans. When I reached my room I slammed my door shut and blasted my radio.

I turned the volume as loud as it could go. My door flung open and there stood my parents. Both just smelt of sex I nearly gagged. I ignored them and jumped on my bed, putting the pillow over my head. I heard the sound of feet padding on my carpeted floor and then the sound of my stereos power button being pressed. The music stopped suddenly and all that could be heard was the sound of their heavy breathing.

I sat up right and placed the pillow in my lap. I stared at my parents and felt this anger rush over me. Do they not realize that their standing in front of their daughter like this? Haven't they ever heard of cloths? It's not natural to see your parents shirtless. I got up off my bed and pushed past both of my parents.

"Jesse you should be at school with the fuck are you doing home?" Dad asked, as Mom held onto his arm.

"And you should be filing for a divorce with the fuck are you doing having sex with your ex wife!" I yelled back.

"That's besides the point. What the fuck are doing home?"

"Tell your mom I said thanks." Shawn's voice played in my head. I felt my tears fall and I let out a small whimper. "You fucking bitch if cheating on my Dad wasn't enough, you went and fucked my ex boyfriend!" I yelled.

I moved my attention to Dad and let him have it. "Then you come here and let her suck your dick, like she hasn't done it to any other guy before. Like she hasn't screamed someone else name before, you just don't care do you? I'm tired of all this shit! I'm tired you and her always taking each others side, but never asking what I think about the decision. What kind of parents are y'all?" I ran down the stairs and out my door.