These Secrets Are Killing Me

I sat on my bed, my bags surrounding me. My phone in hand, just in case it rang. As I waited for one of the workers to come in my room and tell me that I could leave, I heard the same scream I've heard since I've gotten here. It was Kenzi. God my heart went out for him, he was going through Crystal Meth withdrawals. They stopped last month, but he got ahold of it just recently, and now he has to start the process all over again. It wasn't a scream from pain, it was a scream from the anger. He was going through he is aggression process right now. Within the next minute he'll be a sobbing mess. Seeing these people go through hell and make it back, made me have that much more respect for them.

Hearing Kenzi screaming only made me think of Justin. And how he used to be when he was going through his withdrawals. When he would scream it was because of the pain. The detox left him sore and many of the times he couldn't even move a finger without crying out. I would always try to help him, but I never knew what to do. I would always cry for help when Justin would scream. I never liked to see him in pain, and I hated to see him like that. The sweat dripping off his face, the shivering, the pain, the vomiting. Thinking of it made my body cringe in disgust. But I took care of him because he is the love of my life. Thinking of what could have happened to Justin while he was using always tug at my heart. But he's alive and clean and that's all I could care for.

The knock on my door, and hearing the hinges creek brought me out of my thoughts. "Jesse, your ride is here." Jasmine said. Jasmine took over Serena's place, turns out Serena was pregnant and was getting married sooner than expected. She left the clinic high and dry, she left all of her patients. I grabbed my bags from off the floor and threw my bag around my shoulder. Walking out of room, my suitcases rolling on the floor behind me. I turned around and smiled to myself, I finally get to go home. I finally get to play around with Spidey, talk about my day with Mom and Dad.

I finally get my normal life back. On the way out of the hallway I couldn't help but think about two weeks ago, when my Dad came to visit me. He tried so hard to talk to me, to let me know he loved me, to show some kind of affection but I just pushed him away. I was so angry that he just let this happen. When he left me in that jail cell over two months ago, he didn't even bother saying I love you. You know how much that hurt?

Entering the main room I looked around and saw some amazing pictures. Jasmine said that those pictures were of the people who have been sober for over ten years, and came to this clinic. I've been drug free for sixteen years, I think I deserve a fucking medal. "Jesse you ready?" Olivia asked, she was the main reception lady. You know the person who sits at the desk in the front office.

"Yeah. I'm ready." I said. She got up from her seat and grabbed a set of keys and walked towards me. Walking out of the clinic a sudden pang of relief, and sadness hit me. Relief because I was finally leaving, and I get to see my family. Sadness because I was leaving all of my friends behind, without a single goodbye. I was torn between running back in there and demanding to stay there forever, or running out to the car and kissing the ground. But when I heard the familiar voice that I've missed all to much, I made my mind up.

"Jesse!"

"Justin!" I dropped my things and ran to him. He pulled me into a hug and spun me around, my tears falling against his clothed chest. I was literally sobbing into his chest as he just held me there. I haven't seen him since three weeks ago.

"I've missed you." I said, finally stopping myself from crying out again.

"I've missed you so much more, Jesse." He said. Leaning down to kiss me. As our lips met, fireworks went off. It has been too long since I've kissed. Too long since I've felt his lips against mine. Our little kiss turned into a make-out session the minute his tongue entered my mouth, we fought for dominance but he won. The kiss soon got way to heated when his hands found their way into my back pocket. I pulled away and felt myself blush.

"You have to be the cutest thing in the whole world when you blush. And I'm sorry I should have controlled myself better, forgive me?" He said.

"Justin of course your only human I understand. It's just that I'm not ready for that kind of relationship yet."

"I understand, that's why I got you this present." He said, pulling out a black box. I felt tears weld up in my eyes and my heart beat go faster, it felt like it was skipping beats. I grabbed the box out of his hands and slowly the opened box. Inside was the most beautiful ring I've ever seen in my life. It was a simple silver ring, but in the middle was a small cut diamond. The diamond was shaped into a heart and was an aquamarine color. That was my birthstone color.

"Read in the inscription, its on the inside of the ring." He said. I shakily turned the ring over and read the inscription aloud.

"I'll wait for ever just for you." I let my tears fall as I finished reading.

"I knew you wouldn't wear a purity ring so I bought you a promise ring. I promise to respect your wish of not having sex, and I would never force you to change your mind. And I mean it Jesse I'll wait for ever just for you." He said, slipping the ring on my left ring finger. As I squealed loudly I pulled him into a hug and thanked him countless times.

"Justin its beautiful. How could you afford this?" I asked.

"I told my dad what was I doing and he just handed over his credit card." I hugged him tightly and placed a small kiss on his cheek. I finally let go of him and watched as he went to go pick up my bags. I stared down at my ring and couldn't help but smile. It was so amazing, and just knowing that Justin bought this for me made it that much more special.

===*===

The flight home was dramatic, Justin and I had to sit next an old person. I had a kid sit behind me, who thought it was cool to annoy the shit out of me. Then there was a baby who wouldn't shut the fuck up, and the Mom just sat there. Anyways we are waiting for our bags, and I'm just thinking of my family. I can't wait to see them and just be there with them. I'm so happy that I get to see Christi's baby bump, Uncle Ray said that I could go with her to hear the baby's heartbeat. Aunt Jamia told me that Uncle Frank is bugging the shit out of her, and that she can't wait for me to get back home. Uncle Bob well, he's out in Chicago taking care of his Mom. Now Uncle Mikey is counting down the hours, and seconds till I get home. They all know I'm back expect for Dad and Mom. I'm planning on surprising them.

===*===

Pulling into the driveway of the house, we paid the taxi and got out. Justin got my stuff from the trunk and walked up the driveway, I was following right behind him. When we reached the front door, I turned the door handle and sighed. We never locked our door during the day, and that kinda' sucked. I mean anyone could walk in our house and we would never know it. I grabbed Justin's hand and walked int the house. Looking around I felt my jaw drop and my tears weld in my eyes. There were boxes everywhere, clothes thrown on the floor, suitcases near the stairs.

"Get out!" I heard Mom yell from up the stairs.

"Does it look like I'm done packing? Is it my fault you threw my shit all over the fucking floor?" Dad yelled back.

"This is my house now fucking leave! I'll ship your shit to you!"

"I'm staying till Jesse gets home. I'm sorry I mean back to your house, I'm taking her with me."

"She's my daughter goddammit! You can't take her."

"She's my daughter too, and I want what's best for her. I can't leave her with a drug user."

"Oh and so living with you is ten times better then. Don't you forget Gerard you used to be a drug addict too. Once and addict, always an addict!" Mom yelled back. I looked over at Justin and pulled him into a hug.

"Sh... it'll be okay Jesse." He said, rubbing small circles on my back. I heard heavy footsteps on the stairs, and I just cried even harder.

"Jesse! How long have you been here?"

"What's going on?" I asked, pulling away from Justin.

"Jesse, your Mom and I are getting a divorce. I know everything, I know that the coke in the car wasn't yours. I know that we sent you to rehab for nothing, I know that your Mom used you, I know it all. I'm so sorry Jesse." He said, the tears streaming down his face. I could still hear the hurt in his voice and the begging for forgiveness, all I could was shake my head. I didn't want to believe it, I couldn't believe it. Justin grabbed my hand and ran his thumb over my knuckles, in a soothing way. I think he understood that there was nothing he could do for me.

"Dad can't you just work it out, please. Mom needs you! I need you!" I cried.

"Baby I can't. She lied to me more than once, put you at risk. No this is something we can't work out. I'm sorry Jesse but I just can't."

"When is the... d-divorce?"

"Within the next week, I've requested that your Mom get sent to rehab. I'm trying to get all of my stuff and packed up. I've already got your room packed, and everything in boxes. I would have been out of here today, but your Mom took everything out of the boxes and threw it everywhere. We should be out of here by tomorrow."

"We?" I said.

"I'm not leaving you here Jesse. I'm sorry but I just won't. So I'm going to finish packing up everything, and stick it all in storage today."

"Were are we going to stay?" I asked.

"When your Mom and I first got married, we bought a house in Los Angeles. I've told my friend to clean it out, and make it livable. We're moving back up there as soon as the divorce is over. Till then I'm staying with Mikey, and your staying Grams and Gramps." I just shook my head indicating I understood. I looked up at Justin and felt my tears weld up again.

Justin pulled me into a hug and placed a small kiss on my lips. The next week of my life was going to be the most dramatic ever.