Hollow's Creek, Nebraska

I remember that night like it was just yesterday. It was the night that Thomas Deckmant beat some guy up over me. I broke up with that loser, Paxton, the next day. He seemed to think that just because we went to a party together meant we were dating. I mean, I told Thomas that he was my boyfriend only to shut him the fuck up.

Truth is, I still have feelings for Thomas. We still fuck sometimes, but I know it's not right. Like Nicole Byer said on Girl Code, "Don't fuck if you still have feelings."

I want to stop with Thomas, but I can't. Sex is an addiction for me. It's like cocaine. And Thomas is just so good at it. So lately he's been the only one I've been fucking.

My addiction all started when Lilly Fischer got pregnant. I thought, since she's having sex, so can I. It soon turned into a competition. I hooked up with up to four guys every week. After that first time, I couldn't stop. They say you should save your first time for the person you love, but that's complete and utter bullshit. I can't even remember who my first time was with.

I wasn't always like this. In fact, I used to be disgusted at just the thought of sex. I used to hang around with Lilly and these girls Quinn Lakewood and Maria Aldridge. We were the straight-A catholic girls that every parent wanted. Well that changed. Lilly went MIA, Quinn got into weed and partying, and Maria got into alcohol. We all liked sex the same though. I guess you could call us the town whores. People refer to us as the 'Whorganization' and 'Band of Virginity Thieves'. It doesn't bother any of us though.

Thomas Deckmant is the one who really got me into sex. The way he moved his hands, the way he breathed, everything. After we did it for the first time, it didn't stop. I know this isn't good for me. I know I'm going to end up like Lilly. But I can't stop. I need help. I'm so fucked up. I hate myself.