Beneath You're Beautiful

***Nadia***

I don’t know what happened next. It might as well be that I felt alone when Iľja left. OK, I know it’s the last possibility that can ever be but I have nothing else in my mind. The result of my thoughtless thinking is that I’m sitting in a car with somebody.

And that somebody is a man!

And it’s not my brother!

That somebody is Sidney Crosby!

Oh boy, what was I thinking? Yeah, well I wasn’t. When he asked me if I wanted to go back, I said yes without any hesitation. That was the minute when I stop thinking rationally and start thinking by instincts. Now when I have a cold head I would really like to know what I was thinking about. Unicorns? The absurd thing about it is that I said yes so quickly and sure. Not thinking on consequences which may arise. Nothing like me when I am with a man. But next to him it’s like I am a different person. Braver, more confident. Well I guess, I was tired and wanted to go back to hotel and sleep. Yeah that has to be it.

Ride to the hotel was quiet but the air in the car was thick, full of passion and need. Well that’s what I felt in the air. This was nothing I ever felt before.What is wrong with me? I, who could speak with homeless about Wall Street, can’t say a normal sentence to Sidney. After a while I decided to switch on the radio so the silence would be over.

The ride wasn’t so long so after twenty minutes we were at my place. When the car stopped Sidney jumped out from his side of the car and opened door for me. He is such a gentleman. However I know what he wants for polite manners. He wants to go up and have fun for one night. Like any other whom I met before. But with the upbringing of my mother I did one thing that might be right and polite but absolutely unreasonable.

“Want to go up?”

I regret it in a moment when I tell it aloud. I am 100% sure that I’ve already known the answer. And how I predict, it happens. He might be a nice guy in front of others but he is the same like any other man in the world. I don’t get it why they are like that? I know that women are beautiful creatures and men can’t live without us but they don’t have to be such womanizers.

“I would love to.”

The smile that appears on his face is countless. I could see that he is nervous. I may say that he was nervous whether I’d invite him up or not. But the happiness which figures on his face is too much for me to handle. His eyes are shining brighter than stars at the night sky.

My brothers had told me that rejecting a man is the easiest thing to do. You know what my dear brothers? Be on my place! Only one look and I broke every rule my brothers and father taught me about men. It was a long time till I was with a boy alone on my own but here I am with Sidney alone in my hotel. It’s not like I am naïve and think that we would drink coffee and talk. The truth is shining right to my eyes and I can’t lie to myself.

We stand awkwardly in front of my hotel room as I tried to unlock the door and Sidney is laughing quietly at me. He offered me a help but I decline it. I know how to open a door. Finally I open that dammit door and get inside.

Suddenly Sidney grabbed me by my waist and pressed me on the nearest wall. He starts to kiss me and to my surprise I kiss him back. Here comes my first kiss. Oh God, and if I knew that kissing was that good I would do it more often. When he licked my bottom lip I gasp from surprise and he made his way to enter my mouth and find my tongue.

I didn’t quite realize what I was doing. I was just enjoying the moment of passion with this man who could make me shiver from a small touch. In this state I remain till I felt his hands start to run up and down my body. That was my signal when I know that I have to stop it right now or later I wouldn’t have a will. And let me say that it was dam difficult to find my words when Sidney moves from my lips to jaw and continues with slow motions down to my neck. All those speeches my brothers gave me with my father come to my mind and I froze in one place.

I’m such a slut!

It’s all in my head. All those years I tried my best not to be like one of those girls, who threw themselves at men all for a moment of satisfaction, and here comes one man and I throw my pride away. Right now I am overreacting but I couldn’t stop it. My mind is jumping from the picture of my brothers with the disappointed looks on their faces and the words of my father to never let man to do whatever he wants to do.

What am I doing? Why am I doing this?

Sidney notices my tensed body and stops.

“What’s wrong?” He looks in my eyes but I can’t stand his gaze. I turn my eyes away from his confused ones. His arms get even tighter around my waist but it isn’t helping at all. The feeling like everything breaking down is all over my body and I can’t shake it away.

What am I doing? What am I going to do?

“Everything” I look back at him and get out of his strong embrace.

Disappointment!

Ashamed!

No self-control!

That’s all feelings inside of me right know. I couldn’t take it. It felt so good to be with him but at the same time I know that it was wrong. At least for this occasion it was wrong. I know him for such a small amount of time and yet I am here with him.

I go to the couch and sit down with head in my hands as my elbows rest on my knees. I can’t believe myself. I am not like those girls who throw themselves on somebody. I am not! I can’t be. I’m not so desperate. I never need this kind of satisfaction. One night stand. And I wasn’t even drunk! That isn’t how my parents and brothers raised me.

I lift my head up and look to the place where Sidney is standing. He looks so confused. He’s watching me with such a soft gaze but he can’t understand what is wrong. It’s so clear that I can read it on him. My dear Crosby.

“Look Sidney, you are a good guy and everything but I’m not that type of girl. I’m not for one night. I’m sorry” I try to find his eyes but when I did I automatically put my head in my hands again. I’m so ashamed of myself.

“Did I do something wrong? Did I hurt you?” He looks disappointed but mostly confused and concerned. Why is he saying that? How can he possibly hurt me?

“Of course not, Sidney! You did nothing wrong and nothing that would hurt me. It’s just I’m not used to this. I don’t know how to react, what to say.”

“You are not a one night stand, Nadia. And I apologize if I make you think that or think that I’m that type of guy. I’m just sorry that you think so low of me.” this take my breath away. I don’t know what
to say back or if something should be said at all.

Trying to find my courage I stand up and go back to where he is. He doesn’t look that he notices me. I touch his arm and then he finally look at me. It feels strange, if you know what I mean. Nobody said a word. It’s a little awkward, but there is something else. And I don’t know what it is.

“You want stay?” I asked him when I see that he wants to go away after our minute of silence. I just don’t want him go. I don’t want him to do anything but I want him here. How I say, it feels strange.
“If you don’t mind, I’d like to stay.” And smile. He smiles and everything feels normal again. We sit down on the couch a watch TV. Both of us sat in a different corner of the couch. The tense could be cut with knife.

“Can I ask you a question?” I look from a TV to him and nod.

“Have you ever had a boyfriend?” Is he asking me that? What does he think? What kind of question is that? As if he knew what I was thinking he spoke out.

“I am just curious, because nothing is said about your personal life beside your family.”
“Alright?” Is he spying on me? I frown at him and I could swear that I see flesh of redness on his cheeks.

“I know it sounds weird, but…” there he stops and doesn’t continue. Well, I never except for Sidney to check me on the Internet. But he is so cute when he doesn’t know what to say. I should help him a little.

“I never have one. “ I say honestly but a little embarrassed. My mom’s always said that’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s not that I’m ashamed of it but Sidney is sure enough experienced with women and I don’t feel good to know that he might like experienced ladies. I’ve never had boyfriend. Not that I didn’t like boys I just didn’t feel like have one. And of course there were different reasons as well.

Firstly my father is adored man back in Russia, in St. Petersburg.

Secondly my brothers were always with me. And if they weren’t my cousins were in their place within second. Never let anyone come to me within 6 ft. When I wanted to date someone I always asked my dad and brothers for permission but never really need it. Usually every boy got scared or never really cared enough to face my brothers.

Thirdly there wasn’t boy which I would be head over the heels.

“My brothers and father didn’t want me to date and I respected it.”I tell him honestly. My father gave me everything I’ve ever asked for and at least all I can do is to respect his judgments.

“I don’t believe you.” Sidney said and looked straight in my eyes. Oh my… those eyes. He could kill me with those eyes if he wants and I wouldn’t mind at all. His words sink in my head. ‘He doesn’t believe what?’ I asked myself. And like he knew what I was thinking he starts to explain.

“You are the way too beautiful to be single all the time. I can’t believe that some boy didn’t want to be with you and any boy didn’t win your heart over. Don’t take me wrong but it’s hard to believe that what you say is true.” He said smiling.

***Sid***

Before I met my team in Diesel I had searched Nadia’s name in Google. Yeah I know that I’m weirdo stalking her but I have to know about her.

The first that popped out was of course a million of her pictures. As I watched them some were from her modeling but some were with her family but not once I found a picture of her and her boyfriends, like she never had one. She has to be really careful not to be seen with her boyfriend but it’s hard to believe because when I see those entire pictures I have a sense that photographers are everywhere. I found information about charity which she operated with her mom for several years now.

It’s strange to think about her carrier. Nadia is only 20 years old but she has started her carrier since she was a little girl. She was only about five years old. I found picture of her when she was that little girl and let me say that she was cute.

When I searched more, there were fan pages talking only about her family and work.
I found out that her mom, Maria, was a model too and she is Spaniard, but she never was a top model like her daughter because she was only 19 when she got married to Nadia’s father Vladimir and was 20 when she had her first child. Maria and Vladimir have totally six children, five sons and only one daughter and that might be Nadia. I don’t wonder why her brothers are so protective of her. I can understand them. When I think of Taylor and her dating it’s not something pleasant. She is too young and has time for that.

When Nadia told me that she didn’t have boyfriend yet I didn’t believe her. Who would have? She is beautiful, sexy model and is independent from her family. And have sexy accent. But how could a woman like her had no man in her life beside her family? I couldn’t understand that.

Previously I wanted to ask if she ever had a sex before but it would be too rude and after her answer I didn’t have to ask anymore. I’ve already be certain that she was a virgin. She was so innocent. Everybody could see that six men in her life looked after her like she was the only thing that makes their life completed.

“Actually, I understand why your brothers scared all boys away.” She laughed at my statement which I hoped would be quite enough for her not to hear it but in vain. Her laugh was such intoxicate sound and it was like a song to my ears. Such a beautiful sound! Everything on her was perfect and I started to believe that this is only a dream and in any minute I’d wake up.

I must win her heart. It feels amazing to sit here with her, watching TV and talking. It feels right, like it should be like this. Like this is the place where I should be right now or for the rest of my being! I’ve never felt this way to anybody. I know, I’m too young for such a strong words but I feel it and I wouldn’t shut my mind before it.

“Do you want to go out with me? Like a date?” I ask her hoping she would say yes. I’m so nervous of her answer,she might not want to, but I had to ask. I have to be sure. I have to…

“It would be nice.” She interrupts my thoughts with this simply sentence. Those words light my day. Nervous never leaves my body I want it perfect. For her first date it has to be more than perfect and I plan it to be. Time flies by and I have to leave because I have training in the morning. We exchangeour phone number.

“Do you want to come to the training tomorrow?” Again I hope that she would say yes, but this time I am wrong. “I’m sorry, tomorrow I have photo shoot and I have to get ready. I hope you don’t mind.”

I truly understand that she has her work so I don’t persuade her. She has her job and I respect it. We say our goodbye and she even hugs me and gives me three kisses on the cheeks which I’ve already known that is a Russian habit. This habit really fascinates me. I have to ask Geno why.
The way back home in my SUV was filled with music from the radio. I don’t pay any attention to songs they play because all I think about is Nadia and her smile, her laugh, her innocent face. I want her more and more. My mind passes to the date we agreed to have some day. We don’t make any specific time when we should do it, but I have to think about it before she leaves back to Russia. I have to make it perfect for her. For me. For us.

I get back to Mario where I still live. It’s maybe weird, that I’ve still lived with him and his family, but it’s comfortable and I am building my new house anyway. Actually it’s already build, but I have to make it livable. All I need to do is paint walls, buy furniture and then I can move there.

Again I search her name in Google, don’t know what I am looking for. I read some of her interviews and check her account on twitter. She loves to communicate with her fans I can tell. I read some of her comments and it is amusing. There are videos about her photo shoots and I hit the play so I could see them.

“Work with her is always entertaining.” Photographer said with a soft smile. “I used to have silence in the room while I was working because it’s better for concentrate, but she changed everything.” He continued.

“The first time we met she was only 16. So full of life that she lived up the whole room with her smile. I remembered like it was yesterday and I really enjoy that memory.”

“Nadia came out from changing room in one of her outfit and she looked absolutely stunning. With her age I thought she would be shy but how wrong I was.” when he said that he started laughing. When he stopped laughing and went on

“She came all smiley and happy and in talkative mood. She didn’t shut her mouth up. Songs were sung then she played some music through her phone and dance. She did a lot of dancing. It was a big surprise for me and my team but a really nice surprise. Before we started her brother came to me and told me that bikini had to be first. I didn’t know why and even told him that I always made bikini last but I did how I was told. After bikini photo shoot she rushed towards the table where food was. It was the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.”

The photographer told in one of the videos and there are a few scenes with her dancing and singing skills. It’s visible that she loves her job.