Generation Why Bother

When the others saw Andy smile, I guess it was a sort of hidden cue for them to all flood out to the balcony, the other six guardians led by Anthony. From behind me I heard the door slide open, and the plentiful footsteps made me tear my eyes away from the slightly defused time bomb that was Andy.

His mean expression returned. Any hint of a smile he had given me had melted away and was replaced with a scowl.

“Andy,” Anthony began, putting his hands in his back pockets. He could hardly look him in the eye. “Look…I’m not trying to be a dick. I’m just saying, maybe if you channeled your energy into something more productive and more pertinent to our situation, we wouldn’t have fought.”

“No, fuck you,” Andy spat, looking exhausted. “Maybe making Johnny sort out his head helps me sort out mine. Like I have a hero to look up to even if I’m the one controlling him.”

Neither of them looked like they wanted to argue anymore, but calling it a night just wasn’t an option.

Anthony pooped out a smirk that looked oh so contrived; his eyes looked broken. “And trust me, man, you’ve always been a hero to me, ever since I met you.” He sighed, glimpsing down. “But now, it’s like you’re…you’re…I don’t know…”

“I’m what? Pathetic? A loser? Waste of space?” he finished. Like it was just a big joke, the smile on his face was way too big to be real.

“Well…yeah, sort of.” Anthony didn’t even try to fluff it up. They were past the point of deceit.

“I never said I was a hero so I don’t even know where you got that from in the first place,” he agreed, shuffling his feet. “Hell, I don’t even think I’m supposed to be among all of you right now. I think somewhere along the way, a mistake was made. I probably just got hit with stray sparks.”

He looked to the rest of us as he said it, the other seven guardians who had signed on no matter how reluctantly. It was sort of funny. He was the one who was most passionate and knew the most, and yet at that moment it seemed like he couldn’t tell us anything.

“Then why did we share the same dream when we were all in those hospital beds, huh?” Anthony persisted. “You are meant to be here. No matter what happens, we stick together as eight.”

“I’ve had plenty of emotions for the past year we’ve been reeled into this, Anthony. I think if I was meant for this, I’d have gotten my power or at least done something heroic.”

Anthony took a power stance and put on his hard face. “Well, you’re definitely not being a hero right now. Not with all that self-pity and existential crisis shit.”

The laugh that Andy let out was so bitter you’d think he was made of cough syrup. It was like something had cracked inside him at that last statement, and for that, he turned around and began to walk towards the edge of the balcony, leaning against it like he did when I first came out there. Staring down into the bright Chicago streetlights, he teetered.

Pulling a leg up onto the stony edge, he shook a bit as he stood on the lip. He faced us with a face that looked more like a mask – forced smile, sad eyes.

“Okay, I don’t know either,” he spoke softly. “I can’t say one way or the other, I guess. So let’s find out – see if I fly.”

With a little jump, he fell back-first from the balcony and was sent sailing to the concrete jungle he’d been born and raised in.