Run

The week of the full moon was torture. I actually mean that too. In the days before, all I could think about was jumping Quinn and many of the other male wolf populace at the school. It was insane, even for me. I think what I wanted most of all though, was to shift. I couldn’t wait for the full moon, to be out with all the other wolves, just running and hunting. I wanted the safety of the pack to be more precise. The events of the other night had unsettled me and I’d made no progress in finding out who was sneaking out the corpses of dead students. I was also no closer to finding out who the real alpha was. It could be anyone. It was infuriating. The day before the full moon, I found Quinn standing with Jasmine in the courtyard under the tree. They looked like they were having a pretty heated conversation, gesturing and getting each other’s faces. Apparently I wasn’t the only one that had noticed. Tristan stood across the quad in the opposite corridor to me, watching it all unfold. Jasmine looked up at that moment, glanced at me and then across at Tristan. Any other day I think Tristan would have be fine with Jasmine hanging out with Quinn, but with all that had been going on with the two- not that I was sure what was going on- he was a bit on edge. Jasmine looked upwards and shut her eyes, her shoulders going slack. I knew what was about to happen and I was moving before I even realised it. I jumped out the open window next to me and raced across the quad as Quinn caught her falling form. He lowered her to the ground, her body half in his lap-the wolf part of me was insanely jealous of this- he grabbed her jaw and searched for a heartbeat. This was standard procedure at the school. Not all students died in the exact same way, although it was rare.
“Stop!” I said to him as he began trying to get her shirt off. He thought she’d passed out because of the heat. “Quinn!” Quinn was suddenly yanked away from me and I barely managed to grab Jasmine before her head smashed against the ground. I looked up to find Tristan with his hand grasping the Quinn’s shirt by his throat. He was holding him up off the ground. I looked down at Jasmine. I had to stop them, but I had to help her as well. My wolf was going insane, thrashing around the mental cages of my mind to the point that I was struggling to keep control. My breathing laboured, I lowered Jasmine to the ground and moved towards the two boys. I crawled, dirt and twigs sticking to my hands and knees. I reached out, trying to grab the hem of Tristan’s jeans. Briefly, his brown eyes shifted to me and something flashed within them. I was too far gone to even begin thinking about what it was that I’d seen there.
“Quinn,” I ground out, the words turning into a growl near the end. Both boys were now looking at me. This wasn’t how I’d wanted my school experience to go. My fingers dug into grass and dirt, my knuckles splitting and my fingers folding in on each other. At the same time, my spine cracked, sending a jolt of pain throughout my body. The shaking began. My whole body shook as multiple bones cracked and reformed in different places. I couldn’t help the half growl half scream that escaped my lips. Fur sprouted everywhere, a tingling sensation that alluded to the end of the shift. I was panting, my tongue lolling half out of my mouth as I tried to brace myself for the final wave of pain. The mind meld, it was now as pain encompassed my whole body that my mind met with that of my wolf and became one. It wasn’t like having two personalities, it was more like I’d found a part of myself, I was whole again.

Even with my eyes shut I knew Tristan had lowered Quinn to the ground and was taking a step back. I opened my eyes; eyes that were still my own, even if my body was something else entirely. I didn’t move; people often reacted badly to sudden shifts such as this one. Quinn I knew, however, would be calm and collected. He’d help coax me back into human form if he could and if he couldn’t… Well, I hoped he’d help get me out of school. I looked up at him, his eyes found mine and he smiled softly. Quinn knelt in front of me.
“If only I had a pencil and some paper…” his words trailed off and he looked at something behind me. I tensed, I‘d let myself slip enough that someone had been able to sneak up behind me. I concentrated. Trying to force the shift, it was painful, extremely painful. I felt my mouth shifting back first and I gasped. My voice once again human. The last thing I heard was the crack of one of the many breaking bones, before everything went dark.

Jasmine was still out when I came to. Forcing the shift had completely knocked me out. My head throbbed and every inch of my skin felt like it was on fire, but I could see her, just lying there. Eyes closed as if she were asleep. I attempted to sit up, but found my limbs were heavy and mildly disobedient. Quinn knelt in front of me, his left fist supporting him; resting firmly on the grass beneath us. It appeared to me, that he was asleep, but his heart beat told me differently. Quinn opened those icy eyes, his pupils fully dilated, I could see his wolf. I’d damn near triggered his shift. I let him help me up, something I would have shunned if I was in a better frame of mind. The world swayed as I repeatedly blinked and I was thankful when the black dots began receding rather quickly. I pressed a still slightly numb hand to my forehead and rubbed small circles to try and ease the nausea. Quinn moved, pulling his shirt-and my attention-over his head. He held it out to me. I stared confused. I was about to question him when the answer jumped out at me. I’d just shifted. Involuntarily, but I’d still shifted.
I was naked.
I felt my cheeks redden without my consent. I grabbed his shirt, pulling it over my head in one swift movement. His scent enveloped me and I inhaled deeply without even realising what I was doing. The fabric was soft as I tugged it down, thankful that he didn’t wear extremely tight shirts, the size was perfect. For the first time since waking up, I glanced around me and found, to my horror, half the schools male wolf populace and many of the females as well, all standing in the small quad. Just like Quinn, they too were having problems controlling their beasts. Helena was here as well, surveying the whole scene; she kept her eyes on me even as she beckoned a young fey girl forward.
“Tell the front office we’re going into lockdown,” she said in a very low, but also very clear voice. Every wolf in the quad would have been able to hear her words. I looked to Quinn, a mistake really since he was now shirtless, and found the same confused look on his face. By now, the fey girl was halfway down the corridor and moving quickly. I had no idea what a lockdown entitled, but I was sure none of us was going to like it. I looked down at Jasmine. Shouldn’t someone be getting the nurse? I was sure she should’ve woken by now. Tristan knelt next to her, over her, holding any part of her he could, whispering sweet nothings in her ear. My heart wretched in my chest, it was obvious he loved her. It was hard watching him like this. I wanted to tell him, he didn't know the truth about her, but it wasn’t my secret. I touched her cheek softly with the tips of my fingers. I wished more than anything that she didn't have to go through any of this. A siren broke the silence in the clearing and I, as well as everyone else, glanced up in search of the source of the noise. A disturbing smell entered the quad, just as the clicking began.
“Wolfsbane,” I murmured. I saw Quinn nod slightly; the astonished look on his face was slowly slipping into something a little darker. I searched for the plant, but found nothing, at least until the metallic barriers slid down. My shoulders dropped as the barriers slid into place, encompassing us, blocking all exits. I wasn’t sure what to do or say. I’d never been put in a situation like this one. We’d had lockdowns at the farm, but it was nothing compared to this, this just seemed, wrong. Every inch of me said that this was wrong. My hands curled into fists and I had to force them to relax before standing up. Quinn stood next to me, his shoulder brushing against mine. It was slightly distracting to say the least. I forced myself to focus. I hated feeling trapped and right then that was all the wolf in me saw. No way out. Anxiety filled my chest and I dreaded shifting again, I was losing control, quickly. I needed something else to focus on. Dropping my gaze, my breath hitched in my throat as my eyes caught on one of the very visible silvery lines that marked my upper thigh. I tugged self consciously at the hem of the shirt, as if I could hide them from view. I lifted my gaze upward to Helena and the anxious crowd behind her. She cleared her throat and I waited for the lies to flow from her lips. Helena had given me no real reason to mistrust her, but she hadn’t exactly been forthcoming either. She’d disappeared on some trip, after meeting with my father, the children she was charged to look after were suddenly dying with no real cause besides ‘not making the change’ which was complete bullshit. Helena was a mystery to me and a small part of me considered that it was her doing this. The thought ate away at me and I couldn’t meet her gaze. Why had she been meeting with my father? And why had I suddenly been allowed entrance into the school when she’d refused for so long? My father had to know something. I had to call him.

“Everybody, keep calm,” Helena said. “There is no need to panic or any need to shift.” I rolled my eyes and took a deep breath. I was going to have to endure her presence for the time being and not knowing what her relationship with my father was. The unanswered questions were infuriating. I had never been a very patient person and it was beginning to show. I was fidgety and hardly able to stand still as she went over the lockdown procedure with us. All the while, she inadvertently blamed me for the whole mess. I could feel the eyes of others around me that had picked up on this, they glared and others forced down their laughter and the whole time I just stood there, staring at the grass at my feet. Quinn’s hand slid into mine, a small comfort in the large scheme of things. I enjoyed his touch nonetheless. We stood there in silence as Helena went on and on about keeping control of ourselves and our animal nature. She lectured us on safety and regulations, before finally shutting up she told us we’d have to stay in the courtyard until six. We had about four more hours to kill. I turned to Quinn and gave him a small half smile before pulling away so I could kneel beside Jasmine. I felt the loss of his touch almost immediately and everything inside me felt that little bit heavier. I pushed those kinds of thoughts aside and focused on Jasmine and Tristan. She looked paler, the usual mocha colour of her skin appeared washed out and well Tristan, he looked just as bad. His soft brown eyes never left her; the tender expression was driving daggers straight through me. I was jealous, I realised with a start. I wanted someone to look at me like that. I felt embarrassed that I was thinking like that when there was something quite obviously wrong with Jasmine, but I couldn’t help it. I wanted someone to look after me when I was sick or injured. Sadness overwhelmed me and I blamed the moon for having such an effect on my emotions. Usually I’d have been able to brush this off, to let it go. I couldn’t let it go. I couldn’t get past this feeling of loneliness. I sighed and shook my head slightly. Maybe I should go back and beg my father’s forgiveness, forget all about the school and what was going on and just leave. I almost laughed out loud at the thought. I would not be submissive. I steeled myself against the very thought. No. I couldn’t give up. I couldn’t go home. I would not beg my father for anything.
“You have to get her out of here,” I said to Tristan. “She needs a doctor.” Tristan pulled his eyes from her long enough to glance at me. I saw the anguish he was trying to conceal hidden deep within him. He nodded once and gathered Jasmine into his arms, lifting her effortlessly; he carried her over to where Helena was standing. Tristan was a vampire; he’d succeed where the rest of us would fail. I saw Helena nod and then Tristan as he scaled the walls effortlessly to climb onto the roof. I envied the vampire in that minute, something I never thought I’d do.

When the four hours were finally up, we were all allowed to return to our dorms and sleep. I felt far too wired to sleep when I got back to the empty room, but I knew I needed it. The full moon was tonight and sleep was essential. My body felt exhausted, but my mind was very much awake. I stood in the door way for so long, just staring at the empty bed across from mine. What if she never woke up? I didn’t like to think about that. Jasmine was my only real friend; she was the only one that had actually tried to get me to open up. There was just something about her, she was so trusting and open that you couldn’t help but want to tell her anything. It was much like compulsion; she could easily persuade people to do things. I mulled that over as I pushed the door closed and sat on the edge of my bed. I stripped off, my arms and legs felt heavy and uncooperative. I wasn’t sure I’d be able to sleep, which was why I was mildly surprised when my head hit the pillow and I was out almost immediately.

I saw her lying there through weary eyes. The drugs were slowly wearing off. Her body lay on the metal table, her head to the side, facing away from me. I wanted to call out to her. I wanted to hear her voice. My lips wouldn’t move, couldn’t move. Everything felt heavy and unattached. I felt useless.

I felt groggy as I opened my eyes that evening. I’d overslept which was to be expected. I pushed the blankets back and sat up. I didn't feel like doing anything. I wanted to stay in bed all day and then shift with the full moon. That’s all I wanted to do. Oh, and see Jasmine. That thought had me moving towards the bathroom. The hot water did little to help me unwind. I still had a lot of questions and every day that I didn't answer the ones I already had, more seemed to jump out to greet me. It was insane how much I didn't know about the people around me. It was insane how unsure I was of the people I called friends and family. I dressed simply; I’d ruined some of my favourite jeans when I’d involuntarily shifted. I decided on a small black dress, one I could easily slide out of if I lost it completely. I sighed and stared at the figure in the mirror. I was different. I could admit that, I wasn’t who my father wanted me to be, but I was getting there, I knew it. There was nothing I could do really, I was becoming a grown up version of me. That was a scary thought. I shuddered slightly and turned away from my reflection. I slid my feet into the ballet flats by the door and walked out. I found Jasmine’s other friends standing in the main dorm. I felt bad for them, they were just as out of the loop as Tristan was and I felt bad for them. I wanted to avoid them at all costs, but it seemed I couldn’t get out of this one. They’d already spotted me and were heading in my direction. Amanda, Erin and Rachel as well as a few others moved towards me and I knew exactly what they wanted.
“What happened to Jasmine?”
“What did you do to her?”
“Is she okay?”
They were all speaking at once and I just couldn’t process it. I was far too tired to put up with any of their shit. I sighed softly and pressed my fingers to my eyes.
“Just stop!” I grumbled. I was mildly surprised when they fell silent. It was Rachel who spoke, repeating the question that was on all of their minds.
“When’s she going to wake up?” Her voice was hard and I could tell she blamed me; there was just something about the way she asked the question. I didn't like her, I never had. She didn't like me either. Her hazel eyes flicked over me and the revulsion I saw there, I didn’t know whether it was me she didn't like or what I was. I felt agitated having her standing there staring at me, not to mention all the attention I was getting from everyone else.
“I don’t know,” I said and shoved past her. She grabbed my arm, which considering the mood I was in was a pretty big mistake. It wasn’t like it wasn’t a well known fact that tonight was a full moon and every wolf in the school would be particularly touchy. I rounded on her, feeling my face flush with anger a growl slipped my lips. Her hand dropped and I stepped away from her. I fled, feeling ashamed that I’d slipped so much again. I hated using my wolf to scare people. It wasn’t what being a wolf was all about. The door slammed shut behind me and I leant back against it. I needed to calm down; I couldn’t let it all get to me. I couldn’t shift again.
“Deep breaths, Ash,” I murmured to myself. “Keep it together.” I pushed all thoughts aside and focused on just breathing and getting through the overwhelming urge to rip someone’s throat out. I snorted; I didn't have it in me to kill someone. Not a human anyway. I opened my eyes and for the first time since I’d arrived, I didn't feel out of place. The feeling of eyes on me was strong though, strong enough that I almost turned around and walked back into the dorm. I’d rather face those girls than some hidden foe. In the time it took me to shift, I’d be very vulnerable and there was no guarantee that I could stop the shift once it had started. My eyes searched every shadow, but found nothing. The desire to see Jasmine outweighed my fear, so I decided to risk it. Nothing immediately jumped out at me as I walked down the corridor, but I kept looking over my shoulder anyway. I was about to turn the corner, not looking where I was going, when arms grabbed me from in front. My head snapped forward and gasped before I could stop myself. Quinn stood there, looking mildly amused as I attempted to slow my racing heart once again.
“You gave me a fright!” I yelled playfully. His smile widened and he slung an arm around my shoulders. It looked like he was feeling a bit friendly today. I shot one more look over my shoulder, but the feeling had disappeared. I shook my head and let Quinn lead me away.
“I can bet I know where you’re going,” he said.
“Is it that obvious?” I asked.
“Oh yes,” he said and that wicked grin appeared. “You’re totally in love, can’t keep yourself away.” My heart stuttered in my chest at the mere thought and I regretted the reaction instantly. Quinn could easily hear my heartbeat if he wanted to. By the sly look he shot me, I could tell he’d heard it. I closed my eyes briefly before just letting it go, he could think what he wanted. The silence was only mildly uncomfortable when we arrived at the infirmary. The nurse was about to refuse us entry when Quinn mentioned that I was her roommate. She grumbled something about a healer and Helena before letting us through. Tristan stood, leaning against a window frame across from the bed Jasmine occupied. He had one hand up to his mouth and it looked as if he were chewing his nails. An odd thing for a vampire, they were usually quite careful where their fangs were concerned. Tristan glanced up when the door opened and the nurse walked in ahead of us. My eyes went from him to Jasmine. She was still out and the healer, the same one that had tried to heal me, looked dumbfounded. She was shaking her head at Helena, tears in her eyes. I could tell she was genuinely concerned about Jasmine. She glanced at me and her face paled. Helena glanced at me and I saw something cross her features, but she was too good, hid it too quickly. I moved over to Tristan and put a hand on his arm, it was a wolf thing, but even he understood.
“How is she?” I asked, almost afraid of the answer.
“The same,” Tristan replied. His voice cracked ever so slightly, giving away the emotion he really felt. I didn't know what to say to him, I didn't know how to help him.
“You should stay with her tonight,” I said. “The full moon, it works in mysterious ways.” I wasn’t lying in telling him that, but I was hoping that I didn't get his hopes up too much. I stayed in the infirmary long after Helena, the healer and the nurse had left. I stayed when Quinn left to go help make preparations for the full moon celebration and I stayed when Tristan fell asleep on the bed next to Jasmine. But I couldn’t stay all night. I knew that, I left at the very last minute anyway. At half past eleven I ran for the back of the school. I hated that I had to leave her, but I couldn’t shift in the room. I couldn’t shift near someone as vulnerable as her. My skin crawled as I ran; a rippling sensation beginning just under the surface. I could hear the moon calling me; it was a strange sensation, one I actually liked though. This was the best part about being a wolf, the connection to something that no one else felt. The other supernaturals could feel our moon heat and our connection with it, but besides the fey-the children of the moon, basically- we were the only ones with any real connection to it. The fey, they had a little connection to it, but nothing like the connection we wolves had. When I reached the back of the school, I found most of the school gathered around a small area. From the back I could see the group that would transform for the entertainment of others. Quinn wasn’t one of them. Something about this made me very glad. Maybe it was the moon heat talking, or the fact that I may actually like Quinn, but I hoped to encounter him at some point before shifting back. I wanted to see his wolf. This had me smiling, the thought of running through the forest with Quinn sent chills down my spine. I looked towards the sky and the moon, oh how beautiful she was. I wanted to shift right then and there, but I restrained myself. I slipped away unnoticed and disappeared into the trees.

My heart beat raced as the moon neared its peak. I could feel it in my blood, the feeling of rightness of the whole situation. There was just something about this night and everything it entitled for a wolf. It was the one night of the month that we didn't have to hide what we were, we could be ourselves again. I smiled to myself as I moved easily through the trees. I could hear the others ahead of me, their unmistakeable heartbeats and light-hearted chatter, I felt at home. It was like being with the pack again. An aching in my chest stopped me in my steps. Did I miss them that much? I supposed I did. I’d never been away from the pack for this long, I wasn’t used to being as solitary as I’d become. Damien, his name whispered through my mind. He’d become something else. I wasn’t sure what. He had another pack or friends or whatever he wanted to call them, gang? I wasn’t clear on his association with them nor did I really want to know. A thought occurred to me as I forced myself to start walking again. What if they showed up tonight? What happens then? Nerves fluttered in my belly and I failed to notice someone walking towards me. I jumped, my heart leaping into my throat before I realised how stupid I was being. They wouldn’t dare try and attack anyone from the school tonight. Chrystal, one of the other female wolves that was actually nice, made her way towards me with Quinn and a few others.
“How’s Jasmine?” She asked. I shook my head and she lifted her lip in a half smile. Chrystal reached out to me and put a hand on my arm. I was mildly surprised at the gesture. I hardly knew her and she was trying to comfort me.
“Looks like the full moon came just in time,” a guy I didn't know said. I glanced towards him and felt a memory fall into place.

Emilia, in tears, dumped her bag on her bed and collapsed onto the mattress beside it. I didn't know what to say to her, what she’d done, it wasn’t something so easily forgiven. I felt sorry for her, I felt her pain, but there was nothing I could do. A photograph poked out of her bag and I tugged on its edge until it fell free. It was of a group of people. I only recognised Emilia, the rest of them were just faces to me. I didn't look too closely, just a passing glance as I put the photograph down and turned to her...

This boy, he’d been one of the faces in the photograph and to think about it now, so had Quinn and Chrystal. I wondered how much more they knew that they weren’t telling me. It wasn’t exactly hard to guess that Emilia and I came from the same pack. They had to know. I was sure of it. I listened as they talked, unwilling to interrupt and ask them about Emilia . A howl broke the almost silent night around us, it wasn't familiar to me, but apparently it was to the others. As if on some silent command, they all started stripping, unafraid of revealing all. It was a wolf thing. I pulled my dress over my head and ditched it along with my underwear, bra and shoes in a bush. The forest was alive with noises by now. There were numerous wolves in different stages of their shift. I shot a glance at Quinn, who was already looking at me and flushed under his scrutiny. I don’t know why I was so nervous about the way he was looking at me right then, but there was something in the depths of his eyes...something just out of my reach. I turned away and dropped to my knees. A small part of me dreaded the shift while another relished in it. If I’d been at home I would have been shifting all week, spending more time in wolf form than human. It was definitely something I’d missed about being at home. I thought of all the perks of being where I was while I shifted. I didn't want to think about the pain, or the fact that almost every bone in my body broke at least once and reformed in a different position. I didn't think about the tingling sensation that signalled the sprouting of my fur or the excruciating pain of my human teeth receding and my stronger wolf canines breaking through my gums. I think the teeth and claws were the most painful part of the shift, or maybe the only reason I thought that was because they were the pains I remembered most, one began the shift and the other finished it. I wasn't sure. All I knew was when I shook my fur and stretched my legs. I felt like myself again. Not having to force the shift back again was the best feeling in the world. The ‘alpha’ let up a howl and I picked it up along with many others. There was a sense of being whole, being one with every other wolf in the school. I didn't wait any longer. I moved as I had been itching to for days. I ran.