Cleo

It didn’t take long for them all to leave me. Liam was gone the moment I had my back turned. It made me wonder if he ever even really cared about me. If all those years we were just convenient to each other. I couldn’t tell if he left because he wanted my life to be better or he left because he didn’t want me at all and at this point, it was hard to even figure out what I wanted.

Louis and Jasmine held on to each other the entire time they were here with me. They stayed in a hotel not far away for a few days and then just out of the blue, they left. When I stopped by the hotel, they had left a note for me. It was short and to the point. It said goodbye and I was left with the memories and Jasmine’s cell phone. It wasn’t likely I’d see them ever again.

Niall was with me the longest. He too was at the hotel. He would visit me daily; bring me food or treats from town. He offered to help me and I refused his help each time. Part of me wanted him to stay, he was all I had left of my old life at this point and I felt like I’d go crazy without one of them, but when he decided to pack his bags and head back to Ireland in search of his family…I didn’t stop him. I wanted to go with him, but I knew I couldn’t.

So far, it has been a year. Niall is keeping minimal contact with me. He doesn’t want to stay attached to what we had and neither do I. So we talk a few times a month. I took my old job back a few months ago and I’m finally settling in.

The local college is my escape now; no longer did I have to hide in my wine room, which I do miss dearly. I still open the half bottle of Monfortino from time to time and just smell it. Wine is something I am trying to indulge less in lately.

I’m studying criminal justice and working with local youth groups, trying to clean up my almost squeaky clean town more. I live in an apartment and drive a car, I shop for my own food and compared to what I used to have, I am truly independent now. And it feels great.

My life went from day to day deaths…to seeing life. I’m making friends and talking to new people without a gun strapped to my hip. (Not that I don’t. A girl can never be too safe.)

But it’s almost a year to date, a year from the day I lost my friends, and a familiar face finds me. It’s as if time has turned back and we’re repeated the night I ran away. But there is only one person sitting in the booth. His green eyes on the menu as if he doesn’t know what he wants and I know. I do. I know he will order a tea and nothing else. So I set it up before I walk to his table.

I set his tea on the table and keep the tears from rolling as I look down at his soft brown curls. He doesn’t move for a minute and my heart races as I hope it’s not a dream. His thick, deep accented voice meets my ears and I nearly jump in the booth with him. “Cleo.” Is all he says and in a few seconds, I go from the cheerful tears to painful angry tears. I try to hit him, but he’s still too fast for me. I’ll never manage to surprise him. “Hey, calm down.” He gets up from the booth and pulls me outside before my manager can see how I’m acting.

“Calm down? I thought you were dead!” I yell at him. People are really looking now; they know me well enough to know how gentle I really am when it comes to people. They don’t and never will know about the person I once was. “I called you, I begged for your safety. You waited a year to answer!” I’m far from happy. I feel betrayed.

“You need to listen.” He grabs my wrists as I try to hit him again. “Manny got me. I surrendered before he could kill me.” And I lost it even more. He did betray us. He gave up our side to be on the winning.

“You spineless….”

His hand finds my mouth and I feel his warmth shoot through me as he presses his body against me, trying to keep me from harming him and myself. “I switched sides to make sure you got home. It was the mission Liam, Louis, Zayn and I had assigned ourselves.” I feel my heart break as I realize what they did. “Our goal was to get you home and if changing sides and giving false information was the way to do it. Then so be it.” He moves away and rubs his hands on his face. “I lead them to one of the girl’s hideouts and escaped myself. I knew better than following you guys because I had men following me. I went home to my real family and that’s where Liam found me.” Liam. That name makes me hurt more. It makes my entire body hurt. “Liam and I went home for a while and decided it was time to come clean. Cleo, we did this for you.”

It is all too much. I feel the information trying to sort itself out in my head, but it all still remains a jumble as Liam comes forward. I want to hit him, I want to throw a few good punches maybe even take my gun out and shoot him. No one told me about the plan until now and I was mourning Harry’s death when he was alive. I felt pain for a year and no one told me.

“Cleo, we didn’t mean for you to get hurt.” His voice is music to my ears. Somehow, it calms me down and I just stand here looking at them. “I wanted to come back so many times, you don’t know how long I would sit in the airport thinking about jumping on the next plane and seeing you…but I couldn’t.” Again, the question comes to mind, ‘Did he ever even love me?’ because I know, that even to this day, I love him. “Harry wasn’t ready and I couldn’t do that to him, because I would spill. I would break down and tell you everything; you’re bad for me, Cleo.”

I cover my face and whine, “You both need to leave.” I don’t know how to process any of this. I can’t find it in myself to pick a side, to hate them or to embrace them. They are standing here in front of me and that is one of the things I prayed nightly for, but now that it is happening, it’s not what I imagined.

Liam is stepping closer and suddenly every night we spent together flashes through my head. All the feelings rush back to me and I just want to be with him. “Please, don’t….” He sighs and I sigh. Harry is suddenly invisible as Liam is closer than I can handle. His hand wraps around my waist as he pulls me closer. “I miss you.” He whispers before he kisses me.

I should push him away, but his lips feel good and it’s like a missing piece suddenly appears. I kiss him, not holding anything back. I want to get lost with him, just lose myself forever and avoid all the pain that will come with this. Our lives are far from perfect and our relationship has been as rocky as it could be.

I pull back and turn my head so I am resting my cheek against his chest. I see Harry playing with his fingers and kicking the ground as he tries not to watch. I remember how things went down before the fight and it kills me even now to know I had said what I did. It was honest, but it was the worst way to go about it. I move from Liam and hug Harry. I have picked a side and embracing them is what I really want. “I’m so sorry.” I say, keeping back the tears.

“Naw, I’m sorry. I’m a selfish person, I know that.” He wraps his arms around me. “I swear if he hurts you….”

I laugh and pinch his cheek. “Styles.” I pull his head down and kiss his cheek. “If he hurts me, I’ll put the bullet through his skull myself.” I step away and smile as I look at them going at it like boys do.

Before they came into my life, something was missing and I knew it. But when they took me to California and I lived the amazing, scary life I did, I was missing home. Somehow, with them here now, everything is perfect. It finally feels like things are how they should be.