You're the Drug & I'm Addicted

3rd Person

Laying the dozen daisies onto cold hard surface, she let her fingers glide across the engraving. The harsh winter breeze intertwined with her long locks, sending chills up her sensitive skin. Pulling out a stack of pictures from her bag, she sorted through them, letting the memories relive.

In one picture, she lied in her mother’s arms, the two wrapped up in a knitted blanket. She gave the camera a bright smile while her mother planted kisses along her face. The tall Christmas tree shadowed in the background, tilting slightly to the right from the array of homemade ornaments. Gleaming lightly warming up the home, a small fire place glowed.

Harlow smiled at the view of her and her mother in their knitted sweaters which they’d made together the Christmas before; vowing to wear them every Christmas, along with toe socks.

Flipping to the next picture, she felt her chest tighten. Before her lied their last picture they’d taken together. Harlow was sitting on the swing in her little pink rain jacket and matching rain boots, while her mother stood behind smiling widely watching her daughter giggle with every push. The sun shyly shined through the thick clouds, carefully shining on her mother, her green orbs glistened with happiness. That was the last happy moment that was shared between the two, before everything ended.

Biting the corner of her lip, she turned the picture around to see a little note attached to the back. She could clearly see her mother’s neat writing, the way she curved each letter. Peeling the little pink note from the back, she let her eyes roam the last words she would ever see.

Harlow,

My little ball of sunshine, my little angel, my little girl; please understand what I’m doing. I love you with all my heart; I’ve never loved something or someone so much. They day you were born was the day I’ll never forget, that moment you were placed into my arms for the first time. Who knew a little bundle could bring so much joy into one’s life. I knew there was something special about you when you first opened your eyes, staring up at me with gleams of curiosity.

You really changed who I am and what I am to become. You made me better, but that isn’t good enough for me. I am not happy with how I am today, and where I stand in this world. I will never be more than a pregnant teen, a wife to a delinquent, and high school dropout. You are the only thing that brought light into my world, but my heart isn’t satisfied to say the least. I want more, but is left to reach for nothing.

You might read this later, awhile from now, questioning my love for you, but please realize, this day was going to come sooner or later, and I am no match for this cruel world. I’m surrendering to all, I am selfish. I can’t handle who I am. The person who I turned out to be, it is not who I am proud to be. I’m not cut out for this life. I’m not cut out to be your mother, my love you deserve better.
You can say I’m running away, you can say I’m a coward, but know my love for the one thing in this world is you. Please forgive me for what I’m going to do, my little angel I’ll see you again someday.
To my love, my angel, my sunshine, my daughter; from heavens above or hells below, mom

Letting the note rest on her lap, she cried out letting her mother’s last words seep into her dismantled brain. She gave up on her only hope; she knew what she was doing the day her life was taken. She knew what she was leaving behind, but in the end she let everything happen. She gave up on life, and she gave up on Harlow.

The muddled feeling took over Harlow’s chest, her breathing became rigid. Memories clouded her head, but one concurred them all. Closing her eyes, she could see the clear image of her mother in the bathtub. Her small body submerged beneath the water, she had let him manipulate her. She saw her young self-hiding behind the door frame, the thin wall separating her and her dying mother.

Please stay

Opening her eyes, her tear stained face stung. The moment lives on, like it was yesterday in her mind.
Grabbing a small bottle from her bag, she piled into her hands tiny little white tablets. They taunted her, staring up teasing her to take them. She let the small thought in the back of her head take over, as she popped them all into her mouth swallowing them with no hesitation, then another handful, after another.

Once the bottle was gone, she lied down next to her mother’s grave, resting her head against the granite. As she rubs the coarse surface, a small wallet sized picture came into view. She slid the thin picture between her fingers, the picture blurred from her view, his face meld with her.
His arms enveloped hers, letting his face snuggle into the crook of her neck. A smile crossed her face as a glimmer of pink flushed her cheeks. Oh Oli.

Curling the picture in her hand, she held it to her heart along with the note. Her eyes slowly closed, clutching the two in one hand while rubbing the locket she wore on her neck. She was her mother’s daughter after all

“I owe you more than I can give, Oli. I’m sorry,” she whispered quietly. Her body shook as it grew heavy, the feeling of soft snow sprinkled down from above her. “I’m coming for you, Mom.”

Funny you're the broken one but I'm the only one who needed saving. Cause when you never see the light it's hard to know which one of us is caving.