Collectively Unconsciously Composed

I clutched Harry’s hand as he gave it a reassuring squeeze. I hopped down from the large car and onto the pavement below. Harry joined me moments later, his hand on the small of my back. He guided me through the rather large crowd outside of the venue, careful to avoid paparazzi. I waved to several girls who squealed and pointed, eager to tell their friend of their discovery.

I breathed a sigh of relief once we arrived inside, releasing my grasp on Harry’s hand. I attempted to straighten out my outfit, Harry laughing the entire time.

“Sorry not everyone looks as beautiful as you,” I muttered, pulling at my skirt.

“I should being saying the same thing, beautiful,” Harry grinned as he pressed his lips to mine.

I blushed and pecked his lips once more before once again grabbing his hand. He led us down a series of hallways, people running around in an attempt to ready everything before doors. I bit my lip, my nerves suddenly getting the best of me. Zayn described Perrie as a lovely girl, but I was still nervous to meet her. Harry must’ve sensed my nervousness as he pulled me to a stop, his hands coming up to cup my face.

“Don’t worry, love. You’re perfect and everything will be fine,” he whispered onto my lips. I breathed deeply, enjoying the feeling of his lips on mine. He ran his fingers over my cheeks before dropping his hands. “Remember to breathe,” Harry chuckled, pulling me along to a large red door labeled “LITTLE MIX.”

He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze before pushing the door open. The room was littered with clothes and various pairs of shoes. I spotted Zayn in the corner of the room talking to a very pretty blond haired girl. I clutched Harry’s hand as he smiled and pulled me to the couple.

“Hello,” he greeted Zayn and a girl whom I assumed was Perrie. Perrie instantly stopped the conversation she was having and squealed, engulfing Harry in her arms.

“Harry!” she said happily, still holding on to him. Harry smiled, giving her a kiss on the cheek before going over to give Zayn a bro hug. I picked my nail polish as the two left to go chat about something, leaving Perrie and I.

“Hi,” I greeted shyly as she grinned. She engulfed me in her arms as well as I chuckled.

“You must be Scout! I’m Perrie,” she said once she released her hold on me.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you. Zayn has not shut up for the past week about seeing you,” I gushed, my nerves calming as she turned a light shade of pink. When I said Zayn, I could see a spark of lust in her eyes. I smiled, knowing that she really loved him.

“Oh has he now?” she asked with a smile. “I really want to speak with him before we go on, and I assume he’s with Harry,” she said, grabbing my hand and pulling me through the throng of people.

I relaxed and let her tug me along and out the door. We walked for a while longer before she stopped short to answer her ringing phone. She gave me an apologetic look as I smiled and gestured for her to take the call. She walked away, phone to her ear as I stood and waited, once again picking at my nail polish.

I watched her walk around a corner as I sighed. The conversation would probably be awhile so I decided to leave her to it. I motioned that I was going to go find the boys as she nodded and went back to her conversation. I strolled around the corner and back to the greenroom, waving to several people who seem to have recognized me. I pushed the large red door, letting out a squeal of surprise when I smacked into a body.

“Whoa there,” a raspy voice said, a pair of strong arms steadying me.

“Oh sorry, Harry,” I apologized, heat rushing to my cheeks. He kept his hands on my hips, slowly wrapping his arms around my waist. I buried my face in his chest as he kissed the top of my head.

“Did I interrupt this little love fest?” Zayn laughed as I blushed and cuddled further into Harry.

“Course not!” Harry said happily, releasing me so he could also include Zayn in the hug.

I giggled as Zayn groaned, attempting to wriggle out of Harry’s grasp. I pinched Harry’s side as he yelped and released Zayn. He narrowed his eyes at me as I gave him an innocent smile.

“Let’s go watch, yeah?” I smiled as Harry rolled his eyes and wrapped his arm around my shoulder.

I wrapped my arm around his waist as we called goodbye to Zayn before venturing out of the greenroom. We proceeded to walk to the side of the stage, the view absolutely incredible. The venue was beginning to fill up, fans of all ages whispering and squealing in excitement. Harry pressed his lips to the side of my head as I sighed in content.

Harry and I chatted for awhile, waiting for the show to start. I told him stupid stories about my childhood, like when I went to Africa or the time I fell out of a tree in an attempt to rescue my cat and broke my leg. He listened intently, laughing when I told him something stupid or funny.

I saw the venue was filled to the brim; the show was sold out tonight according to Harry. The lights dimmed and the crowd roared, screams filling the venue. I saw Zayn and Perrie sharing a passionate embrace before she went to go join her band mates. I cuddled into Harry’s side as Zayn walked over to join us. The opening notes for Wings began to play as I smiled at Zayn’s facial expression; lust.

I peaked at Harry out of the corner of my eye and smiled. Whenever I was with Harry, I felt safe and whole. Harry made me feel special despite my sketchy relationship with Ryan. I felt dirty and unwanted, but Harry made me feel like I was the most special girl on the planet. I knew based on the warm feeling I got whenever I thought about Harry, and the butterflies and wonderfulness I felt when I was with him that I was feeling something stronger than lust for him.

Love. I never had the privilege of experiencing love, my emotions and past preventing me from fully giving myself to someone. Truthfully, it terrified me to even admit to Harry that I liked him. Our relationship had been so fragile in the beginning that I didn’t want to ruin what we had with love. Love was vital to maintain a strong relationship, yet neither I nor Harry has told each other about love.

I sighed and sank into Harry, settling in to enjoy the concert.

******

“This is my favorite,” I breathed as the notes of Cannonball filled my ears.

Zayn had left a few minutes ago to greet Perrie after the concert, which ended very soon. I wrapped my arms around myself, letting the song fill my head and push my worried thoughts away. I was broken away from my thoughts when Harry grabbed my hand.

“Dance with me,” he breathed, his arms encircling my waist.

I giggled, wrapping my arms around Harry’s neck, slowly swaying along to the music. It felt like we were the only two in the room as we danced, Harry’s eyes never leaving mine. He bent down, his forehead resting against mine as our lips barely touched.

“Scout?” Harry whispered, his breath fanning my face.

“Hmmm,” I mumbled into his lips, biting my lip to stop from kissing him.

“I love you.”

I pulled away from him abruptly as he dropped his arms, a look of hurt and confusion on his face. I mumbled an apology before I took off quickly into the hallway and away from Harry. I heard him shouting my name as I sped up and ran into a random door, slamming it and locking it.

“Scout?” Zayn asked curiously as my head snapped up.

Zayn was sitting on a couch, cigarette in hand and his phone in the other. I bit my lip as a frown appeared on his face. He quickly put his cigarette out and crossed the room, wrapping me in his arms and whispering words of comfort. I hadn't even realized I was crying Zayn brushed his thumbs across my cheeks.

"What happened?" he murmured into my hair as we continued to rock.

"Ha-Harry told me he l-loved me," I gulped, feeling foolish. I buried my head in Zayn's chest, heat flooding to my cheeks. Zayn suddenly unwrapped his arms from around me and held my elbows.

"What did you say?" he piqued as I wiped my cheeks, my embarrassment clear. "Oh Scout," he said quietly, realizing that I had ran.

"I'm such an idiot," I said quietly. "I just left him there."

"You're not an idiot, love," Zayn said, his arms wrapping around me once again. "Do you love him?"

"Of course I do," I mumbled into his chest. I felt him vibrate with laughter as I blushed profusely.

"Why don't you tell him that?"

"Because I panicked and I'm scared," I said quietly.

"Scout," Zayn said, his tone serious, "I've known Harry for three years, and when he says he loves you, he really means it. I know you're scared, but just go for it and see what happens," Zayn said with a smile.

He released me and gave me a small shove, a smirk plastered on his face. I ran back to him and hugged him, mumbling a thanks before exiting the room and going to find Harry.