Collectively Unconsciously Composed

“Stop struggling baby,” Ryan cooed as I whined in protest. “I won’t hurt you,” he said as his fingers fiddled with the button on my jeans. His hot breath tickled my neck as his fingers slid my jeans down my legs.

“Please,” I begged as he smiled.

I shot up as a loud clap of thunder sounded. I was breathing quickly as I surveyed my surroundings. I was still in the hotel room, wrapped in my blankets. The rain was still pelting the window as I took a shaky breath. I let out a sob as I pulled my knees up to my chest. Rain always brought the nightmares on; it happened during a bloody thunderstorm. I furiously wiped at my cheeks as the tears continued to fall. I threw my legs over the bed and stood up. The air conditioning had made the room unusually cold as I reached into my suitcase for a gray knit cardigan. I knew there was no way of going back to sleep now. I grabbed my phone and groaned when I read the time was only 2:46 AM. I sighed as I set my phone back down.

The rain began coming down harder as I took in a shaky breath. I knew none of the guys would be awake, and I didn’t want to wake them up. I groaned and began to pace. I’m not sure if I subconsciously managed to get here, or if I wanted to come, but here I found myself knocking on the adjoining door between me and Harry’s rooms.

“Fucking hell,” I heard someone mumble as I blushed. I quickly tried to erase any trace of me crying, but I knew my puffy eyes would not disappear within the next ten seconds. “Scout?” Harry asked sleepily.

I sucked in a breath as I looked him up and down. He was wearing a tight white v-neck and a pair of gray sweatpants. His curls were all over the place and I ached to reach out and smooth them down.

“I-I’m sorry Harry,” I said quietly, trying to keep my voice from faltering. He moved out of the way as I walked past him into his room. He quietly shut the door as the stood in the middle of his room. Clothes were strewn everywhere- it looked like a bomb had gone off.

“What’s wrong Scout?” Harry asked his voice husky from sleep. When I didn’t respond, he crossed the room in two steps and scooped me up in his arms. I shook as he murmured into my hair and rubbed comforting circles on my back. “Shhh, don’t cry Scout,” he cooed as I took in a shaky breath. I hadn’t even realized I had been crying until I saw the wet stains on his shirt.

He continued to rub circles on my back as my crying ceased. He looked down to me as he gently wiped away the tears trailing down my cheeks with the pads of his thumbs. All of a sudden, I couldn’t stand it in this room. I pushed him away quickly as I quickly strode past him and into the hallway. I was hoping Harry wouldn’t follow but despite my wishes, I heard footsteps hurrying to catch up with my quick pace.

“Scout!” Harry called as I walked faster. I knew the lift would take too long, so I rushed past it and went straight for the stairs. I was about to open the door when an arm blocked my way. “What the hell Scout?” Harry asked as I tried to duck under his arm. He wrapped an arm around my waist to prevent my escape. I squirmed uncomfortably in his hold as he tightened his grip. I was about to protest when Harry crashed his lips to mine. I pushed him back but he just pressed his lips harder into mine. I gave him a shove as he broke the kiss. He pressed his lips to mine once again as tears silently fell down my cheeks.

“Harry stop!” I yelled, giving him a final shove. His back slammed into the wall as his eyes met mine. His green eyes held so much hurt, but I didn’t care at that moment. All I could think about was running.

I left Harry and ran back to my room, slamming the door and locking it. I threw what I would need for the next few days into my purse, silently crying the entire time. It had stopped raining as I discarded my rain jacket on the floor. I slipped on a pair of dark skinny jeans and my favorite pair of peach Vans. I wiped the tears from my face and grabbed my bag. I unlocked the door and stepped out into the hallway. Harry was nowhere to be found as I made my way to the lift. The ride down to the lobby was agonizingly silent. I quickly walked out of the front doors and into the street. A plus to being in Miami was being near the beach. I had always loved the beach since I was younger. My dad would take my sister and me and we would just sit and watch the waves roll in for hours.

I inhaled deeply, breathing in the scent of after-rain. I carefully avoided the puddles on the sidewalk as I made my way to the beach. There were few people on the streets, but I avoided those that were. I bit my lip as I saw a sign for the beach. I slipped my shoes off and held them in my hand. The feeling of sand between my toes instantly made me sigh. The sand was damp and cold from the rain, but it felt nice on my feet. I slowly made my way to the water, squealing at the coldness of it. My feet eventually numbed enough for me to walk in the water.

I’m not sure how long I walked for but my mind was finally at ease. I cringed at my actions in the hotel, scared of facing Harry; Harry. My breath hitched in my throat as I thought of the curly haired boy. He had shown me nothing but kindness so far on tour and I returned it with pushing him away. Ever since Ryan, all I ever did was push people away. I sighed dreamily, remembering the feeling of his lips on mine. I brushed my lips with my fingers trying to see if I could savor the feel. Kissing Harry was not unpleasant, far from it actually. I had just been unprepared and was thinking irrationally.

I sighed and continued to walk through the icy ocean water. I would like to kiss Harry again. I finally admitted it to myself and it felt right. I liked Harry. I frowned as I saw I was about to reach the end of the beach, a dock blocking the rest of the way. I turned around and began to walk to the hotel. The sun was slowly rising in the sky as I breathed in the delicious scent of ocean air. The walk back to the hotel was a lot quicker than I would have hoped. I frowned slightly as I saw a small group of girls had gathered outside the hotel. It’s not like I didn’t like the fans, because I did; I just really wasn’t in the mood to deal with the girls at the moment. One of the girls must have noticed me as she shrieked and pointed.

“That’s their photographer!” The girl called as I gave them a small smile. The girl stepped out of her group and quickly approached me.

“Hi,” I greeted her as she grinned.

“You’re One Direction’s photographer, right?” She asked hopefully as I nodded. “Ahhh I knew it! Will you give this to Niall for me please?” The girl begged, showing me a glittery piece of cardboard.

“Of course,” I said, accepting the gift.

“Thank you so much,” she gushed as I blushed and bit my lip. “Do you think I can get a picture?” She asked as I raised an eyebrow.

“With me?” I asked as she nodded quickly. I shrugged as she pulled out a camera and snapped a selfie of us. She thanked me about a hundred times before retreating to her friends.

I clutched the cardboard object and ignored the glares from other older fans. I pushed through the front doors and made my way to the lift. I was about to walk forward when I bumped into a body.

“Oh, Scout,” Niall greeted me as I smiled at him. “How’re doing?” He asked as I gave him a confused look.

“Harry told you, didn’t he?” I questioned as Niall blushed.

“He was worried about you,” Niall said quietly as I felt my heart soar. I tried to hide the blush on my cheeks by handing Niall the fan creation.

“There’s a group of girls outside and one of them made this for you,” I said quietly as Niall thanked me. “What are you doing up so early anyways?” I asked as Niall grinned.

“I was hungry,” he said as I laughed.

“Course you were,” I smiled, switching places with him in the lift.

“Scout,” Niall said, catching the lift door before it closed, “Talk to Harry.”

“Okay,” I said quietly as he gave me a comforting smile.

I pressed the button to our floor and took a deep breath. Time to talk to Harry.