It's ***ed Up

It didn’t take me a long time to know that it was a nightmare.

It’s almost three months that I’m having nightmares, regularly I would sleep five, six hours at night cause of the shit that my dad brings home, but now with the nightmares, I sleep two, three hours top.

Oh yeah, sorry let me tell you a little about myself.
My name is Amy, everyone calls me Ames, but my full name is Amelina pronounce Amalina, Carter Bagans, Carter isn’t my second name it’s my first last name.

You see … when I was five my mother died of an unknown reason , a bit after that my father went bonkers and I became his mini slave. At age of six someone found out about it and called to the authorities, I was sent to an orphanage and my father was sent to a psychiatric hospital. At the age of eight I was adopted by Mr. Zak Bagans. And of curse now he’s my father if I like it or not as he says sometimes. Today I am sixteen years old and that is it. Anyway back to earlier.

I’m not going to sleep any more so might as well I will go down to the kitchen and do something with myself, (yes, the kitchen is the only place I can feel like my life is normal for some unknown reason) I look at the watch, three fourteen a.m.
Men this is sucks, what should I do? I look at the fridge and it looks back… nah I’m not hungry. I know, Imma make me a cup of coffee.

Wait, it’s quiet at the house, too quiet. I go back upstairs to check if dad’s asleep, I open the door to find his room empty. I immediately go downstairs to see maybe he left a note or something, I check the living room, nothing
Well that’s great parenting. I decide to call him, as I call him I feel that there is someone behind me and I snap out of it when I hear my dad’s voice.
“Ames? Ames?” “Dad, Where are you?!” “I’m out Ames” no fucking shit Sherlock. “Dad, can you come home please? I really don’t want to be here alone’’ “just go to sleep’’ “I can’t sleep. Now please can you come home I can’t be alone here” “Really Amy really? You’re going to act like a child now?” Child? “How am I acting like a child?!” “You are sixteen years old you don’t need me to stand by your side all the time and help you with everything you can do things by yourself from time to time” Oh really? “ you know what?! I’ve been doing things on my own for a couple of years because you barely home! Or you on your stupid ghost hunting trips or you’re out doing god knows what! You forgot that you have a daughter home that would really like to spend some time with her father!” that was the last thing said cause I just threw my phone to the wall. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a spoiled little bitch. But what I said to him right now was something that I felt for over two years, I know it not the way to talk to parents or the older people and I love Zak, and the thing is that I know that he never see me as his real daughter, well not fully. That thought never leaves my mind and it made most of my nights the reason that I cried myself to sleep.

Well there is no reason for me to wait for him to get home. I call Gracie our dog as I go up the stairs to my room.
Gracie is the first to get to the room. I close the door and lock it, go over my bed to lay down and let Gracie to lay next to me. And now I’m just going to wait to the sun come up and hope to fall asleep and never get up.