Starting Over

I don’t know how long we stood there, staring at the top of my stairs. The one question I already knew the answer to ringing in my ears, threatening to escape my lips. I turned to Tom and quickly grabbed is hands and pulled him outside. I sat on my porch and pulled Tom down to sit beside me, the silence taking over. I glanced at Tom who looking at his hands as they played with the hem of his shirt. I sighed and turned to fully face him, “Tommy boy, you like her more than your sexual interactions don’t you?”

He didn’t say anything back; he simply shut his eyes and sighed. He didn’t really need to say anything, I knew from the hurt and anger in his eyes that Shae meant more to him than a fuck buddy. I knew someone was going to end up hurt, I just didn’t expect it this soon. I wrapped an arm around Tom’s shoulders and pulled him closer to me. We didn’t say anything, just sat in silence while my sister screwed his brother. I didn’t know how to feel about it. Oliver had become my best friend and now he was hurting his brother and sleeping with my sister. They never showed interest in each other before, why now?

Tom interrupted my thoughts by standing up and storming into the house. I instantly chased after him unsure of what he was going to do. I was too late in stopping him because when I walked in the front door Tom was already screaming at Oliver who was casually walking down the stairs. I froze where I stood, watching Tom spew profanities and cruel words to his brother who took everything he said with an emotionless face. I couldn’t help but wonder if Oliver knew he screwed up because he wouldn’t look Tom in the eyes or even act like he was listening to anything Tom said to him. His eyes were focused on mine through the duration of Tom’s speech.

I don’t know why his eyes were locked on mine but as Tom yelled the desperate cry for help in his eyes grew stronger. I didn’t know how I was going to stop what was happening but I began walking towards Tom; he was still screaming when I stepped directly in front of him. He slowly grew quiet and his eyes left Oliver’s and met mine, hurt and sorrow mixing together in his blue orbs. I didn’t hesitate with wrapping my arms around his neck and resting my head on his shoulder. It didn’t take long for him to react before his arms were around my waist and he buried his head in my hair.

I pulled back from and set my hands on his shoulders, “Go home, Tommy.” I smiled weakly and he returned it before turning around and walking straight to his house.

I turned back to see all eyes on me, the music still playing loudly. Nervously I looked around before yelling, “Party the fuck on!”

That was all it took for the people to go back to dancing and drinking. Oliver didn’t move from the bottom of the stairs, his eyes never left me either. I walked past him to go to the kitchen to get a drink before he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to him. I was about to yank my arm away and yell before he cut me off, “We didn’t fuck, she wanted to but I told her no.” He whispered, looking into my eyes; his eyes begging for forgiveness.

I pulled my arm away from him, “I’m not the one you need to tell that to, Oliver.” I mumbled walking away from him.

I grabbed a nearly full bottle of whiskey and started my search for Vegan. I didn’t have to search long when I found him leaning against the archway that lead to the living room. Walking up behind him I wrapped my arms around his waist and stood on my toes.

“Hey there” I whispered before pressing my lips to his neck.

He turned around and smiled when he saw me, putting his hands on my hips. Normally, I would be nervous and potentially having a panic attack at the thought of acting this way but with the combination of alcohol and emotions I let loose. I stood on my toes again and pressed my lips to his gently. He didn’t react at first but quickly regained his composure and kissed back eagerly. I moved my arms from around his waist to around his neck and deepened the kiss, our bodies closer together than they’ve ever been.

Reluctantly pulling away, I brought my breathing back to its normal state before pressing my lips to his neck. I moved my kisses up from his neck to his jaw and finally landing my lips on his lips again. This time the kiss had no trace of passion, only pure lust. He brushed his tongue against my bottom lip asking for permission, to which I parted my lips and allowed his request. The taste of alcohol and weed excited my tongue as it explored his mouth. We continued to fight for the dominance for what felt like forever before pulling away. I didn’t return to kissing him, instead I stared into his eyes for a while. I’m not sure why I felt the need to but I did it anyway, and I swear I got lost in his brown eyes.

I bit my lip nervously, not knowing if I should kiss him again. I was in a mental debate on what my next move was when a sudden rush of confidence took over my actions and brought my lips to his ear. Without much thought I lightly kissed just under his ear and whispered, “Let’s go upstairs.”

I didn’t wait for his response before grabbing his hand and pulling him up the staircase and to my room. We reached the closed door that lead to my bedroom and as I was going to open it Vegan spun me around to face him and crashed his lips to mine. I wrapped my arms around his neck and tangled my fingers in his hair. He slowly pulled away and cupped my cheeks in his hands; kissing me lightly. I moved my hand from his hair and down to the doorknob, turning it and opening my door. We fell onto my bed and wasted no time in removing each other’s clothes. Our tongues were again fighting for dominance when Vegan pulled back. We locked eyes and I nervously started biting my lip.

“Are you sure?” Vegan asked quietly.

I didn’t respond, just nodded my head. That was all it took for his lips to meet mine again. Unlike my sister I was rather inexperienced in the world of sex. I had only slept with one other guy, one other time. I still couldn’t figure out why I was doing this, I wasn’t truly complaining about it though.
We were lying on my bed, our breath had finally evened out and I was sobering up. We stayed silent for a while, not an awkward silence but a comfortable silence. It was nice to not feel like a panicky wreck.

“I’m not trying to be that guy but I really have to head home. I can’t stay here tonight.” Vegan whispered, still staring at my ceiling.

“It’s okay.” I said turning to face him with a smile. He returned the smile and leaned down to kiss me before getting off my bed. He got dressed quickly and sat on the edge of my bed.

“I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?” he said grabbing my hand.

I nodded as he leaned to kiss me again. He walked out of my room and closed the door behind him.
He wasn’t going to call. I just ruined everything. He probably doesn’t want to ever talk to me again. Why would he? I fucked up what could have been a good thing. We’ve only been on one date and I’ve already fucked him. It’s over now. I groaned as I rolled over in my bed and slowly fell asleep, the thoughts of how I fucked everything up taking over my dreams.