Decided to Break It

I slowly picked at my guitar strings, just making them barely make noise so I could hear the door when the guys came over. I didn’t really wanna practice. In fact, I just really wanted to hang with Echo. She’s really cool- and she’s helped me a lot though she doesn’t realize it. But knowing she was out with Kevvy right now made me sick. He’s a decent kid… but she’s mine. Right? I groaned, dropped my guitar on the ground and belly-flopped onto my bed. Fucking Echo, man. I hated this. I told myself after Matt and Amanda that I wouldn’t fall for anyone again and I wouldn’t have a best friend anymore. Who knew that I would find both in Echo? I heard the door open to my basement room but didn’t bother to get off of my bed or even ask who it was. To tell you the truth, I really didn’t care. “Josharoonie!” Mike said as he came down the stairs and plopped on my bed. I flipped over and looked at him. “What up, son?” I said trying to use my best “gangsta” voice. He laughed, so I knew it didn’t land.

“I’ve been writing a little bit of music. Check it out.” He handed me a sheet and I read through it before handing it back. “Seems really good, man. You’re getting a lot better.” He smiled at me and folded the paper and put it back in his pocket. He never showed anyone his music but me because he was nervous about it but he was better than he gave himself credit for. After a while, the other guys got there and we were underway in a practice sesh. Matt on guitar, Ian on drums and Mike slapping the bass was all I needed to get right again. Well, as right as I could be. I’m pretty fucked up. I ran through the beginning of the song that I sung for Echo to the guys and they seemed to really like it. We were gonna start working on that before Matt’s phone went off- Amanda. “Let me grab this.” He said while making his way to the other end of my room. I put my head down slightly and Ian patted my back. “You’ve been doing pretty well. I’m proud, kid.” He said. Mike shook his head in agreement. “Same.” Was all he said. “Thanks.” I responded just above a whisper. They thought because I hadn’t ended up in the hospital for another suicide attempt that I was better. But just because I haven’t ended up in the hospital didn’t mean I was better, now does it?

But in a way, I was getting better. I was getting better at hiding everything. There was only one person that could read me like a book… and what sucked about that is that she was still a complete mystery to me. Matt came back to us, cheesing from ear to ear. “I uh… I gotta go.” His smirk turned devilish and I literally threw up in my mouth some. “Dude, we’ve got practice though.” Ian said, obviously frustrated. He took this just as seriously as I did where Matt just thought it was something fun to do every once in a while. “Let’s just add another day this week. Or finish the song during lunch or something.” “I had a surprise.” Mike finally spoke up. He wasn’t the quiet one out of the group, necessarily, but he was the most compassionate. He never wanted to step on anyone’s toes, and I respected him for that. “Well, can it wait or something?” Matt was starting to annoy me even more. “We have a gig Saturday night. It’s small, at the new bar that’s opening up by the studio.” I just stared at Mike, not sure if he was playing or not. Ian broke the silence after a while. “Are you serious?” “Yep. Paying us too. They said we can eat stuff there for free and we get 200 for an hour.” “How’d you manage that?” An obviously jealous Matt asked.

“The bartender goes to my church. Heard me playing during worship and well… yeah.” He smiled shyly and I tackle-hugged him. “This is fucking awesome!” I yelled and started wooing all across the room. “We gotta practice. We’ve got three days… what are we gonna play?” Ian’s questions stopped my excitement. “Well when you guys figure that out, let me know and we’ll meet up again tomorrow.” Before anyone could protest, Matt left the room. “Let’s get started, yeah?” Mike said grabbing a notebook. Tonight would be long, but it would definitely be worth it.