Status: Completed
Decided to Break It
Josh
Matt said there was a celebratory party at his place after the show, so we all ended up there. Echo fussed with Kevvy about going but I overheard him say something about ‘never going back there again’… whatever that meant. I wanted to know what happened, she was my best friend after all. I just didn’t want to bring up anything bad. Plus, my high was wearing off and I focus so much better that way… yeah, I’m sure of it. I didn’t want to talk to Echo that way, I couldn’t. To get my mind right, I just cut a couple of lines in my thigh and grabbed a beer. Echo sat on the patio outside and kept popping her rubber band while Kevvy was inside talking to a few people. I figured this was as good a time as any. I opened the backdoor and Echo jumped up and back and kept shaking her head really fast. “Hey! It’s just me! It’s Josh!” I said trying to calm her down. She started hyperventilating and I dropped my beer and ran over to her. I laid her on her back and stood over her. She taught me how to fix this… I just had to remember. Her eyes started rolling in the back of her head, I couldn’t remember fast enough. “Hey!” I squatted over her and popped her face a tad. Her eyes focused on me but she was still hyperventilating. I remembered.
I started singing her Silent Night in Italian- she taught me the first week we met. Her Nonna used to sing it to her when she was little whenever she cried to help. It worked. She closed her eyes, breathing normally now, and whispered “I’m so tired.” I lifted her off of her back so she was sitting on the grass; I sat with her. “Babe, what happened?” I grabbed her hand as she just stared at the grass. “My dad.” She whispered. “I’ll kill him.” I’ve never been more serious about anything in my entire life. She looked at me, her eyes completely dead, and through clenched teeth said “I’m gonna run away one day and he’ll never hurt me again.” “That’s your dad…” “He’s nothing to me.” “Echo…” She let go of my hand and stood up. She hugged her arms and kept shaking her head. “Will you leave with me?” “What?” “When it’s time to go, tell me you’ll come with me.” Her voice was calm but I knew she wasn’t. “Yeah… yeah, I’ll go with you. Anywhere.” She stared at me and I stared right back, holding eye contact that I never wanted to break. Her eyes were dead but the longer she stared at me, I swear I saw the glimmer come back in them. We heard glass break inside the house which made our gazes drop.
“Where’re you staying tonight?” She shrugged. “Hadn’t thought that far.” “Okay, my house. I don’t wanna hear shit about it.” I stood up and pulled her into a hug. She started crying immediately as her head hit my chest. I kissed the top of her head and stroked her hair while humming to her. I never wanted to let her go. She felt right in my arms. I noticed she’d gotten thinner over the last couple of weeks, fast too. “Let’s get you some dinner and sleep, yeah?” It was past midnight and I knew I wouldn’t be sleeping but she definitely needed to rest. I still didn’t know what happened. All I knew was that I needed to take care of her. And that’s all I wanted to do. She clutched the back of my shirt. “Where’s Kevvy?” She whispered. I felt my heart sink. Of course she didn’t feel the same way as me. I couldn’t speak. “Babe.” She lifted her head as my eyes closed and my head dropped. Kevvy walked toward us and she let me go and hugged him. I spun around. “I’m gonna stay with Josh tonight.” She told him. He looked at me for the sign of approval so I gave him a thumbs up. “Okay, cool. Can I talk to you for a sec?” He asked her. “Yeah.” They went off into the corner of the yard, away from me, and I went back inside the house. I needed to calm down again so I headed for the bathroom.
Both were full and each one had a line outside of it- so I had to find somewhere else. I locked myself in Matt’s parents’ room and checked to make sure it was empty. 4 really deep cuts on my leg and a little bit of smoke later, I was ready to face anything. High and empty- that’s the way to go. I found Echo again, waiting by my car smoking a cigarette. She didn’t smoke. She had her head down and kept kicking at the ground. She looked up at me once I got closer. “We’re not gonna date. It’s my fault.” She said it so dryly, I didn’t understand. “I’m too much for him.” She whispered. She took a drag of the cigarette and blew it towards the night sky. I walked closer to hug her and she died laughing. I didn’t know what to do, so instinctively, I backed away. “I’m fucking crazy, do you get it?!” She yelled. She threw the cig down and started walking down the block. I’m too high for this shit.
“Echo… wait!” She started walking faster. I got in my car and drove a little next to her, slowly. She walked faster. “Get in the car! Let’s talk about this.” She said nothing. “Echo, where are you going?!” I sped in front of her and slammed on the brakes. She punched the trunk. “Leave me alone!” I got out of the car and grabbed her by the arm and hugged her. She bit me (pretty hard too since blood came through the shirt) but I didn’t let go. I couldn’t even feel it because I was so high. She didn’t know that though. “I’m not leaving you alone tonight.” “I want the shit to stop.” She said in between clenched teeth. “Come home with me. We’ll get you some food and you’ll be safe.” “I need to go far away.” She clutched my shirt and I wanted so badly to feel her pain, but I couldn’t feel anything right now. I shouldn’t have smoked that shit. After a while, I finally coaxed her into the car and had to focus on driving, which was proving itself harder than it should’ve been. She didn’t talk until we were in my kitchen. I was trying to be quiet since my mom was sleeping- dad was still at the studio. “I’m ruined.” I quit rummaging in the fridge and looked at her. “He raped me.” “I’ll kill him.” She put her head down on the table. “No, it’s stupid. It’s my fault.” “No it’s not.” I hated him. “I’ll be okay. Just gotta make the shit stop.” “Quit that! Quit trying to be strong, you don’t have to!” She flinched at my voice and I quieted down some. “Sorry- but you’ve gotta do something. Let’s call the police.” She shook her head and yawned. “Do you know who my dad is? The police can’t do anything. He’s a fucking mob boss.”
I tried to convince her all night to call the cops but she wouldn’t. We made a pact that one of us would stay at the other’s house for as long as we could get away with it. She’d stay with me during the week and I’d stay with her on the weekends. Now, we just laid on my bed, laughing at reruns of Saturday Night Live. She scooted over some and laid on my chest, yawning. “I love you, Joshua.” She said, wrapping her arms around me. I love you too, beautiful. Always.
I started singing her Silent Night in Italian- she taught me the first week we met. Her Nonna used to sing it to her when she was little whenever she cried to help. It worked. She closed her eyes, breathing normally now, and whispered “I’m so tired.” I lifted her off of her back so she was sitting on the grass; I sat with her. “Babe, what happened?” I grabbed her hand as she just stared at the grass. “My dad.” She whispered. “I’ll kill him.” I’ve never been more serious about anything in my entire life. She looked at me, her eyes completely dead, and through clenched teeth said “I’m gonna run away one day and he’ll never hurt me again.” “That’s your dad…” “He’s nothing to me.” “Echo…” She let go of my hand and stood up. She hugged her arms and kept shaking her head. “Will you leave with me?” “What?” “When it’s time to go, tell me you’ll come with me.” Her voice was calm but I knew she wasn’t. “Yeah… yeah, I’ll go with you. Anywhere.” She stared at me and I stared right back, holding eye contact that I never wanted to break. Her eyes were dead but the longer she stared at me, I swear I saw the glimmer come back in them. We heard glass break inside the house which made our gazes drop.
“Where’re you staying tonight?” She shrugged. “Hadn’t thought that far.” “Okay, my house. I don’t wanna hear shit about it.” I stood up and pulled her into a hug. She started crying immediately as her head hit my chest. I kissed the top of her head and stroked her hair while humming to her. I never wanted to let her go. She felt right in my arms. I noticed she’d gotten thinner over the last couple of weeks, fast too. “Let’s get you some dinner and sleep, yeah?” It was past midnight and I knew I wouldn’t be sleeping but she definitely needed to rest. I still didn’t know what happened. All I knew was that I needed to take care of her. And that’s all I wanted to do. She clutched the back of my shirt. “Where’s Kevvy?” She whispered. I felt my heart sink. Of course she didn’t feel the same way as me. I couldn’t speak. “Babe.” She lifted her head as my eyes closed and my head dropped. Kevvy walked toward us and she let me go and hugged him. I spun around. “I’m gonna stay with Josh tonight.” She told him. He looked at me for the sign of approval so I gave him a thumbs up. “Okay, cool. Can I talk to you for a sec?” He asked her. “Yeah.” They went off into the corner of the yard, away from me, and I went back inside the house. I needed to calm down again so I headed for the bathroom.
Both were full and each one had a line outside of it- so I had to find somewhere else. I locked myself in Matt’s parents’ room and checked to make sure it was empty. 4 really deep cuts on my leg and a little bit of smoke later, I was ready to face anything. High and empty- that’s the way to go. I found Echo again, waiting by my car smoking a cigarette. She didn’t smoke. She had her head down and kept kicking at the ground. She looked up at me once I got closer. “We’re not gonna date. It’s my fault.” She said it so dryly, I didn’t understand. “I’m too much for him.” She whispered. She took a drag of the cigarette and blew it towards the night sky. I walked closer to hug her and she died laughing. I didn’t know what to do, so instinctively, I backed away. “I’m fucking crazy, do you get it?!” She yelled. She threw the cig down and started walking down the block. I’m too high for this shit.
“Echo… wait!” She started walking faster. I got in my car and drove a little next to her, slowly. She walked faster. “Get in the car! Let’s talk about this.” She said nothing. “Echo, where are you going?!” I sped in front of her and slammed on the brakes. She punched the trunk. “Leave me alone!” I got out of the car and grabbed her by the arm and hugged her. She bit me (pretty hard too since blood came through the shirt) but I didn’t let go. I couldn’t even feel it because I was so high. She didn’t know that though. “I’m not leaving you alone tonight.” “I want the shit to stop.” She said in between clenched teeth. “Come home with me. We’ll get you some food and you’ll be safe.” “I need to go far away.” She clutched my shirt and I wanted so badly to feel her pain, but I couldn’t feel anything right now. I shouldn’t have smoked that shit. After a while, I finally coaxed her into the car and had to focus on driving, which was proving itself harder than it should’ve been. She didn’t talk until we were in my kitchen. I was trying to be quiet since my mom was sleeping- dad was still at the studio. “I’m ruined.” I quit rummaging in the fridge and looked at her. “He raped me.” “I’ll kill him.” She put her head down on the table. “No, it’s stupid. It’s my fault.” “No it’s not.” I hated him. “I’ll be okay. Just gotta make the shit stop.” “Quit that! Quit trying to be strong, you don’t have to!” She flinched at my voice and I quieted down some. “Sorry- but you’ve gotta do something. Let’s call the police.” She shook her head and yawned. “Do you know who my dad is? The police can’t do anything. He’s a fucking mob boss.”
I tried to convince her all night to call the cops but she wouldn’t. We made a pact that one of us would stay at the other’s house for as long as we could get away with it. She’d stay with me during the week and I’d stay with her on the weekends. Now, we just laid on my bed, laughing at reruns of Saturday Night Live. She scooted over some and laid on my chest, yawning. “I love you, Joshua.” She said, wrapping her arms around me. I love you too, beautiful. Always.