Worthless

I ran out the tour bus door in embarrassment as everyone in the band stared at me in disappointment. I ran after Justin and when I caught up to him he wanted nothing to do with me. "Justin please. Just listen to me. I can explain. Where are you going?" He turned around and I could tell he was so upset, mad, and pissed off at me. He then began to tear up. "Julia, you know... I thought, I thought you were actually going to change. Ha, I really thought I could trust you. I thought you were different and special and that what everyone said was something I could put behind you. I ignored it and didn't judge you. I accepted you for every flaw and saw you as beautiful. WE HAVE A CHILD TOGETHER NOW. IT IS IN YOUR STOMACH. Did you think about that when you let him put his hands on you and in you? Did you? I began to fall for you... like fall in love with you. Do you understand that? So, what are you going to do now with our child? I need to know right now." He looked at me and I didn't know what to say. "Um, Justin.. I just... I am so sorry. I didn't know what got to me. It meant nothing. I swear, just please." I tried to move towards him and show him some affection but he rejected it. "Tell me what you are going to do with our child." I really haven't thought about this at all. What am I going to do? I need to decide right now. "I am going to.. I am going to... keep it. I want this child to be born and be our child." He looked at me and I didn't know how he felt. "Our child. OUR. Do you know what that means? It means it came from both of us. Because we had sex, made love, whatever you want to call it in your book. But look, I wanted us to raise this child to be ours and for us to have a future. But right now, I don't know if I trust you, or if I want us to share this child in marriage in the future. How can I ever trust you again? You practically let him fuck you. Do you understand how much you have hurt me?" I felt horrible. What have I done? I ruined everything we had.

As we continued to stare at each other he started to head back to the tour bus. "Justin, what... what am I going to do? Where are you going?" He looked at me. I could tell he was pissed. "We have to leave soon. I am going to talk to the guys. I don't know how I feel about you coming with us right now. I need time to think." He turned and walked to the tour bus. I sat outside on the grass alone and had to think about a lot of things. I really fucked up this time. I had someone who actually cared and I went and ruined that for us because I can't control myself. I sat there and realized I didn't have money, a car, a place to stay, or anything. I had nothing going for me on my own. Then I heard a voice and I looked up. It was Ahren. "Go away. Just get away from me." He looked at me like he was shocked that I said that to him. "Oh, so now you really mean it do ya? Ha, whatever. Look, I know you wanted me and you wouldn't have stopped if they wouldn't have come back. So what do you say you come with my band on tour? I won't leave you behind and you can have me all the time." He grinned at me. I went to go reply to him and he reached his hand out for me. Then I heard someone else. Dammit, it was Justin. "Really Julia? You just can't get away from him can you? Whatever. You know what, we leave in the morning, and I really don't know right now if you are coming with us anymore. I can't believe you." He started crying and then wiped his face and walked off. I felt so shitty. Why do I keep doing this? Ahren was still standing there with his hand out. So, I grabbed it, and walked off with him to his tour bus.