Worthless

We went in his car and drove off. I didn't know where he was taking me for our second date, but I trusted him to take me anywhere. We drove for a while and then parked at a place that served sandwiches. It was a cute little cafe and I got a grilled cheese with a cup of iced tea. Justin got the same thing and we went to sit at a table. He pulled the chair out for me to sit down, which has never been done for me before. We got out sandwiches not too much later and finished them quite fast. Once we were done he said he was going to take me to get a shake. We drove to this small diner nearby, and he bought a large shake and we shared it. He kept making me laugh and complimenting me. I felt amazing. We finished the shake and went back to his car. He asked me if I wanted to go anywhere specific and I said no, but he replied by saying he would surprise me. We drove and parked near the forest, and it was super quiet outside. I didn't know whether to be scared or like not having any sound. He leaned over and whispered to me," So, what did you buy at the mall?" I reached in the back seat and pulled out my bag of clothes and showed him the jeans, the canvas shoes, and then all the shirts. He asked me why I got Sleeping with Sirens shirts, and I blushed and felt embarrassed. " got them because I wanted to impress you." He smiled, and it was very cute. He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. It was warm and soothing and made me feel safe.

I then leaned my seat back and so did he. We stared at the ceiling of the car and he opened up to me about his past relationships. It was nice that he was being open with me, but I didn't feel i deserved it. He told me about how girls have cheated on him before, left him for someone 'better' and just left without a reason. I felt guilty knowing that I almost left him because I always leave. I pushed that thought of my mind and kept listening. He then got very quiet, so I put my hand on his chest. His heart was beating kind of fast and I leaned over and whispered to him. "You are going to be okay. None of that will happen again. I promise." He leaned over and saw that I also bought a bag. "Oh, that is really nice. It suites you." He picked it up, not realizing it was upside down and everything inside fell out. Oh shit, the box of condoms. He looked at the car floor and saw the blue box. He looked at the box, looked at me, and looked back at the box. "I.. I can explain. Look, I wasn't trying to get anywhere with you, I was just at Hot Topic, had money left over, went to Spencer's, wandered upon the back of the store, a gay guy got me to buy a sexy lace bra and matching thong and added in a free box of condoms. It wasn't like I was looking for us to do anything, really. I just wanted the bra and thong in case you ended up seeing me in it. I wanted you to think... to think I was sexy. I am sorry." He looked at me and before he could speak I spoke again. "I like you. Please don't think less of me now." He turned my head to look at him. "Julia, I think you are beautiful. I think you dress nicely and that you are always sexy. I just don't want to point that out because it isn't a gentleman thing to do. I would rather say you are beautiful." He leaned over and touched my hand with his. I looked at him and he looked at me, and it was quiet and peaceful. I leaned in and kissed him and tossed the Hot Topic bag to the trunk. He pulled me close and over to his seat and on top of him. We continued kissing and things got really intense. I stopped and pulled back, looking at him. "If you don't want anything to happen, we don't have to have one thing happen at all. I want you to be comfortable with whatever. I respect you." I looked at him. What did I want? I wanted to feel loved. I have felt that with him. He makes me feel safe. "I trust you."

He pulled me back close to him and pressed me against his chest. His arms were around me as my fingers went through his hair. We kept kissing and he moved his hands onto my breast and up under my shirt. He then slipped off my shirt and began to kiss me from my lips down. I pulled his shirt up and off of him, feeling his chest and nice stomach. We kept touching and kissing, and then I felt him unbutton my pants and slide his hands down to pull them off. I unbuttoned his pants but was so caught up in the moment that I didn't get them off. His hands slid down between my thighs and it felt so great. He then got me to get his pants off, and then everything was off. I grabbed the blue box on the floor and handed it to him. "Julia... are you sure? I don't want to make this go too far and you not want this." I looked at him and kissed him. "I just want to feel loved, and you make me feel that way." He then pushed himself into me. It has never felt like this before. I wanted this so much. I kept kissing him and he started to breathe harder. I then was slipped over and now he was on top of me. I pulled him up against me, and because it felt so good, I was digging my nails into his back. Everything kept getting rougher and more intense. I just wanted to feel loved, and he had done it for me.