Fear of Flying

I never thought I’d see the day where I’d be begging Alfie to go to a party with me. I was sitting on his bed as he mixed a song on his laptop at his desk. “Come on Alf, are you really turning down a party right now. You were invited and everything.”

“It’s not that I don’t want to go to a party. I just don’t think I’ll be very welcome, your One Direction friends aren’t my biggest fans, you know.”

I scoffed rolling my eyes, “You’ve only met two of them! Louis gets on with you great, and Harry’s just… Harry just PMS’s sometimes, it’s no big deal.” He gave me a flat look in reply. I sighed, “I just really need you there, yeah? This will be my first encounter with Zayn and Perrie. I might need more than Eleanor to keep me afloat seeing as she’ll be off playing hostess and making sure her boyfriend and his friends don’t get to mental.

His shoulder slumped and his face softened, “You really need me to go with you?”

“Yes! If it helps, I’ll be designated driver, and there will be fit birds there. How can you turn down girls and free alcohol Alfie?”

After a moment of consideration he finally caved, “Fine Kenny, I’ll come with you. But only because I love you and I wouldn’t feel alright knowing I left you hanging in your time of need.”

“Thank you! Now change so we can go.”

“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” he exclaimed.

I gave him a onceover as I took in his attire; an old wife beater with an extremely massive hole in the side and black joggers with white pain splatters on them. “You really want me to tell you what’s wrong with what you’re wearing?”

“Fuck off,” he huffed as he stood up and grabbed a rumpled pair of jeans off the floor before changing right in front of me with no shame. I wanted to comment on when the last time he wore those jeans were, but I decided to let it go. At least they were better than the joggers. He grabbed a white shirt off the floor as well and shook it out and glanced at it, “Can I sweat this shirt or is the small hole in the armpit a no-go for you?” he sassed.

He held up an old warn Clash shirt as he looked at me expectantly, “That’s fine.” I rolled my eyes, “Damn, I didn’t mean to offend you.”

He chuckled as he threw the shirt over his head. I had a change, while his face was behind the shirt, to glance at his bare upper body. It was easy to forget how fit Alfie was when he hid it under loose fitted shirts and one of his jean or leather jackets. But damn, he was mouth watering. I pulled my attention away as he finished getting ready. He pulled his boots on and sprayed himself with some cologne before haphazardly running his fingers through his hair which did nothing if not make it worse.

Once he tugged on his leather jacket he tossed his jean jacket at me. The one that had an obscene about of random pins and patches all over it, “Here, put this on.”

“What? Why?”

He rolled his eyes at me, “Because you’re wearing a tanktop and it’s cold outside. Plus it’ll help make pretty boy jealous.”

“I’m not trying to make Zayn jealous. I’m trying to move on and be okay with being just friends with him again.”

He shrugged, “Either way, wear it. It looks better on you than me anyway,” he smirked before walking out of his room. A massive blush filled my face as I stomped after him.

*****

The party was already in full swing when we got there, seeing as it took some time to convince Alfie to go with me.

Walking into the house, there were familiar faces all over, but no one I knew well enough to engage with. “So this is how the A-List parties,” Alfie sighed as we both stood in the entryway taking it all in.
“Yeah, yeah. Come on,” I grabbed his wrist and started pulling him into the house. “Let’s go find Eleanor.” We only managed to go a few feet before I literally almost walked into Liam. “Oh, hey!” I said as I stopped short so I wouldn’t walk into the cup that was in his hand.

“Hey, where have you been? Eleanor’s been looking for you,” Liam said as he pulled me into a short hug as a greeting. He shot Alfie a confused glance before his attention was back on me.

“I just got here.” I turned to gesture between him and Alfie, “This is Alfie. He goes to Uni with El and I. Alf, this is Liam.”

“Hey mate,” Alfie greeted as they shook hands.

Liam nodded, “Hey, I’ve heard a lot about you from these birds. Nice to finally meet you.”

Alfie chuckled, “Yeah, you too. Can you point me in the direction of whatever it is you’re drinking?”

Liam gave a half smile as he pointed behind him, “Kitchen. There’s a keg as well as a counter full of shit.”

“Awesome.” Alfie turned to me, “I’m gonna get a drink, want anything?”

“I’m good. I’ll meet you in there.” He nodded at my response before patting Liam on the shoulder and headed off for the kitchen.

“So, that’s Alfie,” Liam said watching him go.

I shrugged, “Yep. He’s cool.”

He nodded as he took a big gulp of his drink, “You uh… you know Zayn’s here, yeah?”

I shrugged, “Yeah I kind of figured.”

“He brought Perrie,” he said giving me a concerned look.

“Yeah, I figured that too. I’ve been mentally preparing for this, it was bound to happen eventually.”

“You’re okay?”

I shrugged, “I’m going to try to be. I mean, if he’s happy then…” I shrugged again breaking off my sentence.

“You deserve to be happy too Kennedy.”

I smiled at that, “Thank you. And I am, for the most part anyway. I mean, I really cared about Zayn, I still do. I’m just trying to get back to that place where I don’t feel… I don’t know.”

“Heart broken?”

“Yeah, I guess so.” I smiled at him, a big genuine one, “And don’t worry, I won’t be making a scene or anything.”

He laughed, “I wasn’t worried you would. Though it would be entertaining to see a girl fight.”

I smacked his shoulder, “Shut it. Now, where was the last time you saw my best friend?”

“Eleanor or Harry?”

I shrugged, “Either, both?”

“Eleanor was in the kitchen with Louis and Stan not too long ago, and I haven’t seen Harry for a good half hour,” he shrugged. “He’s here somewhere though.”

I nodded, “Thanks. I’m gonna head off towards the kitchen then. I’ll see you in a bit.” He nodded before saluting me with his cup and we both se off in different directions.

Louis and Eleanor’s house always seemed bigger when more people were in it, if you can believe that. There was a crowd of people in the kitchen when I entered so it took me a minute to find a any of my friends. I spotted the back of Louis head first at the far end of the kitchen. He had his arm around Eleanor who was next to him, and Alfie was right next to them laughing at something Zayn said.

Zayn.

Of course I’d have to have this encounter as soon as I walked into this party. As soon as I laid eyes on him my heart jumped into my throat. Next to him, pressed firmly to his side was, of course, Perrie Edwards.

God was she prettier in person.

It wasn’t fair.

No one had spotted me yet, so I took my time trying to get myself ready for this encounter. Like, how do I act? Normal like nothing’s happened? I’ve never been in this situation before.

“Hey, are you alright?” I turned as Harry came up behind me. He glanced at our group of friends as he placed a comforting hand on the small of my back.

I shrugged trying to give the best reassuring smile I could, “I think so. I’m just trying to figure out how I approach this.”

He nodded slowly as he stared at the group. His eyes narrowed slightly, “If that Alfie?”

“Yeah, I made him come with him.”

He hummed before looking back at me, “That his jacket too?”

“Yeah,” I shrugged.

“Marking his territory then?”

“What?” I scoffed, “No I just didn’t bring my own.”

He made a weird sound in the back of his throat as he winced before taking a big gulp of his drink. “Well, are you ready to face the new couple?”

“No. Well yes, but I don’t know how to go about it.” I bit my lip as I looked at our friends. As my eyes scanned the group of five, Zayn’s eyes caught mine. His eyebrow jumped in surprise and a blush covered his face. He lifted his hand and gave me an unsure wave, which made everyone else turn in my and Harry’s direction.

“Well, looks like you have no time to figure it out,” Harry muttered. “Come on, you’ll be fine. Just relax, yeah? I’m right by your side.” He started pushing me with him as we made it across the kitchen.

“There you are,” Eleanor said before pulling me into a hug. “You gonna be okay?” she whispered in my ear.”

“’course,” I muttered back as I plastered a smile across my face to greet Louis. But then there was just Zayn and Perrie left. “Hey,” I said, including an awkward wave of my hand. I’m such an idiot.

“Hey Ken, how have you been?” Zayn asked with a polite smile.

“Good,” I nodded. I glanced at Perrie who had a sincere smile on her face. God was she impossible to hate. NOT FAIR. “Hi,” I held out my hand, “I’m Kennedy.”

“Oh, shit sorry,” Zayn stuttered. I could feel the eyes of our friends watching this encounter carefully. The heat of Harry’s hand still on my back burning through my shirt. “Kennedy, this is Perrie. Perrie, Kennedy,” he introduced.

She shook my hand lightly, “Hi. It’s nice to finally meet you. This lot talks about you all the time.”
“Oh,” I could feel the heat of a blush on my face. “It’s nice to meet you too.” I honestly had no idea what else I was supposed to say. ‘No hard feelings about Zayn?’ or ‘I’m trying not to find a reason to hate you?’ Nope.

“Well Kenny,” Alfie said as he draped his arm around my shoulders. I instantly felt Harry drop his hand from my back. When I glanced at him he was staring at Louis as he downed the rest of whatever was in his cup. “Why don’t we get you a drink huh?”

I smiled up at Alfie, “Sure.” I turned to the rest of the group, “We’ll be back.”

As Alfie turned me back to the opposite side of the kitchen I let out a deep breath I didn’t know I was holding. “That wasn’t so bad,” he said as we neared the keg.

I sighed, “No. But my heart was going into over drive.” I grabbed the empty cup he handed me as he pumped the keg before filling my cup with beer. “It’s so hard to not like her. She’s so nice and jesus, how is she that beautiful?”

He gave me a flat look, “Don’t sell yourself short Kenny. You’re gorgeous and nice, and brilliant. Don’t start comparing yourself to someone else just because he stupidly picked someone else.” His flat look ad turned into a hard stare. Alfie was only serious 1 out of 10 times ever, so when he got serious, you listened.

“Okay! Sorry.”

He smiled as he tapped his cup against mine, “Come on. Let’s go mingle with London’s elite.”

*****

I have since lost Alfie in the crowd. We got separated when he went to get more alcohol and then I got taken away by Eleanor to dance. I’ve also been mingling around with a few different people. I did a shot with Harry, my one and only since I was driving and I had a small conversation with Ed Sheeran. I don’t care how many times I meet him I’ll forever be star struck around him. I mean he’s Ed fucking Sheeran!

“Hey, I’m gonna go to the lou,” I mumbled to El over the music.

She nodded, “Go to the master bedroom one, it should be empty.”

I made my way through the crowd of people, which had grown since I’ve been here, towards the stairs. I spotted Alfie on my way up the stairs. He was in the corner by the fireplace chatting up some random blonde I’ve never seen before. I gave him the thumbs up when he caught my eye as I jogged up the stairs.

Eleanor was right, there was no one in the master bedroom and the bathroom was untouched by everyone. I took my time doing my business, as well as fixing my hair and my eyeliner that had started to smudge.

When I was done, I opened the bathroom door I almost collided with Perrie, “Oh!” she pulled herself back before we almost collided. “Sorry, Louis said no one would be in here.”

I smiled awkwardly, “Yeah, Eleanor said the same thing.” I moved around her out of the doorway, “It’s all yours.”

“Thanks. Hey, wait,” she grabbed my wrist as I tried to make a break for the bedroom door. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

Adrenaline shot through me and my heart started to race. This didn’t sound good, I’ve seen enough movies to know that this was not a conversation you wanted to have with my… well with Zayn’s girlfriend.

I cleared my throat to try and calm my nerves as I turned around slowly, “Yeah?”

When I turned around, she wasn’t glaring like I expected her too. Instead she looked nervous almost, like she wasn’t sure what was happening. But she was smiling nonetheless, “I just… I just want to apologize for what happened. I didn’t know you two were…” She sighed, “I didn’t know there was anything going on between you and Zayn. If I had, I wouldn’t have started talking to him.” I watched as she rang her perfectly lipsticked lips together, “He’s told me everything now, and I know he’s gutted over what he must have done to you. I’m not sure what to say, but I just want to say I’m sorry for any hurt we may have caused you, you know? That was never my intension Kennedy. You mean a lot to him and, well, I don’t know if it’s possible but if you, if we could all be friends, I think that’d be nice.” She took a deep breath again and smiled shyly, “I know it’d mean a lot to Zayn anyway.”

I stared at her in shock. In every scenario I’ve pictured about my encounter with Perrie, it never went like this. She was being so nice and sincere and just… fucking perfect! Like, now all I feel is guilt for every having one ill thought about her. “I… um… yeah,” I stammered. “I’m… thank you. I mean, you have nothing to apologize for, but thanks for it anyway.” I sighed, trying to clear my thoughts, “I have no idea what to say here either. Um… I think, maybe we can all be friends? I’m just- yeah, I think that’d be nice.”

Her smile brightened, “I know that would mean the world to him. He’s been down since he last talked to you. And I’m not saying that to make you feel bad!” she said quickly, “Just thought you mean so much to him, so I just,” she shrugged, “I’m just trying to figure this all out too.”

I nodded, “I know, so am I.” I bit my lip, “And I don’t… I know it wasn’t your fault. I never blamed you or him, not really. I mean,” I shrugged, “Things just happen, I don’t know. I’m just trying to be okay with everything, I want to be able to be his friend and even yours. I’m just trying to find my way there you know?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, “I get it, I really do. I just… I wanted you to know that I’m not like… I’m not the type of girlfriend that won’t let him see you, you know? I respect your friendship that you have even if you guys were more at one point.”

I smiled at that, “Thank you. And I respect your relationship with him too. It’s… I can see how happy you make him. Just… take care of him okay?”

She blushed, “I’ll try my best.”

“That’s all I ask Perrie.”

*****

I left Perrie upstairs and headed back down to the party. When I came down the stairs, my eyes found Niall and Zayn first across the hall talking to a few people I vaguely recognized. I took a deep breath to prepare myself to really be okay with everything as I headed their way. I walked up quietly, trying not to interrupt their conversation but Niall threw his arm around me as soon as he saw me, “Kennedy! Where have you been?”

I hugged him back as I chuckled, “Around. When’d you get here?”

“Not too long ago actually. Ran into Zayn here first.”

I nodded as I glanced at the lad in question, “Yeah, I was actually wondering if I could steal him away from you for a moment?” I asked looking between both of them.

Zayn looked a bit surprised and Niall just smirked, “Yeah, take him. We’ll all catch up later.”

Zayn and I backed away from the small group, “Uh, do you wanna go talk in the backyard?”

“Sure,” he nodded, and gestured for me to lead the way.

We migrated through the bodies of people to the back deck. As soon as we hit the fresh air, Zayn lit a cigarette. “So,” he said as he blew some smoke out of his mouth. I wonder if and when the day would come where I didn’t find that incredibly sexy. “You alright?”

I shrugged, “I’ve been good. Just, you know work and classes and stuff.”

He hummed as he nodded, looking deep in thought as he took in a big drag of his cigarette. We stood there, in silence as he smoked. I wanted to say so many things, but nothing would come out. I opened and closed my mouth about a hundred times before he finally finished his smoke. I knew I had to say something. “This is weird,” he said as he stomped out his cigarette under his boot. “I don’t want things between us to be weird, and I know that’s selfish.”

I nodded, “I know. And I asked you to come out here so I could… I don’t know. I want us to be friends, but I’m still not sure how that’s supposed to work.”

“Me either.”

I bit my lip as I watched people go in and out of the sliding glass door, “I talked to Perrie.”

“You did?”

I nodded as I looked up at him. His eye were filled with uncertainty, like he wasn’t sure how I was about to approach him with this. “She’s sweet, Zayn.”

He smiled nervously, “You think so?”

I smiled back at him, and for once, it wasn’t forced. “I do. She’s incredibly understanding and brilliant. And,” I shrugged, “I can understand why you picked her, you know?”

He winced, “I don’t want you to feel that way. Like I picked someone over you. I didn’t… Perrie just happened. I didn’t plan for it exactly, she just happened you know? And you’ll never know how sorry I am for how I must have hurt you. If I could go back and change how it happened, I would Kennedy. You have to believe that. I never meant to hurt you like I did.”

“I know,” I nodded. “I know you didn’t mean it. You made it clear from the start that we were just friends and nothing more than just hooking up. I do want to be friends though, I just have to figure out how to do it.”

“I won’t make you rush into it. I just want you to know how I feel. I still care about you so much and you mean a lot to me.”

That made me smile, “You mean a lot to me too. I’m just trying to go back to just feeling… friendly towards you, if that makes sense.”

“It does.” I watched as he bit at his bottom lip, “And thanks, for being nice to Perrie I mean. I think everyone would have understood if you weren’t, but I’m really glad you were.”

I shrugged, “Well, none of this was her fault. I have no reason to not be nice with her. Even if I wanted to hate her, and at first, I really tried, she makes it impossible. She’s so caring and nice and Jesus, even I’d consider sleeping with her, like she’s that gorgeous,” I laughed to lighten the mood a bit, and he smirked. “I just want you to be happy, even if that means it’s not with me.”

“Thanks.” He shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his leather jacket, “I want you to be happy too Ken. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

“Thank you. And, I am happy by the way, I’m just a little wounded I guess, but I’ll get over it.”

He nudged me with his elbow, “I’m pretty easy to get over, don’t worry.”

I scoffed, “Give yourself some credit pretty boy.”

He threw his head back in a sarcastic laugh, “Thanks.” We were quiet again, but not an awkward silence this time, it was nice- light even. “So Alfie?”

“What about him?”

“Well you brought him with you. And that’s his jacket you’re wearing yeah? I guess I just thought…”

I shook my head, “No, we’re just friends. There’s just… nothing there.”

He hummed as he stared at the ground. His brow was furrowed in thought, “I guess I… I just heard… I don’t know.”

“Heard what?”

“Nothing,” he shrugged. “Got the wrong information I guess. How’s Uni going?”

Zayn and I were in a conversation of what’s been going on in our lives since the last time we’d actually talked (which was before Perrie really). He was in the middle of telling me about this song he and the lads were writing when we heard commotion coming from the house. There were shouts and I could see people running towards the living room through the sliding glass window before Perrie came running towards the door. She looked frantic as she scanned the backyard until her sights landed on Zayn and I, “Kennedy! Zayn!” She frantically pointed behind her, “I can’t find anyone else and Alfie and Harry are-”

Before she could finish her sentence Zayn took off inside the house. Perrie and I chased behind him as he pushed through people until we were in the middle of the crowd. Perrie and I had pushed through everyone just in time to see Zayn lunge to grab Harry who was on top of Alfie on the floor. It all happened within second, but felt like forever. Harry was on top of Alfie, and Alfie tried to push him off to no avail. Harry laid what seemed like at least a second punch to Alfie’s jaw before Zayn grabbed him around the shoulder and pulled him off.

Then Niall, Liam, Louis and Eleanor seemed to materialize out of the crowd and the lads jumped into the middle of the fight. Niall and Liam pushing Harry back as he yelled and cursed, trying to break free of Zayn’s hold to get to Alfie who Louis was helping off the ground.

Eleanor spotted me and came over to my side, “What the hell just happened?”

That shook me out of my daze, “I have no idea. I was outside and then Perrie came and got us and- what the fuck?” I was so overwhelmed. Harry was still yelling and the lads were yelling over him and trying to pull him away. Alfie was just standing there whipping the blood off his lip as Louis made sure he was alright.

My feet were moving before I could even think about it. I sped over to Alfie’s side to see if he was okay, “Are you alright?” I asked as I grabbed his jaw to get a look at the gash in the corner of his mouth. “What happened?”

He pulled his face out of my grasp, “I’m fine. It’s-”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Harry roared. “You’re taking his side?!”

I turned and his glare was right on me, “Harry, I’m not taking anyone’s side!”

He scoffed loudly as he pushed his band mates off him, “Get off me!” They let him go and he staggered towards an exit in the crowd. “Fuck this. Fuck you,” he pointed at both Alfie and I. “Fuck all of you!” he yelled before pushing through the crowd. He didn’t get far before the rest of One Direction was trailing after him.

“Here,” Perrie said appearing beside me with a wet paper towel. “I can’t find any ice, but I brought this.”

“Thanks,” I said as I took it and went to dab Alfie’s mouth but he brushed me off and grabbed the paper towel from my hand.

“I’m not a child Kennedy. I can clean myself up,” he sighed.

“What the hell happened?” Eleanor shrieked over the noise of the party that was picking back up again now that there was no show to watch.

Alfie shrugged and shook his head, “I honestly have no idea. I was talking to some girl and he comes out of nowhere hurling insults and throwing punches.”

“Well there had to be a reason, Harry doesn’t just attack out no nowhere,” Eleanor sighed.

Alfie looked at me, “I think he thinks I was disrespecting you. I think he thinks there’s more going on with us.”

“Wait, isn’t there?” Perrie asked.

“No,” Alfie and I said in unison. “We’re just friends,” I sighed.

“Well maybe you should remind your friend of that,” Alfie winced as he whipped the blood from his face. “Go talk to him.”

“You might want to wait a bit,” Louis said coming up behind me and Perrie. “He’s right angry right now, and drunk.”

Eleanor scoffed, “Of course he it. That explains the scene he just made.”

I sighed at this whole situation. It was turning out to be a good night then it all went to shit. “I’m so done.” I turned to Alfie, “You wanna leave?” He shrugged.

“No, come on,” Eleanor whined, “You haven’t even been here all that long.”

“Well clearly I can’t hang around since Harry’s gone mental on Alfie and I’m his ride. I’ll call you tomorrow.” I pulled her into a huge and she reluctantly returned it.

“Fine. But you owe me.”

I turned to Perrie, “Uh, thanks for…” I waved my hand at Alfie to insinuate the fight, “finding us to stop that.”

She nodded, “No problem. It was nice to meet you.”

I smiled, “It was lovely meeting you properly too. Tell Zayn I said bye?”

“I will.”

Louis pulled me into a hug, “Sorry on behalf of my best mate.”

I sighed, “’s’alright.” He rolled his eyes at the situation. “Make sure he’s alright, yeah?”

He scoffed, “Yeah. Wanker needs to sleep it off. You good mate?” he asked Alfie.

“Yeah. Sorry about that.”

“No, I’m the one that’s sorry. I don’t know what’s gotten into him.”

He chuckled dryly, “I think we might have an idea.”

Louis patted his shoulder, “Maybe so.”

“What?” Eleanor asked.

Louis pulled her into his side by her waist, “Nothing. You lot drive safe. You haven’t been drinking have ya Ken?”

I shook my head, “Not really. I’m good.”

Alfie and I finished saying goodbye before we headed out of the party. “Well, that was eventful,” Alfie sighed as we walked down the street to my car.

“Are you sure you’re alright?”

“Yes mom. I only let him tackle me because I wasn’t going to fight him back. I’m not about that life.”

“Well I wouldn’t have blamed you if you had.”

He shrugged at me as we got to my car and he looked at me over the hood, “I can see why he did it. I don’t really hold it against him.”

I rolled my eyes, “Is that like a ‘bro code’ thing or something?”

He gave me a funny look before shrugging, “Something like that.”