Status: am a first timer,so bare with me =)
Here Goes Nothing..
Tell me!
''you're not damaged'' he moved closer to where I was '' you'll get through this same way you pulled though everything else''
''I don't think I have it in me any more''
'' I told you this once before Sara; you're tough'' He sat next to me on the floor '' besides, you don't have to do this alone...you've got all those people around you ready to help''
It sounded so simple, as if it was the easiest thing to just ask for help! Then again maybe it was, but how was going to let down all these walls I spent years building up; letting no one in?
''wish it was that easy'' speaking more to myself
He abruptly stood up and offered me a hand '' I've got an idea''
He dragged me behind him to the living area and asked me to stay...I sunk to the far end of the couch and it wasn't long till Darren came back with a bottle and a shot glasses.
''you know I don't drink'' I was quick to remind him as he poured the strong substance to fill the glasses.
''for the next few hours; you do'' he handed me a shot and I reluctantly accepted it '' I need you to forget what you normally do and let go!''
''Darren, I don't think that's a good idea''
''then don't think''
Considering what went down last time I 'let go'' as he was asking me to do, the last thing I wanted to do is get drunk...but that tiny voice in the back of my head was telling me to listen, I mean it couldn't get any worse than it already did once.
It took a few drinks before the alcohol took it's effect...all those bottled up emotions were finding their way to the surface, some I didn't even realize were there.
''you know what I've found out, I found out I was angry..'' being more animated than usual
''what about?''
''everything, and everyone...my mom, dad, Adam'' making yet another drink disappear as quickly as I poured it ''...speaking of, can you believe he proposed to me! like that's gonna fix anything''
''maybe that was his way of showing you he was committed...''
''that would've been one dysfunctional family, two 18 year olds stuck with an unplanned baby'' I continued, dismissing what he was trying to say ''..what's killing me the most is that I never got the chance to say goodbye to her either times, and this time she's gone for good''
It would've been my 8th shot, but Darren stopped it half way through...''you're shaking''
He placed the drink back on the table and took me in for a hug...I sat there still as he held me close to his chest, silent tears streaming down my cheeks.
''you've been a great mom'' I buried myself further into his embrace '' you need let go Sara, none of this is your fault''
He pulled away for a second '' although she had no idea who you were, she still loved you and am sure she knew you loved her''
I closed my eyes and allowed a deep breath out, I felt him left my chin and whisper '' you need to stop beating yourself over it, Sara''. He gently placed a kiss to my forehead, then moved to the corner of my eye kissing a tear away, and slowly his lips found their way to the corner of mouth.
I wasn't sure if all the fuzziness was from the alcohol or was it the anticipation of what his next move would be...he took his time with his last stop, but then pulled back.
''am sorry, I shouldn't have done that''
''don't be'' I moved in and locked my lips with his, he was taken back at first but then we both ''let go''
''I don't think I have it in me any more''
'' I told you this once before Sara; you're tough'' He sat next to me on the floor '' besides, you don't have to do this alone...you've got all those people around you ready to help''
It sounded so simple, as if it was the easiest thing to just ask for help! Then again maybe it was, but how was going to let down all these walls I spent years building up; letting no one in?
''wish it was that easy'' speaking more to myself
He abruptly stood up and offered me a hand '' I've got an idea''
He dragged me behind him to the living area and asked me to stay...I sunk to the far end of the couch and it wasn't long till Darren came back with a bottle and a shot glasses.
''you know I don't drink'' I was quick to remind him as he poured the strong substance to fill the glasses.
''for the next few hours; you do'' he handed me a shot and I reluctantly accepted it '' I need you to forget what you normally do and let go!''
''Darren, I don't think that's a good idea''
''then don't think''
Considering what went down last time I 'let go'' as he was asking me to do, the last thing I wanted to do is get drunk...but that tiny voice in the back of my head was telling me to listen, I mean it couldn't get any worse than it already did once.
It took a few drinks before the alcohol took it's effect...all those bottled up emotions were finding their way to the surface, some I didn't even realize were there.
''you know what I've found out, I found out I was angry..'' being more animated than usual
''what about?''
''everything, and everyone...my mom, dad, Adam'' making yet another drink disappear as quickly as I poured it ''...speaking of, can you believe he proposed to me! like that's gonna fix anything''
''maybe that was his way of showing you he was committed...''
''that would've been one dysfunctional family, two 18 year olds stuck with an unplanned baby'' I continued, dismissing what he was trying to say ''..what's killing me the most is that I never got the chance to say goodbye to her either times, and this time she's gone for good''
It would've been my 8th shot, but Darren stopped it half way through...''you're shaking''
He placed the drink back on the table and took me in for a hug...I sat there still as he held me close to his chest, silent tears streaming down my cheeks.
''you've been a great mom'' I buried myself further into his embrace '' you need let go Sara, none of this is your fault''
He pulled away for a second '' although she had no idea who you were, she still loved you and am sure she knew you loved her''
I closed my eyes and allowed a deep breath out, I felt him left my chin and whisper '' you need to stop beating yourself over it, Sara''. He gently placed a kiss to my forehead, then moved to the corner of my eye kissing a tear away, and slowly his lips found their way to the corner of mouth.
I wasn't sure if all the fuzziness was from the alcohol or was it the anticipation of what his next move would be...he took his time with his last stop, but then pulled back.
''am sorry, I shouldn't have done that''
''don't be'' I moved in and locked my lips with his, he was taken back at first but then we both ''let go''