Oneshots

Once, Haley did not want to go to sleep. There was a knock on the door. Michael Jackson walked in. He said, "Time to go to bed, child!" Haley's parents frequently called Michael to get their child to go to bed. What usually happened was he would come over, read her a story, and tuck her in. That was the case today.

"Thank you, Mr. Jackson," they told him, "We really appreciate it."

"Well, if you ever have any trouble with that delicious daughter of yours, just call," he assured him.

"DELICIOUS!?!?!?" Haley's father demanded.

"Um, I meant vicious. You know, vicious. She gets into trouble," he lied.

"Oh, okay," Mr. Haley's daddy believed him.

And in the middle of the night, Haley awoke from her Nick Jonas-themed dream for a midnight snack. Her parents took note of this, and immediately called Michael. And just as Haley was about to put the cake in the oven, there was knock on the door. It was Michael.

"D:!" screamed Haley.
"HAI YOUUUUUUU," Michael shouted, using a weird tongue motion.

"I JUST WANTED A SNACK!!!!!!!!" she cried.

"WELL YO PARENTS WANTED ME TO COME OVER!!!! IT'S FUCKING BED TIME!!!!!"

"Okay," she sniffed.

"Now, Haley, just so you won't get up again, I brought this little boy for you. I was gonna use him, but I think you need him more than I do. I mean, I have plenty more at home, anyway," as he pulled a hysterical child out of his pocket. "Sleep tight!" Michael told Haley, before exiting the Haley household.

THE NEXT DAY.

"Did you sleep good last night?" Haley's mom asked her.

"D=" was all she could say.

"Pstt. Haley's dad," the Mother whispered to him. "I think our daughter might be using drugs. You know, that's what they say. They look messed up all the time," she told him.

"Yeah," he agreed. "Maybe Michael can get her to stop," he suggested.

There was a knock on the door, and guess who came in?Michael!

"What's for breakfast?" he sang cheerfully.

"Not little boiz!!!!!!!!!!!" Haley shouted. "Mom, dad, he's a fucking child molester!!! How could you let that man into the house!?!?!"

"HALEY MARIE!!!!!!!! DON'T YOU USE THAT LANGUAGE IN THIS HOUSE, MISSY!!!!!!!!" her dad yelled at her.

"YOUR FATHER IS RIGHT!!!!!" her mom joined in. "DO YOU WANT MICHAEL TO SET YOU STRAIGHT!?!?!?!"
Haley bursted into tears. "NOOOO!!!" she cried. "That....he's....molester....Nick Jonas...." she could not get her words out.

"GO TO YOUR ROOM, MISSY!!!!!!!!" Michael yelled.

"DON'T MAKE ME SEND THAT ROSS BOY YOU'RE ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT UP THERE!!!!" her mom threatened.

"Um, mom." she said lowly, "I think that's a good idea."

"YOU KNOW WHAT!?!? FINE!!!!! LET ME CALL HIM RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
And so Ryan Ross was sent to Haley's bed room.

(NOTE: By this point, it was a "lmaox10" moment.)

"YOU BETTER SHUT THAT DOOR!!!!!!!!!" Haley's mom yelled up to her and Mr. Viciously Sexy Ross.
"Okay!!!" Haley yelled back to her.

"DON'T YOU BE HAPPY!!!!!! TODAY IS GOING TO BE A BAD, BAD DAY, THANKS TO THAT ATTITUDE!!!!!!!!!" she let her know.
"Okay." Haley replied, trying to sound like a sad, sad little girl, as the door slammed.

"So, Ryan," Haley smiled.

"So, Haley," Ryan smiled back.
"What would you like to do?"

"Well, we could hang out in your closet," he suggested, "But the cat is in there."

Well, that kitty was not in there for long. Haley threw her out the window. "Hmmm, there does not appear to be a cat in ze closet," Haley stated the obvious.

"Well then."

"Want to hang out in the closet!?!?!?" Haley cheerfully suggested.

"YOU KNOW IT!!!" Ryan squealed.

After about half an hour, Haley's father entered the room.

"WHERE ARE YOU!?!?!?" he screamed.

"Um, we're in here, daddy," she replied nervously.

"What are you doing???" he demanded.

"I'm setting her straight, Mr. Haley's dad!" Ryan replied.

"Oh, okay, Ryan. What exactly are you doing!?!?" he asked.

"Ummm, he's yelling at me, Daddy. Really." she lied.

"That's right!!! Speak the truth, Ross!!!"

"Sir, I will do just that!!!"

And Mr. Haley's dad left the room.

"That was intense!" shouted Haley.

There was a knock on the closet door right after that.

"Ummmm...who is it???" Haley axed.

"YO BEST FRIEND!!!" a high-pitched voice squealed.

"Umm...Rachel?" she asked.

"NOPE!"

"Michelle?!?"

"Close."

"Rachelle?"

"MICHAEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he jumped around, waved his hands, fanning his faice, and screamed.

"D:!!!!!!!!!!!" Haley screamed.

"DON'T WORRY, HALEY! I'LL SAVE YOU!!!!!" Ryan assured her.
Ryan came out of the closet. He attacked Michael. He pulled his straightener out of his pocket and burned off his faice.

"AHHHH! I'M MELTING!!!!! I'M MELTING!!!!!!!!!!!" Michael cried.

Soon after, Michael melted completely. He became one with the house.

"Wow, thank you Ryan," he told him, while putting an arm around his shoulder.

"It was nothing, really," he replied.

"I don't think I knew anyone brave enough to do that."

"Hey, I would've done it for anyone."

"That was really, really sweet of you."

He blushed.

"Would you like to go somewhere later?" he suggested.

"Like where?"

"We could go to the movies, and maybe dinner after that, only if you want." he did not have much faith.

"I would very much enjoy that," Haley told him.

"Woo!" cheered Ryan. Haley laughed. "Um...I mean...that's cool," he said, trying to act smooth. He had messed that up already, though. They proceeded down the stairs.

"MOMMY!!!!! GUESS WHAT!!!!!!" Haley squealed as she walked down stairs.

"Haley. We have a very important matter to discuss with you." her father spoke seriously.

"What is it?" she was a bit worried. Did he know about "the closet incident" and didn't want her to see Ryan anymore?

"We regret to inform you that Michael is no where to be found." Her mother burst into hysterix.

"Darn." she wanted to hide her excitement.

"What!??!" her mother screamed at her. "Our best friend Michael is MIA, and all you have to say is 'darn'?!?!?!"

"Well, I guess so. I didn't really like him anyway," Haley admitted.

"Fuck you." her father said.

"No, fuck you. If that is REALLY how you feel, I'm fucking living with Ryan. I won't put up with this fucking bullshit of you being pissed off at me for hating that fucking pedophile."

"Haha, yeah!" Ryan cheered.

"Bitch, you are not living with that fucking girly-ass boy!!!" her mother was furious.

"WATCH ME!!!!!" she stomped out of the room, dragging Ryan with her.

DUN DUN DUN.

"Sooo...is this temporary?" he asked.

"SHUT UP AND HELP ME PACK!" she screamed at him.

"Okay." he replied. Ryan was scared. "Which bra would you like to pack, the flower one or the rainbow one? I say the rainbow one, it looks nice on me."

"Lol. Ryan, you're a dork. I'm sorry for yelling at you. I'm just so frustrated."

"Hey, it's okay. I understand," and he kissed her. Once she had gotten her belongings, they took off in Ryan's punchbuggy.

DUN DUN DUN AGAIN.

When they arrived at his apartment, she unpacked all of her stuff and headed back downstairs. THERE WAS A KNOCK ON THE DOOR. WHO WAS IT!?!? Twas the ghost of Michael Jackson. Haley was very pissed to see him.

"YOU STUPID GOD DAMN SON OF A BITCH. IT'S YOUR FUCKING FAULT THAT MY PARENTS DON'T LIKE ME ANYMORE!!!!!"

"Oh, they love you. They love me, too!" he was very, very excited. He's fucked, man.

"GO DIE IN A FUCKING DITCH!!!!!!!!!!!" as Kaylie ran up behind him, and began choking him. Hayley jumped down from the ceiling, got Kaylie's brass knuckles out of her ghetto jacket pocket, and started to punch him in the faice. AND THEN. Carly walked over to Michael, said, "Hai you." and got a rakkune and let the rakkune claw his faice off. Michael was never seen again. Haley and her parents apologized for all that happened, but she still lived with Ryan. Eventually, Haley and Ryan fell in love, and got married.

The end.