With Me Tonight

I don't know if Norman called or texted. I don't want to know. Either way I'll be crushed.


I had turned my phone off once Norman left, well, once I made him leave, and I've currently been sitting at home lying in bed. I shouldn't be sulking, it was unfair and bad for me, but I couldn't help but feel bad and pissed at myself.


But, there is nothing I am going to do about it. I'm going to live my life as the lonely, fucked up, anxious, scared person and move on with my life. He was just one guy. Just one guy I couldn't get attached to unless I wanted to lose him. Better to make him leave now than have him go later, right?


Maybe I'll get a dog...


I didn't realize I had been playing with the Norman Lego figure in my hand until now and I let out a sigh before slamming it back down on the bedside table. If he was just one guy why was I feeling like this?! Why did I have to go and fall for him and his stupid charm?


I groaned and got up from bed, moving into my living room to slip my running shoes on. I needed to do something to distract my mind from its sadness and constant Norman over thinking. I needed to move on with my life.


I'd finally pretty much broken out of my hangover, so now I was going to do the only thing I knew how to get my mind off things. I grabbed my headphones put them in my ear as I turned on my phone, ignoring any alerts and turning my phone on airplane mood so I wouldn't get anymore. I then started scrolling through songs in my music. I started to play some angrier songs for motivation and because well, I was angry.


I stuffed my phone in the inside of my running jacket that had handy little pockets and I made my way out the apartment building. I stretched quickly and then took off on my running adventure, letting the music take over my mind.


I ran. And I ran. And I ran.


I stopped at a few stores along the way, just looking around while I secretly head banged to the music or bought a bottle of water, i was just trying to keep myself busy. I didn't even start to head back to my apartment until I noticed that daylight was fading and it would be getting dark soon.


I sighed, I didn't want to go back. I hate being alone right now, too much time to think, but I also didn't want to be with anyone and explain what happened. I wish I could just stay out all night running around, but it wasn't safe and I'm sure Gus would kill me.


I started my jog back, noticing how far I ran out and only arriving back at the apartment building just before it was about to get completely dark. I was panting and breathing heavily, who knows how much I just ran. I was going to be sore as shit in the morning, but it would be worth it because I had escaped for a couple of hours out here.


I stretched once more, trying to make my muscles relax as much as I could before I reluctantly went inside. I pulled out my headphones and immediately turned my phone back off as I opened the door to my apartment. "BELLE!"


I nearly screamed and jumped out of my skin when I heard Gus yelling at me. Remind me why I gave him a key to my apartment? For emergencies, not to be scared out of my pants by him. "Shit, Gus! You scared the shit outta me!" I grabbed my now rapidly beating heart and walked inside, shutting the door and throwing my phone on the counter.


"Yeah and you scared the shit out of me!" He called back, but I didn't look at him, just grabbed a water bottle out of my fridge. "You dropped off the face of the world for three hours, Belle, you can't just do that."


"I just went for a run." I shrugged and took a drink of my water, sliding off my shoes.


"And you couldn't have answered you fucking phone?"


I hate when Gus gets mad at me. "The last time you disappeared like that-"


"I know, Gus, I'm sorry." I cut him off, not wanting him to bring up the few times I disappeared before because basically, all times ended badly. I went over and gave him a much needed hug. "Just had a bad day, needed some air."


He sighed and gave in, returning the hug. "I know. Norman told me, well not all of it, he was just really pissed and upset." God, sometimes it was annoying how Norman and Gus had become good pals.


"I-I had to Gus." I mumbled into his shirt.


"But, you didn't have to. Norman's a good guy and he likes you, like I've said many times before." He mumbled down to me.


I backed up from the hug and looked at him. "I had to Gus! I didn't want to, but I had to!"


"Why, Belle? Tell me why you couldn't just let yourself be happy for once?!" He threw his hands up into the air. "Why?"


I just looked at him with pleading eyes, begging him to not ask this. I didn't know why besides I was scared. I had never felt what I felt for Norman before and was out of my comfort zone. I didn't want to lose him, weather it was from him leaving me, cheating on me, death, sickness, or whatever. I couldn't take that, so I pushed him away. It's what I do best. I sighed and just took another drink of my water.


"Oh no no no, Belle. You can push other people away all you want, but you will not push me away!" He pointed a stern finger at me and walked over. "You're like my little sister and I'm not going to watch you fall back into that bad funk you were in!" Fuck, I tried not to get teary eyed. "And Norman helped you get out of that funk! What if Norman is what you need? What if he is your happiness and all that fairy tale shit?!"


"What if I'm not his happiness? And what if he dies Gus?! What If he ends up just like Cam! I can't lose anyone else!" I yelled, eyes filling with tears once again.


Gus's face softened and he took a step over to me, wrapping me in a tight hug while a few of my tears dripped onto his shirt. "Is that what this is about, Belle? Your brother?"


I didn't say anything, just gripped onto him. "Cam would want you to be happy." His voice was barely above a whisper. .


I broke away from the hug and wiped my tears that had fallen away. "It doesn't matter now. He left, so can we just watch a movie or something?"


Gus frowned at me, but nodded, knowing he wouldn't be getting anymore out of me tonight.


*


May: Missy stayed home from school today, so running is off for me. But, later wana grab some lunch?(:


Me: Yes. I need May time! Shitty day yesterday.


May: Oh no!;( Don't you fear, May is here!..... :) I'll come over at noon.


I rolled my eyes at her "catch phrase" and responded quickly before throwing my phone next to me on the couch. I had managed to ignore all my old notifications so now I was free to get annoyed by Gus and May.


They weren't actually annoying, well maybe Gus was since he turned a little over protective, not wanting me to fall in deep into my "funk" again. He was the only brother figure I had left, no I could never replace my brother and wouldn't let anyone try, but ever since Cam died and my other brother went to jail, I needed that protective and caring figure in my life just to keep me sane.


Sane? I snorted at the thought and got up, quickly going into my room and changing into my running gear. Yes, running, again. It's the only thing I knew how to do to keep my mind off things for a little while.


I slid on a new pair of harem pants and a slim running jacket, then worked my hair up into a long ponytail. Grabbing my headphones, I turned out my lights and made my way to put my shoes on. I laced them up and started playing some rock out type of music, not wanting to play sad music and get emotional in the middle of the fucking street.

I made it out of my apartment, jogging down the steps and out the door, only to stop and stretch when I got outside. Feeling a wet drop hit the back of my neck made me smile and stand up straight, looking at the sky. More rain droplets started to fall and before I knew it, it was raining. A small smile played at my lips as I stuck my arms out and closed my eyes, embracing the rain while memories flashed before my eyes. I loved the rain, loved the storms. My brother always told me when we were kids it was the world getting sad, because everyone gets sad, but then the sun comes back and makes it feel all better.

"Does the sun have a crush on the sky, Cammy?" I asked, my voice high and full of life as I laid next to my brother on our roof, watching the rain droplets fall.

"Maybe, I don't know, they like ta keep secrets." He said, causing me to giggle. "All I know is the sun is always there to be the worlds friend and make 'em feel better. Just like you and me."

"Ye my sun, Cammy?"

"Yes, and ye mine, Bee."

Fuck, getting emotional over here. I quickly snapped out of the memory of my childhood and took off running down the street, letting the rain hit my face, not caring at all. I hid my hands up in my sleeve so they are covered more because they are starting to get more and more cold from the rain.

It was refreshing, feeling the cool rain on mine skin, clearing my head. I had ran all the way down to my store and decided to peak in to see how our new employees were doing. We had finally got around to hire and promote some more, so Gus could focus more on his wedding stuff and I can not be so stressed out. I was so glad it was working out. "Hey, Pete," I called as I walked in, pausing my music. Pete was an older employee of ours and also trying to pay for college, so we promoted him big time, which caused us to receive endless thank yous from him. It felt good making someone randomly feel better sometimes.

"Hey Boss! Whats up?" Pete was always super cheery, obviously a morning person.

"Just thought I'd stop by. I was on a run, but I guess I also have no life other than my store," he laughed and rolled his eyes at me.

"You went on a run in that rain? You're crazy. But, it's all good here, plus, I even think Xavier is taking a liking to me! Not that stupid turtle though, he's mean," he mumbled the last part, making me laugh a little.

"Yeah, Tippy's an asshole."

I helped him figure out his schedule for next week real quick, grabbed a drink of water, and then was out the door again, waving to him quickly before I turned my music back on and turned out the door, only to run into a big solid mass. "Oh fuck, sorry!" I babbled out, regaining my balancing and backing up.

"It's not a problem, Belle,"

I froze. That familiar venomous voice struck a cord deep inside me. I took another step back and slowly looked up. "Eric." Anger and hurt filled me up, why the fuck was he here?! Before I could shout at him he cut me off.

"Hey Belle, good to see you," he smirked a little, knowing it would put me on edge.

"What the fuck are you doing here?!" I snapped, not even hearing the music in my ears anymore, just his voice that I never wanted to hear again in my life and the sound of rain drenching me even more.

"Just going to visit Amy," he smirked yet again. Amy. A.K.A the girl he cheated on me with. A.K.A bitch. It took every fiber in my being not to pounce on him or punch that smirk off his face.

"That's fucking great, now get the hell away from me," I shoved past him and started to jog off again, feeling my self trying not to hyperventilate. I had only gotten down past a few stores when I heard him call after me, then grabbed my arm, causing me to turn and face him, stopping in front of the Starbucks here. "Belle!"

"WHAT?! What the fuck could you possibly want?!" I yelled over the rain, a surge of anger and other mixed emotions running up my veins. Norman still popping up in the back of my head.

"I miss you, Belle. Maybe we could get some coffee?" He tried to give me a charming persuasive voice, but all it sounded like to me was lies and venom. More anger coursed through me.

"No fucking way! You disgusting cheating prick!" I called out over the rain, watching his dripping face change. I tried ripping my arm away from his grip, but he just held on tighter.

"What the hell is your problem?!" His voice was angry and it reminded me of the day I caught him having sex with my employee (Amy) and when I beat the bitch out of her.. He had asked me that same question.

"MY PROBLEM?! I told you I never wanted to see you again and I meant it!" He just looked at me with those angry eyes that chilled my bones along with the cold rain dripping of my face and hair. He gripped onto me tighter. "LET GO OF ME!" I screamed in full blown anger and pain and tried yanking my arm away while shoving at his chest with my opposite hand. I struggled more and more, until a voice came to my rescue, but it was all too familiar for me to feel comfort. "Belle?!" The voice called out over the rain from the doorway of the coffee shop. Fuck fuck fuck this was not happening. "Mingus, go sit down and wait inside!" He said.

I struggled more to get away, not wanting to confront Norman at all right now. "What the fuck are you doing?! Let her go!"

Eric must have seen the rage on Norman's face and didn't want to get involved, so he let go of me with a shove and I stumbled back. I was now hyperventilating, on the verge of an anxiety attack. Norman was now over by me and helping me get steady, his eyes were still glowing with anger, probably at Eric and me, but his face softened at my expression. "Belle!" He called over the down pour. I noticed Eric was no longer around and that pussy probably ran off somewhere.

I couldn't deal with this right now. I couldn't deal with looking at the man I've completely fallen for, especially right after that confrontation with Eric. I shrugged his hands off me and frantically pushed away from him, backing up. "Don't." I mumbled.

"Belle, what the hell?!" His face was creased with anger and worry, but I had to get out of here.

"Don't! Don't touch me." I backed up again. His touch was electric and just reminded me what I was feeling. "I have to go." And with that I turned around, running back to my apartment, not sure if it was rain or tears falling down my face at the moment when I ignored Norman's calls.

When I made it back to my apartm
ent I bust open the building door and went straight up for Gus's room, hyperventilating and shaking from either the coldness or emotions. I pounded on his door repeatedly, feeling my soaked self dripping from the rain. I heard him shout at whoever was at the door to chill as he made his way over, but god I couldn't chill. I was freaking out.

He opened the door and his face completely changed when seeing my appearance. "Belle? Shit. What happened?!" This wasn't the first time I've had one of my anxiety attacks every since I lost Cam. Since I lost my sun.

I couldn't hold back the sobs anymore and I fell down onto my knees, wheezing and shaking from my tears. Tears for Cam, tears for my family, tears for making Norman leave the other day, angry tears for Eric, tears for what just happened with Eric, tears for seeing Norman, and tears for how angry I was at myself.

Gus crouched down on his knees with me and put a hand on my back, rubbing it and not hugging me so I can breathe. "Vic, get me a glass of water!" He called over behind him. My stomach and chest hurt and felt like they were caving in, but I can get through this, I have before.

Gus's hand left my back for a second, but then it came back and he applied pressure. "Belle, breathe. I've got some water," he lifted my face up and used the motion signaling for me to take deep breaths. I followed his movements, letting him guide me and I tried to catch my breath, earning occasional shaky one from my sobs. "Good. Now, here." He handed me a glass of water and helped me bring it to my mouth, noticing my hands were too shaky.

After taking a sip and feeling my self start to relax, I took a few more long breaths and Gus helped me stand. "You're not going to be alone right now," he said, dragging me inside, mouthing something to someone behind me. I turned around as we walking inside, barely catching a glimpse of those ray bands before Gus shut the door. I shook it off as we passed a very worried looking Veronica, and then onto his couch. "Jesus, you're freezing, Belle," he mumbled when he felt my cold hands. He quickly went to grab a blanket while I plopped on the couch and looked down at my hands. Gus unwrapped the blanket and threw it on me.

I quickly reacted and snuggled into it, inviting the warmth while Gus sat down next to me. "Well, good morning."

I gave him a weak laugh which he returned with a sheepish smile. "Sorry if I woke you," I mumbled and took the glass of water from him again, downing the rest.

"Don't be. M'glad you came to me this time."

I nodded to him and ran my finger around the top ring of the glass. "You don't have to talk about it right now, but yo-"

"I saw Eric." I cut him off. "And Norman was there and-and... Ug," I groaned and bowed my head down.

"Belle, your life could be a movie, I swear," Gus said as he gave me a quick hug. "What are your plans for today?"

"Shit," I pulled out my phone and saw it was 11:30, so I let out a breath of relief. "I'm having lunch with May at noon."

He nodded. "Good. Will you be okay until then or do you want to stay here?" His protectiveness was spewing out of his eyes, making me chuckle.

"Yeah, I'll be okay. Gotta shower and change. Thanks." I hugged him once more quickly before I said my goodbyes to him and Victoria, then made my way to my apartment. No one was out in the hallways as I made my way down to my apartment, luckily. As soon as I got inside I turned on my music as loud as it could go to try and drown out my thoughts, hoping I would remain calm again. I didn't want to think about what just happened.

I stripped off my soaking clothes and just threw them into the sink, not wanting to soak everything in my hamper. I stepped into the shower, making sure it was hot enough so that it was steaming up my bathroom. I showered quickly and got out before my skin started to burn from the hotness of the water.

I changed into a comfy pair of jeans and a sweater, wanting to stay warm, hoping I wouldn't catch a cold from the rain. As if on perfect timing, right after I finished swallowing an iburprofen, not risking getting sick or sore, I heard May knock on my door. I shut off the lights to my room and hurried over, ringing out the water in my hair. I opened it up and greeted May with a hug, then crouched down to Missy's height. "Hey princess." I gave her a quick hug and playfully tugged on her pigtails like I was milking a cow, causing her to giggle. I sighed at her innocent and youth, then stood back up.

"So, what's for lunch? I'm down for anything." May asked while I slipped on my boots and laced them up.

"I'm up for anything, also. What do you think, Missy?" I looked down at Missy as I slid my jacket on.

"I want nuggets," she said cheerily.

"McDonald's it is then!" I laughed and Missy cheered in joy as we left my apartment and started walking out the building.

"Lunch of champions," May teased as we got up to her car, driving because it was still raining out. May buckled up Missy in her car seat and I hopped into the passenger seat right before May came in and drove off. I pulled out my phone and quickly texted Gus to let him no whats up and make sure he doesn't worry.

Me: Going out for lunch now with May and Miss, be back soon.

After getting his reply, I pocketed my phone and sighed while I leaning my head against the seat.

May, Missy, and I had spent some quality girl time at McDonald's and I was glad I didn't feel utterly alone. Missy went off to play on the play structure and while we watched her, I filled May in on the past few days as best as I could without getting upset. Her reaction to Eric was golden, knowing he was an asshole and already hating him. She did give me advice and the "girl talk" was great, but by the time I got back home I was exhausted.

As I leaned against the door inside my apartment, I realized something. Everything Gus and May have been saying have been right, Norman is what I needed and there was no reason to be afraid of love. Norman was my sun.