Status: Complete
I Can Feel You in My Bones
Eleven
I allow us to kiss for a few seconds before my brain kicks into gear.
I shrug TJ from me, pushing him a few inches back. I keep my hand on his chest to keep him at arm’s length from me.
“What are you doing?” He’s doing it again. One second it’ll be like this, then he’ll close up, go cold, possibly yell at me, and then leave. We’ve been here before. “I can’t do this again, Teej. I really like you.”
I drop my hand and TJ takes another step back, respectfully.
“See, this is what I get for being a dick to you the whole time,” he says with a laugh that is almost angry. I seriously hope he’s not angry with me again.
“I can’t do it again. I’m sick of losing you.” I’m not sure if I’m explaining myself right but I give it a shot anyway.
TJ sighs and seems to calm down.
“You’re not angry at me, are you?” I ask softly, not quite able to make eye contact with him.
“No. What? No.” He shakes his head insistently. “Angry at me maybe, but not you.”
“What is going on with us?”
TJ sighs. “I don’t know, Ivy.”
I cautiously lift my head to meet his eyes.
The eye contact only lasts a few moments because before I know it we’re kissing again. TJ’s hands slide around my waist, pulling me in close to him. This time I don’t have it in me to stop it, I just hope that I won’t regret it.
It’s TJ who stops first, but he doesn’t let go of me. He keeps me in his arms, close to him.
“I’m sorry for being such an asshole, I really am,” he tells me softly.
I shift so that I am hugging his waist. “We’ve been over this. It’s okay.”
“I know, but I really mean it. You didn’t deserve any of that; I was trying to push you away so I wouldn’t have to admit that I have feeling for you. I’m not doing that anymore. I’m admitting it; every time see you I want to hold onto you and never let go.”
I don’t quite know how to respond to any of that without making it weird.
“Okay,” I whisper softly. TJ tightens his arms around me.
For the first time in months I feel totally at ease.
I shrug TJ from me, pushing him a few inches back. I keep my hand on his chest to keep him at arm’s length from me.
“What are you doing?” He’s doing it again. One second it’ll be like this, then he’ll close up, go cold, possibly yell at me, and then leave. We’ve been here before. “I can’t do this again, Teej. I really like you.”
I drop my hand and TJ takes another step back, respectfully.
“See, this is what I get for being a dick to you the whole time,” he says with a laugh that is almost angry. I seriously hope he’s not angry with me again.
“I can’t do it again. I’m sick of losing you.” I’m not sure if I’m explaining myself right but I give it a shot anyway.
TJ sighs and seems to calm down.
“You’re not angry at me, are you?” I ask softly, not quite able to make eye contact with him.
“No. What? No.” He shakes his head insistently. “Angry at me maybe, but not you.”
“What is going on with us?”
TJ sighs. “I don’t know, Ivy.”
I cautiously lift my head to meet his eyes.
The eye contact only lasts a few moments because before I know it we’re kissing again. TJ’s hands slide around my waist, pulling me in close to him. This time I don’t have it in me to stop it, I just hope that I won’t regret it.
It’s TJ who stops first, but he doesn’t let go of me. He keeps me in his arms, close to him.
“I’m sorry for being such an asshole, I really am,” he tells me softly.
I shift so that I am hugging his waist. “We’ve been over this. It’s okay.”
“I know, but I really mean it. You didn’t deserve any of that; I was trying to push you away so I wouldn’t have to admit that I have feeling for you. I’m not doing that anymore. I’m admitting it; every time see you I want to hold onto you and never let go.”
I don’t quite know how to respond to any of that without making it weird.
“Okay,” I whisper softly. TJ tightens his arms around me.
For the first time in months I feel totally at ease.