We're Young and in Love

Something's They Never Change.

Oli's P.O.V

I was woken by the bed shifting and little soft cooing noises which I knew were coming from my daughter. I continue to lay there with my eyes close for a few more minutes, I wasn’t ready to get up yet and I was enjoying listening to Josh whisper little things to our daughter.

“Daddy O is still asleep, so we have to be quiet ok?” he whispers.
Daddy O? Now that’s new. I tried so hard to keep myself from smiling at that, I didn’t want Josh to know I was awake, hearing him talk cute little things to her made my heart melt. His voice was so soft, so sweet, he made sure his voice wasn’t too loud or stern, it was perfect. It was so beautiful and peaceful, every way a father should talk to their child…I could honestly listen to him talk to her forever.

I hear him sigh.
“I knew he wouldn’t be able to resist you, just one look at your pretty little face and you had your daddy hooked. You might have to be a little patient with him though, he’s abit nervous but I know he loves you very much already, you’re his little princess after all.”

His words made me want to smile but at the same time I also wanted to cry. He was letting her know how I felt… he knew how terrified I was about letting her in but yet he told her not to worry because he already knew how much I love her to pieces. And even though she’s only a baby and doesn’t understand a single word Josh is saying to her, just the thought was so heart warming that he was still protecting me and felt the need to explain me to our little girl… man, my husband was just far too good to be true.

I couldn’t pretend to be asleep any longer, I just wanted to cover my husband and daughter in lots of heart felt kisses and tell them how happy I am and that they’re the best things in my life, so I finally flutter open my eyes.
Josh was sitting up in bed, his back against the headboard with Hannah resting in his lap while he was feeding her.
I smile lightly at the sight, I could defiantly get used to waking up to my husband and daughter at my bed side every morning.
I remain in the same position with my head buried in the pillow, sneakily peeking over my arm to stare up at my beautiful husband.
Morning Josh was actually my favourite, his short messy curls which lay flat over his head, sleep still lingered his tired blue eyes, his morning voice sounding husky like, his familiar loving scent over powered the bed making it so comforting to wake up to, his beard were getting long, he needed a trim but I know he would moan if I say anything to him about it like he does every morning. I couldn’t help but chuckle to myself.

Josh’s eyes soon meet mine and notice that I’m awake.
“Sorry, did we wake you?” he says, sending me an apologetic smile.
I shake my head, as I turn to lie on my back and begin stretching out my tired limbs as well as yawning.
“How long has she been up?”
“Not long, to be honest I just wanted a cuddle.” He says smiling down at her.

I grin as I couldn’t help but love the way he admires her so much already.
I sit up slightly, snuggling closer into Josh’s side and gently brush a finger along Hannah’s rosy cheek as a warm hello, she flutters her eyes towards me for a couple of seconds before turning back to continue staring up at Josh with those big pixie eyes of hers. I secretly wanted a cuddle from her too but I didn’t want to disturb her while she was being fed and already settled in Josh’s lap.
Man, she was so breath taking; I couldn’t take my eyes off her, I can’t believe how lucky we are to be blessed with such a perfect little human being.

I bury my face into Josh’s arm and place a kiss or two on his soft skin, he didn’t seem to mind.
It felt good waking up next to him again, I’ve been sleeping on that god for saken sofa all week and even though it’s a comfy sofa, nothing beats sleeping in my own bed with my husband beside me.
After I came home from work yesterday and I met Hannah, everything just got so emotional, we were both so overwhelm by meeting our little girl that we didn’t actually get the chance to talk properly and discuss everything what’s happened in the past week. I feel so awful, knowing I left Josh completely own his own to deal with this, he’s my husband and we should have done this together but I did what I always do and took the cowards way out and avoided him.

I rest my head against his arm and stare down at Hannah, focusing all my attention on her as I felt nervous to talk to Josh.
“I’m so sorry for everything; I’ve acted like a right prick… I shouldn’t have shut you out.”
“It’s okay.” He whispers.
“No it’s not love.” I look up at him and sit up properly, feeling slightly annoyed that he’s going to forgive me so easily for acting like a complete utter dick. I didn’t deserve it.
“I’ve should have spoken to you and told you how I really felt, instead of leaving you to go through this completely on your own and making you believe that we were falling apart…”
My voice lowered slightly at the end of that sentence and I saw Josh’s expression sadden. I knew he felt like we were falling apart as well but he kept it to himself and just forced to deal with it like always.
“I’m just glad you’re here now.” He says, intertwining his fingers in with mine and kissing the back of my hand.
“I will never break my promise to you… I’m never going to leave you again… not ever.” We’ve come too far in the last eight years to let us fall apart now and I wasn’t going to break my promise to him either.
“I know.”
“How could I? Not with this beautiful little pixie girl we have now.” I smile down at Hannah.
“Pixie?” Josh raises an eyebrow at me.
“Don’t you think she looks like some sort of pixie? With those big eyes and that cute flicky hair?”
“She does a little bit now you’ve pointed it out.” Josh chuckles.
“I kinda thought she looked like Snow White, with her pale skin and rosy cheeks.”
“Aww she does.” I smile as I notice the resemblance.

Josh finishes feeding Hannah and puts her bottle down on the bed side table before he starts rubbing her back softly.
“I was wondering… What made you change your mind?”
I look at up at Josh again, not really expecting him to ask me that.
“Tom.” I sigh.
“I’ve should have asked him to talk some sense into you in the first place.”
“He thinks I’m gonna be amazing at this whole father thing, just like you think so.” I say, not feeling too confident about it.
“You are baby, I promise you.” Josh assures me, feeling him kiss the top of my head.

“I really do love you.” I lean up on my arm and reach to kiss Josh softly. It’s been absolute torture not feeling his lips against mine these last few days.
“I’ve missed hearing you say that… I love you too.” He kisses back.
I could sense how much the past week has really affected us by that one kiss. But no matter how bad the fall outs are, the make ups are always worth it and let’s just say if Hannah wasn’t in the room right now, things would have gone a lot differently if you know what I mean...

We turn away from each other and look down at our daughter still currently lying in Josh’s lap and begin making stupid faces at her in best attempts at making her laugh. She smiles at us once or twice but she stays quiet and seems to shy away from us, Josh obviously notices.
“Maybe she should sleep in here tonight with us.”
“How comes?” I ask, curiously.
“I just felt a little nervous about her being in that room on her own, maybe she should share with us until she settles in and gets used to us.”
“Whatever you think is best love.”
“I want her to feel comfortable with us and know we’re her daddy’s.”
I couldn’t help but smile when he called us her daddy’s, it was beyond cute and it made me have this warm feeling inside.

We stayed in bed for the next hour just talking and playing around with our beautiful daughter, who still remained in Josh’s lap.
“Maybe we should get out of bed and get dressed, we have a busy day ahead of us.”
Josh picks up Hannah and lifts her up in the air with the biggest smile on his face, making sure Hannah wouldn’t panic by being lifted in the air.
“Grandma and Granddad are so excited to meet their beautiful little granddaughter.” He says in a baby voice to her.
“Grandma has gone all out for this baby shower this afternoon.”
“You don’t think it’s too soon? Like you said, she’s a little shy, maybe we should wait until she’s more settled before we introduce her to everyone.” I really just wanted to spend the rest of the day in bed with just the three of us to be honest.
“You wanna say that to my mum?”
“Okay, maybe not.”
Josh’s just smirks at my reaction.
“We’ve been planning it for weeks, she’ll be heart broken if we cancel on her last minute.”
“I know, I just don’t wanna upset Hannah, too many faces might scare her, you know?”
“I know what you mean, but we’ll make sure she’s with both of us the whole day and if things get too much we’ll come back home okay?”
“Okay.” I sigh in defeat, I didn’t want to argue but I was still a little nervous about so many people meeting her so soon, but I know I’ll be a dead man with Josh’s mum if I stop today from happening, so I guess I better just go with it.

~~~

When we arrived at Josh’s parents house everyone we knew were pretty much there already before us. Tom still lived with Josh’s parents so I knew he would already be there, Vic was here of course, like he would miss the opportunity to meet mine and Josh’s daughter… He was here with Jaime though which surprised me actually, the two have been on and off together for the last five years I can hardly keep up, Josh always fills me in on the gossip what’s going on between them but I don’t really pay much attention to be honest, as long as he’s not hitting on Josh that’s all I care about.
My two good friends Matt and Lee from my old job were here, a lot of my work colleagues from Drop Dead were also here, even Mike, Kellin and Dan showed up, along side a few other close friends and family.

The living and dinning area was decorated from carpet to ceiling. There were loads of pink balloons, banners, buntings, and all the girlie decorations you can think of filled the entire room, Josh’s mum even made the cutest pink cupcakes and cookies shaped in bottles and little baby feet, not to mention the massive mountain of presents piled up in the corner of the room from all our guests. Wow, I didn’t realise how excited everyone was to meet Hannah, it was great to know everyone cared so much but I was still feeling nervous about everyone meeting her.

Josh’s mum and dad had their time holding Hannah and they basically cried the whole time they were holding her, they kept saying how adorable she was and how happy their were to have such a wonderful granddaughter. Hannah was then passed over to Tom who was beyond excited to hold her but I could sense that it was all just getting too much for her. She didn’t know these people, she hardly knew me and Josh and within the ten seconds in being in my brother arms, I see Hannah’s face fall, her bottom lip quivers and she begins whimpering and then all of a sudden, she just burst into tears and it was the most heartbreaking sound I have ever heard.
Tom’s face fills with panic and when I was just about to step forward and take my scared little girl from my brother, Vic beats me to it and takes her from him.

“Here let me hold her, I’ll stop her from crying.” He says, taking her from my brother’s arms.
I watch him closely while he holds my daughter, he rocks her gently back and forth in his arms and she soon quiets down. Okay, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t incredibly jealous at the fact not only did Vic hold her when I wanted to but he also manage to stop my baby girl from crying so easily, it should have been me to have done that, not him.
“Wow, you’re a natural Vic.” I hear Tom say, making him smiling smugly.
Natural? I’d say he was just lucky.
Josh was standing beside Vic making sure Hannah was comfortable being in Vic’s arms and reassuring that she was safe.
“Maybe you and Jaime should think about having a kid next.” Josh winks, nudging him gently in the arm.
“I don’t think so.” Vic says, pulling a face.
“Why not? Look how good you are with Hannah already, I think you’ll be a perfect dad.” I watch Vic give Josh the biggest smile and I couldn’t help but hate how cosy the two of them looked together with my daughter. I look around the room to see what Jaime thinks of all this, only to find him across the living room, in deep conversation with Kellin and Mike to even realise how cosy his so call boyfriend was being with my husband and daughter. I bite my tongue though, I didn’t want to say anything which would cause a scene and I really didn’t want to bring up the past… the past was the past and we made a promise to get along for Josh’s sake, but at times like these it was really hard to even tolerate Vic.

“You already love your uncle Vic don’t you? You remember I gave you lots of nice cuddles yesterday when you were crying.” I hear Vic say to Hannah which makes her smile and I feel my face drop and my whole body tense.
He did not just say what I think he just said… did he?

My eyes shoot to Josh’s and the guilt across his face says it all, confirming what really happened yesterday when he went to the adoption agency.
How fucking dare he take Vic with him!
I could feel the rage and hurt building up inside me and I couldn’t stand there for another moment because I knew I would just burst and all hell would break loose.
I just shake my head at Josh in disgust and just storm off into the empty kitchen hearing Josh follow not far behind me.

And I don’t know what came over me but I just snapped.
“I should have known you would have turned to him!” I turn and snap at Josh, making him jump back slightly.
“Oli I’m sorry, I didn’t wan-“
“I’ve held her once, one time Josh! And you’re already letting him brag about that he’s held her before me!”
“I’m sorry.” he says hanging his head and biting his lip.
“Why didn’t you tell me he was with you?”
“I don’t know… I was all over the place yesterday, I needed you but you didn’t want me…”
“You should have tried to talk to me.”
“I did! But you just pushed me away like always!”
“You should have tried harder!” I yell, my voice getting louder, I couldn't stop myself I was just so angry.
“I did try! But I guess some things never change…”
“What’s that suppose to mean?!” I frown, but Josh just looks away avoiding the question.
“You knew this would hurt me Josh, how could you take him with you instead of me?”
“You didn’t want to know… He was all I had.”
“And like always, Fuentes is there to save the day.” I say sarcastically and I’m greeted with a death stare from Josh.

I didn’t really care that Vic was there for Josh, he always is, that’s nothing new. I was more hurt over the fact that he held my own daughter before I did… and that fucking hurt, I hated that! She’s mine not his, he can have his way with Josh but not with my daughter, no way, that’s a whole different story.

“What’s the problem Sykes?”
I turn around and see Vic standing in the doorway, his shoulder leaning against the frame, arms crossed to his chest with a stupid smug look on his face and I really just wanted to punch him in the face.
The anger I felt boiling up inside me was completely new, I’ve never felt so angry and protected over something so much before in my life… something just snapped, something inside of me, I was feeling so many different things right now, hurt, anger, sadness, confusion, jealousy, the list just went on and on and I felt myself get to boiling point and I just exploded on Vic.

“She's my daughter Vic, not yours!” I scream.
“Oh really? Cos you didn’t seem to care about her yesterday.” he says, walking further into the kitchen towards me.
“How fucking dare you!” I growl, he just crossed the fucking line, how dare he say that to me, he has no fucking clue! I turn to Josh to confront him, I knew he must have told Vic everything about the last week of us not talking.
“What the fuck did you tell him Josh?!” Josh’s eyes widen and he stutters at my sudden out burst.
“I-I…” he trembles.
Before he could even answer me I turn back and snap at Vic again.
“I brought you back into our lives, don’t you fucking forget that Fuentes!” I scream, pointing my finger at Vic but he just snorts and begins to walk towards me to we're literally in each others faces.
“Like I needed you to bring me back into your life, Josh would have eventually.”
“Vic.” I hear Josh warn him and Vic shuts up. The two of them were pathetic together, I hated their petty close relationship and I only put up with it because I love Josh and knew how much Vic meant to him, but I don’t know if I can put up with it anymore, if Vic’s trying to win my daughter over me then I don’t want him having anything to do with my family at all.

I see Jaime appear in the doorway looking confuse at all the commotion happening between us and I just wanted to get my own back at Vic, I wonder if Jaime knew what his boyfriend been up to lately? I knew he wasn't really knee on Vic spending so much time with Josh, especially when its obvious that Vic doesn't feel the same way for Jaime like he does with Josh.

“Does Jaime know where you were yesterday?”
“Go ahead and tell him, see if I care.” He shrugs.
“Oh wow, that’s nice to know Vic.” Jaime says, and I see the shock on Vic’s face as he turns round to see Jaime standing behind him. I couldn’t help but smile knowing he would be in the dog house with Jaime now.
“Jaime, I didn’t mean that.”
“Sounded like you meant it.” Jaime says, looking hurt and backing away from Vic when he reaches out to him. Jaime shakes his head and leaves the kitchen, obviously not wanting to have anything to do with Vic and I don't blame him, he needed a taste of his own medicine.
“You bastard, you knew he was standing behind me!” Vic yells, turning back round at me.
“I thought you didn’t care?” I smile, raising an eyebrow at him and Vic looks at me like he really wanted to rip my throat out and I couldn’t help but feel so smug.
“What the fuck is your problem?” he snarls.
“Stop trying to snake your way into my family!”
“Oh please, what did you expect? I was just being more of a man and a better father to your daughter than you was.”
I gasp.
“Vic!” Josh screams.
I just stand there completely in shock; it took a couple of seconds to let the words sink.
I feel my anger disappear and everything in my body was replaced with nothing but hurt and all my feelings inside had become so overwhelming it felt like I was going to burst.
I already knew I was a good for nothing, I didn’t need Vic to tell me that, I knew I was worthless, my father made sure I felt like that everyday for eleven years. Josh was the only person who thought differently and I tried so hard over the last eight years to think differently too and I actually found a place in my head where I was happy.
But deep down, I still knew I was no good, Josh and Tom were the only ones I felt worth living for and I knew even that wasn’t enough sometimes.

I felt the tears enter my eyes and I feel the anger flood through me again and I realise I’m stood shaking with my hands balls up into fists, glaring straight at Vic.
When I was just about to lash out at Vic again, Josh’s mum enters the kitchen distracting us all and putting us all in our place.

“I hate to break up this little out burst of yours but today isn’t about any of you! It’s about that poor little girl who’s out there with a bunch of strangers crying her eyes out, what sort of welcoming do you think this is? she hardly knows a single familiar face and your all in here fighting over god knows what yet again, when that poor child needs you!” she yells at us, making us all duck our heads down in shame and making us feel incredibly guilty for ruining the day.

I was still so livid and I just wanted to leave out the back door and leave them all to squirm in the situation, but I hear the heartbreaking cries from my daughter which stops me from doing so and I run out of the kitchen pushing past Josh on my way, and everyone in the living room goes silent and stares at me. I didn’t pay any attention to anyone else in the room, I just grab my precious little girl out of my brothers arms and hold her to my chest and try my best to calm her down.

“Shhh, its okay Pixie daddy’s got you, daddy won’t let anything happen to you, I promise.” I say in the most soothing voice possible, kissing her forehead as I begin rocking her in my arms. Her whimpering quiets down slightly but I can’t help but feel this whole day was a mistake, I knew this would be too much for her.
“I knew it was too soon.” I scowl at Josh whos standing only a few feet away with tears in his eyes. I knew this would happen but he didn’t want to listen to me, so now he can suffer on his own, I refuse to give him any sympathy.

Hannah didn’t leave my arms for the rest of the afternoon, nor did I say a single word to Josh. He needed to know what he did by taking Vic to the adoption agency was wrong and the fact that he didn’t even tell me hurt me more, I thought we were past keeping things from each other?

And as for what Vic said earlier… I do care about Hannah, how can I not, she’s fucking perfect! I look down at my little girl with tear filled eyes, her head was resting against my shoulder as she lets out little tired sobs.
She means the absolute world to me, I know it’s only been a day but I love her to fucking pieces, no words can describe how I feel about this tiny human being. I know I’m no good at anything but when I look at her I know I have to do my best to change… I won’t relive and make the same mistakes as my parents did, I will do the best I can for her sake!
I will step up and be a man and I will be the one she can rely on, I will never let her down, I will learn how to love and care unlike my parents.

~~~

We arrive back home around five o’clock and I still hadn’t said a word to Josh nor did Hannah leave my arms. She was fussing a lot and letting out little whimpers, which I could only assume was because she was tired.
I was stood in the kitchen making Hannah’s bottle which Josh’s mum had shown me how to do earlier, I was preparing her for bed and hoping I wouldn’t be disturb but of course my husband couldn’t just leave us be.

“Oli…” he whispers.
“Lets get one thing clear Josh, we are never going to argue or fight or raise our voices in front of her, not ever. She will not be brought up in any sort of way I was, you got that?” I say turning round to Josh being completely bitter towards him.
“Of course, I don’t want that for her.”
“Good.”
“Please Oli, can I hold her now?” he says, holding his arms out to take her from me but I take no notice of him.
“And I would appreciate it if you ask if I’m okay with Vic being around our daughter.”
He drops his arms and frowns at me.
“Why wouldn’t you be? He’s my best friend, you knew he would automatically be apart of her life.”
“Because he’s acting like he’s her father when he isn’t! She’s mine! She's mine Josh, not his…” my voice started to crack slightly at the end. I hated Vic trying to get between us yet again and worse, trying to take over my role as being Hannah’s father.
“She’s ours.” Josh corrected.
“Well make sure he knows that!” I raise me voice by accident causing Hannah to let out a loud cry.
“Oli, shh calm down, you’re scaring her.”
“I’m sorry sweetheart, I didn’t mean to scare you.” I say kissing her head and rocking her gently in my arms again, I never want to scare her, I want to be the one she can turn to when she is scared. Fuck, what’s happening to me, I’m just fucking up everything!
“Please Oli, you’ve held her all afternoon, I really want to hold her now.” Josh begs, and even though I was still really pissed off at him, I sigh giving in and handing Hannah over to him.
“Go get her ready for bed, I’m gonna set up the fold up cot in our room.”
He nods taking the bottle from me and walking upstairs to get her dressed for bed. Why do I feel like this is going to be a long night?