Life Without the One I Love

In a matter of a few hours my life had changed completely, from having dinner with my wife to laying in hospital with what felt like nothing left. I had my daughter but I didn't my Maria. She was gone and I was never going to be able to tell her I loved her again.

“Zheyna,” a soft voice drained into my ears.
I groaned in protest not wanting to be woken up right now.
“Zheyna, open your eyes, breakfast is here.”

I reluctantly opened my eyes to see Ksenia sitting on the edge of my bed. I was disappointed because I guess a part of me hoped that it was Maria instead, even though I knew it wasn't possible.

“I don't want to eat,” I shook my head and closed my eyes again.
“No Zhenya, come on, wake up,” she ran her hand through my hair and I felt like a six year old with the flu with the way she was mothering me, “come on.”

“I am not hungry,” I forced my eyes open.
“Well I am sorry sweetheart but I promised the nurses I would get you to eat, now sit up.”
I sighed and shuffled trying to pull myself up while Ksenia moved the pillows around to help me.
“There you, just rest back.”

I winced when I tried to reach for my glass of water, the pain medication from the night before having worn off I felt every movement of the broken bones.
“Take it easy,” Ksenia pushed my hand back down into my lap before grabbing the glass for me, “here.”

I was feeling rather useless as she butter the toast for me while I stared at it like it was evil. There was no way I was eating it but I knew Ksenia and if the nurses wanted me to eat there would be no way she would be leaving until I did.

“Where's Kieta?” I asked as I took a bite out of the soggy toast remembering I feel asleep with her in my arms but didn't recall her going anywhere.
“Sergei took her out to the cafe with the girls for some breakfast.”
“Is she ok?”
“She's a little quiet but otherwise she's ok for now.”
“Good, I worry,” I admitted putting my toast down suddenly not feeling all that hungry.
“She'll be ok and you may not think it now but one day you will be able to smile again,” she lent forward and kissed my forehead just the way my mother did making me feel a safe for just a few seconds.

I heard laughter coming down the hallway and I knew that little chuckle anywhere.
“Daddy!” Kieta smiled as she ran to my bedside and climbed up to sit with me.
“Morning sweetie,” I dropped a kiss to her forehead, “how you sleep?”
“Ok, Uncle Sergei get me waffles for breakfast.”
“Got Kieta,” Ksenia corrected running her hand through her hair, “Uncle Sergei got you waffles.”
Kieta didn't seemed fussed though, the point that her waffle fix had been fulfilled by Uncle Sergei got across and that's all she cared about. I would probably kick myself later when she was a bit older and would say things that didn't make complete sense but for now it was cute and she could get away with it.

“Where's daddy's waffles?” I ignored the ache in my side as I pulled her into my lap where I knew she would be most happy.
“I don't know,” she shrugged.
“We got you biscuits instead,” Natalie stepped forward and handed over a white paper bag.
“I helped pick them,” Victoria beamed as she bounced on her toes.
“Thank you,” I accepted the bag and put it on the table in front of me, “Well do I get a hug?” I put my arm out for Natalie as she stepped back seeming rather nervous.

She rushed into my arms and practically threw herself at me as she broke down in tears.
“Natalie,” I looked to Ksenia to take Kieta from me so I could pay her some attention.
“Why you cry?”
“When dad told me about the crash and that Auntie Maria had died I thought you were going to die too.”
“No, no sweetheart, I am ok, just a little sore,” I tucked her head into the crook of my neck and just held her while she cried.

This little girl had been my rock, my good luck charm all throughout my rookie season. She teased me about my lack of English, she was brutally honest and took every chance she got to get me one and even though she was older now she was still that same little girl from all those years ago and I loved her all the same.
“I am ok Natalie, I am not going anywhere.”
“You promise?” she looked up at me through tear stained eyes.
“Yes, I promise,” I ran my hand up and down her back and let her rest on me for a while longer.

“Come on girls, I think it's time we left and let Uncle Evgeni get some rest,” Sergei picked Victoria up and put her on his shoulder's.
“Do I get to stay?” Kieta looked at me hopefully.
“Yes, you can stay with me,” I grabbed her and pulled her back into my side.

I was kind of glad to have an empty room again, just me and my little girl snacking on biscuits while we watched mid morning cartoons. If there was one thing I knew now it was too make the most of what you have got before it is gone because one day when Kieta was older she wasn't going to want to do this with me anymore so for now I was going to hold onto her and never let her go.