Life Without the One I Love

“Uncle Sid,” Keita scrambled from my lap to jump into the captains arms.
“Hey Princess, how are you?”
“I am good,” she beamed and wrapped her arms around his neck.
“That's good.”

I was confused by the way Kieta was handling all of this. I didn't think she really understood what had happened to her mother, I didn't think she knew what dying really meant. But I guess all the while she was happy I could at least find the strength in myself to feel kept together, even if it was only just for her sake.

“It's good to see you up,” Sid pointed to me sitting in the chair next to my bed.
“Is good to be up,” I was sick of being stuck in bed even after only a day of it and begged the nurses to let me up, which thankfully they gave into pretty quickly. Perks of being me.
“How are the ribs?” Sid asked as he put Kieta back down on the floor and took a seat on my bed.
“Yeah they ok, little sore but no worse than bad hockey hit,” I shrugged.
“That's good, have they said when you will be able to go home?”
“Maybe tomorrow if I lucky.”
“Even better.”

“How's Lucy?” I asked knowing that Sid's wife was due to have their first baby any day now.
“She's good, crazy hormonal but good, she really wants to come and see you.”
“No she needs to rest,” I shook my head.
“Yes, that's what I keep telling her, but you know Lucy.”
“Stubborn just like Maria,” I sighed.

I knew it was going to be hard trying to readjust to life with out Maria and I knew people would want to talk about her no matter how much I didn't. Some people copped that way, I didn't, I don't think I copped at all though. So far shutting my thoughts away from that was all I could do.

“Daddy can we go outside?” Kieta broke the painful silence I had just created.
“Sure.”
“Are you sure you should? shouldn't you take it easy?” Sid stood up and looked very cautiously at me as I grabbed my jumper and put it on over my pajamas.
“Sid am not going to break, can go for walk,” I rolled my eyes at him as I slipped on my flip flops.
“Fine but I am not picking you up off the floor if you fall or carrying you back here,” he pointed to me seriously.
“You wouldn't leave me,” I slapped his shoulder as I walked passed him, “too nice for that.”

Kieta slipped her small hand in my much larger one as we walked down the hallway. Sid was right there beside us like he was our own personal body guard, which ironically you would have thought Sid would have needed not me but I wasn't going to say anything, Sid was just weird like that. Overprotective captain.

“I know you probably don't want to talk about it but do you actually remember anything from the crash?” Sid looked a little uneasy asking me as we sat by the playground so Kieta could play.
“Not really, mostly gone, comes back in dreams,” I shrugged.
“But you don't actually know if that's what happened or just some mind game your brain is playing?”
“Yeah, makes it hard. Remember hearing Maria cry but sometimes it sounds worse then remember.”
“That's horrible, do you think you will end up seeing a counselor?”
“Doctor wants me to but I don't know, prefer talk to you or Sergei people I know than stranger.”
“But if it gets too bad you will right?”
“Yes, if need to I will. Can we not talk about anymore?”
“Ok.”

“What is happening with lockout?” I changed the subject quickly.
“Don't get me started,” Sid grumbled, “You would have thought they would have learned from the last one but here we are again. It's probably going to happen. I think we will know by the end of the week.”
“Good.”
“Your not thinking of going back to Russia are you?” turns out Sid knew me better than I thought.
“Yes, think about it. Spend time with parents not go this summer, so go now.”
“But hasn't Kieta gotten school? And we all agreed to stay in Pittsburgh if the lockout was called,” he looked a little hurt.
“Things change Sid and Kieta only four not have to be in school right now.”
“Right sorry, I shouldn't be trying to tell you want to do,” he put his hands up surrendering to the conversation.

I knew I was rather hostile right now and almost any conversation I had with someone could end up in a fight if they rubbed me the wrong way and it didn't take much to do that at all. I felt bad that I was acting like a jerk but it wasn't them in my situation so I knew they would be fine.

After Sid left Kieta and I went back to my room when Sergei came back with the doctor in tow, a smile playing on his lips.

“You mean my daddy gets to come home now?” Kieta sat up abruptly from her spot by my side.
“Yes your dad can go home,” the doctor nodded with a smile on his face. I guess this part of his job was always good, sending people home to be with their families. I just wished it could have been with Maria too.

“I can look after myself Sergei,” I groaned as he broke the news that it was under the conditions that I would be spending at least a week with them.
“It's not just you, you have to look after Kieta. We can take her to school with the girls while you rest. You need it,” he slapped my shoulder, “besides Ksenia can make you good Russian food to help you get better sooner.”
“Fine,” I gave in.

Realistically I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it on my own right now. There would be no way I would be awake in time for Kieta to go to school, I would probably mange to burn water with my lack of caring about anything. I guess for now I was just going to have to accept their help.