Tainted Love

Matt was singing softly from the driver’s seat. Ryder was curled up against me, and I got that familiar butterfly feeling in my stomach, meaning Button was on the move. I sighed before lifting my hands to my face.

“Matt, stop.” I knew he heard me; I had come close to shouting it out. I heard him chuckle.

“Give me another ten minutes please baby? There’s a rest stop up here.” I sighed; I wanted him to stop now.

“In ten minutes Button might not be this active.” That had done the trick. He was finding somewhere to pull over, I knew that he was. The truck sped up, and I knew that he was trying to get to the rest stop faster. I was just hoping that he got pulled over. That’d take care of everything; they’d want to search the vehicle if I was lucky. If they didn’t, I could always scream for help. Soon enough the truck was turning off of the high way, and into the rest stop. Matt slammed it into park before rushing around and opening the hatch. He climbed in quickly, and pulled the blankets off of me.

“Where’s Button at?” I moved my hand to the side of my stomach, I wasn’t sure if he’d be able to feel it, but I could. Button was fluttering around in there, my perfect little angel. “I can’t feel anything…”

He seemed so upset by this, I almost felt bad. Almost.

“Maybe it’s because Button’s too little.” He nodded and sat back, looking down at me. I tried to sit up, so we were closer to being eye to eye. Matt is quite a bit taller than me, but It was weird to be lying out with him above me. Matt helped me up, before moving towards the bed and sitting next to me.

“Well, I mean, you tried to let me feel him. That’s what matters. I guess that means you’re not too angry at me.” I couldn’t believe that he was guessing that. I was trying to gain his trust; I was trying to make sure he thought I was a good person. I needed him to think we were okay, so eventually, I could run. “Do you need to go to the bathroom?”

“Yes, please!” Matt nodded before untying my hands, and grasping one of mine in his. He put the leash on Ryder before walking us both to the bathroom area. I knew he’d walk Ryder around the opening of it, waiting for me to come back out. If I wasn’t out in at least 5 minutes, he’d come in after me. But at this point, I just didn’t care. I locked a stall behind me, and shuddered. This place was disgusting, but Matt didn’t trust going to an actual gas station. When that did happen, he’d pull the cover over the cargo area of the hatch, that way I couldn’t wave my hands and feet around, and draw attention to us. He was being careful about not getting caught.

“Everything okay Ary?” I rolled my eyes, not bothering to answer him. I hurried up and did my business, before washing my hands, even though the sink was disgusting. When I walked out of the restroom Matt was standing there with Ryder, ready to walk me back to the truck. I walked around for a bit, I wanted to stretch my legs again; I had been in that truck for almost two hours. I swung my arms to make sure that they didn’t get too sore from being tied up. I wanted to make sure everything would be okay for when I got to Matt’s house. I wasn’t sure how long it’d take to make him trust me, but I wanted it to happen soon. The sooner I could get away from him the better.

“Can I sit up front please?” Matt raised an eyebrow at me, but nodded anyways. If anything, I could just climb back to my bed, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. He grabbed my hand and pulled me close to him, tucking my head into his neck, and resting his on top of mine.

“If you promise not to try anything stupid, you can sit up front as much as you want Ary.” I nodded, and tried to back away from him, but his arms kept me in place. I wanted some time to stretch my legs out, and to finally pick out a radio station, I was sick of listening to the crap Matt picked. Besides, I could look around, see where we were at. Matt pressed a kiss to the top of my head; he was trying anything to touch me, to kiss me. I knew he wanted me to kiss him back, and even though it seemed revolting to me, I knew it’d make him happy, and maybe he wouldn’t act so crazy for a moment. I ran my hands up his arms to his shoulders, and finally moved them to his neck; I turned my head towards his as I pulled his down towards me. Matt seemed a little eager as he pressed his lips to mine, his hands moved to my hips, pulling them closer to him, but luckily there was a little bump in the way of everything. I tried to forget about how good his lips felt against mine, I tried to think of how he was my rapist, but all I could think of was that day we spent together in the bus, that day that made me happier than I had been in a long time.

“I missed that.” I could feel his words against my mouth, and didn’t know what else to do besides kiss him again. I was addicted to Matt, and I knew I shouldn’t be, but it was the truth. He was like a drug, if he was away from me I could handle it, but the fact that he was here, touching me, telling me he loved me, made it hard to resist. It was like a drug addiction, or in my case a nicotine addiction. I wasn’t sure if I would ever get rid of this feeling, but I knew I would have to put it far away from my thoughts. Matt would pay for what he did. I just had to make sure he didn’t touch me in the meantime, we could touch on my terms, kiss on my terms. That way I could try to control this. His hands moved under my shirt slowly as Matt tried to deepen the kiss, tried to get my mouth to open to his, but I pulled away and looked around. We were in the middle of a rest stop, there were truckers everywhere, and this place was disgusting.

“We should go.” Matt only nodded, putting his arm around my waist before leading me back to the truck. He put Ryder in the back seat, and opened the passenger side for me. I hopped up, and put my seat belt on; as Matt moved to the other side of the truck I changed the station on the radio, and sat back. I had to take a few deep, calming breathes, and clear my head. I needed to calm myself down before I did something stupid, like take Matt back to that air mattress and relive that night on the bus. I had to make sure that wouldn’t happen, I didn’t want to deal with the complicated feelings that would come from that.

“You changed my station!” I just gave him a small smile.

“Button likes this better.” Matt grinned, before pulling out of the rest stop. His hand moved towards my lap, and gripped mine. I didn’t want to think about the fact that was holding my hand, that this was contact without my permission; I just put my head back, and let it happen.