Tainted Love

I was going to see Matt today. Jimmy was driving me, he told me he would give me half an hour with Matt, before he’d run in to see him. All the guys had gone and seen Matt, apparently he had just been asking about Button and I. I knew that this could stress me out, I knew that there was a possibility that leaving him would stress me out quite a bit too. I just wanted to see Matt.

“Ready?” I looked at the institution in front of me, and took a deep breath, before nodding. Jimmy gave me a hug before I hopped out of his car and walked up to the front door. I signed in, got everything that a patient could use to harm someone taken away from me, and they patted me down to make sure that my belly was an actual child. By the time I got to Matt I was beyond frustrated with all of this. It wasn’t that bad here, it looked nice, and clean, and not as bad as movies made them out to be. Not everything was white; it was almost homey looking in here. Besides everyone in scrubs, and the tables set up everywhere.

“Can I hug him?” I asked one of the guards standing there. I wasn’t sure if they were guards, but I was going to call them that anyways.

“For a moment.” I nodded, and waited for my Matty to come out of the door. Moments later there he was, a big grin spread across his face. I was a little shocked at the way he looked, he was getting paler, and he’d lost a little bit of weight. His hair was starting to grow a little more, but he was clean shaven. I stood up and opened my arms up, he scooped me up and hugged me hard, then seemed to realize what he was doing and loosened up.

“I’ve missed you!” I looked up at him, he was still grinning, and I had to smile back at him. I just wanted to take my Matty home with me, but I knew I couldn’t.

“Take a seat Sanders.” Matt nodded to the guard, before sitting down on one side of the table; I sat down right next to him, and grabbed his hand in mine.

“How’s Button?” I looked down at my stomach, and smiled.

“She’s still alive. I just have to be careful, no more stress; I have a weight limit on lifting things, and just random things like that.” Matt nodded, and put his hand on my stomach, rubbing it over softly.

“Daddy’s so sorry Button. So very sorry, I just want to make everything up to you, when I get out of here, we’re all going on a vacation, just us family.” I smiled and put my hand over Matt’s. A guard was watching us, but I didn’t care. Matt leaned down and kissed my stomach, before looking back up at me.

“So, I picked out a name, I think. I want your opinion on it though.” I was hoping he’d like it, I just wanted everything to be alright, I wanted us to be normal, and talking about our daughter was normal.

“What’d you pick baby?” His hand rubbed over my stomach again, and his eyes got wide. I giggled, knowing exactly why, Button had just kicked, and hard. It wasn’t that hard for me to take those pains, not after I had almost lost her; it just meant she was in there, fighting to stay alive.

“I was thinking Caeli. It’s an Irish name!” Matt grinned, and nodded his head.

“I love it, what were you thinking for a middle name?” That I hadn’t decided.

“I thought daddy should pick it out.” Button kicked again as if in agreement, and Matt’s grin seemed to stretch from ear to ear.

“I’ll think of something Caeli, don’t worry.” I grinned, and put my hand over Matt’s. He started talking about his group therapy and how well it was going, apparently his private sessions were going really well too, and he may be able to get out a few months early if everything went well. Still not in time for Caeli’s birth, but any time early was great by me.

“Did you mean what you said that night?” Matt wasn’t looking me in the eyes, and I knew exactly what he was talking about.

“What did I say?” I wanted to play dumb; I wanted him to bring it up. I was trying to tease him a little; I wanted to act like we were at home, sitting on the couch, not in a mental hospital with people watching us.

“Do you love me?” His head was still down, so I squeezed on his hand till he looked up at me.

“I love you Matthew.” He grinned and looked around, before kissing me quickly; I just raised an eyebrow at him and looked around too.

“I had to make sure that the orderlies weren’t looking.” So, that’s what they were called, I was learning something new! “My therapist may call you; he wants you to come in on one of my private sessions, after I’ve progressed a little more. I’ll try to put it off till after Caeli is born.”

“I’ll be here whenever they need me; if it’s to make sure you can come home.” Matt grinned, and looked around again, he scowled at one person making me laugh, and apparently the orderlies were watching us again, so he couldn’t sneak another kiss in.

“Jimmy’s out in the car, he wanted to come in too. I think he should be coming in soon.” Matt grinned, and nodded.

“We’re not informing him of the baby name, right?” I shook my head; this was a secret just between Matt and I. Something to keep us going until he got home.

“Just Mommy, Daddy, and Caeli.” Matt grinned, before looking down at his hands. We sat in silence for a few moments, just studying each other, and trying to figure out what to say to one another when Jimmy came prancing in the room. And by prancing, I meant prancing, he was skipping, but Jimmy was so tall and lanky, it looked like a deer just running into the room.

“Well hello Matthew.” Matt smiled, standing up and hugging Jimmy. I knew Jimmy had already come to see him, which made me feel a little jealous, but I didn’t care. I was going to sit here and watch my Matty, and count down to the day he came home.