Never Look Back

Now a week since our breakup, I sat quietly in first period in my seat and did my best not to look at Alex next to me. His pleads had not stopped or even thinned as the days wore on and today was no different it seemed.
“Alyce please listen to me, it will never happen again,” he whispered, it wasn’t the first time he had tried to apologize, but it was the first time I decided to respond.
“And how you know that? How do you know that she won’t ‘manipulate’ you again?” I hissed at him but I still didn’t look at him.
“Because I stopped, I’ve never been able to stop until that day. My mom sent a picture of us together laughing and kissing and I knew immediately that you were the one I wanted. I saw how happy and alive I was and knew that’s what I needed in my life. Something changed me and now I know that I will never do it again.”
“How am I supposed to believe that?”
“Because I lost you! I know what it feels like now and I never want to feel this way again, it’s agonizing watching you slip through my fingers,” he hissed.
“What do you want me to do Alex? Apologize and take you back?”
“I don’t expect you to, I want you to mean it if you take me back, I want you to know and be one hundred percent sure that I won’t do it again and I won’t but I don’t want you to take me back and not trust me anymore, just give us time.” I finally turned to look at him, he looked worse. He looked like he hadn't showered in days either and resembled a homeless person.
“I’m trying okay? But you won’t stop suffocating me! I need time to heal myself before I can even think about us again and you won’t give me that time, all you want is for me to forgive you and I can’t yet. I have to get my life back on track and pick myself up before I can forgive you for what you PROMISED me you wouldn’t do. This is exactly why I was so protective of you, I feared if I wasn’t…I’d lose you,” I felt the tears and I tried to blink them back but they threatened to spill over even more. I didn’t wanna cry here for everyone to see my relationship with Alex was failing.
“Oh Alyssa, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I disappointed you, you’re the last person I wanted to hurt and I failed you, and now I don’t get another chance,” Alex’s eyes started welling up with tears too, I have never seen him cry.
“Don’t do this Alex, please don’t, not here,” I pleaded with him. I just imagined Mrs. Hurley looking back at Alex and I crying, it would make her say something which would cause the whole class to turn and look at us and spread around the school that we were crying and who knows how many people we would have to explain some fake excuse as to why we were.
The bell suddenly rang and I visibly relaxed, quickly grabbing my stuff and rushing to the door. I hacked through the students swelling by the door, all trying to get through and made it into the hall where I tried to make a run for it. I felt someone grab my arm and I turned to see Alex again, I thought back when I was still new to this school and I hurried out of that room only to be stopped by Alex who wanted to walk me to my next class, things have definitely changed since then.
“Please don’t walk away, I love you Alyssa. I love you more than I have ever loved a girl before and I’m scared. We’ve barely been dating and I didn’t want to think that I was falling as hard for you as I was because I knew that my other personality would be lost and I didn’t know if I wanted to give up my other half,” he pleaded, everyone in the hall was now watching us. “I couldn’t imagine for a minute that I was in love with a girl but when I saw that picture I knew I was and I was okay with it. That picture showed me how much I care about you and how much you really mean to me and now I’m more than willing to give up the other half of me if that meant I’d get to be with you. Alyssa you mean more to me than I thought possible. I’m sorry if this freaks you out since we haven’t hardly been dating but this is how I feel about you.”
Reactions were different to Alex’s words; some girls melted at his words and thought they were adorable and others glared at us, angry that they aren’t the one standing with Alex. Others gaped at Alex and practically all the guys just stood there…surprised as hell.
I felt his hand run up to my cheek and wipe away something with his thumb. I hadn’t realized I was crying. “Alyssa? Please say something,” he begged.
I swallowed hard and looked up into those eyes that captured my heart. Alex was the one who brought me soup when I was sick, he was the one that sat with me while I had my concussion, he made a poem about me, he walked to class with me, he took me out to coffee even though he hated coffee, he mentioned me on stage, he introduced me to his mother, he took me to Winter Formal, he sat next to me at his table, he kissed me in front of all his friends, he holds my hand, he had a bubble fight with me, he stayed the night when I asked him to, he chose me over Lisa, he would defend me against anyone, he loves me.
“I love you too Alexander,” I whispered and felt more tears stream down my blushing cheeks. I
wrapped my arms around his neck as his snaked around my waist and pulled me in for a tight, long hug. I buried my head in his neck as he held me, the bell had rang to indicate the next period had started and I heard people leaving for class.
“I’m so sorry Alyce,” he whispered.
“I forgive you Alex, I forgive you,” I whispered back to him. He let me go and placed his hand against my cheek as a tear slipped down his cheek, he blinked the rest back. His lips connected with mine and for a moment it was just me and him, I was the girl that he wanted. I was the girl that he’d been waiting for and whether I believed it or not, he loved me just as much as I loved him. I mean he just told practically the whole school that he loved me, something he definitely has never done before, I wondered where he got the guts to say anything he wanted…maybe it was the singer-songwriter side of him.
“We need to go to class,” I giggled quietly when we pulled back. He chuckled and took my hand in his and walked me to my next class.