Fighting Feelings

(Marshall talking to drug councillor)

What's been happening lately?

A lot actually, I finished working on my album and have been in Europe these last couple of days for publicity. Now I am back at home, I get to spend some times with my girls before I head to L.A next week.

What's happening in L.A?

I'm doing some interviews and working in the studio with friends.

Last time you said you were going to try and be more social, hows that going?

It's going good, fifty comes out whenever he can to spend some time. D12 and I are getting back on track, we still have some problems that need working out but we seem to be talking a lot more about what happened In the past, which is really helping. I also managed to make a new friend.

You did, that's excellent. I know letting new people in your life is pretty hard for you, so how is it all going?

Yeah, I know I have really bad trust issues but I feel more comfortable with this person. She is also well known, so we both really understand certain things and have a lot of things is common.

So she is a woman?

Yeah but only a friend though.

Would you like more to happen?

Honestly I don't know, she is incredibly good looking and very caring and polite, it's just I still can't seem to let that side of me even think about going further with her, besides there is no way she feels the same when she can have any man she wants.

You seem to be putting a lot of doubt in yourself.

It's not that it's just I have been with women in the industry, they usually turn outt sick of me and moving onto the newest thing, or they turn out to be crazier than I am. Besides this girl seems to be someone that moves on quickly.

So you are jut going to be friends?

Yeah probably, you never know we might have a little fling but nothing serious, no way will I ever let myself trust her or fall for her, I know that will just end in heartbreak.

You never know she might surprise you, can't judge her on your bad past experiences.

Hight doubt she will

Well why don't you just see how it Goes and I will ask you later on.

Marshall P.O.V

Since Ashely and I have both recorded our verses for love the way you lie, I have been having a little break since I have to wait for the producer to finish with it, from the way or sounded before I handed it over to him, it sounded amazing and Ashely killed the chorus, I can just tell now it's going to turn out to be a very successful single, which might end up being a good thing knowing I will get to spend some more time with Ashley .

Honestly as much as I try to sit down and work out my feelings for her I just can't seem to figure it out, yes I have some attraction to her but I think it's more physical attraction rather anything else, or maybe there is something more but I just can't seem to allow myself to fall for her that way, since I know I will never be good enough for her, she is Ashley Ann for goodness sake, her manager already hates me and thinks her working with me is going to wreck her career so imagine how everybody will act if we start hanging out more.

Right now I am in my way to fifty's party, earlier this evening he actually called to warn me not to come, apparently there were some guys that really enjoyed partying and groupies and Fifty thought it would not be the right crowd to hang out with, even he is leaving early from his own party to go spend time with his girlfriend.

" You Marshall it's been a while, what have you been up to?"some drunk dude, slurred while stumbling over to me and quickly grabbing my hand for support. I have already been here for nearly an hour making my way round the house and pretending to shocked by the people current here when in all honesty I have no idea who most of them are.

" I am good, just been In the studio. what about you? " I asked trying to sound interested, where really deep down I was trying to work our who he was. But seeing an old fling walk over with her friend brought a lot of memories back. it turns out that we all used to be great friends back in the day, and spent lots our times together in the bedroom, just hearing her explain the ways we used to get to know each other I am very happy that her friend had nothing to do with our past, but by the way she is looking at me I don't really think she cares how immature I was in the past.

She is probably only in her late 20's, has long blonde hair that goes just past her shoulders, a nice pair of fake sized boobs and a body that looked amazing in her tight mini dress. I cant help but stare at her while she is telling a story, to my old girlfriend. Its not that I am listening, I'm just looking at her thinking about how much fun we could have later on. It turns out her name is Claudia and she goes to university here, or and I did I mention she is a massive Eminem fan, hahaha this was going to be an easy pick up.

It only took about 10 minutes to get us in our own little conversation, seeing that the two other guys have left. Now she isn't the smartest person I have met and she cant stop talking about how much she loves Me and how she is like my biggest fan but I wasn't really listening anyway, as much as I tried to concentrate on what she was saying, my eyes were just getting so caught up in her body and what she is wearing. I know a lot of people think that just because I have matured and is sober that I have quit my other bad behaviour like sleeping with groupies but that's not exactly true. Yes I have matured and changed and it is only sometimes that I sleep with groupies, but I am a single Man who has beautiful girls falling over me, I don't seem the harm in me still sleeping with girls half my age, I do still have needs and hormones and there are times where I just need to release frustrations and groupies are the best possible solution, since they know that it will only be a one night thing. There are some that think it is going to go further or they think that I am going to find some spark between us and its going to turn into a fairy tale ending, but with all the problems I have dealt with from my ex girlfriends and especially Kim, there is no way these one night stands are going to turn into something more.

My trust issues with women just goes to far Beyond prepare, and I guess I just don't bother trying to fix them or there hasn't been a woman I have met that has made me want to change and start a relationship. Well I might be lying a tad there, there is one woman that has been making me think about certain things in my life and certain aspects of my future, and that's Ashley!

Now I don't mean Ashley Ann, the sexy, confident, entertainer that has every guy wanting her and every girl wanting to be her, I am talking about Ashley, the caring, beautiful kind mother that seems to care more about everyone else rather than herself.

Yes I know I have said that I don't have feelings for her like that, and that its only a physical attraction, but there is just something about her that I cant stop thinking about.

" Marshall, did you hear what I said" Claudia said touching my shoulder softly making me come back to earth. Great!, I have managed to get distracted again, but this time it wasn't about Claudia's body, it was me once again thinking about Ashley.

" Sorry, got distracted. What were you saying again" I replied, smiling softly placing my hand on her thigh, showing her all my attention is on her. That was one of my moves, girls tend to fall hard when you touch them affectionately. I did start listening to her after that, even though the conversation is pretty boring, giving her my attention was one of the ways I was going to get her alone. I do know that I have already won her over, by the way she is now acting towards me I can defiantly tell that it didn't matter what moves I try to pull on her, she has already made up he mind about sleeping with me. It may be pretty easy to get girls in my bed, but that doesn't mean I don't like placing my moves on them.

5 minutes later and we are back talking about her, she is currently telling me how the other night she went to a strip club and had her first experience with a woman. These girls seem to think that the more sexual and sluttier they are the more its going to get me interested, she thinks that her telling me that she has been with another girl is her way of saying that if I am not interested in just one on one, than she is willing to have a threesome, these girls will do anything to make me happy and do anything to get a chance at having sex with Eminem.

I don't like being rude and I will be lying to say her story isn't turning me on a little bit, so I am just going to sit here and listen to her story, but there is no way we are going to have a threesome, I have had way to many during my old days and I they aren't as good as they used to be.

While I listening I look around the room and start to realise how much this party reminds me of the parties we used to have after my concert, guys were standing around talking while young girls are latching onto them or grinding on them, not seeing how skanky they look, than there are the people hooking up in the corners or the couples taking their actions to the bedrooms to give them some privacy.Now I know I am probably being a tad dramatic at explaining it and I don't want you to think that as soon as you walk through the door you are going to be met with people hooking up and having sex right in front of you because that's not what it looks like, Fifty has a big house and that's only some rooms of the house like this. Lets just say that its full of with people doing drugs and letting loose with each other enjoying the music and the young girls that have been prettier enough to be invited. Not all the girls here are groupies, there are some that have actually been friends with this group for a while and glancing round you can just tell the difference between girls that are friends and girls that are the groupies, but that's when I noticed her, that's when I noticed Ashley was here.

I guess I have been so caught up with Claudia to even see her walk through the door, and I don't know how I did though. Just looking at her for a few seconds has made me more flustered than I was before, there she is standing having a good old chat with Fifty and his girlfriend and a few other guys that she must know, and here I am sitting down with a stunning younger woman who trying to do everything she can to get into my pants, but all I can really focus on is Ashley and how amazing she looks tonight, I guess I'm not the only one that has noticed her arrival, as I am glancing around I see a few other guys smirking and checking her out making their dates for the night just glare in anger.

Tonight wasn't going to be easy for Ashley it never is, people seem to get mean and cruel especially the opposite sex when well known people like Ashley and I go to parties since we become the main attraction and talk of the party, and just by looking at a few girls staring the jealousy has already begun.

" Marshall, hellooooo...." Claudia whines, waving her hand trying to get my attention back to her, I hadn't realized that I was staring towards Ashley and uncontrollably thinking about her. Why the hell am I thinking about her constantly?, i haven't had this problem before, it's not like I haven't seen her before or heard of her before, I grew up listening to her for goodness sake.

" Sorry, you wanna go get some air?" I asked quietly in her ear while running my hand on her thigh a tad higher, hoping for some kind of surprised reaction from her, but no not even a flinch, she has obviously done this a lot and is familiar with all the moves a guy pulls.

" Sure " she replied happily allowing me to take her hand and guide us through the party towards the back door. I needed to get out of here before Ashley can corrupt my mind again, I m not going to allow whatever I am feelings towards her get in my way of tonight and having some fun with Claudia, since it's been forever that I have had a one night stand with a woman.

Fresh air was just want we needed, no more un wanted interruptions leaving Claudia and I to talk more easier, well more allowing Claudia to talk and me sit here trying to listen to her when my mind didn't run of and think about other things that are happening around us, including the stunning woman inside that has made these weird and confusing feelings to brawl up inside. As my goal all night has been to think less of Ashley, I quickly cut Claudia off mid sentence by smashing my lips to hers and wrapping my hands around to her waist, trying so hard to stop thinking about Ashley and thinking contact with Claudia was the only way, and yes I was correct. Claudia doesn't seem to taken back by my actions and soon is moaning softly as I move my kisses down towards her neck while she quickly comes and straddles my hips, allowing me to feel her wetness and excitement for me, which makes me even more turned on. Yep this is defiantly going to help take my mind of Ashley

Ashley P.O.V

"I'm just going to get some fresh air" I whispered to Fifty before starting to walk through the party, I needed some space and air. I have only been here for about 2 hours and all I have been getting it stares and slight offensive comments from girls that obviously don't like me. I am used it since It has been like this for about my whole life, going to these parties has always been hard because once you walk through the door all the attention shines on you, but its been getting harder since my lack of confidence has taken over my mind. So that's why I already need some air because the stares are already getting to me.

I was going to just go to the balcony outside of Fifty's spare bedroom but that's already been taken by some lustful couple, so since the back door is the closet I guess I am going out to the backyard for my space. Hoping no one was out there.

"oh Shit Sorry" I qickly, as soon as I walked out to the backyard and around to the fireplace that was lit I interrupted a very steamy scene between two people, there is a lady straddling some guy while his hands were busy under her shirt. I know I should have turned back around and walked away leaving them to their business but for some reason I couldn't get my feet to move quickly and before knew it they had realised I was standing there.

" Oh Ashley, what are you doing out here?" he asked quickly removing his hands from under her shirt and moving her of his lap. At First I had no idea who it was, I was thinking it was some fan but that's when I realised he didn't call me Ashley Ann like normal fans do, he just called me Ashley.

" Marshall" I muttered realising it was him as he got up to walk towards me, now this scene has become even more awkward than before.

" I was just getting some air but I'm going to go back inside, Sorry" I apologised quickly once again before storming back around the corner to go back inside, not letting Marshall even begin to walk towards me. It was going to be awkward just walking into it with a random person but having it be Marshall just made it ten times more awkward.

The night just seems to be dragging on, its only been like an hour since I walked into that awkward scene with Marshall and since than he is already back in the party with his girlfriend or whoever she is. We haven't spoken to each other, and well actually I think we are avoiding each other since the scene spending most of the party on the opposite sides in different groups, I know I should just leave and go speak to him but for some reason I just cant, instead we are both standing in different groups but glancing over at each other every 10-15 minutes, its funny because we usually glance around the same time making it even more awkward when we both look up at the same time. I know its immature and I should just be a grown up and go over there but my body seems to want to stay right here. To be honest I don't know how I feel , its just for some reason I feel a tad upset when reliving the moment and I have no idea why. I don't have feelings for Marshall, I don't think but since meeting him there are moments where I think about him and he just randomly pops into my mind and I have no idea why.

It didn't take long before our groups were talking and starting mingling together, making Marshall and I to finally come within 1 meter of each other. At First we just looked at each other while everyone was talking around us, but as the atmosphere started to loosen up so did we, gradually beginning to talk.

Before we even knew it, we were all in a great conversation. Fifty has already left leaving Marshall and I surrounded by some drunk dudes that weren't making any sense and girls that couldn't even stand up, the later it got the more this party seems to be getting louder and out of control, the drugs weren't so hidden anymore, and the girls weren't so classy.

" Yo Em, you sure you don't want any?" some dude asked while we were all in a middle of a conversation. By the bag of white Powder he was holding up you can tell he is referring to drugs. I cant believe he can be so cruel to ask Marshall if we wants some when he knows he is sober and it wasn't the first time either.

"nah man I'm cool" Marshall coldly replied, I can see he is trying so hard not to look at the bag, and seeing Marshalls reaction and certainty he went of knowing he wasn't going to budge. I have to admit Marshall has been very strong tonight, that wasn't the first time someone has asked if he wanted to try the drugs, guys have been coming up all night asking if he wants to try, but Marshall has stood his guard and not caved in, which I think just shows how much he has matured and come since the old days. As the guys tried to pressure Marshall into taking drugs the girls seem to be enjoying getting into me, I have been standing here really enjoying the conversation I am having with Marshall and some other guys that used to tour with fifty, but as the conversation got more interesting the more they started loosing interest in the girls that seemed to be trying to get them into bed, which in the end they started blaming me for,since I am the only girl that was in this conversation.

" excuse me one sec" I said to the group before walking away, for one the girls were annoying me with their stupid comments towards me, they didn't come straight out and say it to my face they were quite sneaky about it, instead they just made comments and jokes relating back to the industry and female singers, which obviously was there way of secretly being bitches to me, but that's not the only reason I left, the other one was because I saw someone I once new walk through the lounge room, his name is Craig and he wasgood friends with my ex, that's how I know him. I had no idea he even was friends with Fifty or even knew people associated with Fifty, but he seems to be fitting right in.

Marshall P.O.V

It took a while to get back to normal with Ashley since the incident earlier on, but when we did get comfortable with each other it was just like nothing had happened, I have no idea why we were even uncomfortable with each other in the first place, it wasn't like she walked in on me having sex with the girl, we were just hookingupBut for some reason I felt guilty about what I was doing with Claudia, even though Ashley and I have never been in any relationship like that, but that didn't help me from feeling upset and ashamed about what I was doing.

Luckily we got back to normal pretty quickly, she was actually getting along with a lot of the guys here which I am quite surprised about, these guys don't usually get along really well with women unless they were hitting on them, they are not the type to sit and actually have a conversation with a woman, but with Ashely they couldn't stop talking to her. I have to admit she knows how to get along with people, she is always so nice and just has that personality that gets along with everyone. But I have been noticing that the more the guys seem to be getting along with Ashley the more the girls started resenting her. This means the comments start getting nasty and directed at Ashley, I felt sorry for her because she didn't even need to say anything to get them started. Fifty was right about how much Ashley puts on a happy face, even with all the nasty comments towards he, she has never once let her smile fade or dared to show any sadness towards their comments, maybe to everyone she seems happy and joyful but just standing here I can see the sadness in her eyes that she tries so hard to cover up.

The conversation isn't the same since Ashley excused herself, at the start I thought she was over the comments from the girl and I was going to go check if she was okay, but that's when I saw her walk over to some guy acting all cheery again, by the way they embraced each other they obviously knew each other and were friends.

For some reason I couldn't help glance every now and than at the interaction between Ashley and her friend, I must look like some over protective Boyfriend, and to be honest I have no idea why it was bothering me seeing her so happy with this guy, I have Claudia who I am enjoying flirting with, so Ashley has every right to flirt with some guy. Just Admit it Marshall, you like her more than a friend!

" Want to go somewhere private" I whispered seductively into Claudia's ear, I was so over watching Ashley flirt with some guy and I needed to get out of here, so what better way than have some fun with Claudia. I know it wasn't right having sex with some girl just to get another one out of your head, but it worked earlier this afternoon, until Ashley just had to walk out on us.

She didn't even replied, instead she grabbed my arm quickly and guided me upstairs. I couldn't contain my relief and excitement, knowing even if Ashley did enter my head I was going to enjoy my fun with Claudia.

Ashley P.O.V

It is so much fun catching up with Craig, I hadn't realised how nice and genuine he is, but don't worry its only a little bit of fun as we sit flirting with each other, its not like we have any feelings for each other, it was just nice to have someone say sweet things about you, even if I don't believe them.

The more I talked to Craig the more I saw Eminem's behaviour change, he went from being this quite sensible guy who couldn't even look at the drugs they were sharing around, to this guy that was quickly letting go. He moved from standing with the left over guys to chilling with another group on the lounge, by the looks of this group they were more into drugs than any other group and instead of hiding the packets in people's handbags, they had them spread out around a little table, not really caring who was around them. Even though Craig's conversation was really interesting, I couldn't help but keep my eye on Marshall and wonder why he was chilling with these guys, they're not cool thinking doing so many drugs like these ones was going to get you more popular or more well known within this industry. But Marshall still continues to sit there trying to act like there was nothing wrong and the temptations weren't getting to him, when deep down I could see how much it was killing him to even be in the same room.

There was one time I was going to get up and storm over to Marshall and drag him away from those guys, I cant believe he cant see what there real intentions are, they are doing everything possible to get Marshall to loosen up and cave in for the night, and to be truthful I can seem him actually thinking about doing it, he is actually thinking about letting go for one night and taking the drugs.

" is there something going on between you too?" Craig asked from beside me, making me stop my thinking about Marshall. I know Craig isn't one of my closest friends but he can still manage to see when something is going through my mind.

"no, why would you say that?" I replied, trying to hide the feelings I feel when Marshall is in the same room, they are not like the normal feelings you have for someone, they are different and strange for some reason and I have no idea how they made me felt.

" its just you both keep looking at each other" Craig continued talking about his theory based on everything he has seen tonight , including the interaction between Marshall and I, which was getting less and less as the night continued. Marshall just seemed to be getting more into the guys with all the drugs and the groupies that followed. I want to do something but I have no idea what . I know sober can be hard and when people are shoving drugs in your face it gets even harder to say No, but I cant believe Marshal is loosening up so freely, he hasn't given in yet and keeps denying the drugs, but its only a matter of time before something bad happens or Marshall gives into drugs.

Turning my head back into the center of the room, I couldn't help but notice that Marshall and his date have already disappeared somewhere, quickly glancing around the room it didn't take long before I see them walking upstairs hand in hand. i was relived to see that Marshall had left that awful group but it wasn't long before I remember something else.

" I'll be back" I told Craig while getting up and grabbing my phone from my purse and dialing Fifty's number, freaking out over something that might happen

Fifty: What's up Ashley

Me: you coming back,

Fifty: nah not tonight, why is something wrong?

Me: its just the guys here are doing everything possible to get Marshall to cave in and take some drugs.

Fifty: THEY'RE WHAT!!!

Me: don't worry he hasn't caved not yet, but he does look like he is really thinking about it.

Fifty: FUCK, I knew he shouldn't have come, those guys aren't nice.

Me: I'm not worried about the guys, its more a girl I am worried about

Fifty: Who & why ?

Me: Her names Claudia, Marshall and her have been flirting all night,remember her?

Fifty: yeah I do, pretty little thing. What has she done?

Me: I saw her earlier buying a bag of drugs from some guy and shoving it down her top before grabbing Marshall and taking him upstairs.

Fifty: oh crap that isn't good, she is going to get him right at the perfect moment and probably shove them in his face, he will cave any guy would especially when they place them on their boobs m.

Fifty: Ashley I need you to do something for me.

Me: what?....

Fifty: i need you to go and get him.

Me: you want me to what?....

Fifty : please.... you know I wouldn't ask you if it wasn't important, but Marshall can't give in, not after everything he went through to get sober

Me: you owe me!!

With that I hung up, regretting I even called him, I can't believe he wants me to go upstairs and get him like he is a teenage boy.

"Everything alright" Craig asked while walking up to me, I was still trying to think about how I an possibly going to explain this to Craig and more importantly how I am going to get Marshall out of that room. He is going to freak out and think i am weird and to tell you the truth I guess I am weird, here I am about to go upstairs and interrupt a guy that I hardly know.

"Yeah I'm fine, I just have to check up on someone" I replied before starting to walk upstairs, rethinking my decisions as got closer to his room.