The New Face of Failure

And I think the reason I'm not interested in other women, and why I haven't had sex in so long, is because I'm desperately, completely in love with you. – St. Elmo’s Fire

Patrick felt out of sorts. His mind wasn’t able to focus on anything that they were doing in the recording studio, and he could tell it was pissing off Sean.

“Patrick, come on, I need more from you on that last hook. Where is your head at today?!” Sean exclaimed into the microphone, glaring at him through the soundproof glass.

Patrick closed his eyes and sighed. “Sorry Sean, I just…” he took a deep breath. “Okay, let’s go, I’m ready now.”

After the session was over, Pete pulled him aside. “Hey, are you still worried about Harper?”

Patrick looked at his best friend, who had a look of apprehension on his face. “No, I mean, I don’t know. We’ve been talking and everything seems fine between us, but I can’t shake what happened.”

Pete nodded. “I don’t blame you. Her parents are a bunch of shitheads. I mean the stuff her dad said about her? God, no wonder she suffers from anxiety.”

“Yeah, how did you know about that? I mean you never told me.”

“Well, Harper and I had a bit of a heart to heart in the hospital when I was, uh, dealing with my own drama. She told me about her anxiety and panic attacks, but she didn’t want me to tell you.”

Patrick frowned. “Why not?”

“Because she’s terrified enough as it is, and I think she’s worried that you will leave her if you think she’s like defective in some way.”

“But, I’m not perfect either.”

Pete rested his arm around Patrick’s shoulder. “Patrick, number one, girls are not rational creatures. Even the cool ones like Harper are not rational all of the time. Number two, she is worried about you two being apart,” Patrick started to protest, but Pete stopped him, “I know, she said she is fine with you going off for four months to tour, but deep down, a part of her is worried that you will forget her. That part just isn’t as strong as her feelings for you.”

“Well, I know now, and I don’t care,” Patrick said.

“Good. And she probably is even more in love with you because of that.”

“Yeah, but what about her parents? I mean… I just want her to be happy.”

“Well, then know that happiness for her is with you. She and I aren’t very different. We love deeply, and you are also her first, so her love is like the Mariana Trench. As long as you don’t hurt her, which you better not, she’s not going to leave you, even if her fucking parents want her to.”

“Hey guys!” Joe called out to them. They turned and saw Joe and Andy coming out of the studio. “Martin and Rich said that they are taking us somewhere special tonight, since we are leaving after tomorrow.”

Patrick and Pete exchanged glances. “Um, where are they taking us?”

“Dunno, they said it was a surprise,” Joe said, getting giddy.

“I think Joe’s about to cum on himself, he’s so excited,” Andy wisecracked.

“Dude, come on, they are going to take us to a bar!” Joe exclaimed.

“Oh I forgot, you and Patrick are five years old,” Pete joked. “I guess that would be a pretty awesome thing for you two.” He and Andy exchanged high-fives.

“Ugh, I don’t know if I can drink any more than what we’ve already been drinking the past week,” Patrick groaned.

“Suck it up, Stump. If we’re getting to go to a bar, you’re drinking, end of story,” Joe said. “And I hope it is a cool VIP kind of place too…”

Joe spent the rest of the ride back and the time they had to get ready talking about the possibilities. Eventually, Pete got a call from Martin, telling them that they were out front. They all headed down the stairs and got into the Town car that was waiting for them. Martin and Rich were up front, smiling mischievously at them.

“Hey guys, ready to party?” Rich asked them.

“Yeah, man, thanks for this,” Pete replied.

“So where are we going?” Patrick asked them.

“It’s a surprise,” Rich said, winking at them.

The four boys exchanged confused glances, but eased into their seats as Martin took off. Patrick stared out the window, noticing that they were driving further away from the metropolitan area of the city toward the outskirts. Within thirty minutes they pulled into a large parking lot filled up with expensive looking cars: Audis, BMW, Mercedes, and even a few Ferraris. Patrick looked up at the looming building attached to the lot with a sign that said Atlantis.

“What’s this place?” he said, looking at his band mates naively. Joe had a look of pure bliss on his face and Andy and Pete just looked amused.

“Seriously?” Joe said. He pointed to a billboard near the road that read “Atlantis Gentlemen’s Club.”
Patrick’s eyes widened. “Oh.”

The guys all started laughing. “Patrick, you look like you’re going to have a heart attack, buddy,” Pete said, clapping him on the back.

“Well, I just didn’t… I’ve never been to one of these things before.” He felt the tips of his ears grow hot.

“Oh man, I forgot that you were a virgin man!” Martin exclaimed.

“Dude, he’s not anymore,” Joe corrected.

Rich and Martin turned around in their seats. “You and your girlfriend dude?” Rich asked him in awe.

Patrick looked down at his hands. “Right, if we could not talk about this, that’d be great.”

“Oh man, you’re in for it now. Congrats man.”

“Speaking of your girlfriend, do you think Harper will be okay with you going in here?” Pete suddenly asked.

“I don’t know. We never talked about strip clubs before, and I had no idea where we were going to ask her,” Patrick retorted.

“Man, let me tell you. Some things are better left not talked about. Like going to strip clubs. She would be naïve to think that you will never go to one in your life, but you don’t talk about it with her,” Martin said.

“All you do is create this unnecessary jealousy that just sucks the fucking fun out of your relationship. It’s not like you’re going to go home with one of these girls,” Rich added.

Patrick looked at Pete worriedly. “It’s your call man,” Pete said.

“I guess, it’ll be okay. It’s only one night, right?”

“That’s my man!” Martin exclaimed.

They all got out of the car and walked into the club, but Patrick could feel his stomach churning uneasily. He kept looking at his phone, wondering if he should just tell Harper where he was. He knew where she was tonight and he didn’t think it was fair that she didn’t know where he was.

“Patrick, if you were going to call her you probably should have done it before we stepped into the club,” Joe muttered coming up beside him.

“I feel bad though,” Patrick said.

“It’ll be okay, man! We just hang out here for a little bit and then tomorrow you call her and it’ll be over. You don’t even have to have a lap dance.”

Patrick didn’t even think about having a lap dance. He blanched just imagining some half-naked girl grinding on him that wasn’t Harper.

The manager of the club escorted them to a large table where there were already buckets full of champagne sitting on top of it. As they walked through the club, Patrick gawked at the large stage area where a tall slender woman in only a thong swung lithely around a pole. The patrons were primarily men and some were already occupied by other dancers who were making their rounds around the expansive room. Patrick eased into his chair and nervously fiddled with the edge of his shirt.

Soon the champagne was flowing and the conversation got loud. People that Martin and Rich knew came up and chatted with them, talking to the guys about their album and their tour. Andy had decided to wander the building and left them for awhile. Patrick filled himself full of champagne and could feel the effects of the bubbly drink hit his body, his mind starting to relax and enjoy itself.

Suddenly, Rich, who had left for the bathroom, came back with a few girls in tow. “All right ladies, these boys need some lovin’.”

Joe grinned and patted his lap, ready for whichever girl came to him first. Patrick just stared as one of the girls walked up to him and straddled his lap. She was topless and besides the black thong she had on, she was naked everywhere else. Patrick quickly turned his eyes back onto his glass of champagne.

“You look lonely,” a female voice said, and he felt a finger lift his chin up so that his eyes met those of a slender blonde girl with large breasts trapped by a measly piece of fabric. Can they really classify that as a bikini top? He thought to himself.

“Um, n…no, I..I’m good,” he stammered, but she was persistent, rubbing her hands along his thighs, barely grazing his crotch. Patrick closed his eyes, wishing that he could be anywhere else right now.

“Mmm, you are good,” she whispered, leaning in and licking his ear lobe.

“Oh gosh, well, thanks,” Patrick said awkwardly, pulling his head away. “I uh, don’t have any cash,” he said apologetically, hoping she would go away.

“Don’t worry compadre, I got you already!” Martin called out to him.

Patrick looked over at Pete who was already making out with the stripper in his lap, his fingers digging into her slender back as they devoured each other with their mouths. He wondered how much Martin and Rich paid these girls for them to get that physical with them.

“You look nervous,” the blonde girl said, rolling her hips in front of him.

“Um, well, I’ve never been to one of these before… and I kind of have a girlfriend,” he said.

She giggled. “Honey, sometimes your girlfriend can’t give you what you really want.” She took her top off and grabbed his hands, placing them on her breasts.

“Whoa!” Patrick exclaimed, pulling out of her grasp. She just smiled.

“Calm down and just enjoy it,” she then sat in his lap and started grinding against him. “Oh, I see you are enjoying it, that must be your problem.”

Patrick could feel his whole face on fire. He looked over at Pete again and at Joe, trying to catch one of their eyes. Joe was the first to notice him and looked at him as if he had three heads. Patrick motioned for help and Joe just shook his head and turned back to the girl in front of him.

Patrick thought he had felt his phone vibrating, and looked back at the girl who was now trying to take his leather jacket off. He pulled his phone out and looked at it, seeing a missed call from Harper. Crap, he thought.

“Um, excuse me, I kind of have to make a call,” he started and then the phone started vibrating again. The girl stopped and grabbed the phone from Patrick. “No wait!”

She looked at it and grinned. “That’s the girlfriend isn’t it?” she hit ignore and threw his phone to the side. “Tonight is just about you and me honey.”

Patrick saw Andy coming back over to them and with every effort, he pushed the girl off of him. “Oh look Andy’s back. He’s going to want a turn!” he exclaimed, giving Andy a beseeching look. Andy looked back at him oddly.

“Uh, wow, I leave for like an hour and you guys are all knee deep in vagina,” he commented.

Patrick stumbled out of the grasp of the stripper. “Please, I don’t want a lap dance,” he whispered to Andy, who looked at Patrick with sympathy.

“Okay,” he pushed Patrick out of the way and introduced himself to the blonde stripper that was dancing on Patrick. Patrick grabbed his phone and started to hit Harper’s name, but realized that it was probably a mistake for him to call her inside the club. He went in search of a quiet place and ended up down a hall with doors in either side. He opened one up and saw one plush chair and a small glass end table sitting in the room. It was quiet so he shut and locked the door behind him.

He dialed Harper’s number.

“Hello?” he could hear exhaustion in her voice, but it made him relieved.

“Hey, I’m so sorry. We’re at this, uh, club and it’s just really loud,” he said, taking a seat on the chair.

“Oh, it’s okay,” she said quietly.

“What’s wrong?” he asked her. He could hear something in her voice that wasn’t quite right.

She was silent for a second before responding. “Um, we ran into Akemi at the party tonight.”

“Oh wow, how’d that go?”

“She started making some really nasty comments about me so I dumped my beer on her head.”

Patrick snorted. “Wow, the first part of that sucks, but the second part kind of turns me on a little bit.”

He heard her giggle softly. “Thanks.”

“I miss hearing you laugh,” he murmured into the phone.

“I miss being near you,” she replied softly. “I wish you were in this bed with me.”

Patrick could feel his heart leap into his throat. “What would we be doing if I was in there with you?”

He could hear her slightly hesitate, then in a barely audible whisper, “I wouldn’t be wearing this t-shirt and shorts for one thing.”

Patrick closed his eyes, picturing Harper’s naked body, his hands running up and down her smooth skin. “I think I would like that. Where would your lips be?”

“My lips? They would be kissing your lips, and then maybe they would start kissing other places too…”

“Mmm, Harper,” he murmured, his hand moving underneath the waist of his jeans.

Just then he heard a fist banging against the door. “Hey! Who the hell is in there!” Patrick jumped out of the chair.

“Holy smokes, uh, Harper, I have to go,” he said.

“Okay, I know, you’re still out,” she said, a little disappointed. “I will talk to you later?”

“Yeah, definitely. I love you!” He quickly hung up the phone, and hurried to the door. He stuffed his phone in his pocket and opened the door, nearly colliding with a large dark-skinned man in a black suit. He was glaring at Patrick.

“What the hell man? These rooms are for PAYING customers only. I don’t see no girl in there.”

“Sorry, I didn’t know, I just had to make a call.”

“Boy, go outside if you need to make a call. Get the hell out of here!” he shouted, and Patrick dashed away as fast as he could back to the guys. As he got closer to the table, he saw that Pete had disappeared along with the girl he was making out with. Martin and Rich were taking shots with Joe, while Andy was leaned back playing with his phone. Patrick sat down next to Andy who looked up and smiled.

“Harper okay?”

Patrick looked over at him. “Uh, yeah. She’s good.”

Andy nodded and went back to typing away on his phone. Patrick sighed and rubbed his tired eyes.

“Patrick! What the hell man!?” Joe exclaimed, trying to balance himself as he stood up. He stumbled over to Patrick and handed him a shot glass. His eyes were bloodshot and Patrick could smell the harsh scent of vodka on his breath. “That girl was into you! I mean, hey, nice of you to give Andy something, but what the hell?” he fell into the empty spot next to Patrick.

“Really, Joe? Are you that drunk that you forgot about Harper?” Patrick said, starting to get a little annoyed.

Joe laughed. “Come on Patrick, get real. I know you love the girl, but you know it won’t last long. What with her parents being bat shit crazy and she’s not much saner either…” Patrick pushed him, knocking the shot glass out of his hand. Joe jumped up angrily. “What the fuck man!”

“Joe you can be such an asshole when you’re drunk,” Patrick said.

“Dude, I’m sorry, I’m just being real with you. Sorry I’m not Pete,” he shot back. “Martin and Rich agree with me.”

“I don’t care what they think about me and Harper, they aren’t my band mates,” Patrick snarled.

“Well Andy thinks the same thing too,” Joe said pointing Andy.

“Oh no you don’t, I’m staying out of this colossal brawl,” Andy said, standing up. “I’m going back over to the bar area.” He held up two peace signs and sauntered off.

Patrick glared at Joe. “Take back what you said about Harper.”

“Eh, no. Don’t think so. God, don’t be such a fucking stick in the mud. You know your girl is kind of crazy, don’t deny it.”

Patrick growled and jumped on Joe, trying to get a punch in, but Joe was blocking him. “Take… It… Back!” he shouted.

Martin and Rich were just laughing at them. “There’s some entertainment,” Rich commented, and they cheered, clinking their shot glasses together and downing another shot of vodka.

Patrick suddenly felt someone grabbing him by the waist, pulling him off of Joe. He ended up taking a fistful of Joe’s unruly curls with him. “Let go of me!” Patrick shouted, pushing the person’s hands off his waist. He spun around and came face to face with Pete.

“Dude, what are you doing?” Pete asked him, giving him harsh look.

“Patrick can’t take a joke man,” Joe said, sitting up on elbows, wiping some blood from the corner of his mouth. “Hey little man, you got me,” he said with a smirk. Pete gave him a foreboding look and Joe shut his mouth.

“He was calling Harper crazy,” Patrick said breathlessly.

Pete shook his head. “Joe, shut the fuck up and get sober. You’re an idiot when you’re drunk.”

“No you are!” Joe retorted and started laughing.

Pete looked over at Martin and Rich who were both laughing as well. “Come on man.” He led Patrick over to the bathrooms.

“He’s such an asshole,” Patrick exclaimed, wringing his hands.

“Yeah, but he’s drunk man. Don’t take him too seriously.” Pete patted his back. “So he called Harper crazy huh?”

“Yeah, and he said we weren’t going to make it.”

Pete nodded. “And you’re worried that he’s right?”

“No!” Patrick hesitated. “Maybe. I don’t know. I’ve never had a relationship before. I don’t know how this works and going through all of this.” He bent over the sink, taking deep breaths to calm himself down. “Sorry, I’m being kind of stupid.”

“Don’t worry about it. Joe needs to get the shit kicked out of him once in a while. It’s good for him.”

“I wouldn’t call that getting the shit kicked out of him,” Patrick said gloomily. “Pete, when that stripper was on top of me, a part of me kind of liked it,” he admitted.

Pete chuckled. “Well, you are a human man, I’d be kinda worried if a half-naked woman grinding on your cock didn’t turn you on.” When he saw the worry in Patrick’s face, he became serious. “Patrick, just because you had one lap dance that you liked doesn’t mean that you’re going to start cheating on Harper with every girl that winks at you. I told her and I will tell you, I won’t let you do that. Though I don’t think I need to police it. You seemed to be able to stop it all by yourself.”

“How do you know, you were too busy sucking face with the chick dancing on top of you.”

“Ah yes, but I had one eye on you just in case. I know you didn’t see it, but I did. “

“What happened when I left?”

“Andy pretty much ignored the girl until she moved onto Martin and Rich.”

“And where did you go?”

Pete smirked. “They have these private rooms…”

“Oh, okay, yeah, I see now,” Patrick said quickly, blushing.

Pete laughed. “Come here, man,” he pulled Patrick into a hug, Patrick resting his head against Pete’s shoulder.

“This isn’t a gay bar, you queers!” A guy shouted who had just come out of one of the stalls.

Pete kept hugging Patrick and stuck his middle finger up at the guy. “You’re the one watching, shithead,” Pete shouted, and the guy started mumbling something rude and rushed out of the bathroom. Pete let go of Patrick. “Feel better?”

“Yeah, a little,” Patrick said shrugging. “Guess I should go make up with Joe now, huh?”

“Or you could hold it over his head for awhile. That’s what I would do,” Pete replied, smiling. “Come on, let’s go get the guys and find a ride home.”

“You don’t want to stay any longer?”

“Eh, not really… see I kinda promised that girl that I would take her away from all of this, and I’m pretty sure she’s packing her shit up right now,” Pete confessed.

“What?!” Patrick exclaimed.

“Yeah, I was all hopped up on her sex, I don’t know what I was thinking,” Pete retorted.

They headed out of the bathroom and managed to pull Joe away from the bottle of vodka he was nursing and found Andy talking up some punk rock-looking stripper with a massive amount of tattoos that rivaled Andy’s own tattoos.

Joe eventually apologized to Patrick the next day in his own brusque way and the day after that they were heading back to Philadelphia. It was about five o’clock on Sunday when Pete pulled up in front of the Joe and Patrick’s dorm to drop them off.

“See you fuckers later!” Pete shouted, and he sped off, Andy waving good bye from the passenger seat.

“Man, this sucks, doesn’t it?” Joe said, as they stared at the bleak brick front of their temporary housing situation. Kids their own age filed in and out, all buzzing about their triumphant returns back to their hometowns, where they basked in all of the attention they received from old friends and rivals and boasted about how awesome of a time they were having in college.

Patrick had to agree with Joe. It definitely wasn’t the place he wanted to be. He had a taste of being in the studio, of living the life of a rock star and all he wanted to do was get out. The dorm started to look more like a prison. After they unpacked their stuff, throwing most of their clothes into the dirty hamper, Patrick decided to go down to Harper’s room and wait on her.

“Wait, I want to come too!” Joe exclaimed, jumping off of his bed.

“Why?” Patrick asked him.

“Her roommate will be there right?”

“Yeah, probably, but, her boyfriend might be there too.”

“So? I need to size up my competition anyway.”

Patrick sighed. “Okay, fine.” They walked down to Harper and Cassidy’s room and knocked on the door.

It swung open and Cassidy was standing there in a tank top and tight yoga shorts. Patrick was pretty sure Joe’s mouth was hanging wide open. “What do you want?” she said, looking at the two of them irritated.

“Um, I wanted to know if I could wait here to surprise Harper,” Patrick replied. She looked from him to Joe.

“I’m here to see how long it will take me to piss you off,” Joe replied with a smirk.

“Well, it won’t surprise you to learn then that it won’t take you long,” Cassidy remarked. “Come in. I know Harper will want to see you.” She let them into their room and Patrick went and sat on Harper’s bed. He could smell her body spray on the sheets and it made him excited to see her.

Whoa, this is a weird feeling, he thought.

Joe went to sit on Cassidy’s bed. “Oh no you don’t Thor, get your freaky long-haired self over there next to Patrick,” Cassidy exclaimed, pushing him away.

Patrick rolled his eyes at Joe who grinned at him as he walked over to Harper’s bed. Patrick sat on the edge of the bed restlessly shaking his leg, while Joe made himself comfortable, laying out on top of her comforter.

“So tell me Cassidy. How’s your boyfriend?” Joe asked her.

Cassidy, who had resumed reading her physics textbook looked up at him oddly. “He’s good and ready to kick your ass any time you’re in the mood.”

Patrick smirked at this comment.

“Well, I’m not looking for a fight. I’m a lover, not a fighter,” Joe retorted.

“That would explain your lip then,” she laughed and Joe went red.

“If you think that’s bad, you should see the other guy,” Joe replied, and Patrick raised an eyebrow at him, but not revealing Joe’s lie. “I’m like Gandhi or Martin Luther King Jr. though, I only fight when necessary.”

“I don’t think they used violence at all,” Cassidy pointed out.

“Clearly, you haven’t read your history books very closely then,” Joe said winking.

"No, I'm pretty sure they didn't," Cassidy said.

Patrick just shook his head at Joe’s ridiculousness.

“You know, you guys can turn the TV on or something. I am kinda studying,” Cassidy said, giving them both a dirty look.

“Right,” Patrick said, grabbing the remote off of the TV stand and turning it on. They sat there for almost an hour before Patrick heard the outside door open up. He jumped up, eager to see her. He still didn’t fully understand these feelings as the endorphins in his body exploded and ran amok.

“Jesus, you two are exactly the same,” Cassidy muttered, looking at him oddly.

He wasn’t listening to her though. All he could hear was his heart pounding and Harper’s footsteps.

“Cassidy,” he heard her calling out. “I’m sorry I’m late, we got stuck in tra…” she trailed off as she stepped into the room and her eyes fixated on Patrick standing in front of her. She dropped her backpack on the floor. “Hey,” she said breathless, the edges of her mouth turning up into a smile.

“Hey,” he said, grinning back just as foolishly.

“Okay, Joe, why don’t you show me, um, that thing in your, um room,” Cassidy said, jumping up and grabbing Joe’s arm. Joe’s eyes widened with excitement.

“Wow, I knew that my charm just needed to emanate throughout the room and it would turn you on eventually,” Joe replied and Cassidy rolled her eyes, pulling him up off Harper’s bed.

“Welcome back, Harper, I’ll see you later,” Cassidy said, giving her a kiss on the cheek as she pulled Joe out of the room.

When the door was closed, Patrick took three quick steps and pulled Harper into his arms. Their lips met their tongues dancing between their lips desirously. Patrick pulled her toward her bed, never missing a beat. “I know it’s only been three days, but I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered, pushing her onto the bed.

“I know, I’ve missed you too,” she whispered, grabbing hold of his shirt and pulling him down with her.

As their clothes came off and their bodies intertwined, Patrick realized that being in that bed with her was the only place that Patrick knew he wanted to be, and he wasn’t sure if he ever wanted to leave that spot