Bruised Bodies

"and so I’m saying goodbye to him and he fucking kisses me, on the lips, in front of my entire family!
I'm like 8 so I don't fucking care but my parents freaked out because my brother and sisters saw so we ended up moving here so we don't get exposed to the gay!"

I had never told that story to anyone, mostly because I never had anyone to tell it too. That wasn't entirely true, i had plenty of friends to talk to but I was never intrested in ecoming involved with them in that way, and i certainly didn't want to hear about their shitty problems.

I never realized how great it felt to talk to another human being for more than five minutes and it honestly felt exhilarating tripping over my own words from the excitemnet and the beer and other things i decided to mix into my drink.

"If only they knew that I’m gayer than neil patrick harris.” We were laughing hysterically for a few minutes until the laughter died down and we were serious again. We finally finished off the last of the beer and the other alcoholic drinks that i had and i couldn't help but have that empty feeling sinking in, one of the reasons i would stray away from being around others in the first place.

“When did you first realize you were gay?” Vic asked suddenly, and i stopped for a moment to think.

When had I realized I was gay?

“I think I always knew, I guess I just never felt that attraction to girls, not the way that I do for guys at least.” I answered honestly and Vic smiled, making my heart skip. This is stupid, why am i getting all nervous for this loser.

“Have you ever even kissed a guy, the way that you reacted when I kissed you, you’ve got to be a virgin in every sense of the phrase?

And how do you know you like it if you’ve never done any of that stuff.” He asked.

I don't know why but I was hit with this wave of anger, like who the hell was he to question my sexuality and my sexual status or whatever.

“ I have kissed a guy I told you already, and you just scared me. Besides its none of your business if I have or haven’t.” I glared at him and he moved closer putting his hand on my thigh, clearly unfased by my anger. i wished that i pushed him away and demanded some respect but, when he touched my i got this surge of electricity through me, I got all tingly all over and i had this rush that was almost addictive.

“Maybe I want to make it my business, besides I want you to like this kind of stuff.” he was moving closer and I knew that my body would betray me this time.

He placed his hand under my chin and made me look at him. i knew that I wouldn't be able to resist him. I was freaking out on the inside and he probably knew it, he probably knew that i had no idea what i was doing and that i was too drunk to pull away. Vic leaned in and captured my lips in his, at first I didn’t make any effort to move my lips in fear that i would fuck up and Vic felt me all tense and unmoving so he moved away, his lips finally leaving mine.

I was burning red and i felt hot all over; I was trying to think of something to say but nothing came to mind, i wanted to kiss him again but i was much to embarrassed to voice my thoughts.

“Forget it, I guess you don’t like me after all.” Vic began to get up and retrieve his phone from where ever he dropped it but i was quick to grab at his wrist, pulling him back down to where i was seated on the bed.

“Wait, I want to try again, please.” I averted my eyes from him but quickly jerked my head up when he put his arm around my waist and sat me on his lap. i could feel his breath on the side of my face and his heart beat through my arm.

“Look at me and tell me you want me.”

-

The persistant knock on the door woke me up, the person on the other side- My older sister, alerting me that dinner would be done shortly.

This had not been the the first time that i've woken up half drunk and completely confused. I looked at the clock on the wall and it was only 6:30, it felt like a whole day had passed.

I looked around and my eyes widened when I saw who was laying next to me. Vic was laying face down in the spot next to me half clothed and looking a bit rough if I was being honest. I tried to think hard; did i have sex with him? i didn't want to think about it but all the evidence was pointing to it. My jeans we're around my ankles but we wouldn't have been able to do it with my pants around my ankles would we? none of this was helping kill these suspisions. I'm being way to cool about this, i mean, i might have just lost my virginity to some jerk that i hardly knew and i'm not even reacting the way that most people would.

"Great," I muttered, "the one time I let someone in and it's in the literal sense."

Vic stirred from next to me and I held my breath, maybe if I didn't make a sound he wouldn't notice me. He turned onto his back and looked me straight in the eyes and his widened, most likely mirroring my facial expression.

"Oh god, don't look at me like that." he said, his voice hoarse.

"did we," my voice lowered to a whisper, i was afraid to say it, "do it?" Vic chuckled.

"My butt doesn't hurt but i don't really know how this would work, does yours?" i was completely serious and vic started laughing at me! what the fuck was so funny about this?

"I didn't fuck you Kellin, and what makes you think i would let you top?" Vic asked me. What the fuck did he mean by that?

"Top?" i had never heard of that before, is that like who is on top during the missionary position?

"Are you serious?" I was obviosly serious if i was fucking asking but i didn't say anything. i nodded. "top like the one putting the dick in you, bottom, the one recieving the dicking." he said casually and maybe a bit annoyed.

Dicking, that sounded horrible, i didn't want to get dicked? or whatever, oh god i'm gonna be sick.

"That sounds ugly, why did you say it like that?"

"Honestly Kellin, do you know anything about gay sex? If it's so damn ugly then don't fucking ask." he snapped and I lifted an eyebrow.

"What's your problem?"

"My problem is that you're looking at me like I fucking stole something from you, you told me you wanted me so don't act like i forced myself onto you." He looked offended but he shouldn't be getting upset, he's probably slept with half the town so he had nothing to worry about. I was mad now and it took everything in me not to hit him.

"You shouldn't even be mad at me! I don't even want to think about where your skin has been just please... just leave i have to shower." Oh god, what if i have an std now?

"Whatever, i hope you slip in the shower!" he started to pick up his shirt then he turned to me.

"You wouldn't have been a good fuck anyways, you ugly little bitch!" He's calling me ugly? look who was talking... okay he was hot but i wasn't about to boost his self-esteem, i wanted him out. i rolled my eyes and watched Vic fix himself up and leave.

after about ten minutes there was another knock on the door and then the door was being opened. It was my brother Matt.

"What do you want?" he went over to where i was and sat down.

"I need to ask you something." his voice was soft but i knew he was unforgiving.

"Yeah, sure."