To Write Love On His Arms

A week and two days has already passed by since that phone call from Dr. Fisher. Austin has yet to inform Matty about what it was all about since then. Every time when Matty asked what it was about, Austin told his husband that it was nothing to worry about.

“Austin, please tell me what’s wrong,” pleaded Matty. Currently, he and Austin were in their bedroom, getting ready to go to sleep. “You’ve been acting strange since the phone call the other day, sweetie.”

The older male sighed, his arms now wrapping themselves around Matty’s small body. He kissed the top of his head, a small frown on both of their faces. “Don’t worry about it, love.”

“Why won’t you tell me?”

“Because it’s not important, Matty,” he said softly. “The only thing that matters to me is that you’re okay and here with me. Please, don’t worry. I don’t like to see you upset.”

The small male only sighed, resting his head on Austin’s chest, listening to his heart beat. “Alright.”

But no matter how hard Matty tried to get a reasonable explanation from the tattooed man, his husband would tell him that there was either nothing to worry about or it was nothing special, just some random number calling for an advertisement. Matty wasn’t blind and Austin knew that. Matty knew Austin as well as he knew himself so it was easy for the small male to see Austin’s lies in his eyes. And as each passing minute went by, he had enough of his husband hiding the topic of the phone call from him.

It was around the middle of the night when Matty was fed up with Austin’s lame excuses. When the tattooed man was asleep, he released himself from his hold, grabbing the two luggage bags that were hidden under their bed. Matty wanted to leave so that he can have some space to himself and for Austin’s to have his space as well to think things out.

When Matty was only centimeters close to the door, Austin was standing behind him, yawning softly. “Where are you going, baby?” Austin asked with a frown. Matty didn’t need to see his face to know that Austin was upset, afraid even.

“I-I’m leaving, okay?” he answered, not looking at Austin.

“Why? You’re coming back, right?”

The smaller of the two sighed heavily, now turning to look at his husband’s tired brown eyes. “I’m leaving because you’re not being honest with me. You won’t tell me what that phone call was about and I’m just scared that you’re doing something behind my back. I-I just wanna know w-what’s wrong, okay? I’m your husband! I care about you more than I care about myself,” Matty said, now crying. “Just please tell me what’s going on.”

Austin thought his heart was going to break, knowing that his husband was crying. The last time he witnessed Matty cry was when he got slapped by She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. “Mats, I would never cheat on you, if that’s what you’re thinking. You’re all I ever wanted and all I ever wished for and I would never do such a thing to you,” he said to him, picking him up bridal style. Austin carried him all the way back to their bedroom, laying him down and taking off Matty’s shoes. Once they were removed, he layed down next to the male, kissing the tears away from his face.

“Last week, I got a phone call, saying that Dr. Vincent died, you remember him, right? Well, anyway, he died from a heart attack and this other doctor wanted to let me know and he also reminded me about that procedure we were supposed to do like…two or three years ago. I told him I didn’t wanna do it anymore, but he said I couldn’t go back on my word. So I just told him to give me some time to think, that’s why I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to worry you.”

“But, you wanted to do this, remember? This is how we met; this is why I’m here in your life, Austin. Babe, you and I both know that your heart isn’t getting any better. And with your heart condition, it might fail on you sometime. I know you don’t wanna do this, but I want you to.”

“Don’t speak that way, I won’t allow you to!” Austin shouted, now crying as well. “Please, you don’t mean it, Matty. I can always get another heart donor, love, don’t worry. I don’t even wanna do this. What if it goes wrong? Please, Matty, please. You need me, you said it yourself. I need you.”

Matty hands held Austin’s face, his soft, small thumbs wiping away the tears on Austin’s face. “I need you too, believe me.”



“Hello, is this Mr. Austin Carlile?”

“No, this is Matthew Carlile, speaking. Who is this?”

“Matthew as in…Matthew Moore, is that correct?” asked an unfamiliar voice on the phone. Matty confirmed that it was indeed him, once again asking who it was. “Oh, I’m Dr. Isaac Fisher. I am calling in regards for Mr. Carlile.”

“What about Austin?” Matty asked. Currently, Matty was watching The Little Mermaid (his mother’s favorite Disney movie), while Austin was out hanging with his old band mate, Shayley, and Alan. “Is there something wrong?”

“No, not at all. I’m calling because I wanted to remind Mr. Carlile about the procedure he was supposed to do. I had informed him about so not too long ago, but he had never told me if he wanted to continue doing so. Do you know if he still wants to continue the procedure?”

“Since I’m his heart donor, I’m just wondering if he really needs the procedure. Is it necessary or just optional?”

“He doesn’t actually need it as you would put it, but I highly recommend doing so. After checking on some of the recent lab work Mr. Carlile has done, I believe that he’s heart isn’t going to last very long,” the doctor said.

Matty felt like the world had just ended in a matter of seconds. Austin, his heart not going to last very long, the thought made him sick to his stomach. He didn’t want Austin’s heart giving up. Matty wants Austin to live a long life, do things that maybe he’s never gotten to do before. “Forever and always” they always said. After thought and consideration, he knew he wasn’t going to regret the next thing he was going to say.

“He’s gonna do the procedure.”



“Matty, can you come over here?” Austin called out from the living room. Matty didn’t hear the TV playing in the background, but he could listen to the seriousness in his husband’s voice which sort of worried him. “Now.”

Matty got up from his and Austin’s king sized bed, walking to the living room where he found the tattooed man quietly sitting on the couch, playing with his tattooed fingers. “What’s wrong, Aus?”

Austin sighed heavily, not once making eye contact with Matty. “W-why did you tell Dr. Fisher that I-I’m doing the p-procedure?” he asked in a whisper.

“Aus—“

“Why, Matty? What’s so important that you told him that I would still continue doing the operation, huh?” Austin nearly shouted, finally looking at Matty. Austin’s once happy brown eyes looked so lifeless, so…hopeless.

“Because your heart is not gonna last much longer, Austin! He told me like he didn’t give two shits. Austin, I-I don’t want your heart to fail so soon, I don’t want you g-gone.”

“I-I,” Austin said, not knowing what else to say. He couldn’t believe that this is exactly why Matty told Dr. Fisher that he was doing the operation because he didn’t have much longer to live. “I-I didn’t know.”

Matty hugged Austin, trying to hold back the river of tears that were threatening to spill down. “You deserve to live a long happy life, love. I don’t want you to die anytime soon. You always said to do what I wanna do, and this is what I wanna do. I want you to live the rest of your life without your heart getting in the way. I want you to have fun riding rollercoasters without your heart failing by the first drop. I want you to be able to play baseball like you used to. I want you to do whatever you couldn’t without your damn heart in the way of that.”

“Are you sure this is what you want?” Austin questioned in a whisper tone. Although all those things did sound nice to do, he just wished he could do that and still have his amazing husband by his side.

“Yes.”



Ever watched that one MTV show, The Buried Life? Basically, it’s a show about doing things before you die. The first time Matty watched that show, he was inspired to do this own bucket list of stuff he has always wanted to do before he died. He never did do them, but he kept his record in his mother’s jewelry box that he kept as a memory of her. So while Matty was taking a nap after crying on Austin’s shoulder, the tattooed man looked through the wooden box in search of the piece of paper.

After finding the only folded sheet of line paper in the box, Austin sat down on the bed, reading the list over and over again. The procedure was going to be on October 15, which was five months from now. Five months was enough for Austin to complete every single thing on the list.



“Matty, wake up. I made you some breakfast, love,” Austin cooed, gently shaking the smaller male’s shoulder. As he saw Matty rub the sleep out of his eyes with his little fists, he stopped him from getting up from the bed. “No, you’ll have breakfast in bed today.”

Matty tilted his head in confusion, wondering what his husband was up to. “What’s all this for?” he asked, referring to the freshly cooked meal.

“Just a nice breakfast in bed for my amazing husband,” Austin answered, kissing Matty’s forehead.

After them sharing the delicious plate of chocolate chip pancakes, a slice of toast, and strips of bacon, they spent the whole day watching Disney movies, cuddling, and kissing in bed. Today was a perfect day for the two and Austin knew how to top it off. That was when thing one from Matty’s list came.

Six o’ clock rolled around, and they had just finished watching The Corpse’s Bride. Austin instructed Matty to get ready in about ten minutes because he wanted to do something for him. After tying their shoes, brushing their messy bed hair, and having to stop five almost make out sessions, here they were on the rooftop of some building only Austin knew about.

“What are we doing on a rooftop, Aus?” questioned Matty, looking at the sun about to set.

“We’re gonna watch the sun set,” Austin answered, slipping his right arm around Matty’s small waist.

The first thing that was on Matty’s bucket list was to watch the sun set then kiss underneath the moonlight on a rooftop. At first, Austin didn’t get why, but until he noticed how nice it felt with their arms around each other, staring at the yellow, orange sun setting while the sky went from looking light blue to a mixture of purple, blue, and a hint of pink, and the clouds fading. It felt nice having the hot summer air getting cooler. And once the sky was midnight blue and the stars sprinkled everywhere in the sky, Austin could have sworn that Matty looked even more beautiful underneath the moonlight.

As the night went on, Austin heard the little yawn come out of his husband. “Ready to go home and sleep?”

“Yes,” Matty said, rubbing his eyes just like he did earlier.

Austin grabbed his hand, lacing their fingers together. Before he led Matty to the exit, he pressed his chapped lips with his husband’s luscious ones. They both smiled into the kiss, thinking that they’re living some scene in a cheesy romantic movie. But that was okay with Matty because as long as he was living that cheesy moment with the man he loved, then that was fine with him.



Two days passed by and Matty had been so happy after that. He didn’t have one clue that Austin was going to do everything he wanted to do before he died (Then again, Matty never really noticed things until the last minute). Austin wanted to do two more other things on the list before going on the upcoming Warped Tour that Of Mice and Men were doing (which Matty was coming along, of course).

The two walked hand in hand into a rather small building near the mall. Austin was taking Matty to get something that was on the list. The tall man was excited to see his husband’s reaction, and he was bouncing up and down like a little kid on Christmas. It only made Matty smile seeing how happy Austin is.

“So what’d you wanna take to, Aus?” Matty asked, swinging their arms.

As they entered the building, Austin only grinned and said, “To get you your very first tattoo!”

“Oh my god, is this for real?”

“W-why? Do you not like it?” Austin asked in concern.

“No, no, not at all,” Matty assured Austin, kissing his cheek. “I’ve always wanted a tattoo.”

“Well, what are you waiting for? Let’s go get you your tattoo!”



Austin was told to wait for Matty. Matty was going to surprise Austin with what tattoo he was getting. If Austin was excited earlier, then he sure as hell is more excited now. He wondered what the small male could be getting a tattoo of. Was it something meaningful? Was it something silly? Was it something that was going to look beautiful or badass on him? Where was he getting his tattoo at? Once Matty told Austin that he was ready to go back home, they both thanked the tattoo artist, saying their goodbyes.

“So what’d you get a tattoo of?” Austin asked, once they got home. He probably asked a hundred times on the drive home, though Matty told Austin that he would tell him as soon as they set foot inside their house.

Matty stuck out his ring finger, smiling nervously. It was Roman Numerals on the side of his finger that read VI XXI XVI. Austin looked slightly confused, so Matty sighed, sitting down on the couch. “It’s the date of our wedding. June 21st, 2016. Well…it’s just the sixteen part, but oh well.”

“I like it,” complemented Austin, smiling at Matty.

“I also got another tattoo as another surprise,” Matty said.

“You got another one?”

The small male nodded excitedly, pulling his shoulder length black hair back, exposing his neck. It was a tattoo of a giant white rose on the right side of his neck. “I got this one because my mom always liked roses but she especially loved the white ones. She thought that they were absolutely beautiful. Whenever I see a white rose, I think of her, you know? So I decided to get this tattoo as a memory of her. Roses are beautiful and so was she.”

Austin’s traced the tattoo with his index finger, smiling at it. “I love it.”



It was the second month of Warped Tour already, and today was actually Matty’s birthday. Austin had a lot in stored today, and it involved the next three things in the bucket list. After waking Matty up, and taking a shower, they headed off on the bus and off they went. The smaller of the two was blindfolded, Austin’s hand the only thing helping him lead to wherever he was taking him.

A few minutes later and Matty almost falling to his face from trying to climb up a few stairs, he could hear a familiar voice speaking with his husband.

“Hey, Austin. How are ya?” the voice asked. “Who’s this and why is he blindfolded?”

Austin only chuckled. “I’m fine, and I wanted to surprise him.”

“Is this some weird kinky shit or…?”

Matty giggled, blushing as he felt Austin’s fingers slightly touch the black blindfold (which was really one of Phil’s clean long black socks). Once he took it off, Matty couldn’t believe who was standing in front of him. “Josh, this is my husband, Matty.”

It was Josh Franceschi. “Well hello there, mate. I can tell you’re a fan of the band by the You Me at Six shirt you’re wearing, huh? It’s nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot of things from my mate, Austin, over here.”

“Today is Matty’s birthday actually,” Austin said, wrapping an arm around Matty’s waist.

“Oh really?” Josh asked, looking at Matty. The boy nodded his head, smiling at Josh who returned the smile. “Happy birthday, mate!”

“Thank you,” Matty finally said, hugging the British male.



Austin had left Josh and Matty alone to socialize. Meeting Josh Franceschi was another thing that was on the list, which he crossed off. While Austin was hanging out with the band and some of the We Came As Romans guys, Josh and Matty just talked about music and a bunch of other random stuff. They both just clicked, and instantly became good friends. Matty had to remember to thank Austin for that amazing gift because getting to meet Josh and exchange phone numbers with him was probably the best thing ever that’s happened on his birthday.

Once Matty and Josh went their separate ways, Josh heading off to do a signing and Matty to the Of Mice and Men bus, Matty was told that he was gonna have another surprise. As Matty was excitedly watching his husband perform his set, he wondered what his surprise could be. His thoughts were interrupted once he heard the loud cheers coming from the audience.

“I wanna bring out somebody special today,” Austin said into the microphone, no longer looking at the fans but the small male. He walked towards him, grabbing his hand and leading him onto the stage. “You guys all know my amazing husband, Matty, right?”

The fans shouted a “yeah.”

“Awesome, well today is his birthday! And I wanted to do something special, something he’s never gonna forget for his birthday.” Aaron handed the vocalist a microphone, who only passed it to Matty. “This song is called Second and Sebring, and my husband is gonna sing this with me.”

“I-I am?” Matty asked, looking at Austin in astonishment.

“Yeah! You guys wanna hear him sing with me?!” Austin asked, mostly shouted, into the microphone, a loud cheer as a response. “Let’s do this.”

“I believe it's time for me to be famous and out of place. I believe it's time for me to move forward. When I break through…”

“You know that I will always be here 'til the end.”

“I'll use the love you left behind. I'll change their minds; I'll change their minds.”

“I hope you smile when you look down on me.”

“This is not what it is; only baby scars. I need your love like a boy needs his mother's side,” Matty sung into the microphone.

“This is not what it is; only baby scars. I need your love like a boy needs his mother's side, yeah.” The song ended, with the audience cheering and some of the nearby bands that were performing watching and cheering as well.

‘I hope I made you proud, mom.’ Matty thought to himself, holding his husband’s hand.



The happy couple was walking around, greeting all the fans and watching the bands. Matty had promised Josh that he would watch You Me at Six’s set and so that’s where they were heading off to. After stopping to take photos and Austin signing stuff for the fans, they were now watching the British men step on stage.

“What’s up, Ohio?!” Josh said, flashing a charming smile. “Before we start our set, I would like to say happy birthday to a new friend of mine, Matty Carlile, who’s watching us right now!”

Matty blushed. ‘Can this day get any better?’

A couple of songs later, here Matty and Austin were, Matty swaying to Always Attract with Kellin Quinn from Sleeping with Sirens singing with Josh and Austin’s arms holding him from behind, his chin resting on Matty’s shoulder. Austin thought the next thing on the list after singing with Austin would be hard (it was “Do something interesting at Warped Tour that has never happened before.”), but after reaching out to Josh, he had to rely on the British man to help do so.

“Our next song is dedicated to our friends, Austin and Matty. It’s not a song by either Kellin or I, but we wanted to surprise them with this next song. This is Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls.”

“The song we danced to at our wedding?” Matty asked, more to himself than to the tattooed man.

“I didn’t think they’d play this song, but,” Austin started off, standing in front of his husband and sticking his tattooed hand out. “Will you have this dance with me?”

“Yes,” Matty answered with a giggle.

Matty put his arms around his husband’s neck, Austin’s hands resting on Matty’s hips. They moved slowly, Matty’s head on Austin’s chest, humming along to Kellin and Josh’s singing.

“And I'd give up forever to touch you,
‘cause I know that you feel me somehow.
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
and I don't wanna go home right now.

And all I can taste is this moment.
And all I can breathe is your life.
When sooner or later it's over,
I just don't wanna miss you tonight.

And I don't want the world to see me,
‘cause I don't think that they'd understand.
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you to know who I am.”

The audience made a huge circle around them, watching them in awe. Truly this was something that has never happened at Warped Tour.



Warped Tour 2017 ended just a week ago and honestly, it was a crazy, but memorable, summer. The procedure was for two more months, and honestly, it was freaking Austin out. He didn’t want to lose Matty already. Sure, the summer went by really slow, but he didn’t want it to end. He went through the list in his hands.

Watch the sun set then have a kiss on the rooftop underneath the moonlight.
Get at least one tattoo.
Meet Josh Franceschi
Perform Second and Sebring live with Austin Carlile.
Do something interesting at Warped Tour that has never happened before.

There was one more thing left to do on the list, and honestly, it took him a lot of research to do before he planned on doing it.



It was nearly the end of August and after enough “research”, he was ready to do the last thing on Matty’s list. Currently, Austin and Matty were driving to the place where Austin had to accomplish his final thing on the list. The car ride there was silent, but very much nerve-wracking. Austin was driving apprehensively, causing worry to build up inside Matty. Austin wondered if Matty would be sad, happy, or furious.

Once arriving there, Austin opened the passenger door like the gentleman he is, taking his husband’s hand and leading him the way. Matty looked around his surroundings, stepping on the freshly cut green grass with every step. It looked so depressing, so sad, but he knew why he was here. And suddenly, he was glad that he was.

Now, the two males were standing in front of the dirty tombstone, no words spoken just like the car ride to the graveyard. Matty kneeled down, his pale finger tracing the name and the date of birth and death on the tombstone.



“A-Austin, you took m-me to my mom’s g-grave?” Matty asked, a tear landing on the dirt he was kneeling on, not looking at Austin.

“Yeah, you said you never got to visit her grave and you wanted to, so I decided to take you there before the ‘who you-know-what’ happens,” Austin answered. Well, it wasn’t entirely a lie.

“Can you give me a moment alone?”

“Of course, anything for you.” Austin kissed the top of Matty’s head, leaving him alone as requested.

“Hey mom,” Matty started off. “I’m sorry that I haven’t gotten to visit you after you died. I feel like a pretty shitty son. I miss you so much and I think of you every day. Um…I actually got married. Yeah, remember that guy I had a bunch of posters of with him and his band, yeah, well, that’s my husband. His name is Austin Carlile. I just wished that you could have met him before you died. He’s an amazing guy and I know you would have loved him. But you’ll meet him someday. Maybe not in person, but oh well. Austin has a big heart, literally. So…his heart isn’t gonna last much longer and he’s gonna need some sort of procedure if he’s gonna live longer. And well…I’m gonna give him my heart. I told him that I’m only giving it to him because I want him to live the best life and live longer. And I just wanna see you again, but I would never tell him that, at least not yet.

“Putting that aside, I just wanted to let you know that I’m doing fine. I know I never did marry some beautiful girl and have adorable grandkids like you would have wanted, but deep down, I know you think I did better in my life. I know that I never did achieve my dream of being a famous singer like I said I would, but that’s okay because I’m already living an amazing life and that’s all I can ask for. Mom, I-I, I wish my last words to you weren’t ‘See you later mom’, because later never happened. I wish the last day I spent with you would have been better instead of me running around your house and being stupid. But when we were dancing in your kitchen like nothing mattered, that was something I don’t regret doing that honestly. Seeing you happy and me being the cause of that is enough for me to be satisfied.”

Matty got up, walking towards Austin who was actually standing a few tombstones away from him, taking his hand. “Mom, this is my amazing husband, Austin. You know…the guy you used to playfully make fun of me about for having a massive crush on him.” Austin giggled, kissing Matty’s cheek and holding his hand. “Bye mom.”

“You wanna go?” Austin asked.

“Yeah,” he mumbled.

“Actually,” Austin started off, his free hand cupping Matty’s face and thumb wiping away the tears. “Can you give me a moment alone? I just need to think for a little bit.”

“Okay, I’ll be in the car.” They both stood up, Matty then leaving. Once Austin was sure that he was all alone, he sat down in front of the tombstone, sighing a little.

“Hello Mrs. Moore. I know you don’t really know me as well as you know your son, but I really wish we did have the opportunity to meet. You’re son, Matty, he’s perfect. You raised a fine man, Mrs. Moore. And although I don’t really know you very well, but from all the stories about you Matty tells me, you seem like a nice woman. I know he probably didn’t notice me overhearing the one part where he wanted to die just to be with you, but I just wanted to say…take good care of him up there for me. I know you and my mom will do a great job up there.”



The beginning of the month, Austin had confessed to Matty about doing everything that was on the list. Matty only laughed at Austin’s anxious behavior, kissing him and telling him that he didn’t really mind that as long as he did everything on that list with Austin, then that was alright by him. Of Mice and Men were working on adding two new songs to their album that was released two months before Warped, and there was one more surprise for Matty (this time, it wasn’t on the list).

Tino, Phil, Aaron, and Alan were told by Austin about Matty deciding to give up his heart for him and that he was going to do it next month. The four males were surprised and upset, Alan even crying about the shocking news. So that’s why they decided to do a deluxe album like they did on The Flood.

“Hey Matty,” Alan said, looking at the male who was sitting next to Aaron.

“Yeah Alan?”

“I think you should sing in one of the new songs. I think the fans would love hearing you sing on the album since they enjoyed your performance back at Warped.”

“You really think so? Nah, I shouldn’t though.”

“You should! If you record the song, then I’ll download the song,” Alan said with a serious look.

“I don’t know Alan,” Matty said, looking unsure.

“I agree with ‘Gingie’ over here,” Tino said, ignoring the ginger’s glare. “I love your singing and the album would be more awesome, no offense to Aaron.”

“Maybe if Aus—“

“What about me?” Austin asked who just came back from using the bathroom. Tino and Alan began to explain to the tattooed vocalist about his husband recording a song with him for the album after hearing him sing back at Warped Tour. “That’s a fantastic idea! You should do it, Mats!”

“Aus, are you sure?”

“I’m one hundred percent positive.”



Instead of recording a new song like they were going to do before, Austin decided to sing a song with Matty that has already been recorded. It was one of Matty’s favorite Of Mice and Men songs, which he always sang to himself when he painted back at their house. They were gonna sing it together and it was going to be the last song they’ve sung. It was When You Can’t Sleep at Night.

“Here in this world I’m awaked with mistakes, but its love that keeps fueling me. Fueling me…” Matty started off. “Pretty little lady with your swollen eyes. Would you show them to me? I know I’m not that perfect, but you stay awhile baby, then you will see.”

“Miles away I can still feel you. Lay your head down on my embrace. My embrace, far away…” Austin sung, smiling a little. “Here in this world I’m awaked with mistakes, but its love that keeps fueling me. Fueling me to love you. Miles away I can still feel you lay your head down on my embrace…”

“Be not afraid to love me…” they both sung together.

They never were afraid of loving each other.



This was it, the very last month of seeing each other. This was the last month they could make love, hold each other’s hands, cuddle, kiss, hug, talk—even stare at each other—one last time. Austin was beginning to hate the month of October, and honestly, he doesn’t even think he even liked it besides celebrating Halloween.

Right now, the two were sitting in the hospital room, finally getting it over with (as how Matty would put it). Austin was heavily breathing, unable to contain himself. He felt as if his heart was going to give up right then and there. Maybe he was lucky if he did, he thought. Then maybe Matty can walk out of the hospital with his own heart. Although if that ever did happen, Austin knows Matty wouldn’t be able to sleep for weeks—maybe even months—and would blame it on himself. He was watching Matty sing and dance along to Jet Leg by Simple Plan with his earphones on. His hospital gown fitted him loosely due to his thin frame, but to the tattooed man’s eyes, he still looked good either way.

Matty tried to look brave. Austin has always put on the brave mask throughout their whole friendship and relationship, and now it was his turn to put it on. It wasn’t easy for Matty to walk into the hospital and pretend that the whole procedure was nothing when it was in fact something. But what can he do? He already agreed to do it, and he already knows that he wants to do it. But that didn’t matter anymore because he’s ready to get it over with, but he knows that he can’t do it without having his husband ready.

“Austin,” Matty said, putting his iPod in Austin’s jacket pocket. The black leather with a gray hoodie jacket that he bought for Austin’s birthday (since they were going up to Ohio that one year back when they were just best friends instead of husband and husband).

“Yeah, Mats?” Austin asked, trying to get comfortable in his hospital bed. They got a room with two separate hospital beds, and honestly, the atmosphere in the room was uncomfortable.

“It’s gonna get better,” he said, getting on the bed and cuddling next to Austin.

“No it’s not, Matty. After this, I’m never gonna see you again. I’m never gonna be able to hold you, and kiss you, and love you. I hate having to lose you. I hate knowing that I’m never gonna grow old with you and that I’m never gonna have a perfect family with you. I hate that I know this is gonna be the last time I see you. W-Why did you a-agree to this, M-Matty?”

Matty sighed heavily, wiping the tears away from Austin’s face. He passionately kissed his lips, knowing that this would be the last time they would share a kiss like this. “I hate this too, A-Austin. But we c-can’t go back. This is it and I know we can never do those things anymore, but just do me one favor.”

“W-what?”

“Stay strong for me.”

“I-I can’t. Not this time.”



It was now time for the operation and the couple was being taken to the operation room. They requested to have the operation done in the same place as weird as it sounds. But if Matty was gonna leave this world; they wanted to at least be in the same room before he’s gone. The two got in their own beds that were very close to each others. As they had their masks placed on, the sleeping gas already coming, they held each other’s hands, entwining their fingers together one last time.

Austin lifted his mask slightly, looking at Matty. “Hey, Matty?”

Matty did the same, looking at him as well. “Yeah Austin?”

“I love you, Matthew Alexander Moore Carlile.”

Matty was beginning to feel the sleep take over him, but he didn’t let that get it the way for his last statement. “I love you too, Austin Robert Carlile.”



Austin woke up, feeling a slight pain in his chest. He looked around his surroundings, noticing that his friends were in the room sitting by his bed. He just hoped that everything was a dream and that Matty was hiding behind the guys. He just hoped that Matty would come out and yell, “Surprise, I’m not giving out my heart, silly! Let’s go home and cuddle and watch Disney and Star Wars!” But after a minute of just looking at them, nothing happened.

“Where’s Matty, guys?” Austin questioned, hoping that one of them would tell him that Matty is in the cafeteria getting something to eat.

“You’re serious, Austin?” Shayley asked his voice cracking and hoping that it didn’t come off as rude.

“W-We actually go—“

“Yes,” Phil said, sighing. “You guys got the operation over with.”

“Y-you’re lying! You both are! M-Matty is gonna come out a-and we’re gonna be okay! Everyone thing i-is gonna be okay!” Austin shouted, tears threatening to spill.

“Austin, touch your chest,” Alan instructed, already crying.

Austin didn’t say another word, but did as he was said, an index finger touching it. He felt a scar from his heart surgery that he had from before he went back to Of Mice and Men….before he met Matty. As he let his finger move around, he felt another scar next to that one. It felt so real, and that feeling in his stomach felt dreadful.

“O-Oh,” he whispered to himself. The tattooed male turned to look at the unmade bed next to his. The white blankets nearly falling off the bed, the white pillow on the edge of the bed, the teddy bear Matty brought from the house that Austin won for him, Matty’s clothes.

The male got up from his hospital bed, ignoring the curious stares from his friends. Austin lied down on the bed that was once occupied by Matty, cuddling the brown teddy bear. The sheets still smelled like him. The bed was still a little warm from him. He cried, wishing that he could have done something. He wished that he could have said that they were never gonna do the procedure. It’s too late though.

You can’t bring the ones you love back.



Austin never moved on. How could he when lost the love of his life. Ever since the day of the procedure, he was never the same. He was never as happy, he was never as excited over the smallest things like he used to. He was never up to doing stupid stuff like he used to. Austin never tried to find someone new because he knew that there was no one in the world as perfect as Matthew was. Every day after the procedure, he would listen to the songs in Matty’s iPod. Every day, he would wear the jacket Matty bought him, he would sing Matty’s favorite songs, he would dance out of nowhere like Matty used to do when he felt down, and he would do everything Matty did.

Dr. Vincent was right; the procedure did work. Sure, he would have to have monthly check ups with Dr. Fisher on how hi—Matty’s heart was doing. But he didn’t want a healthy heart, he never did. He wanted Matty, the boy who showed him what falling in love was like and the boy who showed him what falling in love all over again felt like.

Austin was driving around, not knowing how to spend his afternoon. He couldn’t record a song since the band broke up to due Austin’s emotional state. He didn’t bother paying attention to the road. It reminded him of how whenever he’d look at Matty, he’d see that blush he fell in love with and Matty would tell Austin to look at the road.

But maybe he didn’t want to look at the road anymore.

All the sudden, his steering wheel began to not work properly. He couldn’t turn the wheel and he started to panic. As he tried the breaks, it wouldn’t work either. As he continued driving, he knew that this was it. Austin knew that this was the end and he didn’t know what to think of it.

Crash!

The vehicle ran into a large oak tree. Austin could smell smoke coming from the hood of the car, so he unbuckled his seatbelt, carefully attempting to get out of the car. His head was bleeding rapidly and the two scars on his chest were cut open, more blood spilling out.

“I’m not gonna make it,” he said to himself.



“M-Matty, is that you?”



“M-Matty, am I gonna see you a-again?”



“I-love you, Matty.”



“Forever and always,” he whispered, barely audible.





The light at the end of the tunnel was really bright. Austin didn’t know where to go or what to expect. Was he dead? What was he supposed to do? Is this the end or what?

He was no longer wearing blood stained clothing, but fresh, clean ones. He walked around, until he heard familiar giggling and an unfamiliar voice. “Matty? Where are you?”

“Austin, over here!” called out that sweet voice he fell in love with. As Austin continued walking, he saw two females talking to his husband. They were all giggling, smiling as if all of life’s problems no longer existed.

“Austin, sweetie!” Matty cheered. Austin finally saw Matty running towards him, hugging and kissing him. He could hear the two females “awe” behind them.

“Where are we?” Austin asked, hugging him back.

“It doesn’t matter right now. What is important is that we’re together again.”

“Austin, sweetie,” said an angelic voice.

Austin let go of Matty, staring at a women with long, brown flowing hair. Her skin looked soft and delicate. She smiled innocently, that familiar smile he missed seeing. The women stood up, almost as tall as him. As she came walking towards him, she stretched out her long, thin arms for a hug. With each step, she kept looking more beautiful, more kind hearted, more motherly. Finally, as she hugged Austin, she kissed his cheek. “I missed you, son.”

“M-mom, it’s really you?”

“I’m proud of the man you have become, Austin. I just wish I was there to live your success. But I’m here now and that’s all that matters okay. I’m proud that you’ve stayed strong, I’m proud that you’ve inspired so many people, I’m proud that you’ve saved so many lives, I’m proud that you’re still my baby boy.”

“I missed you mom and I love you.”

“I love you too, sweetie,” she said, smiling and pulling away. “By the way, you picked a fine young man.”

Matty had introduced Austin to his mother, Isabelle. She looked just like Matty. She had dark brown hair and was the shortest out of the four. Her voice was just as sweet as Matty’s and she had gotten along with Austin.

Once the two were alone, they walked around aimlessly, hand in hand and fingers laced.

“I love you, Austin,” Matty said.

“I love you too, Matty,” Austin said.

Austin hugged Matty, the smaller male’s arms wrapping themselves around Austin’s neck while Austin’s hands rested on his waist. They captured each other’s lips, smiling into the kiss. “Together,” Matty whispered.

“Forever and always.”