Just for a Moment

Today was one of those days where I felt like the world was spinning on a messed up axis. Vic holds my hair as I throw up from the overwhelming emotion. I really didn't picture my second day, really my first full day, at Disney World being like this.

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As I held Lizzy’s ash brown colored hair in my hand, I wonder how I always end up in situations like this. I try not to focus on the texture of Lizzy’s hair or how it feels in my hand. I try not to notice that it grew out from when she cut it last year; in fact it’s almost the same length as when she first came to the school. Like when we were dating. I bit my cheek in frustration; I don’t want to think about that. So I will focus on the differences instead. Like how now she has red streaks in it, which I guess is because she grew fond of how the color looks in her hair. Or how she straightens it more often than she did before, rarely does she wear it wild and under a hat anymore. I wonder if that has anything to do with Kellin or it’s just her growing confidence in herself. Maybe I should focus on something else. Something with a lot less Lizzy in it. Like how it’s has been a stressful two days. I allow myself to relive them as I stand there holding her hair out of her face.

Getting here was not an easy task, not with me crammed into a van with Jack, Ally, and Rick. It was like battle royale in the van. I mean Ally gave Jack more dirty looks than I have ever seen her give anyone in the course of our friendship. Which he happily ignored, texting his new girl to make Ally feel worse I am sure. A bit immature but even I can’t blame him, not after popping the question and being left to hang for a whole month. I mean they had only dated for three months tops, but Jack spent all of the year before pining over Ally. Whatever she asked of him, he was there to do. Then he finally gets his chance and Ally crushes him in her vice grip. Then there was Rick, who I have no idea how he even got invited to this trip anyway. He spent most of the ride a smug grin on his face. He was a bit too pleased with himself that Ally was now giving him extra attention. Poor fool doesn't see that she is just trying to make Jack jealous. Which was clearly not working.

The cool look that Jack had in his eyes reminded me of when Lizzy and I first broke up, when honestly the pain was so numbed I hadn't bothered to even feel it. He was in that place, the place where he froze out his emotions just so he could get by. I pitied him, I really did. Ally kept throwing herself at Rick until she saw the plan was a bust. Jack just ended up joking with Rick, making Ally furious. So she got up and squeezed herself between me and Tony. Naomi was in la-la land, glued to her phone waiting for each text from Reggie. Ally laid her head on my shoulder, her black hair falling over my chest. She pouts and looks up at me. I see jealously pierce Jack’s expression when he spots us together. I give him a I–am-really-sorry bro-look, before looking back at Ally.

“Vic, I hate this. Are we even close yet?”

I laugh inwardly at the childish expression on her face. Her forest green eyes dance with so many emotions but a peeved look dominating the rest of them in the end. She is never one for waiting, that’s why she gets herself into so much trouble.

I lower my voice, “No, Allie Bear. We have been on the road for like three hours. Don’t worry we are half-way there if the traffic stays this smooth.” I push her hair off her forehead, “just chill okay?”

Her eyes beam up at me, “okay.”

A deep confusions stirs in my chest and I look away from Ally as soon as those emotion awaken. I twist the edges of my shirt with my hands as I sing along to Whitney, who just started to play on the radio. Thank God for Whitney. I am soon joined in by Tony’s awful vocals, which causes the tension in my chest to loosen. Then Tony nudges Jack to sing along too. Soon it’s me and the guys belting out the tunes like a bunch of ‘tards. We lower the windows and shout the lyrics at passing cars. We get weird looks, people who flip us the bird, and a few smiles and waves. It was a fun distraction from all the earlier weirdness. Of course it doesn't last for long for me.

I watch as Lizzy’s car group pulls up next to us. They are all laughing; Jaime probably told an awesome joke. I wish I could have heard it, that guy is so funny he made me pee my pants once. I watch as Lizzy’s lips curl up into a smile and my heart aches for her. I hate that its does that. She looks in my direction and sticks out her tongue out at me. I can see the relief in her eyes since I promised to be her friend. I wonder if she knows how hard this really is for me, but of course life without her was much harder. I stick my tongue back at her and they zoom past us. I sigh and look at the Ally, somehow through all the noise she fell asleep. I try to nudge her awake because I want some extra leg room but she is out like a log. I toss her head on over Tony’s shoulder while switching dangerously with Jack for shot gun. I know I shouldn't put him next to Ally but she is sleeping, so no harm done right? I put my feet up on the dashboard as Jesse speeds up.

“Screw the limit man.” Jesse yells over the wind rushing in through the open windows.

I whoop as I watch the speedometer climb into the hundred mark. I stick my head out the window, it’s impossible to breathe with all this air pushing into my lungs. I feel my throat drying up as I gasp for air. Who cares though, I freaking love the rush of it! Tony pulls me in and punches me in the arm, causing Ally’s head to swing onto Jack. We all freeze to see if she would wake up but she doesn't. So we all start laughing so hard, in fact Rick snorts a bit. That sets us all off even more, I clutch my sides, and Jack has water forcing its way through his nose. He wets Ally’s shirt and she just sleeps right through it. So we laughed some more. That was pretty much the ride, well the parts I care to reflect on anyway.

Our room assignments were simple since we were staying on the park for a billion dollars a night. All the girls stayed in one room, which is silly since two of those girls have husbands, and the nine of us guys were squeezed into a suite. There were four beds, a pull out couch and a regular sofa. So there was a bit of trouble deciding the sleeping arrangements. I didn't care much; I knew I would share a bed with my brother. We are related, so we risked no slurs about sexuality coming our way, for the most part. Jaime and Tony bunked together too. They didn't care about the jokes since we had no cash for warped tour and had these same sleeping arrangements then anyway. Rick decided to sleep on the floor in our room, between the two beds. Mostly so he could be away from Jack. Jack called the pull out couch, all to his greedy little self. Kellin and Brendon got the beds in the other room to themselves, since they paid for most of this trip. Jesse took the couch happily, since it was the closest to the TV. When things were resolved we argued about music, the one thing all of us had in common. And girls of course.

That night we headed out to Magic Kingdom after dinner, since it was seven and the park wasn't as packed as it can be during the day. We rode Space Mountain at least five times as a group. That was all I would get to ride before Ally is pulling me off in a different direction from everyone else. She wants us to see Cinderella’s castle up close. She intertwined our fingers as we walk and I am sure to other people we looked very much like a couple. Which we aren't, at all but I didn't have the heart to pull my hand from hers’, especially with her all being heartbroken and stuff. Besides a part of me sort of liked how small her hand felt in mines. When we got to the castle it was just in time to see the fireworks display and we ooed and ahhed with the masses. Then the crowd started heading towards the exit leaving a few of us behind. Ally stayed staring up and the night sky where the fireworks just were. She turns to look at me and she has a dreamy look in her eyes. Her smile seemed lazy and sweet.

“I love you Vic.” Then she was kissing me, tugging at my collar of my shirt.

She parted my lips with her tongue, deepening our kiss. Her arms were around my neck, one hand was twisting into my hair, and the other was curling around the shape of the back of my neck. It’s weird how familiar her lips have become. It was funny how oddly comforting yet distressing her kisses are. I let my hands roam up her back to place my hand on the back of her neck before I catch myself and stop. She pulls away from me; her eyes filled a strange desire that made my heart race. Ally is beautiful. I wonder if she is aware how much she and Lizzy look so much alike when she looks at me like this. I sigh and push her away, I hate when we get like this. I see her pout at me and a sad look creeps across her face.

“Vic,” she sighs. “Please, let’s not fight about this tonight.”

“I have a girl I really like, Ally. I want to give her a fair chance. I want not mess things up this time.” I sigh and run my fingers through my hair. “Why can’t we go back to being just friends?”

I take a step back from her and she takes two steps closer. A fiery passion as clear as day in her eyes.

“You haven’t even asked her out yet,” her temper flares up, I swear this girl has a mood disorder. “What does she have that I don’t?” She curls her fist into a ball.

I feel myself getting anger in response to her reaction, “Damn it Ally!! First of all, she isn't freaking in love with anyone else. Am I supposed to be okay with being your second pick?”

That’s not what I meant to say, that sounds like I actually like her. I want to slap myself for how that came out.

“Well, I am your second choice!!” I feel like I have been slapped in the face. “You love Lizzy, I know that. That’s why we work! We are best friends and we can’t have the ones we thought we were supposed to be with. What if it was always supposed to be us? Just like it was always supposed to be Kellin and Lizzy?”

“It doesn't work like that Ally!” I grab her hand and feel myself pleading with her in my expression. “We won’t work, we just won’t.”

Then she is crying and running from me. I watch her run away. It was only when she disappeared into the crowd that I start to feel myself panic. Ally doesn't know this place and because she is stubborn she didn't take a map. Of course that’s why we spent the next day looking for her. She is never showed up to the room last night and now everyone is worried sick. Of course Kellin convinced she was just having a fit, so we tried and had fun. We went on a few rides and ate some good food, but Ally’s absence weighed heavily on us all. Especially Lizzy who looked so pale and so sad. She barely touched her food and I hated Ally for once again, being the one to ruin everything for us. First she tries to off herself and leaves us picking up the pieces, which we barely have done and now she pulls this disappearing act. That girl is so selfish sometimes.

After lunch I call her, and I thought to myself she better pick up unless she wants me to kill her.

“I am sorry Vic,” she says sheepishly.

I felt relief and anger replace the worry and panic that I was feeling before she answered.

“What the freaking hell Ally?” I yell causing the group turns their heads and look in my direction.

“I am sorry; I just needed to be alone.” She attempts to excuse her behavior.

“So go to the freaking bathroom like a normal person and lock yourself in. Don’t fu…” I take a deep breath to try and calm down. “Don’t just vanish into thin air and worry us all half to death. This is a vacation and we are supposed to be having fun. So cool it on the drama for until we get home.”

“Fine,” she says in a small voice.

“We are eating in Japan, get your butt over here and behave.” I feel myself soften towards her. “Don’t do that to me ever again Ally bear.” I say so low enough so only she can hear me. “We will wait for you.”

“Okay baby.” I groan and she hangs up.

Lizzy sneaks up behind me, “Is she okay?”

Her eyes are filled with worry. I marvel at their jade color before I shake my head and laugh.

“She is fine.” A relief washes over her face

That’s when she throws up, and I end up holding her hair because Kellin is in the can.

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I swear Ally will be the death of me. I try not to feel too embarrassed that Vic is holding my hair while I barf up the cheese fires I just ate. He rubs my back comfortingly and speaks in a low voice as he tries to calm me. I hope the rest of the trip is better than today has been.