Drank the Poison

Shit. I am fucked.

I quickly texted my mom Vic’s address. I mean what else was I supposed to do?

Immediately after, I lightly shook Vic to try and wake him up. With an irritated groan, he stirred but refused to open his eyes.

“Vic you have to get up, you need to change before my mom gets here.” I warned.

“Shhh, Kellin no.” Vic murmured and nuzzled into my chest. Clearly he did not understand what was going on.

A few more precious minutes passed as I tried to get Vic to act like his normal self. But it was to no avail.

Eventually I gave up, and let Vic stay on the couch as I ran upstairs and grabbed him a new shirt. I ran back, took off Vic’s puke stained shirt, and went to go put it in the washer.

I ran towards the living room again, and came back to Vic looking at me with tipsy lust.

“Oh no.” I warned him. But obviously he was not going to give up that easily.

So I thought quickly. “Okay Vic, why don’t you head up to your room and get in bed, and I’ll be up there in a minute.” I flirted seductively.

He seemed to agree and slowly made his way up there. I, on the other hand, suddenly remembered the little present that Vic had left in the entryway. Shit. So I ran into the kitchen, grabbed some paper towels, and began cleaning up the puke. I absolutely hated my life in the moment.

Was it worth it? My first thought was of fucking course it is! I love Vic and clearly he needs me now more than ever.

I would have thought about it further, ya know, evaluating my life choices and all of that stuff, but suddenly I saw headlights flash through the front window.

So I threw away the trash, and met my mom at the front door. She looked livid.

“Get in the car.”

“But mom- I-”

“Now.” She growled.

I prayed that Vic would be okay as I left him and got into her car.

“How did you get here?” She asked stone faced.

“I-I borrowed a friend’s car.” I said honestly. There’s no point in hiding anything now.

“Get out and drive it. Now. I'll follow you.” She said not looking at me. I did as I was told and got back out.

Eventually Alex’s car was back in his driveway, and I was again in my mom’s car. It was painfully silent as she started up the car.

“Do you know how scary it is to come home, and to have your child missing?” She asked harshly.

“I know mom-”

“No you don’t know Kellin! Why in the world wouldn’t you tell me where you were going? Maybe I should tell Victor’s parents about it too...” She said threateningly.

“No!” I shouted. “No, you can’t.”

“And why not! I think they’d like to know what their son is up to!”

“No, they’ll take him away! You can’t do that to us!” I panicked as she pulled into our driveway. I knew that she didn't know about the drinking, but the threat was real. His parents really wouldn't hesitate.

“And why do you care so much?” She eyed me suspiciously as she turned off the car’s engine.

“Cause I need him. He needs me.” I shouted. My lip began to quiver and I lost it. Tears streamed down my face in shame.

“Kellin, what’s going on? I'm sure he has other friends besides just you.” My mom asked in pure frustration and confusion.

“Not like me.” I barely whispered.

"What?" She didn't understand.

"Mom, Vic's my boyfriend." I said pointblank.

I looked up at her and saw the stunned look on her face. Fuck that. I was not about to stay and hear what her thoughts were about the subject. So instead I jumped out the car and ran inside the house.

“Kellin stop-” My mom called. But I ignored her and kept going.

I slammed my door shut and curled up into a ball. I was angry, but also sad, but also terrified. So instead I just laid there and let hot tears run down my face.

Well fuck, that was not how I imagined coming out. But also what about Vic? Why did he half to do this to himself? To us?

But I also felt selfish thinking that. I reached to get my phone to text Vic, but I realized that I had left my phone in the car. Raged filled me, and I punched my bedside wall.

I cradled my hand as pain coursed through it. That was stupid..

“Looking for this?” My mom stood in the doorway, holding up my phone. She didn’t sound mad anymore. I couldn't tell what she was thinking.

“I’m sorry Mom. I fucked up. I just wanted to be with him. I should have told you” I said honestly, but also telling her what she wanted to hear.

She came over to me and sat down. She grabbed my hand and looked me straight in the eye. “Kellin. I love you no matter what you do or who you love. I was just shocked. Why didn’t you tell me earlier? Did you really think I’d be angry that you're in a relationship with another boy? Really?" She asked in shock.

We just sat there in silence as I tried to figure out what my actual reasoning was.

“I just wasn’t ready I guess.”

She nodded like she understood. But I continued, “but specifically not about tonight because, well, it’s Vic. And I know he’s not exactly a ‘good kid’. I didn't think you'd let me go.”

And that was true, but it was also because I was in such a rush to get to him, I wasn't really thinking about anything else.

She gave me another sympathetic nod. “That may be true Kells, but that still doesn’t justify what happened. I just want you to be safe and happy. I love you Kells.” She leaned forward and kissed my forehead.

“Just promise me that you’ll tell me next time?”

I quickly nodded in agreement. I mean, I probably would have told her if Vic and I were just hanging out. But there’s no way I would have (or am going to) tell her about the drinking. It wasn’t my secret to tell. And I honestly think that I can help Vic get better. Just the two of us.

She stood up and was about to leave my room when she turned back around. “Do you think you love him?”

“Yes.” I said surely.

She nodded one of the most melancholy nods I have ever seen. She turned back around and left me there in my room alone.

Why does it feel like no one is rooting for us?