Drank the Poison

So there I was, lying on my back with Vic straddling me, and my mom cleaning downstairs.

My hormones were going wild like they always do when Vic’s like this. It’s times like this when I feel closest to him.

Even though I always felt like I needed more talking with Vic, I guess he felt like we were so connected that a ton of talking wasn’t really necessary. And that made me feel special.

A tiny voice in the back of my mind was yelling ‘red flag’, but I just know that Vic cares about me the same way I care about him. If he didn’t, then why would he be so turned on by me right now?

Being a little rougher than usual, Vic sunk his teeth into my neck and bit down. Hard. I yelped out in a mix of pain and pleasure as Vic sucked on the bite mark, soothing it.

“Now, now Kells, the last thing we want is someone coming to check on us. Quiet.” He demanded.

I bit my lip to stifle any more of my noises, and decided to try and beat Vic at his own dom/sub game. I reached down and grabbed him through his shorts in the hopes of making his gasp out loud. But just as I did, Vic did the same to me.

And of course, with me being the more sensitive one, couldn’t help but gasp while Vic simply raised an eyebrow and smirked at my futile attempt.

Then there was a second when we both just stared into the other’s eyes, waiting for the other to make a move.

And simultaneously, I leapt forward as Vic leaned down and our lips crashed together.

I bit his lip and he sucked on mine. I ran my fingers through his hair and he grabbed around my neck. My tongue tried to slip in between his lips, but his skilled tongue pushed back and into mine. Our bodies rocked together as our lips glided against the other’s.

I was panting hard when Vic came up for air. I took the opportunity and yanked down his shorts, leaving him in a tiny pair of Calvin Klein boxer-briefs. I slipped my hand down them and started to stroke him.

But just as I was getting started, two things happened. Vic’s phone began to go off just as my door handle started to move.

Vic jumped off of me faster than I could blink. Obviously he was going to throw some clothes on, right? Well that’s what I thought.

But instead he grabbed his phone and strutted towards my closest.

“Ronnie I told you I was busy.” Vic whisper/yelled as he slammed my closest door shut.

In my confusion, I shifted my gaze from my closest door to my bedroom door which my mom was trying to talk through.

“I-I just wanted to tell you that dinner’s ready. But i-if you two are busy I’ll just go-”

And with that I heard her feet rush down the stairs. Great. Now my mom thinks Vic and I were doing something dirty. I mean we were, but I don’t want her thinking that!

Even though I was still dressed, I just laid there trying to make my heart beat slower and make the tent in my pants go down. I tried listening to see if I could hear Vic talking but I only heard muffled sounds.

A good five minutes later Vic finally walked out. He quickly pulled his clothes on with his phone still in his hand.

“Tell your mom that I’m really sorry but something came up.” Vic spoke as he ran towards me, kissed my forehead, and strutted towards my door.

“Something came up?” I said in disbelief, scrambling over to Vic.

“Ya, I’ll catch you later.” Vic called as he unlocked the door and walked out.

“I-I love you-” I called out.

“Love ya!” He called as he jogged down the stairs.

And with that he was gone and driving away.

I felt.. Abandoned? Rejected? I don’t know. All I knew was that this sucked.

I felt like crying, but that was ridiculous, I haven't done anything wrong!

After lying there for a while, there was another knock on my door.

“Vic?” I called out and sat up.

But no, it was once again my mom.

“So I'm guessing he left?” She asked sensitively.

“Ya, he says he’s really sorry but something ‘came up’”. I shrugged as I stared blankly at my ceiling.

“If it was because of me I’m so so sorry Kellin. I had no idea-”

“No mom. No. That’s not what was happening, he just got a phone call and left.” I said gloomily.

“Well, dinner is still ready if you want it.” She offered.

I considered it, but I didn’t really have an appetite anymore.

So instead I told her that I was just going to call it a night. She said she understood and kissed my forehead right where Vic had.
________

The next morning I woke up before the sunrise because it was no use trying to force myself to sleep when it clearly wasn’t working. I looked at my clock, 6:00AM. Just then, suddenly remembering what had happened the day before, I reached towards my phone to check for any message from Vic.

One missed text:

5:47 AM, From Vic: Know that I love you now and I’ll love you forever

My eyes glistened in my sleep deprived state. In that moment my heart filled with something it had never felt before. I felt the strongest force of love but also a doomed sadness. This was not a happy text, something was wrong. Vic wasn’t saying this ‘just because’. Something else is happening.

I called him.

He didn’t pick up.

I called him again.

Nothing.

So instead I left a voice mail.

“Hey Vic, it’s me. I love you too! More than everyone or anything in the world. And I’m here for you through thick and thin, you know that right? If you let me in, I’ll always be here for you. J-just know that, okay? Love you.

And please, please call me when you’re awake.. Or done doing whatever you’re doing. And be safe. My bed’s lonely without you.”

I chuckled into the phone as tears rolled down my cheeks.

“Okay, I love you, ummm okay bye.” I ended awkwardly as I hung up.

And then I waited. And waited.

And fucking waited for nothing. The whole day and not one thing from him.

I didn’t leave my phone and I didn’t leave my house all day. I couldn’t risk missing Vic calling or showing up at my window. I wanted to throw up because I could feel something just wasn’t right.

I just knew it. It’s not that I don’t trust him, it’s just that I could feel it in my bones. Something is not right.

But there’s nothing I can do. And as the sun went down and the moon took it’s place, my eyes went heavy and sleep fell upon me.
______

Day two: Vic called me twice. I picked up immediately but I couldn’t get him to talk for more than a second before he hung up on me. I felt sick, I cried all day.

Day three: Nothing. Not a word from him. My mom tried to get me to go to a meeting with her. I didn’t see the point. I cried myself to sleep again.

Day four: Why would he do this to me? I don’t get it. I didn’t eat today, I forgot. I’m too obsessed.

Day five: I punched my mirror today. I got up the nerve and called Vic’s home. Mike picked up, and he had the nerve to tell me that he had no idea what Vic was doing and that he didn’t care.

Day six:

Around noon, I got a call. By now I was used to getting calls at all different times, always from Vic. He’d tell me he’s safe or that he loves me or something to let me know that he’s alive. But I can never say anything to him before he hangs up.

And I think I know why. Drugs. And alcohol too. It has to be.

It’s like when I heard him speak those few times I could hear the intoxication rolling off his tongue.
But this call was not what I had been expecting.

“Vic?” I answered the phone automatically as I brought it up to my ear.

“Um Kellin? No. This is his sponsor. Please tell me you heard from him?”

“James, it’s bad. I-I think he’s relapsed.” I could feel myself begin to get emotional. It was too hard not to.

“Fuck.” He spat.

“He’s calls me every so often, but for never more than a minute, and I’ve tried to get him to see me but he won’t listen. And his family doesn’t give a shit. And I-I can’t take it anymore.” I broke down into tears.

“Kellin. It’s not your fault. I knew he wasn’t ready for another relationship. I told him to stay away from you, but he said he couldn’t. It was like he’s addicted to you.”

“Not anymore.”

“Don’t take it personally Kellin. An addict is an addict. Shit happens.”

“But there has to be more we can do!”

“I’m sorry Kellin. This is what it has to be for now. As soon as we find him, or as soon as he fucks up and gets arrested, his parents are planning to send him away again and that’ll be that.”

My heart stopped.

“No. Where? I can help him. He needs me and I need him.”

“Kellin, this is bigger than your little romance. Now I have to go take care of business. Call me if you hear anything.”

My heart was broken. “And will you call me if you find out anything too?”

He sighed into the phone. “Honestly Kellin. No. I really think it'll be better for both of you if there’s no more communication between you and him. It’s toxic. I already called Vic and left a message letting him know the consequences of his actions, and I hope you understand my decision. Goodbye.”

Before he could hang up, I threw my phone against my wall and I didn’t care to check to see if it was broken. That was until it rang again a few minutes later.

I wobbled over to it and saw through the cracked screen a strange number.

“Hello?”

“Kellin it’s me.” Vic’s voice was full of sadness and I could hear him crying.

“Vic where are you calling from?” I desperately asked, trying to get as much information as possible before he hangs up again.

“Payphone. I don’t have my phone anymore.”

I ignored the confusion I had and focused on getting him to talk to me. “Vic, James called me and-”

“He called me too. He wants us apart and he wants to destroy us! He wants to send me away! Well fuck that Kells, lets run away! We can make it out on our own. Come with me.” He urged in his intoxicated state.

“Vic. I want to. But you have to come back first..”

“But if we run away then we can just start over. We can be together somewhere far away from all of this bullshit. We can be perfect. Don’t you want that? Don’t you love me the same way I love you?” He sounded hurt. But more than that he sounded wasted.

“Of course I do Vic. I need you. But I need you clean. The drugs they’re-”

“You don’t know what it’s like Kellin!” Vic yelled. “You don’t know what it’s like to an addict!” He snapped.

“But I fucking know what it’s like to be in a relationship with one!” I screamed back.

Click.

“Vic? Vic! No please. Please come back.” I begged. I slid down onto my floor as my knees went weak. “Please.” I talked into the dead phone line.

“Please..” I choked out as I curled up into a ball and sobbed and shook.