A Drop in the Ocean

Again, I had taken his hand to get off and he held mine while he got off as well. I was about to pull away when Jake stopped me, pulling me towards him and making me look up into his chocolate brown eyes with my own that were similarly colored. “Is that what you want, Ness? To be a human girl at the high school, flirting with the human boys like the other girls?”

“Not exactly,” I protested immediately, shaking my head and allowing my brunette locks to fall into my face. “I don’t want to be human. But sometimes I wish I didn’t have the rapid aging problem. I realize in a year or two that I’ll stop growing and then maybe I can finally be enrolled sneakily into the high school like Carlisle and Esme did to the others. I do want to go to school… But even then, just like what happened between Mom and Dad…I won’t be able to be with somebody. Not really, not truly. Not being a half-vampire. My choices are this: have a love story like Mom and Dad’s, or fall in love with another vampire. What am I going to do, steal Uncle Jasper away from Aunt Alice?” I teased, of course, a small giggle escaping my lips.

“But I’m not going to stand here and lie to you and say that I don’t sometimes daydream what it would be like to be one of the normal girls. Wake up in the morning, eat a breakfast with her family, do her makeup and go to school and flirt with boys in all her classes, play a sport or do some sort of extracurricular activity after school, go on a date with her boyfriend and stay out too late and get in trouble with her Father because of it. I’m sixteen in the body and a hundred and sixteen in mind… I have wants and desires that someone who’s only been alive five years old shouldn’t have.” I was rambling, I was nervous as I realized Jake still had a hold of my arm. I was going to apologize for rambling when Jake reached forward and pushed some of my hair out of my face.

“You’ll never be normal, Ness; you’re unique and amazing, I wouldn’t wish you any other way and you shouldn’t either. In a year or so when you stop aging, you know they’ll send you to school if it’s what you really want to do. You do have the smarts for it, we all know that. Hell, most days I think you’re smarter than I am…” Jake chuckled and I felt it shake my body since he had a grasp on my arm. Had to agree with him there…I was smarter, but it was a vampiric advantage so it was quite unfair and I wouldn’t boast about it. Not out loud at least.

“Now…when it comes to sports you know you’ll have an unfair advantage at everything,” Jake teased and I huffed, rolling my eyes. “Just because I can beat you at basketball….” My voice trailed off and he snorted. “That was one time; I was tired,” he retorted and rolled his eyes as well.

Jake stepped a little closer to me and kept gazing down into my eyes, making my heart do its skip-a-beat thing again… “And about those boys, you realize you could have any man you set your heart on, right?” He questioned and I very slowly shook my head ‘no.’ I hadn’t realized that. I thought it would be a no-no for me to even crush on somebody considering they could turn into my next meal.

Sure, I had shown amazing composure. I had never once fed on human blood that I knew of. Perhaps when I was a newborn infant… but that was long out of my system. I had only drunk animal blood and ate human food. But that didn’t mean that one day I might not slaughter the entire town like the Volturi warned.

That thought kept me from flirting with boys that I saw in shopping centers or at the movies. What if they became my snack? “Renesmee,” Jake said my name to bring me out of my thoughts, I looked up at him again with wondering eyes. “You were showing me all of that, whether you meant to or not…”

I stiffened when I realized that and pulled away immediately. “I didn’t mean to be, but now that you know…that’s what I’m afraid of. I don’t want to hurt anybody,” I whispered.

“Ness,” Jake said in a soft voice and took another few steps towards me, closing the gap between us again. “You don’t realize what’s standing right in front of you, do you?” He questioned and again, I looked up at him with curious eyes. “I imprinted on you… I can be anything you want me to be…” his voice was as smooth as velvet and I felt my body arch into his as he wrapped an arm around my waist.

Then it dawned on me; the way I enjoyed Jake’s laughter and his smile. The way I enjoyed him holding my hand and being so snuggled close to him on the back of his motorcycle. I had fallen for Jacob so long ago and not even realized it until now. But something…something in the back of my mind still felt like this was so wrong. I was a half human, half vampire and he was a wolf… He had probably changed one of my diapers, five years ago.

“But, Jake… you’re like my best friend. My brother almost… I’ve never thought about you like that,” I whispered and bit my lower lip just lightly. “I don’t know if I ever could without it feeling…awkward. Surely you’d feel that way. I’m just this… this little girl that you’ve always played with and protected. Jake…you could never want me like that.” I said quietly and pulled away again, stepping up the first few steps of the porch, looking back down at Jacob and the hurt look upon his face.

“Renesmee, you have no idea how much I want you. I’ve always wanted to be more than just…this, with you. I was happy being anything with you, though. And what you’ve wanted your whole life was a best friend, a big brother, and that’s what I’ve been. That’s what the whole fight over the imprinting thing was when you were just a baby. Imprinting usually always means romance. But it’s not like I could be romantic with a little baby…” Jake sort of laughed at the prospect of that, I could tell.

“Edward especially didn’t like the idea of me imprinting on you but…when he read my mind and realized that I would never do anything to harm you and that I would never pressure you into more of a relationship than you desired, then he backed off…and so did Bella and the rest of the family. You know, that night I imprinted…what I was coming in there to do, Ness?” Jake asked as he came up the first few steps to stand right beside of me, looking down into my eyes again.

“I had thought you killed Bella when she didn’t survive childbirth. Edward didn’t think his venom had saved her in time. I agreed with the pack that we should kill you.” My heart dropped when Jacob admitted this. I felt my knees go weak and I slightly stumbled, Jacob catching me by grasping my arm again, then wrapping both of his arms firmly around my waist.

“I was walking into the living room, as quiet as I could be. Everyone was out of the house except Edward and Rosalie. Edward was too distraught over the thought of losing Bella so I thought I would kill you and Blondie with ease.” I shuddered at the thought of that. I didn’t like to think that Jake could have killed me or the fact that he could have taken my Aunt Rosalie out that easily, either.

“And then you did it…you looked over Rosalie’s shoulder at me with your big brown eyes and…” Jake sighed and laid his head against my shoulder, leaning into me, holding me so tightly to him. I couldn’t help but to melt against his warm body, my arms wrapping up around his neck and digging my nails into his upper back, to hold him to me.