The Poison in Your Blood

I’m back on the beach and the wind is blowing around me. I’m freezing and I’m hungry and it’s so dark out here I can hardly see anything. But I’m running, running as fast as my legs will carry me across the sand. I have to get away from him, because he’s coming behind me and I have to get away.

His arms close around me and I scream loudly as I’m thrown to the ground. I start trying to fight him off, arms flailing wildly, kicking and screaming loudly as he pins me down and he’s on top of me. His eyes are black and he’s grinning with his fangs out and sharp, the only thing I can see on the darkness of the beach. I scream again but I can’t move anymore.

“Hold still Lana and it won’t hurt,” he whispers and I scream again. I feel tears on my face and I want to get out of his grip. I need to get out of his grasp. I try to fight again but he’s so much stronger than me I can’t get myself away from him. He kisses my jaw first and I feel myself start shaking as he kisses down the left side of my neck. I can hear my blood rushing through my ears and I can feel my heart about to beat straight out of my chest. Then a rush of pain jolts through my neck as he bites hard onto my throat and I scream and bolt upright.

The room is dark but it’s warm and the bed isn’t mine but it’s familiar. I’m alone in here and I notice the digital clock reads that it’s 4 am. I look for Austin but I don’t see him in the room. It’s too dark in here to see much of anything. I’m still shaking from my nightmare, and even if he was in the starring role I wouldn’t mind having him here to comfort me.

A shadow moves across the wall and I hear a crash outside the window and I scream loudly from the start. This time before I notice anything he has me held against his chest tightly and I break down in sobs. He runs his hand over my hair a couple times and holds my head against his body. I can’t see his face, but something tells me its better that way.

“It’s alright, Lana,” he says.

I’m still sobbing against his chest. I don’t know what to do or what to believe anymore and it seems like I can’t remember what’s real and what’s a bad dream. I have so many of those. This whole thing seems to have turned into a nightmare.

“I had a bad dream,” I whisper.

“I know,” he says. “I shouldn’t have left you alone for so long.”

“We were back on the beach,” I say but I can’t go into the whole dream because it only fills me with terror again. I don’t want him to see that I’m scared to death of him. I don’t want him to know. He’s here now and I’ve calmed down.

“Don’t worry about it, Lana, I won’t hurt you I promise,” he says.

I look up at him and I remember that I shouldn’t do that. His eyes are black and his teeth are out and I find myself quaking in fear. He looks away from me then quickly. Against my better judgment I reach up and push his face so he’s looking at me.

“You told me what you are,” I say in a whisper. “Don’t feel like you have to hide it.”

“I don’t want you to be afraid,” he says.

“I’m only afraid when you aren’t here,” I say and I push myself up and kiss him. I run my hands up into his hair and I press my body against his. “This isn’t dangerous is it? To be this close?” I ask.

“No,” he says. I push my hand up under his shirt and he lays me down so fast the pillows make a soft “pfft” sound. So long as I don’t think about it I feel perfectly natural as he tears the shirt he lent me open and kisses down my chest. We don’t waste a lot of time, and before I really have a chance to notice he’s pushing into me and I close my eyes and let myself be lost in him for a while. He moves quickly against me and I feel my breathing quicken. My mind is overcome with the pleasure of him inside me and that intoxicating smell of his and I forget about the nightmare all together. Forget that I’m afraid.

In the morning I wake up and he’s next to me. He opens his eyes and I’m relieved to see that they are green blue and his teeth are normal when he smiles at me. I return the smile.

“Good morning, Lana,” he says.

“Good morning,” I say. I’m not sure why I didn’t run screaming for the hills last night, but I don’t question it. Ignorance is probably bliss in this case. I try to sit up and I realize I’m sore. I’m probably as sore as I’ve ever been in my entire life. I groan and he sits up in a flash and takes hold of my arm and lifts me into a sitting position.

“I’m sorry about last night,” he says at once and looks away. “You were upset and then things kind of happened and I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“I’m fine,” I say. I inspect my chest for hideous bite marks and I’m relieved when I don’t see any. Even if he left me some I don’t want to see them. I want to pretend like none of what happened on the beach last night was real.

“Are you hungry? Do you need anything?”

“I think I’d like to go home for a little bit,” I say after a long pause. “I need to think about some things. I’m not afraid anymore…not all the time anyways, but I need to think about some stuff and figure it all out.” I meet his eyes and I can feel the sadness in him.

“I can take you home then,” he says. He’s up and dressed before I am all the way out of bed and he’s set my clothes next to me on the bed. I don’t think I’ll ever really get used to his speed. I dress and he walks with me to the car. Neither of us really says anything, but he insists on stopping at McDonalds and getting me something to eat.

“I don’t want you to go into shock or something,” he says. I laugh lightly.

“If I were going to go into shock I would have by now,” I say. It doesn’t change his mind. We pull into the drive through and he orders me something for breakfast despite all my protests. I eat it on the way back to my apartment. When he pulls in front of the building he looks at me and I frown. “I promise I won’t tell anybody about what happened.”

“I trust you…or I wouldn’t have told you,” he says. “I hope I’ll see you again soon.”

“I…don’t know how I’m feeling about everything yet,” I say. He nods his head once.

“That’s understandable,” he says. He leans across the console and kisses me then and I close my eyes.

“I’ll call you when I’ve got it figured out.”

He nods again and I get out of the car and head into my apartment. I watch him drive away over my shoulder and I unlock my door before walking into the apartment. I scream when I see somebody sitting on my sofa and feel like my heart has flown out of my chest and landed in the kitchen somewhere.

“Lana,” he says and he comes to me and holds me up as I put my hand over my chest.

“Jesus Christ, Jonathan why didn’t you call me or something!”

“I did, last night. I wanted to let you know I’d be in town and I’d like to see you, but I couldn’t get you to pick up your phone.” I bite on my lip.

“You told me you didn’t know when you’d be in town again when I called you in the afternoon yesterday.”

“I made an effort to make it out here. It had been so long since I’d seen you and I’m free for a few days.” He leads me to my sofa and I sit down. Too much crazy shit has happened in the last couple of days, I’m not sure my heart can handle being terrified one more time.

“How did you get in here?”

“You gave me a key last year, I happened to carry it with me,” he says and I look at him with narrow eyes. “Where were you all night? I got here late and I’ve been waiting for you.”

“I told you I had plans for last night!” I say with irritation. “I didn’t exactly think you were going to show up in my apartment like a freak.” He frowns.

“I wanted to catch up, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen you,” he says. “We should go to breakfast? You look like you’ve lost weight.”

“I ate, thank you,” I snap. “And if I have lost weight it’s because of men!”

He looks at me with wide eyes. “I’m sorry…” he says. I run my hands through my hair and I look up at him and I laugh lightly.

“You are only a vampire on TV right?” I ask. The fact that that question was only half a joke concerns me. I think it concerns Jonathan too because his expression says he’s getting ready to call the men in white coats to take me away.

“Lana, I’m an actor,” he says.

I nod my head once and look at my finger nails. They are painted blood red and I feel creepy about it. I think I’m going to paint them blue or something. Nothing that can remind me of this very odd situation. No blood red, or scary eyes black, maybe I’ll going with a pretty sky blue.

“Are you in a new relationship? Is that what’s the matter?” he asks.

I don’t know if I can really call what’s going on with Austin a relationship. It’s more like hot animal sex, and I have this feeling he drinks my blood when I’m sleeping. Which is a scary fucking thought. I shiver a little at the very idea.

“Are you alright, Lana?”

No, not really. My boyfriend is a vampire and my ex boyfriend broke into my apartment. Not really okay at all! I look at him and take a deep breath. “I’m fine, Jonathan,” I say. “I’m just a little tired. I didn’t sleep a lot last night.”

“I can come back later if you’d like.”

I look at him and take another deep breath. I have to think about what’s going on in my life and what’s happening around me and yet I can’t with him here. My mind is racing and spinning and I’m suddenly ready to puke. I look at Jonathan and I open my mouth. “If you came here to have sex, I’m seeing somebody and I’m not taking any birth control. I don’t cheat, and I don’t want a baby.” Wow, when the hell did I get so brave? He’s staring at me with his mouth open. “It’s not that I don’t like having sex with you, its good sex. But I’m seeing somebody already and you know…”

“I think I’ll go back to my hotel for a little while, Lana. I will come back after you’ve had some rest,” he says and stands up. He leans over and kisses my cheek, gently, not in a weird or creepy way. I feel bad for yelling at him. But what kind of guy just fucking shows up in your apartment after what could very well have been the most horrifying night of your life. I’m just not in the right state of mind to deal with that kind of bullshit. I just can’t do it.

“I’m sorry,” I say as I stand up to walk him to the door. “I’m just really tired…and confused,” I explain. He doesn’t argue with me he just walks to the door and turns to face me.

“I’ll see you later, then. Maybe I can take you for dinner?”

“I’ll call you,” I say. I don’t know if I want another date with another man tonight, and it’s unlike him to invite me to dinner or anything anyways. He almost never did it before. He did take me to Paris and he took me to London once when he was filming the Tudors. We only stayed a little while but it was still fun.

“Okay,” he says. “Get some rest Lana. You aren’t looking well.”

“I know,” I say. I watch him walk out of the house and I close the door and lean with my back against it. I need a cat. A cat won’t have drama! I look around and then I remember my car is in impound. Fuck I can’t go out and impulsively get a cat. Damn it. I’ll call Madison!

I dial her number and wait for her to answer. “Good morning, Lana,” she says.

“I need you to give me a ride,” I say.

“To?”

“The animal shelter,” I say. There is a pause.

“Remember when Steve died?”

“I know, I know, I was a wreck. But I need a companion,” I say.

“You should get a dog,” she says.

“I live in a tiny apartment,” I say.

“That is a dilemma.”

“Yea.”

“I’ll be there in a few minutes,” she says.

“Thank you,” I say. I wait for her to hang up and then I take a deep breath. I go into my room and look in the mirror. For a minute I’m ready to run screaming in the other direction just at the sight of myself. It’s no wonder that Jonathan was looking at me like I needed to be put into an asylum. My eye makeup is smeared and run down my cheeks. Which is fine, because it hides some of the swelling around my eyes. My hair is just a disaster, I can’t even explain to you the horrible disaster my hair is. It’s standing up in different directions and it’s knotted and ratted up. Probably from when Austin caught me on the beach and I tried to get away from him and then slept on it. I decide I need to take a shower. I strip out of my clothes and drag myself into the shower and let the hot water run over my body in streams. It feels so fucking good. I wash the sand out of my hair and then I get out of the shower with my body feeling relaxed and my skin is a nice soft pink color.

There is a banging on my door and I run to answer it with my towel wrapped around my body tightly. Madison is standing there looking gorgeous and I have to force away my frown. She waltzes into the apartment.

“It smells like cologne in here,” she says.

I frown. “I don’t know why it would smell like cologne.” I don’t want to tell her Jonathan was here. She isn’t his biggest fan at least on a personal level.

“Why are you naked?”

“I needed a shower…had you got here a couple minutes ago you’d have passed out when you saw my makeup,” I explain. She laughs.

“Rough night?” she asks in a teasing voice. Oh she has no idea.

“You could say that…” I trail off. I promised I wouldn’t tell, but I want to so bad. I need to get it off my chest. I’ll tell my new cat. That way… “It was…interesting.”

“Interesting how?” she asks as we walk into my bedroom so I can get dressed and fix my face. I open my closet and start looking through things. I pull out a white loose turtle neck sweater and hold it up to my chest once I have on a bra and panties. Madison is sitting on my bed.

“I promised him I wouldn’t tell anybody,” I say in a kind of uncomfortable voice. The bite mark on my neck starts burning and I rub at it with my finger tips. I turn to look at her with the sweater against my chest. “How do you feel about this?” I ask.

“It isn’t nice to set me up like that and then cut me down,” she says with narrow eyes. I bite my lip. “The sweater is nice. Maybe black pants or jeans?” I nod and pull out a pair of black skinny jeans. I pull them up over my hips.

“I want to tell you, but first of all if I do you won’t believe me, and I did promise him…” I say. I shouldn’t have opened my stupid mouth.

“Did he hurt you?” she asks with concern.

“No! He just…scared me a little,” I say. She gives me a narrow eyed look.

“Scared you how? Maybe you should stop hanging around him if he’s scary, Lana. I don’t want to find out you were left behind Starbucks with your head cut off,” she says. I swallow hard at that and pull my sweater on over my head. I adjust the collar and I adjust my hair to make it look nice.

“He’s not that kind of scary,” I lie. He’s even more than that kind of scary if I’m being honest. I don’t take my eyes off the mirror because I know I’m only getting myself deeper into this hole and I need to get myself out so I don’t give away any secrets. “Besides, he didn’t kill that woman behind the Starbucks.”

“How the hell do you know that?!”

“He told me,” I say and regret my words. I catch her reflection in the mirror and he eyes are about the size of saucers.

“He just out of the blue told you he didn’t murder that woman!?”

“Well…not really…” I say. Fuck, I fucked myself up here. “I am going to tell you…but first you have to promise you won’t think I’m crazy as shit. Because I’m not sure if I believe I’m not fucking crazy. This whole thing has gotten so weird…”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“I don’t know how to tell you, Madison, you are going to think I’m nuts. Jonathan already thinks…”

“Jonathan!? What the hell does Jonathan have to do with this!?” she asks. Oh, well I think I just saved my ass. Should have brought Jonathan into it a little quicker.

“He’s in town,” I say. “He was in my apartment when I got home this morning. I don’t know why. But he came in and I was a little…unpleasant and I’m pretty sure he thinks I should be in a mental hospital.”

“If you needed to be in a mental hospital it would be because of all his bullshit. Why do you let him in here, Lana? You know he only comes around long enough to fuck you up.”

“I gave him a key a long long time ago. I didn’t let him in; he was here on the sofa when I got here. He came in late last night and wanted to surprise me. But I was out with Austin last night and didn’t get home until a few hours ago. He spent the night in here.”

“You need a restraining order.”

“He’s my friend,” I say and try not to roll my eye.

“He’s not your friend. He’s a jerk that fucked you and then dumped you once he realized you wanted more than the occasional booty call.”

“That’s not true. Besides, I still wouldn’t need a restraining order. He isn’t going to hurt me. I told him this morning I’m in a relationship and I’m not going to have sex with him,” I tell her. I’d like to think I’m sounding assertive and like I can handle myself. I’m not always sure how well I actually can handle myself though. “I want to get a cat. Not talk about men.”

“Fine, are you ready?” she asks. I nod. I went easy make up today, just a little bit of liner and mascara and a touch of red lipstick just to feel sexy. I watch her stand up and I pull on a pair of knee high boots over my jeans and pick up my handbag.

We make our way to the animal shelter that’s not far from my apartment with Bon Jovi blaring out of her speakers and head banging a little. Life is pretty good when you can listen to loud 80’s music and head bang.

We get out of the car and strut into the animal shelter together and the woman at the desk looks at me. She’s probably 18 and her hair is long and blond and she’s stunning beyond imagination and I’m finding myself feeling a little jealous. I’m 28 and not quite so stunning.

“Can I help you?”

“I’d like to adopt a cat,” I say.

An hour later I leave the shelter fifty dollars more poor than I went in with a fat blob of a cat who is two years old and I’ve named him Piggy. We stop and get piggy a cat box, litter, food and a carrier so that he can have a place to sit while he’s freaking out in the car. We also stop and taco bell and get ourselves something to eat and head back to the apartment. I’m finally feeling better and like today isn’t as bad as it could be. And now I have somebody who can help me with my dilemma and I won’t have to worry if Piggy knows that Austin is a vampire because it’s not like he can tell anybody. Maybe cats like vampires? Weren’t cats once considered devils or something?

Madison leaves my apartment after a few hours and I sit on the couch with Piggy. Piggy isn’t adjusted yet but he’s made himself comfortable on my couch and I scratch gently at his orange ears. He’s white for the most part with orange spots.

I start thinking about Austin and his “secret” and I start wondering why I want to call him and see him again. I can’t help but think about Jonathan. He picked a horrible time to show up. Who am I going to spend Christmas with? Do vampires celebrate Christmas? Does that even matter? I need to think about the important part of this. Do I want to keep dating a vampire? I mean, he’s…nice enough…he’s good in bed. But I think he wants to tear my throat out. That’s really something to consider! He’s scary as hell. But I don’t want to end up playing this game with Jonathan again. So I kind of think I need to see Austin until I can get away from Jonathan. But Austin is scary as hell. Oh fuck my life.

What the hell am I going to do?