The Poison in Your Blood

“Did you do something to your hair?” Austin asks me as we are seated in the restaurant. I smile widely at his question.

“Yes! I dyed it, thank you for noticing,” I say. I can’t think of a time my last…relationship…ever noticed when I changed my hair. He smiles at me and looks over his menu without much interest. I on the other hand find myself torn between like six different entrees. “What are you thinking about having?”

“I’m not terribly hungry,” he says.

Our server comes to the table and gives us each a warm smile. “Hello, my name is Chris and I’ll be your server tonight. Could I get you started with something to drink?” he asks. He sounds like he really cares about serving us, which seems a rarity when it comes to servers. Austin gives me a look.

“How do you feel about red wine?” he asks me. I bite on my lip. I don’t want to tell him I don’t know how good of an idea alcohol would be for him. I was there through the whole rehab thing. “I can have a drink once in a while, it won’t hurt me.” He gives me a grin and I look down, feeling awkward since it seems like he read my thoughts.

“I like wine,” I say finally after a long moment. He orders some expensive bottle of wine and the waiter hurries off to get it. Austin looks at me from across the table and he seems in high spirits tonight. I think I like him like this, smiling and happy. I’d give anything to be happy.

“You look really nice with your hair like that,” he says. He reaches across the table and runs his fingers through a strand of my hair. It feels nice when he touches me like that. The waiter returns with our wine and pours us each a glass.

“Are we ready to order, or do should I let you have a couple more minutes?” he asks.

“I need another minute,” I say gently without looking at him. He nods once in a knowing kind of way and he moves away from our table. I haven’t broken eye contact with Austin in a few minutes, and I’m captivated by him. “What are you?” I hear myself whisper. He moves his hand away from my hair then and looks back down at his menu. I snap out of the trance and look down at the table under my hands.

“Lana,” he sighs. “I wish I could…”

“I need you to tell me.” I can’t keep seeing him and going through all this without some information. Too many things are strange. Too many things don’t add up or make any sense and I finally have decided I can’t spend my time with him if I don’t know what’s going on with him.

“You should eat first,” he says.

I nod once, feeling like maybe he’s finally going to give me some information. Maybe he’s going to tell me what’s going on and why. So I look at my menu. “I can’t choose between the salmon and the pasta.”

“You pick one and I’ll order the other,” he says.

I look up at him with my eyebrows furrowed. “Why? I don’t want you to get something you don’t want because of me,” I say.

“I told you, I’m not terribly hungry. Then you can see which you like better,” he says and gives me a smile. I smile back involuntarily. The waiter returns and I order the pasta plate and like he said he would he orders the salmon. The waiter leaves the table then and I take a sip of my wine.

“Are you going to tell me why…?”

“Lana, trust me when I tell you you don’t want to know,” he says.

I shake my head as I take another sip of wine. “I do want to know. I can’t keep seeing you if I don’t know, because you scare me to death.” The wine is making me brave. I told him once he frightens me but I immediately took it back. This time I have no inclination to apologize, it’s the truth. I’m completely terrified of him.

“If I tell you, you’ll be even more concerned,” he says logically.

“No, because then I might understand,” I say. I finish my glass of wine and he pours me another. He seems to know the wine is the only thing fueling me, and I wonder for a minute if he isn’t looking for an excuse to tell me this secret of his.

“You probably won’t even believe me,” he says and takes a sip of his own wine. He’s suddenly amused and in a way it pisses me off. His eyes flash to black when I feel a flush of heat from the wine.

“Don’t do that!” I say.

“What?” he asks.

“Make your eyes change,” I say, feeling embarrassed.

“I can’t control it,” he says. It’s the first honest thing he’s said to me since I’ve met him and I feel a little bit of relief. Maybe he really will tell me what’s going on. “I try to control it, but I’m not very good at it.”

“You must be able to, because every time you notice me noticing they go back to normal,” I say and drink from my glass.

He’s quiet for a long time as he thinks about this, and about how much he should share with me right now. “I don’t notice them change. But I can tell when you are scared and it lets me know. So I can fix the problem.” This doesn’t make any sense at all.

“Why do they change?”

“I can’t tell you that here,” he says.

I don’t question it. The waiter returns with our food and he hurries away. He must think we are really hot for each other and need our privacy or something. I suppose in some ways he’s probably right. I look down at my plate and my stomach rumbles, letting me know for the first time how hungry I really am. I pick up my fork and tear into the food. I’m starving and I don’t know why.

Austin doesn’t seem to be eating much. He’s mostly watching me and he occasionally puts a little bit of food into his mouth. By the time I’ve finished my food nearly all of his is still on his plate. I frown at him but he doesn’t say much about it. It looks really good, and I can’t help myself but reach across the table with my fork and take off a piece of the fish. He’s watching me with amusement.

“You can have the whole thing if you want it,” he says.

I look at him with wide eyes. “I am going to be so fat if I keep seeing you.”

He laughs put pushes the plate towards me just the same. It’s delicious and despite my being a little full I eat close to half of it before finally deciding I look like a pig. The waiter returns with a to go box and the check. Austin pays with cash and pulls be out of of my seat.

Before I know it we are both in his car and he’s starting the engine. “I want answers,” I demand once we are out of the parking lot.

“Lana, I really…” he starts. “Just keep an open mind okay.”

“Oh, and by the way,” I say. “This disgusting mark you left on my neck isn’t cool.” He tenses and I can see him hold the steering wheel tighter. I’m afraid the poor thing might break in his hands. “Calm down.”

“Lana,” he says. “I’m going to tell you everything. But I first need you to promise me you won’t tell anybody anything. Not even that girl at your apartment this morning. I shouldn’t tell you, but I feel like I have to because I’ve put you in a bad position.” He talking quickly and his body is tense and nervous. I don’t know if I like it. But I know I asked for it so I’m going to sit here and deal with this uncomfortable feeling until I have the answers I’m looking for. I take a breath.

“I promise I won’t tell,” I say. Then he’s quiet again. For the first time I notice we are on the freeway. We shouldn’t have needed to get on the freeway to get to his house or my own. “Where are we going?”

“The beach.”

“But it’s freezing!” I protest.

“I need the privacy,” he says. “I’ll keep you warm.”

“When did you leave the mark on my neck? I don’t remember that.”

“I bit you,” he says. “Last night.”

I feel like my blood just turned to ice. Why is that so scary to me? Jonathan used to bite me and I never thought twice about it. But this time it’s horrifying and I shiver. “Oh,” I say. He’s quiet until he parks his car on the beach and he turns to look at me. His eyes are black and I’m feeling like this might be the last time I see another person. I say a prayer. I always was afraid he was going to kill me, and now we are on a beach without another soul around. He could break my neck and leave my body in the ocean.

“Madison knows I’m with you,” I say. He closes his eyes.

“I told you before Lana, if I was going to kill you I’d have done it by now,” he says. That cold feeling in my body doesn’t go away at his words. I’m not even slightly relieved. I want to see people. I want there to be witnesses.

“Why are you trying to scare me,” I whisper.

“I don’t want you to be afraid of me, Lana. I don’t want you to be scared at all. I just can’t help it…it’s what I am,” he says. “I tried to pretend for a little while that I wasn’t. It hasn’t been very long.”

“You aren’t making any sense!”

“But I couldn’t ignore it. For a long time, I couldn’t bring a girl within a hundred yards of me, because I knew I’d be the last person she was ever seen with.”

I push myself further away from him. I just hope that after he murders me I’ll get to go to heaven. I miss my parents. I’d like to see them again. Maybe Steve, my cat, will be there waiting for me. I close my eyes for a second.

“I finally learned to control that to some degree. Then there was you, at that bar. I couldn’t avoid you; I knew you were there from the moment I walked onto the stage. I couldn’t get away from your smell and your…presence.”

“What the hell are you talking about?!” I cry.

“Lana,” he says. He looks at me and I can hardly believe my heart is still beating. “Maybe it would be better if you saw…because if the words come out of my mouth you are going to laugh in my face.”

“Saw? Saw what? I’ve already seen your eyes turn black for no reason, and you dart around like a fucking…” I’m cut off then by sheer terror. He’s not really smiling, but I can see his teeth…I can see the fangs that weren’t there before. I feel myself start shaking. “This isn’t funny…” I manage to say through the shaking terror.

“I told you you didn’t want to know,” he says, and his teeth are still there.

For the first time since I met him I open my mouth and let out a scream so sharp it could break the car windows. My heart is probably about to beat out of my chest and I scream again. I struggle to get the car door open and I fall out of the SUV backward before I manage to get to my feet. I want to run, but I don’t know how far I can make it on the sand. I don’t think. I just take off across the beach, my legs and ass burning as I run in the softness of sand. Just about when I think I can’t run anymore, and think I’m probably safe, I feel his arms around me and he puts one hand over my mouth.

“Lana, calm down,” he says into my ear in a soothing voice.

My chest is heaving with my breath and the air around us is freezing but I’m burning up with heat. I shake my head against his shoulder where he’s holding me. I start screaming again but my voice is muffled by his hand. I try to fight him off but I can hardly move in his grasp. I close my eyes; this has to be a bad dream. Maybe I fell asleep watching Dracula again.

“I’m not going to hurt you, Lana,” he says. I feel myself start to calm as his scent overwhelms me and I relax in his arms. “I’m going to let you go, but only if you promise not to scream and not to run.” I nod quickly and he lets me go. I fall back onto my feet, and for the first time I realize he’d lifted me off the ground when he caught me.

“This is a bad dream, Lana,” I say to myself. “Vampires aren’t even real, and you aren’t sleeping with one. This is just a bad dream.” He looks at me with confusion.

“This isn’t a nightmare, Lana,” he says. I look at him and laugh. My laughter is a little bit frightening. Its shrill and shaky and laced with fear and confusion and I want to stop laughing but I can’t. Finally my laughter turns to sobs and I fall down. He catches me and pulls me back up onto my feet. I lean against him and he walks me back to the truck.

He drives me to his house and I look out the window, trying to make sense of what just happened. I don’t know if I want to spend the night with him, but at the same time I don’t want to argue with with him. Because regardless of what his is, regardless of the fact that he’s a…vampire…and has the potential to kill me at any moment, I don’t want to go home and be alone tonight.

He carries me up the stairs and lays me on his bed. The house is warm this time and I lay there while he moves around the room in flashes, arranging things and undressing me. He pulls my shoes off and then my dress before redressing me in one of his shirts. I don’t protest. I think I’m in shock. Finally he lies next to me.

“Are you okay?” he asks me. I have to think about it for a minute.

“No,” I say.

“Do you want me to take you home? It was selfish of me to bring you here after what I put you through out on the beach.”

“No,” I say again. I can’t deny that I’m drawn to him. “I want to ask you something.”

“What?” he says.

“You said you bit me last night,” I say in a soft voice. “Why didn’t I die?”

“Because I didn’t kill you,” he says. “I bit you…I couldn’t…control the desire to…”

“Why didn’t you kill me?”

“I don’t think you’re going to be as easy to kill as some of the girls I’ve brought here.”

“That’s not very comforting,” I say.

“I’m sorry,” he says. He puts his arm around me and I feel calmer immediately. I enjoy the feeling of calm that’s come over me. “I’ve been drawn to you since I met you.”

“I’m not going to become a vampire or anything weird am I?” I feel like this shouldn’t be a real question, and yet I can’t help myself but ask. I don’t want to spend my life scaring the hell out of people. He laughs lightly.

“No, I don’t think so,” he says.

“How did you…”

“That’s a story for another day.”

I don’t argue. I’m not sure I can handle anymore shock. I look at him and I take a deep breath. “Are you hungry?” I ask cautiously. I’m thinking about dinner. He’s quiet for a minute as he runs his fingers through my hair gently.

“I don’t want to leave you alone,” he says.

“You didn’t answer my question.” There is another long pause. “I understand if you need to go. I can…pretend you aren’t decapitating people behind Starbucks.”

“That wasn’t me,” he says after a minute. “That woman behind Starbucks, that wasn’t me. I’d never leave so much behind. It was excessively violent anyways.”

For the first time tonight I feel a little bit of relief. I’m glad he doesn’t violently murder people. He holds me tightly for another minute before standing up. “Are you leaving?”

“I’ll be back soon. I…I haven’t really fed since yesterday and…and I can’t be this close to you,” he says. I nod once.

“I’ll be here.” He’s gone before I can say anything else.”