Washed out Rock Song

“I’m sorry about my friends,” John said, jumping onto the bed of his truck and reaching his hand out for me to grab. “I mean, them watching us and stuff.”

I grabbed onto his hand and he pulled me up with him. He threw a couple of blankets onto the ridged metal and sat down with his feet dangling over the edge, motioning for me to sit too. I sat next to him with my back against the side of the truck, my legs stretched out behind his back. When we left the school, he drove out to this lake I had never seen before. I couldn’t help but wonder if this was where he had hooked up with my sister. Right here, on the back of his truck.

“They have all taken bets on how long this will last,” he said, “you and me, I mean.”

“You made a bet on me?” I asked, defensive.

“No, no,” he said, “It’s not like that. They all made the bets, I didn’t even know about it at first. They’re just surprised that you would go out with someone like me. And honestly, I’m surprised you would go out with someone like me too.”

“Why are you surprised?” I asked.

“Well for starters, you've pretty much always hated me,” he laughed. “But, I mean, you’re different than other girls.”

“Why?” I asked, “Because most girls think you’re the American Harry Potter?”

He chuckled, “No, you’re just different. I can’t explain it."

I didn’t ask him anything else. I knew by ’different' he meant I wasn’t someone that would jump into bed with him right away, which I now realize is why he hasn’t tried anything on me yet. I was partially thankful for that.

“So, you came to apologize to me this morning, right?” John asked. I didn’t say anything. “So where’s my apology then?” He smirked a little bit.

“Maybe now you don’t deserve one,” I smiled. I pulled my legs over and let them dangle over the side, mimicking John’s position.

“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smile so much,” he laughed.

I shrugged. “I guess the more I’m around you the more tolerable you are.” I smiled again and looked up at him.

“I’m not complaining,” he said. “You have a beautiful smile.”

I felt my cheeks flush but I didn’t say anything back.

“Okay,” John jumped onto the dirt and stood in front of me. He was still taller than me at this height. He put his hands on the side of my legs and looked down at me. “Stop being stubborn, just for a minute.” He smiled. “And just answer my question, okay?”

I sighed, “What’s your question?”

“Do you like me?” He flashed his smile at me.

I looked down at my lap. “Why do you need me to say it?”

He put his hand under my chin and lifted my face back up towards him. “I need to hear it from you. I need to know it’s real.”

It would be so simple to just say yes. It was a stupid question, 'do you like me?’. I felt like I was eight years old just being asked that question. But I was scared. And I knew why I was scared now. As I looked up at him, I knew the answer, the real answer. Yes. I liked him. And that was terrifying. Was it possible to like someone and dislike someone at the same time? I didn’t want to say it out loud, because he was right, it would make it real.

I thought back to Kira telling me not to fall for his trap. Was this it? Was this where he would get me? It couldn’t be. I was smarter than that, and a silly little crush didn’t mean anything, right? I mean, that’s just what happens when you spend a lot of time with someone.

“Leah,” he said, “What are you so afraid of?”

I looked into his green eyes. I was afraid of him. I had a stupid crush, that’s all it was. But if I kept spending more and more time with him, it could end up as more than just a stupid crush. And even though he’s supposed to be the one hurt in the end, I could end up hurting myself too. This was never my intention going into this, it’s not what I wanted. And even though Kira had warned me not to let this happen, I found myself thinking about him when I didn’t want to. There have been times when I thought I might actually want to see him. This was not the way I had planned this out.

“I’m afraid of you,” I said honestly.

“You’re afraid of me?” John asked, he seemed shocked.

“Why is that so surprising?” I asked.

He laughed a little bit. “Leah, you terrify me,” he said, “You’re not like any girl I have ever met. But that’s why I like you. You scare me, but you also excite me and you intrigue me.” He looked down at his feet in the dirt. “I just need to know that what I’m feeling isn’t one sided.”

I felt my cheeks flush and I couldn’t help but smile a little bit, but I didn’t want to say anything. I didn’t want to tell him I felt it too, I couldn’t admit it, at least not out loud. It was as if not saying those words meant that everything was still okay. If I didn’t say anything, nothing would be complicated, my original game plan would still continue. So I didn’t say anything.

Instead, I pulled on his shirt, motioning for him to come closer to me. Before I could grasp what I was doing, I put my hand on his neck and pulled his lips onto mine.