From Me to You

It was about four pm when I got another text from Alex telling me to meet him outside his bus, I sent him a text back telling him I would be there in ten. I had to give myself ten minutes to check myself out in the mirror and make sure I looked absolutely perfect. There was NO way I am hanging out with Alex Gaskarth looking like I just woke up. Although, my messy hairstyle didn’t really help the fact that I didn’t want to look like I just woke up, because it did. I needed to dye it again, it was getting boring just being brown.

I pulled on some sneakers and opened the door of my bus, glancing over I saw Alex with a guitar case outside his bus waiting for me. He was on his phone, I glanced down at my phone when I heard it go off, it was a twitter notification, from Alex.

@AlexAllTimeLow: @FromMeToReed takes forever to get ready

I retweeted it and started walking over to him. I waved when he looked up from his phone and saw me, he smiled and waved back. I shivered at his glance but quickly recovered.

“Hey Alex!”

“What’s good man?” He smiled with a toothy grin and he looked oh so perfect.

“Nothing really, just been hanging around with everyone on the bus, we don’t really know many people yet so its just us for now.”

“You will know people after the first show tomorrow! Trust me, everyone will be super curious. Now you must follow me, we are going to jam out way back over there.” He pointed towards a little pathway that led into a forest. “I just hope no one is there already, I’ll be so pissed.” He smiled at me again.

“Oh, okay I guess.” I let out a small chuckle, I knew I was blushing, but what was I supposed to do.

I followed him into the forest, it wasn’t that long of a walk until we reached a little area, it was a circle cut out in the middle of the forest with benches and a fire pit. Alex took a seat on one of the benches and motioned for me to join him. I sat on the next bench over though, I didn’t want to be too close, I can’t handle it.

“What are you afraid of being close to me?” He snickered.

“N-no, I just...like my personal space is all.”

“Whatever man, what do you wanna sing.”

I looked down and thought for a minute. Hard choice to just pick a song, the problem was All Time Low was the band I listened to most, so only their songs were popping up in my head, and I didn’t want to seem like a creep and start singing one of his songs. It took a couple more minutes and I started singing.

“Wait, where you say you've been? Who you been with? Where you say you're goin'? Who you goin' with?” Alex smiled and joined in strumming a few chords, he started singing the next line, I stopped to let him have a turn.

“Keep me on my toes, keep me in the know. Wait, keep me in your skin, keep me in your chest. I’ll wait for it to start, I’ll wait for it to end, Keep me on my toes, keep me in the know.” And back to me, I started belting out louder. This song actually got to me on an emotional level, so it wasn’t hard to get into it.

“But when I looked at her, I thought of only you. If only there was proof I could use to show it's true.” A couple more lines later and I was teary eyed and it was time for the chorus, Alex seemed to be really into it thankfully, he didn’t notice my eyes. We both sang in unison when it got to the chorus.

“Just crash, fall down, I'll wrap my arms around you now. Just crash, it's our time now, To make this work second time around.” I think he noticed now because I was struggling to sing the next line. He looked at me wide eyed, this wasn’t supposed to happen. I just ruined a perfectly good hangout session, I just ruined this friendship.

I am such a wimp, why did I start crying, I got over it after I broke up with my last boyfriend. This shouldn’t matter anymore. I wiped my tears and stood up.

“Reed, are you okay?” Alex put the guitar down next to him in the case.

I don’t know what to do. Do I say no, do I lie and say yes? I was panicking now. I started scratching my arms. Fuck.

“I-I’m fine, I just n-need to go.” I had to go take my medicine, I didn’t take it this morning, I haven’t really needed it in a while. I was scratching a bit harder as I turned to walk away. The tears started again, fuck, this friendship was over.

“Reed wait!” He grabbed my now red arm before I could get away and turned me towards him. “Whats wrong?”

“F-fuck, Alex, just please let me g-go.” I was pleading now...I didn’t want to be seen like this, everything has been so great and now its all fucked up. Screw me, screw my panic attacks, screw this anxiety disorder.

I pulled myself out of his grip and ran, I just ran, I heard him call my name but I didn’t care anymore, I needed to get out of there. I ran straight back onto the bus and right into Teddy. He was shocked for a second but then he noticed my tears and arms.

“Reed, what happened! Are you okay?” I just hugged him, I pulled him into a hug and cried into his shoulder.

“I fucked everything up, like usual Ted, I hate myself.” He hugged back shushing me, I just sobbed and then I heard a knock on the door.

“What happened Reed, who’s that?”

“I can’t see him Teddy, not after that, I hate everything.”

“Just go back to the bunks, I’ll answer it and then I’ll be back with you okay? We can talk about this.”

I went back to the bunks and I heard talking from the front of the bus.

“Yeah, we were singing and he just started crying and then he kept saying he had to go and then he pulled away and ran. I was really worried.”

“I think he is just having an anxiety attack Alex, he has a pretty bad case of General Anxiety Disorder, if you notice him scratching his arms like you said he was, than he probably is having a panic attack, which usually leads to a full blown anxiety attack. It happens when he is nervous, scared or just triggered by something.”

Curse Teddy for telling him all that.

“I guess he needs time then. Is it alright if I come back later and check on him?”

I’m surprised he even wants to see me after that.

“Yeah, that should be fine, I am gonna go see if I can calm him down.”

I heard the door shut and not seconds later Teddy is sitting next to me. I fall into his lap and just quietly sob.

“So what happened?”

I moan, “We were having a jam session, and I chose to sing Crash by You Me At Six. It was a stupid decision, because by the chorus I was crying and then I got worried he would hate me for crying, and it went downhill from there.” I looked at my arms and realized that I had a couple open wounds from the scratching. Nothing major but they needed to be bandaged up. “Can you?” I looked at Teddy. He nodded.

Teddy didn’t have to even say anything about the situation, he knew what happened between me and my last boyfriend and he knows I hate talking about it, so he just silently bandaged up my arms and cuddled me.

“He doesn’t hate you, you know. He was really worried.”

“He probably thinks I am weird.”

“He struggles with anxiety himself Teddy, why would he think you to be weird?” He had a point there.

“Whatever, I am just gonna go to sleep.”

“Sounds good to me. Just make sure you wake up before sound check tomorrow.”