Christmas Without You

•December 25th, Present Year•

I flung myself out of bed quickly. It wasn't until I was running to get my car keys did I realize that it was just a nightmare. It was 3 in the morning and I should be fast asleep. I felt like I was missing something.
I yawned and ignored the weird feeling and decided to go back to bed. I could help it, though, the feeling that I was missing something.
I pulled my laptop from my bedside and checked my emails and such to see if I forgot something important. Nothing came up.
I huddled my legs to my chest and thought about what day it was. Christmas. My least favorite day of the year. I hadn't had an enjoyable Christmas since I was 15 years old.

•Christmas 7 years ago•

I woke up with a huge throbbing pain in the back of my head and an abundance of strangers surrounding me.
"Where am I?"
"The hospital. You were in a one person car crash. We're assuming it was the ice on the roads."
"Oh," I sighed, "What day is it?"
"Christmas," the doctor said blankly.
"Have my parents come by?"
"They informed us that their plane flight was early this morning so they couldn't stop by. I was told to keep you here for the next day and then release you to go home."
"Of course," I groaned.
"Where's my cell phone?" I asked after digging my hand through my jean pocket.
"Right here," the doctor smiled, handed me the phone, then made off with his way.
I scrolled through some "Merry Christmas" texts, some asking if I was alright, and some from an overly worried Vic.
A part of me wanted to tell him I was alright and ask him to come get me, but my better judgement told me to ignore them.
This was for the better. If he and I didn't talk, then there would be no awkward forced friendship. I ruined it by trying to show him how I felt. I didn't want to make him feel awkward around me.
I turned my phone off and watch stupid television shows for the rest of the day.

•December 25th, Present year•

I suppressed the memories that wanted to come back to haunt me and I turned my laptop off. It was 3:30 in the morning now and I was much too tired to stay up. I quickly fell back asleep.

Late morning came around and I got up to make myself a cup of coffee. It was really cold in my house. I felt chills run down my spine with every new step my bare feet took onto the tile floor.
I sat down at my couch to pop in a movie and laze about the day. I should probably call my sister and my mom but I didn't really have the motivation to do so. Christmas really was not any fun to me.
I glanced out my window and a few buildings down I saw the complex that Vic supposedly lived in. It was just a random address I pulled up online but I liked to think that maybe one day I'd see him come out of there and just make sure he's doing alright.
I watched bits and pieces of my old favorite movie but none of it really interested me anymore. Life was so dull without someone to spend it with.
If I had just replied to Vic maybe right now he and I could be spending today together. Maybe I would actually enjoy Christmas. I didn't, though. I felt guilty and regretted that I never had to guts to say anything to him again.
Nick called me and he and I talked for a few minutes. He told me about his family and how they wish they could've met me. It got awkward when he asked what I was doing and I said nothing. He told me to have a good one and didn't hang up without saying he loves me, which I obviously didn't return.
The only person who came to mind when I thought of love was Vic. My mind was so contradictory. I hated that he never loved me back but I loved him more than anything. I wanted to be with him again. I knew for sure it was love, too. Who could say they still felt butterflies at the mention of someone even after seven years? Only someone in love.

I wished I could see Vic again. Something told me I never would. It's been seven years, if our paths were meant to cross again, then they would've. Right?
On the other hand, I had a slim chance to go find him and make everything right. I felt like I should do something with that chance and go visit his supposed "address."
Maybe he and I could catch up again and we could become friends again. I'm sure he wouldn't mind. Really he wouldn't be able to remember a kiss that happened seven years ago? He's done so much more in his life. It wasn't a big deal anymore.
I finalized that thought in my mind. I was going to visit that address someday, and if it wasn't his at least I could say I tried.