I'll Be Damned If You're the Death of Me

Was I making a terrible decision to do this? Probably. But Ben deserved a chance, and after the personality that he showed as Dover, I wanted to give him the chance. What do you wear on a date with Ben Bruce? I didn't want to look like a fucking whore, because with my luck Andy would see us and get suspicious.

I rummaged through the clothes I'd brought into the hotel, looking for anything suitable. Why was I stressing so much over this? I couldn't think straight. A sense of pride struck through me when I realized that I'd packed myself the perfect outfit. I pulled out a black shirt. It was lose on me and the sleeves were flowy, off the shoulder. I yanked out a little black skirt that I would pull up past my hips, with a pair of fish net tights.

I got ready, putting on black make up that would remind me of Avril Lavigne. I pulled my hair up and let my bangs fall. Where could Ben be taking me? What if I was over dressed?

A million thoughts rushed through my head when I heard another knock at the door. I spun around to the clock beside my hotel bed. It was 8:03, so it had to be Ben. I took a deep breath and walked to the door, opening it slowly and looking at the floor. I looked up at Ben and was stunned. He was wearing black jeans with a pair of boots, then a button down white shirt. He'd tucked the shirt in partially on one side but not the other. I gawked for a moment.

"Ready?" He smiled. His hair was still big, as usual, but it was pushed out of his eyes and onto the top and side of his head.

"Uh, shoes," I said awkwardly, rushing back inside the room for my heals. I yanked on a pair of healed boots and then followed Ben out of the room.

"You look beautiful," Ben mumbled in my ear as we made our way to the elevator.

"It's only a date; you don't need to start lying to me yet," I rolled my eyes and chuckled.

"This is a date?" Ben cocked his head and hit the elevator button. My face burned red. "I'm only joking love. But I wasn't lying to you,"

I rolled my eyes and pushed my bangs away from my eyes. The elevator dinged and the doors opened up, revealing the last person I wanted to see. Andy and Jake were standing in the elevator, dripping wet holding towels.

"Ben, Blair? What are you two wearing?" Andy looked taken aback but smiled all the while. I choked a little and looked down at myself.

"I'm taking her to meet the guys from I See Stars," Ben said quickly. "They're here tonight, and she's a fan, right Blair?"

"Yeah! Wanted to look my best," I laughed and awkwardly patted my short skirt.

"Ben, I've never seen you this dressed up!" Jake laughed. "Not since the Golden God's,"

"Yeah, well the guys said we might head out to dinner," He came up with lies pretty well. I wasn't sure if that was unsettling or not.

"Weird," Andy raised an eyebrow.

"Well we'll see you guys later!" Jake shrugged and waved us goodbye. We switched places with them and got into the elevator. When the doors closed me and Ben both sighed in relief.

"That was a fucking close one," Ben laughed and ran a hand through his hair.

"I know," I groaned, leaning against the wall of the elevator.

"If, uh," Ben coughed nervously. "If we ever went any further with this, would you tell Andy?"

My heart thudded and I stopped for a minute, feeling my face burn. "I suppose I'd have to," I nodded.

"Would he be cross?" He asked.

"Yeah, for a bit. He'd get over it," I shrugged.

"Good," I felt Ben's warm palm caress my hand and his finger intertwined with mine. I smiled to myself and squeezed his hand.

***

We'd hopped into a cab, and Ben told the driver where to take us. I was pleasantly surprised when we got to a high end bar, that was far from crowded. Ben insisted on opening the door of the cab for me and I rolled my eyes at him. He's such an idiot, really.

We got inside and sat down at a bar. I was awkward already and not sure how to act. After a moment of silence and staring at menus, Ben spoke up.

"Blair I'm really sorry," He said, putting his hand on my arm. I flinched and rolled my eyes.

"I know you are," I nodded.

"I never lied to you," He said again and I rolled my eyes yet again.

"So, why were you expelled?" I smiled, and cocked my head at him.

"I fucked my girlfriend in the corridor," He grinned and chuckled. I scoffed at him in horror.

"During class?!" I laughed.

"No, it was after school so there were people around, but not many. I guess the cleaner saw us and told my head of year and I got expelled...and the girl didn't!" Ben beamed as I laughed.

"That's terrible, Ben," I coughed with a smirk.

"What about you? Any weird sex stories?" He chuckled.

"Um," I laughed awkwardly. "Craig was the only one that was ever strange, I guess,"

"What was strange about it?" He asked.

"Nothing, but all of the fan's know about it!" I raised my eyebrows.

"How old's he?" He cocked his head and I started to blush.

"What, like...probably 28 at the time," I looked down.

"And you were 18?" He scoffed.

"It's not like it was my first so it didn't matter!" I said in defense.

"So everyone you fuck after your first doesn't matter?" Ben asked sarcastically.

I rolled my eyes. "Not what I meant,"

"How do you not hate me right now?" He cocked his head at me and fucked with his hair.

I paused and looked at him. I couldn't find the words to explain it though. His blue eyes pierced through my thoughts and his smile made me shiver. "I really don't know, Ben,"

"It's because I'm hot," He smirked and turned towards the bar tender, who'd shown up at the perfect moment.

"What can I get you two tonight?" He asked.

"I'll just have a Mist," Ben shrugged and looked to me.

"I'll have a glass of Jack," I smiled to the bar tender and looked at Ben in confusion.

"Alright, I'll have that out for you guys in a sec," He nodded and walked off.

"Why aren't you drinking? You're not driving," I laughed at Ben.

"I want to stay sober tonight," He shrugged and smiled.

"Ben Bruce wants to stay sober?" I laughed and raised an eyebrow.

"I betrayed you for weeks on end. The last thing I want to do is fuck up tonight. You gave me a chance and I'm not about to ruin it," Ben's expression turned to blank seriousness. "You don't deserve a first date to be destroyed with my drunkenness,"

"That's very considerate of you. Thank you, Ben," I nodded and smiled as the waiter placed our glasses on the table.

***

After about an hour consisting of eating and continuous apologies, Ben and I walked out of the restaurant. It was nice out, and I stood close to the side walk, waiting for Ben to come from behind me and call a taxi. I looked up at the lamp posts and street signs. Everything was covered in pretty white lights; like Christmas lights. There was music lightly playing from every little shop and the whole scene was calming.

"What are you doing over here?" Ben laughed as he placed his arm gently around my waist.

"Waiting for a taxi," I said slowly, looking up at his bright smile.

"We're not going back to the hotel yet!" He shook his head and pushed a few lose strands of hair out of his blue eyes. A light from the buildings caught in the blue and sparkled back at me.

"And where do you think we're going? I don't want to get lost in Italy," I laughed as he pulled me to the side, and I began to walk with him. The sidewalks were cobblestone and my heals clicked lightly.

"If we get lost, at least we have each other," Ben smiled and looked down at the ground as we turned a corner. We passed a flower vender and I could smell the flowers aroma. I couldn't tell if Ben, or the flowers were giving me the butterflies in my stomach.

"Where are we going Ben?" I giggled. His hand was still pressed against my back and sent shivers down my spine.

"We're crossing here," He ignored me and continued to smirk, looking both ways and leading me across the street. There were few cars so we didn't have to worry. I rolled my eyes and went along with him. The flowers were gone and the butterflies were still there.

"Ben, answer me!" I chuckled and hit his arm lightly.

"Here!" He motioned in front of me. I looked up to see a whole bunch of bushes. I gave him a sideways look for a moment and he lead me a few steps away to an entrance. There was an arch of wood and vines with flowers scattered along the arch and lights littered through the masterpiece.

Ben's hand fell and grasped mine, intertwining our fingers softly. I was in awe at the beauty of the arch. He lead me beneath it, into a garden of flowers and maze-like bushes. I felt like a fucking princess.

"How did you know this was here?" I asked him quietly.

"Cameron can be a real romance freak," Ben laughed. "He told me about this place,"

"Well, it's beautiful," I took in a deep breath, breathing in the fragrance of more flowers. I could still hear Italian music in the background and the faint sound of running water. I looked around again and saw lamp posts with twirling lights around them. The moon was bright above our heads, turning the cobble stone beneath my feet a light grey.

"Not really," Ben rolled his eyes and scoffed. I shot a surprised look at him. He was still looking around as well, but I was surprised.

"What makes you say that?" I raised an eyebrow.

"It's hard to compare, when I'm standing next to someone as beautiful as you," Ben looked me in the eyes and I flushed. My cheeks burned and I let a grin spread across my lips. Ben blushed and looked down at the ground. I stood on my toes and pressed my lips onto his soft cheek.

"Let's explore," I whispered, still in awe at Ben and my surroundings.

"That way," Ben pointed next to me, down another little pathway of cobble stone. You shouldn't see over any of the bushes, so it really was like a maze.

He kept my hand in his and tugged me along behind him through the path. I giggled as he pulled me along slowly. We walked for probably ten minutes, laughing as we bumped into dead ends. We trailed along trying to find our way until there was a wide open space in the bushes.

Ben turned back around to me to smile. I rolled my eyes and smirked, pulling him through the space. I'd led us right into a small court yard with a trickling fountain. It was a fountain of a little boy holding a conch, spouting water from it's top. The water glowed a gold tint from the lights inside of the bowl of the fountain.

I put my hand lightly over my mouth and gasped again. Ben leaned over and kissed my forehead, sending tingles through my body right down to my finger tips. I smiled beneath my hand and my sight trailed back to Ben. His eyes were sparking with the lights that flickered off of the ocean in his eyes.

"This is the most perfect thing I've ever seen," I could hardly manage a full sentence. My shock was taking over.

"Blair, I know I can't make up for what I did to you. But does this come close?" He whispered.

I paused for a moment and thought. "Yes. No one's ever done anything like this for me. You wouldn't do it if you didn't care, I think,"

"I wouldn't. I do care about you," Ben said with a smile. I looked up in his eyes and felt my stomach lurch. I got back onto my tippy toes, and put a hand around his neck, pulling his face closer to mine. Our noses touched and I felt his breath brush my lips. My eyelids fluttered shut and our lips touched. Cold ran two lines down my lip with his piercings but it only sent more shivers through me.

His hand reached onto my back and pressed my torso against his, as he kissed me back. His lips were soft and my hands shook.

I'd finally kissed Dover, and something deep inside me was glad it was Ben.