Captain Clutch

I heard beeping as I felt myself waking up. I kept my eyes shut tight. My head was pounding worse than it ever had before. My entire body ached. I moved my body but winced. I slowly opened my eyes.
"Babe." I heard Sidney say from beside me. I slowly moved my head wincing again. The pain I'm in is almost unbearable. I had no recollection of what had happened.
"Sidney." I mumbled. My throat was so sore and my voice came out raspy.
"I'm here babe." Sidney said taking my hand in his. I slowly turned my head to him. He looked like he hadn't slept in a year. His eyes were not only red and bloodshot, they were puffy. I think he had been crying. I tried to smile at him.
"Hi." I said my voice was raspy still and my throat killed. Sidney passed me a glass of water with a straw. I didn't even bother trying to move. I just waited for him to put the straw up to my mouth and I took a small sip. I winced as I tried to swallow.
"I'll get the nurse." Sidney said getting ready to stand up.
"No." I said putting my hand on top of his.
"What why?" Sidney said sitting back down.
"I just want to spend time with you." I said smiling again. Sidney looked nervous. Truth is I didn't want to talk right now. I just wanted to rest.
"Okay, five minutes." Sidney said sternly.
"Yes Dad." I said laughing a little then wincing because my whole body hurts.
"Not funny." Sidney said. He leaned over and kissed the top of my head. I heard my heart rate pick up. Sidney chuckled.
"Sorry babe." Sidney said leaning back in the chair.
"I love you." I said. I looked down at my body. My arm was wrapped up in a cast and the free arm had tubes coming out of it. I wasn't sure what I had pumping into my system. I was in pain, but it seemed like it wasn't as bad as it really should be.
"I love you too." He said. He looked at me concerned. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing." I said trying to compose myself.
"Somethings wrong Kayla." Sidney said.
"I just don't know what they are pumping into my system." I said biting the inside of my cheek.
"I'll get the doctor." Sidney said. I wanted to stop him, but I knew it was probably a good idea to see the doctor. He walked over to the door and opened it. He looked back at me and forced a smile before he walked out the room to go find the doctor. As soon as the door closed behind him I tried to move my body even though it hurt to try and read the bags on the post next to my bed. One looked like it was just water to keep me hydrated. That's fine. Then I read the second bag. Fentanyl. I felt my body go numb. My head started spinning. I was afraid of this. I thought the feeling was familiar. The only difference was it was killing physical pain, not emotional pain. I felt tears falling from my eyes. The door opened and Sidney walked in with the doctor right behind him. I tried to wipe the tears from my eyes, but Sidney saw them before I could compose myself.
"Babe, whats wrong?" Sidney asked rushing over to the side of my bed.
"Nothing." I said sniffling.
"Okay." Sidney said trying not to look concerned.
"Kayla, I'm doctor Atkins." The doctor said coming over to the side of my bed where the bags were hanging on the pole. He quickly checked the bags before looking down at me. I sighed. I knew this was going to be bad news. I didn't say a word I just smiled up at him trying to remain calm.
"The car accident was pretty bad. You're lucky to be alive right now. But Kayla, you have a broken arm and a couple broken ribs, and a mild concussion." Dr. Atkins said. "But I do have some bad news."
"Oh right, because that's not bad enough." I said sarcastically. Sidney shot me a unimpressed look. I sighed "I'm sorry."
"It's understandable Ms. Talbot." Dr. Atkins said.
"What's the bad news?" I asked.
"Well, you lost the baby." He said. My jaw dropped. Beau was right.
"What?" Sidney said.
"The baby?" I asked looking as equally as surprised as Sidney was.
"Yes. You were almost two months pregnant." Dr. Atkins said reading the chart in front of him.
"Oh." I said feeling my stomach turning. I felt like I was going to be sick. I looked up at Sidney. He looked like he was a mixture of holding back tears and concern for me.
"I'm sorry." Dr. Atkins said. "I have to tell you, we put you back on Fentanyl. I know you have a past history with addiction to the substance, but there was no other choice on our end, you weren't reacting well to lower doses of opiates, but it wasn't helping."
I started feeling short of breath, I couldn't believe this was happening. I didn't know what to say. I was really trying to change my life. I knew this would just set me back so far and I didn't even want that option.
"Babe are you okay?" Sidney asked crouching down beside my bed. My heart rate had picked up and I was breathing heavy.
"No." I said honestly.
"Ms. Talbot, there is nothing to be worried about, I promise we are going to make this easy for you. We will help you get back to where you were before. Don't think of this as a set back." Dr. Atkins said. I took a deep breath. I wanted to believe him, but I just wasn't sure I could.
"You have to trust him." Sidney said. "He knows what he's doing."
"I guess you're right." I said I forced a smile.
"Everything will be fine." Dr. Atkins said. "I'll leave you two alone, and I'll check back on you in a little bit."
"Thanks Dr. Atkins." I said. He smiled at me and he walked out of the room shutting the door behind him. Sidney sat down beside me. Neither of us spoke. We just sat in silence, thinking about what the doctor had just told us. My head was still spinning. I was pregnant and now I'm not, again. I also am back on Fentanyl and I'm not even happy about it. It feels horrible and wrong, because it feels so good. I am so confused.
"I'm sorry." I said looking over at Sidney. I started crying. I couldn't control myself. I was so upset at myself. How could I be so careless as to get myself into an accident and lose my baby. Sidney and my baby.
"Sorry for what?" Sidney asked looking at me confused.
"Everything, the accident, losing the baby." I said tears falling again.
"Kayla, its not your fault. I guess it wasn't meant to be right now." Sidney said. I didn't understand. Was he happy? I couldn't tell.
"Maybe its a good thing." I said testing him a little bit.
"What?" He asked suddenly getting defensive.
"I mean, maybe we shouldn't be parents yet." I said.
"That isn't what I meant Kayla. I meant maybe it isn't the right time for us. Our time will come. Don't get me wrong, I want to have kids with you Kayla, when we are both ready." Sidney said. He was right. We really weren't ready. We wouldn't be ready until I was completely off drugs, now that I am back on them without my consent it isn't the right time. We left it at that. We didn't talk much after that. I decided to take a rest, I was tired from all the information I had gotten in the last half an hour. I feel asleep almost right away. I feel into a deep sleep, probably the best sleep I would get for a hospital bed. I can't wait to go home and sleep in my own bed.