Captain Clutch

The next couple days seemed to drag on. Since they had to put me back on pain killers they wanted to keep me for a week or so. That way they could keep an eye on me. They wanted to make sure I didn't go crazy and start over doing it with the drugs. I guess that's fair. Luckily Sidney is a superstar and I get my own private room with a nice comfortable bed and a flat screen TV. Luckily I could stomach most foods and Sidney brought things in, hospital food sucks no matter who you are. Luckily I was off the IV by now, but still on a high dosage of Fentanyl. I see an addiction mentor every day to make sure I am handling the situation properly. At first I was pretty pissed off at Dr. Atkins. How could he think putting me back on pain medication that almost killed me, a couple months ago, was a good idea. Sidney stays with me when he's here, but he has to get back on the road tonight, the plane leaves at 5pm. Part of me wishes he could stay here with me forever, but the other part of me wants to watch him play. I love how he plays. He is breath taking. Emilie is coming to the hospital before Sidney leaves. At first I thought it was so sweet of her, but then I realized Sidney must have paid her. Emilie wouldn't ever willingly come to the hospital. To many bad memories. I heard a knock on the door. Sidney had gone to get drinks.
"Come in." I called. The door opened and Beau stuck his head in. I smiled at him, and he flashed his bright grin at me.
"Hey Kay." He said opening the door more and walking in followed by Geno and James. I hadn't seen my boys in a day or so. It was nice to have visitors.
"My boys." I exclaimed. I was so happy to see them. I sat up in my bed and clapped my hands. The three boys exchanged smiles. They sat down in the chairs around my bed.
"Kayla when you go to home?" Geno asked getting all serious.
"Soon G." I said. "I'm not really sure when though."
"Oh." James said looking sad.
"Don't worry guys. I'll be home soon." I said smiling.
"I miss your coffee in the morning." Beau said frowning at the ground.
"Aweh Sunshine." I said. They all laughed. Beau groaned frustrated with me. We sat in silence for a couple minutes. I was so happy these guys were here. Beau is one of my best friends, Geno is like my older brother and James is the friend that I will always have that awkward sexual tension with, but still feel completely comfortable around.
"Are you in pain?" James asked carefully studying my body.
"Not really." I said honestly. "I'm pretty hopped up on pain killers though."
"Sorry." James said looking down at the ground. Beau and Geno looked awkwardly away from us.
"Guys stop it." I said getting upset.
"Stop what?" Beau asked.
"Making it seem like I'm a child and that I'm never going to be okay again. I can deal with this. I promise I'm okay. I am getting help with this." I said proud of myself.
"Oh." They all said in unison. I looked up at the clock.
"In fact, my mentor will be here any minute." I said giving them all a sympathetic look. Just as I said that I heard a knock at the door.
"Come in." I said. The door opened and a tall blonde man with glasses came in. He was holding a binder and a tray from Starbucks. I smiled.
"Kayla." Andrew said nodding his head at me.
"Andrew." I said smiling.
"Am I interrupting?" He asked looking at the three guys sitting around my bed.
"No, my friends just dropped by to see me." I said. The three guys studied Andrew.
"That's really nice of them." Andrew said.
"I agree. Andrew, these are my three boys, James, Beau and Geno." I said gesturing to the three guys in order. "Guys this is my mentor Andrew."
The three guys mumbled a hello to Andrew.
"We should get going." Beau said standing up awkwardly.
"Okay, thanks for coming guys." I said smiling at them. One by one the guys hugged me and kissed my cheek goodbye.
"Come home soon." Beau said before they left the room. Andrew sat down at the foot of my bed.
"They seem nice. Very protective." Andrew said. That made me smile.
"They care about me and I care about them." I said after a couple seconds. Andrew handed me my drink and my binder. I sat up straight on the bed and crossed my legs.
"How do you feel today?" Andrew asked. I thought for a minute before I answered.
"Good actually." I said honestly.
"Are you surprised?" He asked crossing his legs and taking a sip of his drink.
"Kind of." I said.
"Why's that?" He asked.
"I guess I thought this was the worst thing that could happen to me and I would never get over it again, but I don't want to live my life this way anymore, so I'm taking a stand and doing what I need to do to get better." I said smiling.
"Good." Andrew said. After a couple more minutes of light conversation about the weather and what's going on in the NHL, Sidney finally came back in the room.
"Hey babe, sorry I took so long." He said bringing in a couple bags. He told me he was going to get me a drink, but he just came back with a couple bags I could only assume had food for the next couple days in it.
"You brought me food?" I asked with a smile.
"Of course, my girl is going to be without me for two full days." Sidney said leaning down and kissing me. I sighed.
"Sidney I'm going to miss you." I said running my hand across his cheek.
"I'm going to miss my girl." Sidney said kissing my forehead. I smiled up at him.
"Have a safe trip sweetie, call me when you get there." I said.
"I will beautiful." Sidney said picking up his overnight bag and smiling at me before walking out the door to catch his plane. After a couple minutes of silence Andrew finally spoke.
"We need to talk about something today, and I know its going to be hard, but I think its time." He said shifting in his seat. I could tell he was uncomfortable. I knew what was coming and I had been trying to mentally prepare for this moment for weeks now. He was going to bring up the baby. A subject Sidney and I hadn't even talked about since the doctor told us. I took a deep breath.
"Okay." I said slowly.
"We need to talk about the baby." Andrew said.
"What about it?" I said simply. I wasn't really as upset about it as I should be. I already lost one baby a couple years ago and it almost killed me. I was father along then though. I was going into my fourth month. I didn't know I was pregnant. I almost overdosed and I miscarried. They told me in the hospital and the month after that I tried to kill myself. I was so horrified that I had done that to my child. Even though I had no idea. This time I knew it wasn't my fault and somehow that was helping me through this. I knew that there was nothing I could have done different to change what happened. The thing that was bothering me the most is how Sidney was reacting. I could tell he was trying to put on a brave face for me, but I knew he was breaking on the inside. This was going to be his child, even though we had no idea. It was his baby and he wasn't going to get it. I felt a pain in my heart for him.
"You lost your child Kayla." Andrew said. "How do you feel about that?"
"Honestly?" I asked raising an eyebrow.
"Of course." Andrew said leaning back in his chair. I sighed.
"Don't judge me." I said.
"Never." Andrew said.
"I'm fine." I said. "I am really not feeling the way you would think I would be. Of course I'm sad and of course I wish things were different, but I know its not my fault."
"Oh." Andrew said.
"Honestly I'm more worried about Sidney." I said. "I've been through this before and it was a much worse situation, he hasn't. Well he hasn't actually lost a child, until now."
"What do you mean?" Andrew questioned.
"His ex girlfriend claimed to be pregnant a long time ago, but it turns out she made the whole thing up." I said shaking my head.
"Wow. Thats tough." Andrew said. We sat in an uncomfortable silence.
"Andrew, I'm fine. Honestly I just don't want to talk about it right now. I know I should, but I don't want to." I said.
"I understand and maybe we shouldn't talk about it now." Andrew said.
"Really?" I asked.
"Sure. Its really up to you. This is your recovery, nobody else's." Andrew said smiling at me.
"Oh." I said.
"What?" Andrew asked.
"I guess I'm just surprised. When I was in rehab they made me talk, even if I didn't want to talk about it." I said.
"Yeah, but this isn't rehab. Its mentoring." Andrew said smiling.
"I guess you're right." I said. We spent the rest of the afternoon talking and laughing, just enjoying ourselves. I hadn't just hung out with anyone in awhile. Emilie came just as Andrew was leaving. We spent the rest of the day watching movies and talking about Sidney. We ended up staying up pretty late and finally Emilie and I both fell asleep on the bed. We always seemed to end up cuddling during the night which helped me sleep very well.