Counting Stars

Slipping into Mr. Collins art class, my head pounding. It felt like it would possibly explode at any given time. I really hope Mr. Collins doesn’t notice I’m late. And once I’m in my seat, I feel normal. Like I’m suddenly invisible, and just another student. Alley Jensen sits next to me so she stares at me awkwardly after I sit down. She has that same revolting-stomach-churning-face she makes when she’s trying to seduce me and I think I throw up a little in my mouth.

I sigh and zone out of the class and start zoning in on a doodle. At first I was trying to sketch Ellie, but then it turned into some misshaped black blob. This is why I don’t understand why Mr. Collins likes me. I’m horrible at art, even though my entire existence screams that I’m a trouble teen and I should be amazing at art, like the other trouble teens out there who souls can only be heard from their art work. But I’m not.

When the class bell rings, I throw my feet onto the ground. And turn to see Alley gazing at me longingly. Her blonde hair was tied into a low messy pony tail, looking kind of frayed at parts. She was still making that hideous infamous face of hers. Which was honestly now starting to terrify me, because lately it’s like that’s the only face she can make. And I hope not, because Alley is slightly attractive… Just when she’s makes that it makes me want to vomit.

“Can I help you?” I rest a hand on my waist.

Alley stops making that face and smiles, except now it’s some sort of creepy grin that makes me scream “rape face” internally. “Yes. I, um, have a double-date thing with my friend – her name is Jenna and she’s bringing her boyfriend Richie, I believe his name is – and I originally had a date… And--” I swear she was dragging this on way too long.

“And? Hurry this up, I have plans.” I waved my arm to encourage her to go on with her story I didn’t really care about.

“Andtheguybailed,” she said all rushed together and-what-not. “And I was wondering if you could possibly be my date?”

No. All instincts in me screamed no, and my body was about ready for run far away to the hills because this wasn’t my fucking week. First I move in with Angel-face and her fucking prissy-ass mother. And now, Alley is asking me out. This isn’t fair. But, now, I’m not even sure why I’m hesitating. Maybe it’s because I want to get out of the devil’s house I’ve been thrown into to live in for the next three months and I wasn’t ready for me actually living there to begin. “Sure.” I manage to get out, without having a chance to regret it. Do I really want to date Alley? Hell no, she’s kind of weird. But I’d honestly do anything to get out of Tessa’s house. And to be honest, I’ve been trying to avoid the brunette since Sunday so she wouldn’t ask me any questions. And also now that she’s seen me at my worst, I don’t want her to pity me. “So… When is this date?”

“It’s tonight; you don’t have to go if you have other plans…” Alley’s voice lowered as she trailed off mumbling stuff I couldn’t quite hear.

Smirking, I lowered my face to look at her in her blue eyes and I cupped her face in my hands. “Shh, it’s fine. Meet me after school in the front, ‘kay?” And I’ll just have to make sure I’m in the front of the school by myself, instead of the back with my friends.

Face still in my hands, Alley nodded. “O-Okay.”

I smiled at her and walked away, pausing at the art room’s door. “Seeya then.” And after that, I walked out without saying another word.

Successfully avoiding Tessa the entire day, I find my way back to my comfort zone in the back of the school. Alley has a half-hour of student counsel, so I have some time to spare with my friends. Chris is already lighting up a cig, though smoking on school grounds is prohibited. And Lissa is drinking whatever is in the water bottle Jenna brought with her, which I’m assuming probably vodka because it’s clear. Grabbing it, I stole a swig of it. Quickly afterwards, I spit it out because it was way too strong for my taste. And I might smoke, but I don’t really like alcohol. Jake is missing and nowhere to be seen. He must be with his girlfriend Sarina he was talking about the other day.

I slide into a spot next to Chris, who is flipping through pictures. He switched to a picture of him and Eva, and the picture has to be at least a year or so old. Because he was talking to Eva when I was dating Ellie. Chris deeply sighed and I noticed his eyes turned sad. Nudging Chris with my elbow, I flashed him a smile. It probably looked awkward as hell since I don’t smile. It’s just not something I do, at least not on a daily basis.

“Cheer up.” We can’t always be so upset over our past, can we? If we let it get to us, we’d probably never achieve anything in life. Because everyone would be too depressed to do anything.

“It’s just, I can’t find anyone else.” Chris whines, he sounds like a Four year old kid looking for a puppy he had lost.

I sighed deeply, mentally face-palming. “Sure you can.” He’s too obsessed with Eva, but then again, it isn’t really right for me to say that because I’m still in love with Ellie.

“I can set you up with some stra—“ As I’m speaking, I see her. The only girl I wanted to avoid today, Tessa. Everyone in my little group looked up to see Angel-face nervously rubbing her legs together.

“C-can I-I speak t-to-to A-Al-Ale-x?” Hearing her say my name in her little British accent gave me a lady boner. Her brown eyes fluttered around and she found her way to me with them.

Standing up, I dusted off my jeans and walked over to Angel-face. “Hey.” I rested my right hand on my hip and cocked an eyebrow at her. Having to pretend everything is okay is really nothing new to me, so I’ve become quite accustomed to it.

“You didn’t come home all weekend, I-uh, I was wondering if you were okay.” Her eyes found my friends behind me, and I noticed her blue when they found Chris. Was she using this as an excuse to just get to see him close-up? Such a sly girl, of course she doesn’t care about me – no one does, and no I’m not going to sit and sulk about it because I don’t give a fuck. Not even Ellie cared about me, and that’s the girl I’m in love with, and maybe that one actually hurts. But am I going to show it? No.

With a chuckle and a smirk, I responded with, “Of course I’m fine. Isn’t it obvious?” I had my eyes on hers, and she so very obviously had hers on Chris.

“Y-yes.” It came out as a pathetic whisper, almost like an orgasmic gasp of breath really.

I swung around and looked at Chris. “Hey Chris, Tessa over here likes you. You should date her.” Turning my head now back to Angel-face, who’s eyes darted up to me – looking very petrified, like I’ve done the ‘unthinkable’. “There. Now you can leave me alone.” I began walking away, not really listening to what she had to say. “Oh, and don’t worry babe, I won’t touch you anymore.” I uttered and walked to the front of the school to wait for Alley.

To say the least, I was livid. Tessa had the nerve to come to me, on my grounds, to make sure I was okay when in reality she wanted to check out Chris. And even if she really did wanted to make sure I was okay, she shouldn’t just come out of the blue like that. Like I can’t handle myself? Hell no, obviously Angel doesn’t know me very well. What happened Saturday wasn’t really anything new. It’s been happening since I officially came out to my mom or to anyone. Because I guess she can’t accept me?

I remember when I first realized I had my first kiss with a girl, which was honestly probably the reason I am a lesbian now.

*****************************************************************

Caleb’s fingers stroked my arms as his emerald-like eyes gazed into mine. Our bodies were entwined in some passionate tango that my mind wasn’t conscious in. His gentled hands lingered to my ass, and he squeezed it in an attempt to pull me closer. I wanted nothing more than to remove them and to go over to my friend Gabby and dance with her. So when Mrs. Whitman broke us up, I felt relieved, so I didn’t have to do it myself. Maybe Caleb is like all the other guy’s I’ve dated? Only wanting sex from me? And if I don’t give them it, they call me every name in the book and never heard from again.

I scurry away from Caleb and Mrs. Whitman and make my way to Gabby. I find Gabby giggling with this blonde chick, and I swear she had to be the most prettiest person I’ve ever seen. Curly blonde hair in a cute messy pony tail, pulled to the side. Her pearly white teeth glistened under the florescent lights.

I walk up to Gabby, gripping my red plaid skirt in my fists. Gab’s was the one who picked out my attire, and in fact the entire outfit was hers. A white T-shirt with a pair of lips on it and the red plaid skirt. To top off the school-girl look, I had on a pair of black high-top’s. It was something casual, but slightly able to party in – so Gabby said.

Noticing me, Gabby and her friend, turned to look at me. Her blonde haired friend smiled at me widely. And Gabby elbowed her, whispering something in her ear I couldn’t make out. They both giggled and looked dead at me. Were they laughing at me?

When I finally reached them, a guy named Jeff who is in my English class, approached them and took Gabby away. I believe he has a thing for Gabby because he’s always asking about her and talking about her. I still walk next to the girl and stand next to her, trying my hardest not to fidget.

“Hey…” I uttered shyly.

“Hello, I’m Ellie. Ellie Brooks. You’re Gabby’s friend? What’s your name?” She smiled brightly, showing me all of her teeth.

“Alexandria, but you can call me Alex.” This is kind-of awkward, I’ve never met someone who introduces themselves head-on like this. What do I do?

“Got it. So Alex, want to dance? I’m really bored.” Ellie twirled around, the long red shirt she wore twirled with her over top of her black elastic leggings.

“Sure?” Ellie grabbed my hand and led us over to the dance floor.

Taking the feminine role, she put her arms on my shoulders. My hands lingered to her waist. And when her vibrant green eyes bore into mine, it was as if she could read all of my secrets. Her lips moved closer to mine; they were so close to me that I could smell the faint scent of alcohol on her breath. As her lips moved closer to mine, and as soon as they were pressed together. Our bodies did the same, our hands lingered. They tugged at pieces of clothing, without actually taking them off. But believe me, if I could’ve, I’d probably would’ve done it.

We were playing a game in our mouths with our tongues, a game of hide and seek. Her tongue would tango with mine until mine ran away and hers explored my mouth to find it. Then he cycle would repeat. That was, until we were forced apart by Mrs. Whitman. Who just dragged us out into the hallways, and proceeded to tell us what we did was wrong and should never happen again.

*************************************************

I’ve been told that my entire life. I sigh and rest my head against the brick wall of the school. Everyone tells me it’s wrong to be homosexual. Well, not everyone, a lot of people tell me it’s cool how I’m so open about being a lesbian. But I bet they’re secretly thinking about how I’m such a freak. Like two of my classmates who I thought would never call me, because they were always so friendly usually.

***************************************************

I pushed aside my classmate Hannah, and she was a decent looking girl. Long brown hair, chubby, but bordering the overweight side, and blue eyes. She had an adorable face. These puffy cheeks that made you want to pinch them. And an adorable smile when she did, partly because the girl has dimples and I have a thing for dimples. When I touched Hannah, she flinched away instantly and gave me this look of disdain.

“Don’t touch me, freak!” Her blue eyes were wide as she shouted. She caused everyone in the classroom to look our way.

I back away, bumping into another classmate of mine. I believe her name is Marissa, or something. I’ve never really talked to her. She’s really tall and has broad shoulders. Somehow she’s always slightly intimidated me. It was weird however, that Hannah was calling me a freak. Why was she calling me a freak? She’s usually nothing but nice to me. “Um…” I tried to slide out of the classroom, but Marissa stopped me by gripping my arms.

“Going somewhere dyke?” She held me in her grasp; her hands were so tight around my shoulders I think her hand print might have embedded into my skin.

“D-dyke?” I look at Marissa, surely I looked pathetic.

“Yes, d-y-k-e. We saw you making out with a girl at the dance.” Marissa stated.

My hand cupped over my mouth.

“Yeah and we don’t want your kind here, so get out.” Hannah got all up on me.

Hannah, if I could I would, but your friend here is holding me so I kind-of can’t move.

Marissa shoved me out of the door way. “Don’t ever come back here.”

I don’t plan on it.

*********************************************************

When Alley came out of the school, she had a backpack strung over her shoulder. “You ready?”

I reply with a nod and a, “Yeah.” And we walk away after that.