Demons

You used to captivate me by your resonating light.

I am suffocating. It’s like I’ve been thrown into a frozen lake and my warm blood turns to ice. It's so painful, and I can imagine it clearly. I’m standing at the edge of a lake, snow all around. I am all alone as my white coat turns to red, and I’m thrown into the lake. The crystal water slices into me and I open my mouth to scream, but I can’t.

I can't breathe. I'm suffocating.

And then I sleep, and you are there with me. I can actually see my angel of death shining like a star, radiating with pure light, captivating me, yet making me remember my harsh reality.

Now I'm bound by the life you left behind.

I remember how I used to scream when you treated me like I was worthless. I can see the memory playing before my eyes like a movie in a movie theater. I sob and close my eyes, tugging at my hair harshly while shaking my head. I am running as fast as I can, but I trip and fall on the floor. I close the door behind me and hide, hoping you won’t find me even though this is our house. I bite my lip, preventing any sobs from escaping as I close my eyes.

You can't find me. Can you? Oh, yes! You can. I know it.

Your face – it haunts my once pleasant dreams.

Now I’m wide awake, staring at the drinking bottles on the table. One bottle is already empty, so I open the next one. I drink, letting the liquid burn my throat before I stop and look past the empty bottle. Our photograph is there. You are smiling and I am in your arms. Your hazel eyes shine just like mine and we look so happy, just like in my long forgotten dreams. Dreams of when I first became yours, of when we were in love. But my dreams always turn to nightmares now, all I see is a shadow of the past.

Haunting me, watching me, wanting me.

Your voice – it chased away all the sanity in me.

Just like before, you roar. ‘’You’re gonna pay for this.’’ Your demons are playing their game once again while mine lay asleep. So you slap me, throwing me on the couch. My head hits the edge of the table, and I just lay there on the floor, my vision becoming fuzzy as you kiss my lips and chuckle darkly. I stare at the ceiling as your face comes closer to mine, your raven hair touching my face and you whisper in my ear, ‘’It’s just a dream baby – just a dream.’’ You lick my ear and I feel disgusting.

I hate it.

I hate everything and yet I love you…the bottles are all empty. One by one, till there is nothing more for me to drink, while I’m secretly hoping to remember, as well to forget.