Ignite

It took almost an entire week after ‘the incident’ (Jack refused to think about what really happened) for Alex to confront Jack. The first week of October actually, and a Friday, meaning Jack didn’t have an excuse of working the next day when Alex invited him over for a movie night.

Movie night. Yeah right. Alex just wanted to talk to Jack about things he didn’t want to know.

The pleading look in Alex’s eyes made Jack cave though. Alex was his first (and only?) real friend in New York, so he could give him this chance, right? As long as he didn’t go into detail. A movie night would be harmless, right? Besides, Zack told him it would be a good idea. Yeah, Jack had gone to Zack for advice on what to do. What? His boss had told him he could talk to him about the situation if he needed to, and he needed to then. Zack had agreed with Alex that talking, alone, would be best and that he should give Alex a chance to explain himself.

Jack trusted Zack’s judgement – tonight couldn’t be that bad, right?

Besides, Jack kinda needed to work this out with Alex. Things with Jaime had been a little strained between them, since Jaime was best friends with Alex’s flatmate, neither of them wanting to make the other feel bad and yet at the same time being awkward around each other. This side of Jaime, the awkward half-assed conversations and aborted sentences, opened up a new chapter that Jack wasn’t all that fond of. That, and the fact that there still wasn’t a spark (no, they hadn’t slept together yet, but everything else hadn’t proven much) didn’t help Jack’s feelings towards his boyfriend.

But it wasn’t Jaime’s fault, Jack knew that. He knew he needed to sort this out sooner rather than later.

So after work, Jack went back to Alex’s apartment, both Vic and Jaime working so neither of them had distractions. Jack didn’t know what Vic and Jaime knew, anyway, so maybe it was best that they weren’t at the apartment.

“So, um, did you want to order take-out?” Alex asked, kicking off his shoes.

Jack felt a stab of guilt at how nervous Alex sounded. He shouldn’t feel this way around Jack. It wasn’t fair.

“Yeah, sounds good. I’m up for anything,” Jack nodded, offering a smile.

Alex smiled back, his face a little more relaxed, letting Jack feel a little better about himself as Alex rifled through the take-out leaflets on the kitchen side.

“How about pizza?” Alex suggested.

“Pizza is fine. Just no pineapple or anchovies,” Jack mused.

Alex laughed, nodding. “Sure thing. Go pick out a movie,”

So far, so good.

~

Watching the movie distracted them at first (Thor 2), and then the pizza gave them an excuse not to talk too (food in their mouths, eww), but when the movie finished and they’d finished eating, there really was nothing left to put off the real reason Jack was round.

“Um, I guess I need to explain,” Alex said softly.

Jack just nodded.

“I just, I don’t know where to start,” Alex admitted.

Jack chewed his bottom lip briefly, before pulling his knees up to his chin.

“Look, I don’t want to know details. I’m not even mad or disappointed in you – I’m just worried about you. Zack told me that if you’re caught then you’ll both get fired. Why would you do this when you know the risks?” Jack frowned.

“He’s worth it,” Alex said with a sad smile.

Jack just frowned a little more, making Alex sigh.

“I’ve been working for Rian for 4 years now. I never expected it to happen. There was always an attraction, sometimes you just can’t help it, but it was never anything more. The innocent flirting was just a buzz rush, if I’m being honest. But then, about 3 years ago at the Christmas Party, we both got really drunk. I’d left my coat at the office and Rian escorted me back to get it. One thing led to another, and he fucked me over my desk. We’ve been fucking every work day ever since,”

“Three years of fucking?” Jack asked surprised.

He hadn’t realised it had been going on that long. That put a whole new spin on things.

“Yeah, 3 years. I, um, I’m pretty much in love with Rian – I know he doesn’t feel the same intensity, I’m not stupid, I know it’s just sex for him. But I can deal with that, as long as I can call him mine in the office. If this is all I can have, then I’ll take it,”

Wow.

Jack had always taken Alex as the type of guy to be upfront and confident about what he wanted, but this took him by surprise.

“Have you ever talked to Mr Dawson…Rian about it?” Jack asked softly.

Alex smiled sadly again, and shook his head.

“No. I don’t want to risk him backing off and me losing what I’ve got. I can’t take that chance,” Alex replied.

Wow. That was really sad.

“I’m sorry,” was all Jack could say.

“Don’t be. I knew what I was getting myself into,” Alex shrugged.

“Shit, Alex, you two definitely need to be more careful then,” Jack mused.

Alex just laughed, sounding a lot less stressed than before.

“It would be nice to be official, but I know we can’t. Just be glad that you have Jaime,”

Ah, Jaime. Back to this topic again.

Alex noticed the hesitation on Jack’s face and frowned.

“Is everything okay between you two?” Alex asked.

“I don’t really know if I can talk to you about him, Lex,” Jack sighed.

He wasn’t being rude – he was just trying to save them both the hassle.

“I won’t say anything to Vic. Hell, after what you’re keeping secret for me, this is the least I can do,” Alex insisted.

Well, when he put it like that…

“I don’t know. I mean, technically nothing is wrong. Jaime is perfect. Gorgeous, a gentleman, passionate, funny, smart, but…” Jack trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You feel like there’s something missing,” Alex finished.

Bingo.

“Yeah. I wish it wasn’t so, because I really really like Jaime, but there’s just something that’s not quite there,” Jack nodded.

“Are you going to break-up with him?” Alex asked.

Jack shook his head. What reason did he have?

“No, I really like spending time with him and he makes me happy and all that, so I don’t want to. I just…well, I don’t know what I want,” Jack said, blushing slightly.

Zack. Woah, what the fuck?!

“I hope you figure it out soon, before both of you get hurt,” Alex said softly.

“Yeah, me too,” Jack sighed.

The two of them sat in silence, Jack just going over everything he’d admitted. What was he meant to do? Break-up with someone he really liked just because he didn’t feel fireworks? What kind of asshole was he? No, he couldn’t do that.

“Fuck, I think we both need a drink,” Alex chuckled, standing up.

“Yes please,” Jack groaned.

Well tonight really hadn’t turned out like he’d thought.