Love Is Deaf, Not Blind

I place my hearing aid over my ears and shape the soft silicone ear piece to create the seal. I pause in the middle of putting the second on before pulling the first back out. If I had to go to mainstream school I didn’t need to announce to them all I was deaf. I put them back into their clear case before I carry it back to my room. I slip the case into the front pocket of my black back pack. I swing it over my shoulders before I trudge down the hallway, stomping my feet to let everyone in the house know how much I wasn’t looking forward to school.

I thumped my way into the kitchen feeling the floor vibrate as I do, Mum rolls her eyes at me with a slight shake of her head and hands me a slice of buttered raisin toast.

“Go, Jace is in the car,” She tells me. I don’t move but I feel my face drop slightly. “Go it’ll all be fine. You’ll see. If you need me I’m just a text away.”

I turn sharply and storm off towards the garage. That’s easy for her to say she doesn’t know what it’s like to constantly be surround by people who will never understand you and that’s if they're not just making fun of you.

I open the passenger door to Jace’ sliver 1997 Honda Accord and slump into my seat. I will not cry I chant in my head as I stare straight out the windscreen waiting for Jace to start the drive to my personal hell on earth.

Jace waves his hand in front of my face trying to get my attention but I close my eyes and ignore him. I don’t want to talk about it, I just want to get it over with so that I can crawl back into bed.

He wipes his hand across my cheek clearing away a few tear that had escaped. I feel him wrap his arms around me protectively like he’d done so often in our lives. I open my eyes and look up at him and can’t hold back the tears that start to flow freely down my face.

‘Jocelyn. I know you are scared but I promise you it won’t be as bad as you think. I’ll be there. I WONT let them hurt you.’

He wipes more tears from my cheeks before he holds his hand over his heart and says out loud. “I promise.” ‘Cheer up, I’ll even let you be in charge of the radio.’ The makes me crack a smile. ‘That’s my girl.’

I turned the volume knob to max but don’t turn it on, mum hated it when we listen to music at this sort of volume. She complain that Jace would go deaf, at least she didn’t know about the bass amps Jace had set up in his boot.

I waited until we were a few blocks away before I signalled for Jace to pull over having only just remembered I’d forgotten to give him he’s ear plugs. He smiles, the one dimple smile of his at me before inserting them in his ears, he gives me a nod letting me know I can turn it on, which I do. I instantly feel the beats of the music take over my body.

I turned and smiled at Jace who was singing to the song. ‘Good thing you're deaf, you don’t have to listen to me sing.’

I shake my head at him but can’t hid the smile on my face. ‘go’ I sign indicating him to continue to drive.

My smiles fades as we turn a corner and I see the school. As we turn into the parking lot I watch the faces turn towards the car. How do they know…the music? I quickly turn it off wishing now I’d realised it sooner.

‘Jocelyn. It’s alright.’ Jace signs quickly. ’Just stick with me. I told my friends about you last year and that you’d most likely be speeding a lot of time with us.’

I nod hoping that I wasn’t about to throw up.

‘Are you ready?’ Jace signs, a look of sympathy on his face.

‘Why not’ I sign lifting my bag over my shoulder before exiting the car. I take a look around the school, but my eyes fall on a group of people standing a few cars down. They are leaning against a beautiful red 1963 Buick Riveria as they wave towards me. A frown knots my forehead before I realise they are waving to Jace who had appear at my side without me noticing.

I look at him the puzzle question clear on my face. “My friends.” ‘Come meet them’. He makes sure I’m following him before he walks over calling greetings, I follow timidly behind him.

‘Jocelyn this is C.a.l.e.b’ He gestures towards the shortest of the two guys, he has flaming red hair, a sharp angled face with thin lips and oddly tan skin. He smiles awkwardly and waves.

Jace waves his hand in front of my face to get me to look back at him ‘This is J.o.r.d.a.n. You should remember him.' Oh I did. I remember him from my dreams. He's black hair was longer now it hung in his eyes. He smiles, lighting up his gorgeous green eyes, I note the different shades of green and the few flicks of brown. I try to memories them, since my dreams hadn't done them justice.

Jordan had been friends with Jace since as long as I can remember. He was the only hearing person other than my family that I saw regularly, but even he seemed awkward around me.

Jace waves his hand in front of my face again ‘And I saved the best until. This is S.a.m.a.n.t.h..a’ I look towards the blonde baby faced girl, who doesn’t look like she’s any older than 13.

“He means Sammi. Oh shit. She can’t hear me. Tell her please.” I can see the panic look the flashes across her face.

“I…lip…read.” I say it very slow concentrating on the right way to say the words. I wasn't comfortable speaking out loud.

“Oh she can talk.” I felt a strong wave of annoyance at that.

“I am...deaf...not...dumb.”