Love Is Deaf, Not Blind

‘She didn’t mean it like that Jocelyn’ Jace quickly signs. ‘She has just never heard of a deaf person talking.’

‘It’s stupid. If this is how it’s going to be, then I want to go home. They look at me, poor deaf Jocelyn can’t do this, can’t do that.’ I turn and walk away but Jace grabs my arm.

‘Don’t go. They just don’t understand you. They don’t want to make you feel bad because you can’t hear.’ His face is soft, but I can see the silent plea for me to come back.

‘You make it seem like I’m missing something. I was happy being deaf before I had to come here.’ I can feel the tears coming back and take a deep breath, trying to calm myself.

‘Being here doesn’t change who you are. It doesn’t change the fact that you are this amazing, funny and strong girl. You just have to show them that your not just that deaf girl.’ I exhale deeply knowing that Jace was right. I look over at the three who are staring at us while our silent conversation took place. I needed to show them the real me. I wanted to fit in.

‘Okay’ I sign to Jace before walking back.

“I’m sorry,” Sammi says the moment I stop in front of them. She has that panic look back, I feel a little bad for over reacting.

I smile at her, “I.” I point to my chest. “Sorry.” I held my hand in a fist and make two circles on my chest.

A real smile crosses my face as I watch Sammi sign, ‘I’m sorry.’

“It…is…okay,” I say out loud as I sign it. She try to mimic the action by doesn’t shape K.

“K” I take her hands push her middle finger down a little so that her pointer and middle make a sort of V and place her thumb against the bottom of her middle finger.

“Thanks.” She smiles at me. I sign to her thank you and she copies.

Okay maybe I jump the gun a little too soon about hearing people, Sammi was at least trying. I see Jace smile towards me before turning back to talk with Jordan and Caleb.

“So if this is” ‘K’, She says before signing the letter. “What’s the alphabet?”

I spend the rest of the time before the bell showing her the Alphabet. Before I notice the all four of them stop suddenly.

‘Bell’ Jace signs as he comes over to walk with me. ‘So it’s not as bad as you thought?’ I see Jace frown to indicate that he’d asked a question.

‘No not as bad. But school has only just started.’

*** *** *** *** ***

It turned out I was right about how bad hearing school was, the students stared and whispered even though I couldn’t hear them. The teacher continually turn their back to the class as they talked leaving me confused.

At lunch Jace sat with just the boys leaving me alone with Sammi. Who I could tell was really trying to communicate with me. I shared a few classes with both Jordan, Sammi and Caleb but I only had the one class P.E with Jace.

Between Sammi, Jordan and Caleb I felt sort of welcomed at school.

But I was glad to be finally be sitting in the car with Jace.

“I…want…to…take…speech,” I say aloud while we are waiting at a red light.

Shock flashes quickly across his face, ‘Why?’

‘I don’t know. Maybe so people at school will understand me.’

‘But you hated it –‘ he stops in the middle of a sign and continues driving glancing back at blue car behind us. I guess it honked.

“I…know.” I really had. Mom hadn’t wanted to learn to sign, so she’d tried to get me to talk and read lips. I refused to talk but I did learn to read lips quite well.

We didn’t speak until Jace pulled into the messy double garage of home.

‘Jocelyn you don’t have to do it for anyone but yourself you know that right?’

I nod. “I…know.”