Two Pieces of a Broken Heart

“Okay, okay. Shut the fuck up!” I grumbled as whoever was outside my house kept ringing the doorbell and my dogs barking like crazy. Whoever decided to wake me up at 6 in the morning is going to pay so bad. When I opened the door I saw Jack standing there which surprised me. This guy can sleep the day away so why the hell is he up at six in the damn morning? “Why the hell are you at my house at the crack of dawn? And why ring the bell? You have a key?”

“I lost my key.” he said pushing himself inside. “I need your help. I have no idea how to propose to Rae.”

“So you had to come to my house at six am to get my help? Couldn’t this have waiting for when normal people are awake?” I groaned as I shut the door.

“I’m sorry, but I’ve been trying to figure it out for days and I can’t come up with anything.” he said sounding like a little child. I love this dude but he’s such a man child. No matter how mature he’s gotten, he will forever be a man child.

“Fine.” I threw my hands in the air. “But you’re buying breakfast because I’m too tired to cook and the girls will probably be coming down the stairs any second thanks to you.”

“Sorry about that.” he apologized. “I’ll call Brie to bring food because I don’t trust that you won’t fall back asleep when I go get food.”

“Whatever.” I rolled my eyes. It was then that I heard the girls running down the stairs. I have no idea how they have so much energy even if they are woken up. Normal kids get grumpy but no mine are full of energy all the time.

“Mommy, I hungry.” Aspen told me.

“I know, but Auntie Brie is gonna bring us food.” I told her as I picked her up and kissed her forehead.

“I text Brie and she said she’s coming over right now.” Jack said as I was taking the girls to the kitchen to get a drink. I started a pot of coffee the poured the girls some juice.

“So I already have an idea for how you can propose to Rae.” I told Jack.

“Really? That was quick.” he looked surprised. He sat down at the table next to Faith.

“Yeah well we’re girls, we always dreamed of ways we would want to get proposed to and dreamed up our whole weddings. So yeah I have ideas.” I told him as I sat across from him. “Rae’s perfect fantasy can’t exactly come true unless you have time to go to Paris.” I laughed, but I know of the next best thing.

“Okay…” he drew out the word, waiting for me to elaborate.

“You’re going to need a lot of lights and a projector.” I told him. “All you need to do is show up and I will do everything else.”

“I’m here family!” I heard Brie’s voice come from front of the house. She soon showed up with a box of donuts in her hand with Izzy and Jason following close behind. “So why exactly am I coming over so early in the morning?”

“I need help proposing to Rae.” Jack said casually earning a high pitched squeal from Brie.

“Briana.” I scolded her as I covered my ears.

“Sorry, but this is exciting.” she glared at me.

“I know but it’s too early for squealing. At least wait until I have had my coffee.” I told her. I went to pour myself a cup of coffee so I would stop being so crabby.

“Have you forgotten the fact that Jack hates French food.” Brie pointed out knowing that Rae wants to be proposed to in Paris by the Eiffel Tower. She sat her kids down at the table and gave them along with Faith and Aspen a donut.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Jack asked confused.

“Like I said Rae’s dream is to be proposed to in France. But since that won’t happen we will bring France to her. Down to the food.” I explained to him.

“But they eat snails.” he whined.

“I promise I won’t make you eat snails. There’s plenty of tasty French food.” I laughed at him.

“You better.” he grumbled not too excited for the French food part of the proposal idea. “Do you think we can get it done this weekend?”

“I don’t see why not.” I shrugged. “I can get Ali to help with the food and I can decorate your guy's’ backyard. But you’re going to have to get her out of the house for the afternoon.” If you haven’t guessed I no longer live with Rae. After Aspen was born the house we lived in was too little for all of us. Plus when Jack decided to move in, I didn’t want my kids to have to hear their sex all the time. So I moved out on my own. That terrified Zack and he wanted to move in with me but I told him that I had to grow up and I would be fine. But for the first month he stayed with me. After him and Lena found a place of their own as well. He made me promise that if I ever had any bad thoughts that I would call him immediately. I won’t say that I haven’t had some bad moments but I’m pretty proud of myself that I haven’t harmed myself since Aspen was born.

“Awesome.” He said excitedly. “So I heard that you had dinner with Alex the other night.”

“Why haven’t I heard about this?” Brie gasped.

“Can we not talk about this in front of the kids.” I said motioning for them to follow me to the living room. “You kids eat all of your donut.”

“So? What happened?” Brie pushed as we sat down on the couch in the living room.

“Nothing happened.” I shrugged. “It was just a family dinner. I didn’t want to go but we had a talk and I decided to give it a shot. I told him that I make no promises because I didn’t want to get his hopes up.”

“You’re not telling us something.” Jack said. I hate that he knows me so well.

I sighed knowing that I wouldn’t be able to get out of this without telling them the whole truth. “I’ve had this recurring dream ever since the accident. Alex with with me and we seem to be this happy couple but then Lisa shows up and every single time he chooses her. And the other night when he brought me and the girls home, he walked us to the house and he kissed me. I felt the butterflies and in that moment I felt like I was ready to take that leap. But when I opened my eyes I saw Lisa standing behind him and I felt so sick. I knew she wasn’t really there but it made me feel like my dream was real and I waited for him to say he made a mistake. I ended up just running into the house and closed the door. I haven’t spoken to him since.”

“Oh, Lauren, you know that’s just a dream.” Brie tried to comfort me.

“But is it really?” I questioned her. “He did chose Lisa. He nearly married her. And before you say that I broke up with him that he didn’t really chose her over me, think about it. He didn’t fight for me. He chose to believe that I slept with Zack. He chose to walk away without trying to fight for us. He saw Aspen when she was born. Everyone saw how much she looked like him but him. And out of all the girls out there he chose to be with Lisa. A girl who tore us apart again and again. So again, is it really a dream?”

“I’m not defending him or anything, but you believed he cheated on you too” Jack pointed out. That really pissed me off because it wasn’t like he came to me and said oh hey I had sex with Lisa. No, I caught her in his house nearly naked. Yeah we found out he was drugged and all but still, I had a lot more proof than just words.

“Technically he did have sex with another girl. But he did put himself in that situation. He kept playing right into Lisa’s game. I know all that happened but still, I had every reason to believe he slept with Lisa. He did kiss her in Vegas. And I wasn’t about to put myself through all that drama trying to figure it all out when I was pregnant. And he never ever questioned why I broke up with him. He just chose to believe that I cheated. So it made me even more believe that he cheated.” I said on the verge of crying. I hate that I want to cry. I hate that I can’t just be in love with Alex because he was there for me in the hospital. He did save Aspen’s life. My heart is screaming to give him a second chance. But my brain is saying run for the hills. I honestly am scared to go down that hole again. I don’t want to get hurt. But I also want to give my girls the family that they deserve.

“He regrets taking Lisa back. I knows that he will spend the rest of his life making it up to you.” Jack told me. “When he found out Aspen was his and you were in the hospital, his world was turned upside down. He sat and cried, hell I don’t think he stopped crying until you woke up. He was kicking himself for what had nearly happened. And he swore to himself that he would do whatever it takes to win you back.”

“I don’t know how to get through these fears of him wanting her.” I sighed trying to push back the tears. “He’s told him that she’s out of his life and that he loves me. But I just don’t know what to do.”

“Would you ever try therapy with him?” Brie asked. It’s no secret that I’ve went through therapy for years in my past and I never thought about doing it with another person.

“I would try anything to get my family back.” I told her honestly. If this is what it takes to work out our problems then I am willing to give it a try.

“Mommy!” I heard Faith yell. Before I could respond I heard her footsteps running on the hardwood floors. “Daddy is on the phone. He wants to talk to you.” she told me as she entered the room with my phone in her hands. I didn’t even hear it ring. It’s crazy how he called right when we were talking about him. And why was he calling so damn early?

“Thanks baby girl.” I said as I took my phone. “But remember what I said about yelling in the house.”

“I’m sorry.” she looked at me sadly. I gave her a hug and told her it was okay and to go play with her sister and cousins.

“Hello?” I said into my phone.

“Hey, Lo. Did I wake you up?” Alex asked me obviously realizing the time.

“No, your lovely best friend did that.” I looked over at Jack and glared at him playfully. “What’s up?”

“I was wondering what you were doing today.” he said like he had a plan.

“Um, I needed to go shopping to help Jack with something but other than that nothing.” I told him.

“Would you like to go do something with the girls later on?” he asked nervously. It was so cute hearing him studder. I’ve never seen this side of Alex and it was making me smile.

“I was going to call you later and ask if you could come over. I need to talk to you about something.” I told him. Now it was my turn to be nervous. I’m not sure how to start this conversation. Would Alex want to attempt therapy with me to try and repair our relationship?

“Yeah sure. When do you want me to come over?” he asked curiously.

“Um, in about an hour. I have to have the girls shower. Then we can hang out after we talk. I can have Brie or Lena pick up the things that I need for Jack.” I told him.

“Okay, I’ll see you then.” he said. We said our byes then hung up the phone.

“Guess that’s our cue to go.” Jack laughed. “Thanks for the help, Lo.”

“No problem butt head.” I pinched his cheek knowing how much he hates that.

“Good luck with Alex.” Brie told me then gave me a hug. Her and Jack left not long after that. Once they left my nerves got the best of me. I was ready to chicken out and take the girls and run. The idea of giving Alex a chance equally excites me and terrifies me. I’ve missed him so much over the years. He’s the father of my little girl. He took Faith in like she was his own. He was the first person to love me for me and all of my flaws. But at the same time the idea scares me because I want to do everything in my power to protect my heart as well as my daughter’s hearts. I don’t want them to see me and Alex together and have it not work out. I don’t want to see them devastated. It tore me apart to see Faith cry and beg to see her daddy and I didn’t want her to. I can’t go through that again.

I pushed all the thoughts out of my head and got the girls bathed and dressed. I was doing their hair when the doorbell rang. The dogs ran to the door and starting barking. I finished putting the rubber band in Faith’s hair before yelling at the dogs to be quiet and answering the door. “Hey.” I smiled when I saw Alex standing there.

“Hey.” he smiled back. He stuffed his hand in his pockets. I’m not sure if it’s because he’s cold or nervous.

“Come on in.” I stepped aside so he could come inside. “Girls, your daddy is here!” I yelled for them. I hadn’t told them that he was coming over. I wanted it to be a surprise.

I heard them scream in excitement. I normally hate for them to scream indoors but I will allow it since they are happy to see Alex. They ran to him and hugged him. It warmed my heart to see them together. Alex is an amazing father. Both girls wanted his undivided attention but he told them that he had to speak with me for a little bit then he would take them to do something fun.

“So what did you need to talk about?” he asked me as soon as we were seated on the couch.

“Um, I was talking with Jack and Brie about giving you a second chance. I told them I just didn’t know how to get past the fact that I feel like you chose Lisa over me. I know I broke up with you and all but you just left. You didn’t try and fight. That fact hurt me so much. Brie suggested something…” I trailed off, not knowing if I should ask him or not. “She said we should try therapy.”

“Is that something you want to do?” he asked curiously.

“That’s why I wanted to talk to you.” I told him. “You I’ve been in therapy for years. I still go every once and awhile. But the question is, is it something you’re willing to try?”

“If it helps get us back then I’m willing to try anything.” he told me as he grabbed ahold of my hand and held it tightly.

“Then let's do it.” I smiled at him. “I’ll call my therapist tomorrow and set up an appointment and let you know.”

“I want you to know that I deeply regret almost marrying Lisa. It was the worst decision I ever made. Well next to not fighting for us back then. I shouldn’t have believed your lie. I should have saw right through it. But know that I will do everything in my power to make it up to you. I love you, I never stopped. I will fight for you and our family until I die.” he looked me in the eyes as he spoke. I could tell he was serious. He meant every word he said. That in itself caused goosebumps down my spine. I think we could really get through our past mistakes and make things work.

“I know you will.” I said then stood up and reach for him. “Now let's go have a fun filled family day.”