Two Pieces of a Broken Heart

I’m finally being released from the hospital after being awake for two days. Aspen was released yesterday and was staying with my mom. Rae volunteered to take her but my mom insisted on taking care of her. The doctor just came in and gave me my discharge papers so I was just waiting on Rae to come pick me up. Knowing her though she is having fun time with Jack and completely forgot about me. I was just about to leave my hospital room to ask a nurse if I could use the phone when the door swung open and Alex walked in. This took my by surprise seeing how he never came back yesterday. I thought he was mad at me for Isaac being here, but Liam said that Alex thanked Isaac for being there for me so I have no idea what is going on. No one is telling me anything either. I know that something is going on, I just wish that someone would fucking tell me. Just because I am in the hospital doesn’t mean that I can’t take it.

“Hey.” he said shyly. That’s new, I’ve never seen this side of Alex.

“Uh, hi.” I smiled. “What are you doing here?”

“I actually asked Rae if I could pick you up instead.” he told me. “I wanted to spend time with you so we can talk.”

Part of me wanted to tell him to just leave, I know that we had a good conversation when I woke up and he’s been amazing with the girls, but I had time to think yesterday and that doesn’t change the fact that he almost married Lisa. The very girl that broke us apart. If he truly loved me he would never have been with her. I didn’t expect him to pine after me forever but I didn’t expect him to shack up with that piece of trash.

But then there is the part of me that is melting inside just looking at him. I will always love Alex. To quote Sweet Home Alabama, I gave him my whole heart and never really got it back. I’ll never not go weak at the knees when I’m in the same room as him. So I ignored the other half of myself and smiled at him. “I’ll like that.”

“Good.” his face lit up. “I brought you some clothes. They are Rae’s though. She hadn’t gone over to your place to pick up clothes yet and no one wants me to know where you live so she just gave me some of her clothes.”

“Alex, stop rambling.” I laughed. “Rae’s clothes are fine.”

“I’ll just, uh, wait outside.” Alex turned to leave the room since I proceeded to strip out of my hospital gown.

“You can stay.” I stopped him. “I could have went to the bathroom, but I didn’t. It’s not like you’ve never seen me naked. We do have a daughter together.”

“Yeah.” he scratched the back of his neck nervously. “But we really haven’t seen each other in awhile, plus we’re not exactly on good terms.”

I laughed at him as I put on the pants Rae sent over. “My body hasn’t changed. A couple new tattoos and a scar from having a C-Section with Aspen. But other than that, I’m pretty much the same girl.”

“Don’t forget the new hair.” he pointed to my head with a smile. I had almost forgotten that my hair is brown again. I told everyone that it was because I wanted a change and just wanted to be myself again, but in actuality I really just couldn’t stand being blonde again because it just reminded me of being with Alex.

“Yeah, and my hair.” I scrunched up my nose.

“What’s with the face? I thought you wanted your brunette hair back?” he questioned curiously.

I shrugged, pulling my shirt over my head. “It was more trying to run from reality. And now I hear Lisa is brunette again so I really am over it.”

Alex visibly winced at Lisa’s name but I didn’t say anything about it. I’m sure that’s what he wants to talk about anyways. “I thought we could just grab some food. You look like you could use something other than horrible hospital food.”

“I could really use a burger.” I laughed. I stuffed the clothes that the nurse gave me that I came into the hospital with into the bag that Alex brought. “Lets blow this joint.”

We ended up going to this small diner not far from the hospital. I really didn’t mind, I just wanted some food. In all honesty, as much as I am hunger, I am more nervous. I had no idea where this conversation was going to go. The entire ride to the diner the car was silent. I don’t know whether I want to throw up or scarf down a huge hamburger right now.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” I asked him once we were seated and ordered our food.

“I wanted to talk to you about us, and what happened with Lisa.” he said quietly as he stared at the table.

“What about it?” I was annoyed. The last thing I want to do is talk about Lisa.

“Look, I know Lisa isn’t your favorite person and she’s not mine either. If I could get away with not talking about her for the rest of my life, I would be fine with that. But we can’t move on if we don’t talk about what happened.” Alex told me. I could tell he was just as annoyed as I was.

“Okay.” I nodded. “Does this have anything to do with why everyone is being so secretive?”

“Yeah.” he sighed. The waitress brought us our drinks which gave me a moment to really look at Alex. There was something troubling him and it was scaring me. “Rae and Jack found out something and we wanted to tell you immediately but I just needed time to process everything before telling you. I didn’t want to be overwhelmed while telling you and not be able to comfort you or be aggressive with you.”

“You’re scaring me.” I admitted.

“Don’t be scared.” Alex reach across the table and held my hands in his. “I never cheated on you, at least not with Lisa and certainly willingly. And before you ask, we have proof.”

Now I’m not even hungry, I really just want to either throw up or pass out. Maybe even both. What the hell is he talking about? Is this a dream? Am I being punk’d? I can’t breathe. “What are you saying?”

“Exactly what I said. I never slept with Lisa that day. Jack found her journal when him and Rae were throwing Lisa’s crap out of my house and she wrote that we never had sex. But Mel drugged me and we had sex and she filmed it. Apparently her face was never shown on the tape so Lisa could say it was her if she ever needed the proof. Rae and Scarlett went on a man hunt yesterday and got all the proof we needed to corroborate what Lisa wrote.” he informed me.

I started to hyperventilate. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t think. I had no idea how to process all of this. I stood up and quickly walked out of the diner. I heard Alex calling my name but I didn’t stop. I needed air before I threw up all over the table. Once I was outside I held myself up with a pole near by. My legs felt like jelly. I hadn’t realized that I was crying until I felt the tears drop on my arm.

“I didn’t mean to make you upset.” I heard Alex say which startled me, I hadn’t heard him follow me out.

I turned around and wiped the tears off of my face. “I just don’t know what to think. What does this all mean?”

“Well I hope that it means that we can work on us.” he admitted with a hopeful look on his face.

“I think all I can do right now is be friends.” I told him honestly. “Just because you didn’t sleep with Lisa, doesn’t mean that damage hasn’t been done. You believed that Aspen was Zack’s and that I would sleep with him. You nearly married Lisa a few days ago. Somewhere inside you loved her and I don’t know what to do with that fact.”

“I know I made some mistakes. Biggest of all is believing that you would cheat on me. My mom will never let me live it down that I hurt you and that I never saw that Aspen was mine.” He blinked back his own tears. “I should have known the moment that I saw her that she was my baby and I was too stubborn to see it. I regret starting a relationship with Lisa. And please trust me that I wasn’t with her or almost married her because I loved her. I never got over you. You own my heart and soul. I was with her because it was easy. I couldn’t stomach going out and trying to date someone new. Lisa was there as horrible as it is. I was numb the entire relationship because I only love you and will always only love you.”

I could see the regret in his eyes but I was still insanely pissed at him for being with Lisa. I know no one ever told him that I broke up with him because I had thought he cheated on me but for him to to believe I would do that to him and to just go be with Lisa again completely shattered me. I’m not sure I could forgive that no matter how much I love him. But of course my body betrayed me and I ran into Alex’s arms and kissed him. I’ve wanted to kiss him since I woke up and saw him in my hospital room.

Alex immediately wrapped his arms around my waist and melted into the kiss. This felt like one of those fairy tale moments you read about in books and see on tv. It felt so right. It was like the past three in a half years didn’t happen. In this moment it was just me and Alex. But of course my brain had to remind me that it all did happen and this is wrong. As much as I never wanted this kiss to end, I had to pull away from him.

“I shouldn’t have done that.” I said bringing my hand to my face, letting my fingertips touch my lips. I could see feel Alex’s lips on mine.

“I’m glad that you did.” Alex smiled brightly. I felt bad for giving him false hope.

“It doesn’t mean that I want to get back together though. I don’t think I can forgive you. I know what I did was wrong also. We made a mess of things. Right now all I can give you is friendship. Mostly because we do have a daughter together, well two, Faith is as much yours as Aspen is. But also because that kiss felt right and ever since I saw you in my hospital room things have felt right. I need you in my life. I’m just not sure I can go beyond friendship, at least not right now.” I turned away from him.

“Hey.” he put a hand on my shoulder and turned me around. “I didn’t think that you would just jump back into my arms and things would go back to the way they were. I knew that I would have to work on things. I prepared myself that I might never get you back. I will be okay if we will only ever be friends. But I will do my best to win back your trust.”

“Good.” I smiled momentarily. “Lets go back in and eat. I’m starving. Plus I miss talking to you.”

“So...how have you been the past three years?” he asked once we were seated back at our table. I could tell he was nervous. I’m not sure if it’s because this is our first real conversation since our break up or because he knows that I was with Isaac.

“I’m sure you’ve heard how is was.” I bit my lip, knowing that my family would have told him about how my heart was shattered and I was a complete wreck after our break up. “Once I accepted that what went down actually happened, I guess I was okay. After having Aspen, things got better. I focused on her and she just became my whole world. Well her and Faith.”

“I did hear a lot of things.” he nodded. “I’m glad that you’re better now. I hate that I played a hand in you getting hurt. I promise you that will never happen again. Lisa is out of my life and for good this time. She even thinks of coming near me or you, things will get ugly and fast.”

I laughed as I shook my head. I could tell that he was dead serious, but the irony of it all just makes me laugh. If he just had that mentality before then we wouldn’t be in this situation. I guess it took losing me for him to really realize all the hell that Lisa caused. When I looked up at Alex he was staring at me with a confused expression on his face. “Sorry for laughing. It’s just ironic.”

He hung his head down, “I’m sorry for never keeping my promise and getting Lisa out of our lives. I truly thought once she got help that she would quit. I should have known that that wouldn’t stop her and I will regret my decision for the rest of my life.”

“Hey,” he looked up at me, “lets leave the past in the past now. It happened and we can’t change our actions and mistakes. But we can make things better for the future. Lets start fresh and actually be friends this time. We jumped into a relationship quickly before. I want to get to know you better. I don’t know about you but I’m not the same person I was three and a half years ago. We’ll see how things go from there.”

“Like I said before, I’ll do whatever you want.” he smirked. “So how did you come up with Aspen’s name?”

“Her name was actually going to be Evelyn but I changed it last minute.” I looked down at my wrist at her and Alex’s initials across my wrist.

“Does that tattoo have anything to do with it?” he asked and my head shot up. I hadn’t realized that he has seen the tattoo. “I saw it when you were in acoma. Candice told me that he stood for Aspen’s initials but obviously they are mine too so she said there were theories within your group about when exactly you got the tattoo.”

“That’s funny. I hadn’t known they were talking about it.” I laughed. “But I actually got it before I even found out that I was pregnant.”

“How is that possible? I would have noticed it.” he furrowed his eyebrows.

“I kept it hidden with bracelets. I actually got terrified after I found out I was pregnant because you’re not supposed to get tattoos while pregnant but I got lucky and had a perfectly healthy baby girl. Back to the topic though, it was supposed to be a surprise for your birthday. We were supposed to go to Aspen. When I was laying in the hospital bed and the nurse asked what the baby’s name was I panicked and was trying to come up with a name for her besides Evelyn because I couldn’t have these initials branded on me forever and it be about you. The first thing that popped into my head was Aspen so that became her name.” I explained to him.

“Well I love her name.” he smiled. “And I’m happy that she has my last name. Even though it’s because of a tattoo.”

“She would have had your last name regardless if had this tattoo.” I said sternly. “She is yours and I wouldn’t have deprived her of your name even though I did lie about her paternity.”

The waitress brought us our food not long after that and we just started talking like two old friends. It felt nice to be able to just sit and talk with Alex again. And for the first time in a long time, I laughed. I don’t remember the last time that I laughed when it had nothing to do with one of my kids doing something incredibly silly.

“So do you want to go spend time with our daughters?” I asked him once we were done eating.

“I’d love that.” his face lit up. For a moment I thought he was going to kiss me but he didn’t. I’m glad he didn’t as much as I wanted him to because it shows that he is abiding by my wishes. That proves to me that he’s serious about doing things right this time. I have hope that things will be good this time around. I swear though, I see Lisa’s face once and I will personally kick her ass.